Chapter 7 – Inner turmoil
Disclaimer: This chapter is mostly about Kendall and his feelings as requested (sort of) by someone who reviewed my chapter, but I agree I've been concentrating a little on James. Also, a big thank you for reviewing my chapters, I hope you enjoy! And also, sorry, keep reviewing!
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Kendall's p.o.v
He watched the whole scene unfold right in front of his eyes, and yet he did nothing to stop the worst. Kendall opened the door to the apartment first, opening it as wide as it could go before the hinges stopped it. Stepping inside, the worst words that anyone could speak echoed around the apartment, and the sound was familiar to everyone in the room. Kendall's eyes snapped to Darcy hovering over Carlos, but his face was littered with bruises and cuts, the blood from the wounds leaving trails down his face, some of the blood even leaked down his neck from where Kendall stood, staring at Carlos in horror. Someone suddenly shoved Kendall to the side, his body stumbling to the left before the orange sofa stopped him from falling. For a moment spiteful words rose to the tip of his tongue, but he bit them back after seeing James charging towards Carlos and Darcy. Kendall never saw his face, only watched as James threw Darcy backwards, but he could tell James was angry. Kendall felt angry himself because of the bruises and cuts on Carlos' face and arms, the most innocent one out of them all having the cuts and bruises, and by someone who was stepping dangerously around all of the boys. Kendall still did nothing when James began to pound into Darcy with his words, no one moved, only allowed James to let off stream. Not even Logan, who was the most sensible and smartest out of all four of them, he only stood over Carlos checking him over, but a look kept crossing over his face when Logan was checking him over and Kendall knew the look anywhere, anger. Kendall still felt the anger seeping into him like a wild fire, flowing through his veins like lava. He had to grit his teeth from making the situation worse than it already was, because as Kendall battled through his own thoughts; James had roared something that made Darcy have no smart come back, only freeze on the stop she was sitting on the floor. Kendall saw the surge of emotions flicker across her eyes, but as quickly as they appeared, the look soon turned upset. No one moved towards her, but Kendall's emotions were tangled, he wanted to feel sorry for Darcy because of how horrible James and everyone else was being to her, but another part of him wanted to join in with James, screaming and shouting to his hearts content, to get rid of the anger building up in his bones. The anger was slowly winning, so Kendall stood to the side, listening intently to the conversation going on and willing either Carlos or Logan to jump in and save Darcy and stop James. But as Kendall made eye contact, he noticed the same violent look in each of their eyes. They didn't know the real reason why Carlos came home beaten up like he was, and for a moment Kendall wanted to drag Darcy to the side and demand the reason why Carlos was hurt. But before he could move, even flinch, Darcy had gotten to her feet, staring James down, her eyes narrowing. Kendall could only watch as she left through the door, pushing her way through the crowd of people that had crowded in the doorway, her head down and her jet black hair covering her face
"Good riddens" James snarled, stomping towards Carlos and grabbing one of his hands in his own tan ones, running his thumb over the top of his hands. Kendall could only watch, his body refusing to move and it was like his legs were trapped in drying cement. A horrible feeling creeping up from his stomach as he felt horrible for something James did. His stomach twisted painfully, making Kendall give off a small moan of discomfort, clutching his stomach, but no one noticed
"Are you okay?" James spoke, Kendall's eyes snapping to his as a comment was on the tip of his tongue, but yet again he bit it back because James' concentration was focused on Carlos, much to the dismay of Kendall. Feeling a tiny bit lonely, Kendall walked to his jacket, picking it up with numb fingers
"Where are you going?" Logan spoke suddenly, pulling him from his own train of thought with a flinch. He hoped that no one noticed him escaping from the room to think about everything that was happening. Slowly, his body was filling with guilt, making him feel physically sick, but he kept that to himself
"For a walk" Kendall replied quickly, flashing a smile to everyone, even though he didn't feel like smiling to anyone. But his eyes landed on James, and it was like he could see straight through him, straight through the lie he just spoke. Kendall never looked away from his eyes, never showing him that he really wanted to clear his head and check on Darcy
"Remember where your loyalties lie" James spoke in a cold tone, glaring at Kendall as the words left his lips. He had nothing to say to James, only nodding his head quickly because he wanted to get out of the apartment as fast as he could because words failed him; they were frozen in his throat, his mouth going dry
Kendall pointlessly walked around the Palm Woods, his thoughts constantly going back to Darcy. As soon as his thoughts went to Darcy, he couldn't help but feel a small smile perk up the corners of his lips. The way her eyes lit up when they suggested something they could do together, the way she smiled, that one smile lighting up any room and making someone smile along with her, her personality which was a lot like Carlos', hyper but she could be a good friend. She was a friend that would even let a person cry out their emotions out on her and she would stand it, even if they screamed at her, she would remain stone faced, taking all the abuse lightly. As Kendall thought about Darcy, his heart skipped a beat, his chest constricting but not painfully. The feeling was familiar to Kendall, but his mind was muddled up with everything, the upcoming tour that Gustavo wouldn't shut up about, the emotional James trying to made Darcy's life a living hell and succeeding. Kendall stopped near a tree, a familiar tree that he ran his fingers across the trunk of the tree, his fingers brushing over a certain part of the bark that was rough underneath his fingertips. Forcing himself to raise his head, Kendall had to bite his bottom lip hard to stop a sob coming from his lips. Embedded into the bark were the words 'K+J 4 Eva' cut by a knife that Kendall had brought on a date once
Flashback
Kendall lay on the checkered rug looking up at the night sky, his girlfriend Jo Taylor snuggled against him, her head resting on his chest. He couldn't see if she was smiling, but the atmosphere around them at the moment was happy, not smothering and uncomfortable. Kendall placed his hand flat against Jo's back, pushing her closer to him, inhaling her sent when she moved. Her hair tickled his nose, but it never bothered Kendall, because the smell of strawberries hit his nose when Jo moved towards him. Her perfume hit his nose next, but again it never bothered Kendall, he only inhaled deeper, pulling her closer so he could inhale more of her sent. The only sad part was when Kendall exhaled, because he couldn't smell his girlfriends sent anymore
"This is perfect Kendall" Jo whispered, suddenly pointing to a shooting star in the black sky filled with bright stars. As he lifted his head to look at Jo, Kendall could see the large smile on her cherry red lips, and he wanted to kiss them
"Wish for something" Kendall whispered into her hair, giving it a kiss before digging his nose into her hair to get a better sniff of her hair. Jo giggled an adorable giggle, and Kendall smiled into her hair
"I wish this would last forever" Jo whispered, turning around in Kendall's arms so that she could see his face. Her head was still resting on his chest; she looked up at him with her bright blue eyes, a smile so big it almost split her face in half. Kendall couldn't look away from her eyes; they put them into a trance every time he looked into her eyes, they seemed to pull him in. The look in her eyes was love, and as he continued to stare deeply into her eyes, he never noticed her slowly bringing herself towards Kendall until he felt her lips pressing onto his own. The kiss surprised him, almost making him pull away if it wasn't for Jo's hand at the back of Kendall's head, pulling him deeper into the kiss
"I love you Kendall" Jo whispered, pressing her forehead against his own, her breath tickling Kendall
"I love you too Jo" Kendal whispered breathless, tucking a strand of hair that escaped from her ear when she leaned in to kiss him, rubbing her cheek with his thumb and staring at her cherry red lips. Jo pecked her lips against his again, but a sudden idea hit Kendall, and he smirked. Without a sound, Kendall gently pushed Jo back so she was sitting, and he pulled himself up onto his feet, picking up a knife from the basket. The knife was sharp, but Kendall held it carefully, moving himself to the nearest tree and looking around to see if anyone was watching. Carefully, Kendall stabbed the tip of the knife into the bark, writing words into the bark. When Jo tried to look, Kendall stood in front of his handiwork, making sure that she couldn't see what he was doing until he was finished
"Kendall" Jo whined as Kendall finished, jumping to the left to let Jo see. A small gasp escaped her mouth, and Kendall watched her reaction with his breath held. She looked like she was going to cry, and Kendall moved to her side, gathering her into a hug and nestling his face into her hair once again, making Jo give off another giggle
Kendall snapped out of his trance when a sob escaped from his mouth, and immediately he slapped his hands against his lips, silencing his sobs. Police sirens roared in the distance, but Kendall was too busy to notice, trying to compose himself and forget the perfect memory that he had with Jo. But it was ruined, because he finally knew the truth about Jo, how she was cheating on him with Jett, his enemy. Those tears she had cried were guilt, because she was sleeping with Jett behind his back, but he had never known, because she kept it from him until he caught her swapping spit with Jett in the lobby. She suddenly changed her tune, making Kendall seem like the bad guy and completely embarrassing him in the lobby by telling him that ever since they went out, she had never left any love towards him. Kendall despised being embarrassed; he would have kicked up a big storm about it, yelled in his biggest voice, but nothing had happened, he only got upset about the situation. He had been a mess for the past few days after the break up, even though it had never been an official break up. Kendall knew that Jo found a new boyfriend, probably a better boyfriend than Kendall had ever been, even a better looking one. Who could beat Jett? Definitely not Kendall, even though he tried to find good points about himself, someone could name too many bad things about him, and it stung Kendall more than he wanted to admit. All except the guys and Darcy, they stood up for him after the break up, even James and Darcy making a plan to get him out of the apartment and in the fresh air to forget about his problems. But it seemed that everything in Kendall's life was nothing special, because as soon as Darcy had gotten the ball, all hell broke loose. When the ball had smashed into his nose, Kendall had worried about his face and how he would look after the accident, because he already felt ugly. After the incident, they had pushed her away with a lot of force, even Carlos went with the gang like a lost sheep. Kendall had not realised they were pushing her away until James had stormed into the apartment announcing that he was not going ice skating because Camille had set them up. After questioning him for hours, James finally gave them the information, saying it was not Camille waiting in the lobby, but Darcy. Carlos and Logan had tried to convince James that it was really Camille that was waiting for them, but James told them, quite sternly, that it was a trick. No one went downstairs to the lobby to see if James was telling the truth, because they trusted a brother. And now? Kendall wished he had gone downstairs and at least talked to Darcy, because she was getting pushed away. Kendall felt responsible for everything that was happening, to the break up, not keeping Jo interested, the stress Gustavo was putting on the band, to everything between them and Darcy. Guilt blossomed in his stomach, and no matter how much Kendall willed himself to think that it was all for the best, his stomach only flipped more and more at the lie. Finally managing to sort of pull himself together, Kendall rose to his feet using the tree to force himself to his feet. It was almost pitched black, the darkness swarming all around him, and after diving his hand into his pocket for his phone, Kendall finally realised that it was almost midnight. Another flashback threatened to overpower Kendall, but he blinked furiously, forcing it back
"I need to forget about her" Kendall scolded himself stubbornly, slamming the palm of his hand hard to his forehead repeatedly, making himself forget the memories trying to submerge themselves back into his mind. His legs gave out from underneath him, forcing him back to the floor with a squelch. Rain pelted against his skin, soaking him immediately to the bone, but it never bothered him. Another small sob made its way from his lips, but this time Kendall didn't try to hold it back, just let the tears flow from his eyes and the loud sobs escaping his mouth. Kendall slammed his fist to the floor, a cry of anguish bellowing from his lips as his fist hit the ground. Wiping the tears from his eyes with a quick swipe from the back of his hand, Kendall forced his mind to pull itself together as he stood up. His feet slipped in the mud of the park, but Kendall slammed his palm against the trunk of the tree, probably from anger or trying to keep his balance, he didn't know, but it never made Kendall feel better, only angrier. He wanted to grab a knife, attack the tree that held the two names that were never meant to be with anger, because those words never should have been scratched against the bark in the first place, because it was completely false. Jo had lied to him in the worst way; stringing him alone like a love sick puppy for the ride or the joy of watching someone she never had feelings for crumble underneath her when they broke up. She knew how much he loved her, but yet Jo had strung him along, lying straight to his face, making false memories that he could never forget. Kendall wanted to swear, bellow expletives at the sky to make himself feel better, to get out the pent up rage that he needed to keep inside himself because he was the fearless leader, always in control. Kendall forced himself to move back towards the lobby, dragging his feet to get rid of the mud that caked his sneakers and because he couldn't be bothered to pick up his feet enough. He even dragged his feet inside the lobby, making a trail of mud where he went, but he didn't care. His feet dragged him to Darcy's apartment door, and he stood dead at the doorstep, not knowing what to do. His thoughts were completely muddled up, so much that he never realised his knuckles were inches away from her door
"What are you doing here?" a voice sneered behind Kendall as he jumped away from her door in fright, half expecting it to be James catching him in the act. But the voice had been different, a much deeper, richer voice than James'. As Kendall turned, he saw Darcy's dad Mike standing behind him, his arms crossed at his chest, his eyes searching Kendall's, scrutinising him with just a look
"I was looking for Darcy" Kendall explained simply, keeping any angered tone from his voice incase Mike thought he was looking for trouble with his daughter. A troubled look crossed his features, a sad look entering his eyes, but the more Kendall tried to look, the more Mike managed to control his emotions enough to make sure that Kendall couldn't see the look in his eyes
"She's not here" Mike sneered
"This is her apartment" Kendall spoke in a 'duh' tone but sounding like an idiot at the answer. But not letting Mike see he was mentally slapping himself, he simply shrugged his shoulders and looking Mike directly in the eyes, watching him for any emotions that could flicker through his eyes, giving Kendall any indication to where Darcy was
"Yeah it's her apartment, but she's not here. She's at her managers, doing some records" Kendall could tell almost instantly that he was lying, because an emotion that he couldn't place flickered through his eyes so brightly that Kendall couldn't miss it. A look of protectiveness flickered across his face now, and Kendall wanted to back away but he refused
"Where is she?" Kendall asked, a tone of worry suddenly coming into his voice, a horrible gut feeling making his stomach twist painfully
"She's not here. End of story" Mike spoke, shoving his hands deeply in his pocket and yanking out his keys. They jingled in his hands because he pulled them out quickly, but they shook in his hands. Kendall was drawn to his hands as they shook violently, the keys still jingling with the violent tremors. Kendall reached out to help him get the key into the lock, but Mike twisted his body to glare at Kendall, his bright blue eyes narrowing to slits. Kendall stepped away, raising his hands in the air as an act of surrender
"Please, just tell me what's happened to Darcy" Kendall pleaded, almost falling to his knees in front of Mike if his stubbornness didn't refuse the act. Mike was puzzled for a moment, his mouth opening as if to tell Kendall, and he found himself leaning forwards in anticipation. For a moment it looked like Mike was going to spit out the answer, but instead he bit his lip, shook his head and returned to trying to unlock his door. Kendall's heart plummeted to the floor, all the excitement draining from his body, only leaving him numb and empty. Kendall backed away from Mike, his smile fading from his mouth as he backed away. His feet presumed to drag along the floor even more now because of making a complete fool of himself in front of Mike. He turned his back away from Mike, walking to his own apartment in a foul mood. Kendall threw open the door to his apartment, a sad look plastered on his face, and no matter what he did, nothing he thought of made him smile. His thoughts just kept going back to Jo and Darcy, making his mood fouler
"Kendall sweetie" Mrs Knight shouted as Kendall looked backwards, noticing the small, brown trail of mud that he brought into the apartment
"It's okay mama Knight. I'll clean it up" Logan's voice came to Kendall's ears, but he didn't bother to lift his head. Now in the warm, Kendall could feel the small droplets running down his neck, his clothing sticking to his body like an extra skin. He shivered violently, pulling at his top to try to loosen his clothing from his body, but it only stuck back to his skin with a wet slap
"Hi mama" Kendall whispered, trying to pull off his shirt over his head but it was stuck tight to his chest. Giving off an annoyed grunt, Kendall pulled harder at the shirt, and it came off painfully, water splashing all over the apartment from the shirt. Mrs Knight screamed as she was covered with most of the spray from Kendall's shirt. Kendall didn't care, only grasped onto his shirt tightly in numb fingers and stomped to his room, slamming the door
Logan's p.o.v
He watched as Kendall stomped to his shared bedroom with James, a stern and upset look plastered on his face, it shined so brightly that everyone could see. Kendall was soaked to the bone, and Logan's doctor senses were ringing in his ears, but his brotherly sense was louder, much louder than his doctor sense, muffling the doctor sense. Kendall was keeping something from them, all of them because he usually kept his emotions inside, bottling them up until he couldn't contain it any longer, and they burst at the seams. By the looks of things, everything that had happened today sent Kendall into a depression spiral, and the walk he took only made things ten times worse. Logan wished he went with Kendall, or at least tried to keep him inside the apartment so that he could comfort Kendall
"Logan, what's wrong with Kendall?" Katie spoke, startling Logan from his thoughts. His head snapped to Katie's face, and her big brown eyes were the only thing he could see, because he couldn't take his eyes away from hers. They were filled to the brim with worry for her brother, because he kept to himself. The look in Katie's eyes told Logan that she knew that Kendall was not telling them something, and knowing Katie, she would try calmly to get the information out. Would it be better for Kendall to tell his sister or one of his closest friends/brother?
"I don't know. But I'm going to find out" Logan promised
Disclaimer: Yum to Kendall getting soaked and taking his top off! ;P But is Kendall falling in love with Darcy? Will he embrace the feeling? Or has everything with Jo put his off dating forever so his heart won't be broken again?
Hope you enjoyed this chapter
DoomedPhsyx2030
