Hello everyone! Here's the second chapter for you. But before, I'd like to thank oynixfalls, AnnieAC, LightsAmongTheStars, kissesfromchelsea, nightworldangel and FonzFan for the follows and favorites! You are amazing.
And please remember that even though reviews aren't necessary for me to update, feedback is great and very important to me.
With that being said, let's begin!
II
Progress
The second time they met was in the library.
There was a Quidditch game between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw that day, so neither of them was interested. As opposed to the rest to the school it seemed, because the place looked completely desolated.
On his first year, Severus had found a semi-hidden place on the very back of the library; it was a section where the books were mostly unused so now it was always empty. There was a big comfortable couch and some tables, and he could be on complete silence and peaceful solitude. He had never told anyone about this place, and as far as he knew, he was the only one aware of its existence.
That day however, there was a slight change on his routine. When he was getting closer to his place, he heard some noises. There were never noises, so he carefully looked past one of the bookshelves and found a girl sitting on his couch. And not any girl, it was the Hufflepuff exchange student. He resisted the urge to scoff and settled for rolling his eyes and walking to her.
She was too immersed on her book to notice him approaching, so the sound of his deep cough made her jump.
"Is it always going to be like this? I don't like getting scared that much..." She said looking up at him with a smile.
"What are you doing here?" He asked roughly and she rolled her eyes, completely unfazed by his rudeness.
"Reading. I thought it was pretty obvious." She said before going back to her book.
"You cannot be here." He insisted.
"And why would that be? And please give me the pleasure of a detailed explanation." She said dramatically, looking up at him again with her eyebrows raised and a sarcastic smile curving her lips.
Severus was furious with Juliana for being there, for invading the place he had found for him and him alone, but knew that the answer 'Because I found this place and it's mine and it's the only place where feeling alone doesn't make me miserable' that popped up on his mind was not one to say out loud, let alone to her. Or at least he thought he did, because one second later he realized he actually had said it out loud because he wasn't really thinking straight. Another second later, his mind was working at an impossible speed to find out how to get out of the situation he had just brought himself into. She was going to laugh at him, of course. She was going to tell everyone. He was going to be humiliated once again, everyone was going to think he was an idiot and it was going to be his fault.
That's why he was surprised, to say the least, when he saw how fast her smile disappeared and how sorry she genuinely looked, as if she actually had done something wrong. She opened her mouth but no sound came out at first, and when it did, she realized she didn't know what to say.
"I… I— I'm so sorry. Oh my God." She rubbed her forehead, not daring to look at him and feeling extremely guilty, even though she hadn't really done anything to feel that way. "I didn't— I mean... uh... I'll leave, don't worry." She spoke quickly, picking up her stuff as fast as she could. "I'll leave you alone now." She said to him as she swung her bag on her shoulder, but before turning the corner and disappearing from his sight she stopped, pondering if she should do what her heart was telling her to do. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, almost certain that this wasn't a good idea. She took a deep, encouraging breath and turned to look at him, clutching the strap of her bag tightly for support. She had a decided look on her face; that confused him. Severus still stood in front of the couch, unmoving. He swallowed, hoping she couldn't see through his emotionless façade.
"I know you can't stand me. I'm not stupid. I guess one reason it's because I'm in Hufflepuff, but I know it's more than that, and I'm sorry but I don't know understand it, because I never did anything to you." Juliana said looking at him in the eyes with a frown, almost as if she expected to find the answer to his feelings towards her written on them. She managed to hold it only for a couple seconds before looking to her right, avoiding his penetrating stare. "But... even if you can't stand me… I just— I wanted to say that if someday— for any reason— you feel like that and need anyone…" She said carefully, knowing that he wouldn't want her to repeat his words. "I'm up for talking, or just listening if you want to. I— I promise I'd keep it between me and you." He didn't return the small strained smile Juliana gave him. She turned on her heels, ready to go and slam her head to a wall when she felt him grab her arm. This time wasn't like the last, though. It was gentle and she finally realized this was the first time he moved since the last time he'd spoken.
"Don't go." He whispered softly, looking at her in the eye for a few seconds before he blinked a couple of times, letting go of her arm. "I mean— we can both be here if we don't disturb each other." He finished and was surprised once again when she smiled widely.
"Okay, yeah." Juliana said, barely able to contain her excitement, and Severus wondered what had suddenly made her react like that.
She left her bag on the table and pulled a chair to sit. She started to do her homework while he did whatever he was doing. She was too nervous to look. When she finally dared to look up, his back was facing her and he was searching for a book. She couldn't help but admire his body… his hair… his hands. The hands he had... long fingers... pretty, pretty hands... His voice took her out of her trance and she realized she was openly staring at him.
"Sorry, what did you say?" She asked, embarrassed.
"The book you gave me. You were right. There were things I didn't know and will help me so... uh... thank you." He finished with an awkward cough and turned his head a bit to look at her. She smiled brightly again and he frowned, trying to understand why was she smiling so much at him.
"You are welcome. Maybe we could— I mean— um… study together… sometime...?" She asked with a hopeful smile, already preparing for his negative answer. He resisted the urge to smile back. Someone actually wanting to study with him just because they wanted to wasn't something that happened every day.
"Yeah, sure. If that's what you want." In that moment, Severus wasn't totally sure why he accepted so quickly. He figured that maybe if the circumstances were different and he actually had a best friend like he used to he wouldn't crave for human interaction so much that he'd accept to be near a Hufflepuff, especially her. But right now he was lonely, and he felt that he needed to talk to someone other than his housemates to remain sane. And there was also the fact that she had been so… nice while offering herself as someone for him to talk to, that he knew he wasn't going to be able to say no. And more worrying and surprising was that he realized that not only was he unable to refuse her, he didn't want to.
"Yes, it is. Definitely." She bit her lip and blushed again before looking down to her parchment. Severus frowned in confusion when he saw her reddened face. "Oh, I'm Juliana, by the way. I don't think you knew my name." He had the decency to look embarrassed and she laughed again. He realized he never heard someone laugh so much on his presence since... Lily. That thought was enough to ruin his mood completely. He sighed involuntarily and immediately regretted it but didn't worry about it; he assumed she hadn't noticed because after all, no one ever did. But she surprised him one more time. After seeing the sudden change on his expression, Juliana became worried.
"Hey." She said softly. "What's wrong?" He looked up at her and noticing his hesitation, she spoke first. "Before you answer, even if you say 'nothing' I know something happened because I recognize that look. You don't need to tell me what is it, but do not say that nothing is wrong because I'll know it's a lie. You can just not answer if you want to." She was being gentle but her tone was serious. He sighed again before moving to sit on the chair opposite to hers.
"How do I know I can trust you?" Severus asked even if deep inside he felt like he could— maybe he already did. There was something about the way she smiled and talked and just existed that made him think she could be trusted. She looked down and pointed at the yellow and black on her scarf.
"Loyalty is one of my many virtues." She replied looking up with a small smile.
"How can you know I deserve your loyalty?" He asked seriously, so she matched his tone.
"How do I know you don't? I believe in something called the benefit of the doubt."
"Slytherins hate Hufflepuffs. I know they've said things to you more than once." He reasoned.
"Is everything one Slytherin does automatically your responsibility too? As far as I know, you have never even looked at me twice, so why would I care what some other Slytherins have done to me? I'm trying to be your friend, not theirs." That answer caught him off guard and he looked at her, his brow furrowing.
"You're trying to be my friend? Why?" He actually looked confused, and she felt a pang of sadness on her chest.
"Why wouldn't I? I can't think of a single reason I wouldn't want to be your friend." In that moment, Juliana realized that even if Severus normally looked like he didn't care about things, he was very insecure about himself. There was nothing wrong with trying to make him feel a little better, right?
"I can. I can think of thousands of reasons."
"Do tell, please." She said, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair.
"Well… you said you knew I didn't like you. Why would you want to be my friend if you thought that?" He asked, unconsciously tilting his head a bit to the side.
"Hmm… you do have a point. So? Do you?" She asked looking at him with her eyebrows lifted, waiting for his reply.
"Do I, what?" He asked, not understanding the question.
"Do you dislike me so much that I shouldn't try to be your friend?" He was taken aback by her question and stammered for an answer.
"I—" He stopped and took a deep breath. Why not answer with the truth? Well, the new truth. If she had asked that yesterday the answer would have been another thing entirely. "No."
"See? There you go." She said with a pleased smile and picked up her quill to continue writing on her parchment, but he spoke again.
"It just doesn't make any sense that someone like you could possibly want to be even near someone like me." He hadn't realized he had let his guards down, but Juliana did.
"Okay, how are exactly someone like you and someone like me? Someone like you has to be someone outstandingly brilliant, and someone like me has to be the new girl who, according a lot of students in this school, enjoys not being treated like a person but an emotionless exotic thing. I'll tell you something: she hates it."
The unbelieving look on his face actually made her heart swell. He looked so surprised at her answer that she felt such a sudden urge to hug him that she had to cross her arms to stop herself.
"I know that you see yourself as less than others and that sometimes you wish you could be someone else, because their lives seem so much easier than yours. I've felt it too, Severus." She paused. "If you want to… we can be alone together." She gave him a little encoraging smile, and that was all it took.
"That doesn't make sense." Severus said looking at the floor with a sigh, but Juliana saw the corners of his lips lift just a bit and couldn't help but think of it as a small victory.
"I know. And that was not an answer."
Silence.
"Okay."
