Hey guys! Here's the next chapter :) I don't feel as great about this one as I have about some of the others, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Be sure to let me know what you think :) - Loopy
Poe had never been so active. Tris wondered if he was feeling well, if he was sick or something, since she'd never seen him move with such purpose. His nose was a bit higher in the air than usual, his eyes shining with judgement as she tried on outfit after outfit.
He'd just casted out one of Tris's favorites, and she'd had enough. She threw up her arms, exasperated. "Well, what do you suggest?" she shouted at him. To her surprise, he stood from where he'd been sitting, walked into her closet with her, and stood underneath a shirt that was hanging up.
Tris scowled at him. "So, you've been thinking more casual this whole goddamn time, and you didn't feel the need to tell me?" she grumbled, but she marched forward and yanked the shirt from its hanger, throwing it over her head and pulling it down on top of her black camisole.
Poe let out a low growl, and it took her a second to realize it wasn't in response to what she'd said to him. She shot him an incredulous look. "You don't want straps showing." She stared at him, and he stared back, and it was everything inside of her not to shove him out of her closet, but he was just trying to help, and she knew that, so she let out a frustrated sigh and began pulling off the undershirt and reaching for a bandeau bra.
In the end, she was dressed in a flowy black-and-white striped top that fell off both of her shoulders, dark wash skinny jeans with rips up the front, and black combat boots. It was pretty much like what she wore every day, only this top showed off more of her tattoos. That was a smart decision, she had to admit grudgingly, since the designs usually were good at starting conversations with Tobias. He'd only asked about her collarbone design, and her left wrist was pretty self-explanatory. Now he'd see her bravery symbol on her right shoulder, and the selfless one on her left. The back of her right shoulder was covered in a black and red floral pattern that fell diagonally across her back. It started around her symbol, giving it the effect of it growing out of it. She had more, but these were the ones currently exposed.
She checked her clock as she struggled to tame her hair. He would be here in twenty minutes, and she still looked like a mess. There was a new kind of nervousness pulsing through her body, making her fingers shake. It was Tobias, and she knew she shouldn't be so worried. But she couldn't help it. She'd never been on a date before.
An annoyed groan burst through her mouth as her fingers continued to get tangled in her hair. She'd cut it herself a few months ago, a week or two before she'd met Tobias, and it was choppy and everywhere constantly. The longest pieces currently fell to her jawline, but it was so wild, it was hard to tell.
She gave up after five minutes and began brushing her teeth, instead. Poe sat beside her, pressing his head into her thigh. He could tell she was getting stressed, and he wanted her to calm down. Tobias would be here soon.
"I know," she said, spitting out the last of the toothpaste and rinsing off the brush. "I'm trying. Just… I'm nervous." She sighed as she crouched down to be eye level with her dog.
He pressed his nose to hers. Don't be. He loves you as much as I do. Tris shook her head and planted a kiss on his snout. He'd always been good at chasing away her nerves, almost as good as he was at getting on them. It was because he was always right, and she was too proud to admit that.
But she loved him, and she knew she'd be nowhere without him.
There was a knock on the door. Suddenly all of the tension that had been slowly unknotting itself from her stomach slammed back inside of her, making her wince a bit. She stayed still.
Poe rolled his eyes and walked to the door. Someone had to be polite in this house.
Tobias took a deep breath as he watched her door. He hoped she wasn't having second thoughts, but she wasn't one to leave him hanging, even if she didn't want to go. God, he hoped she did.
Poe looked at him through the window beside the door, and he knew that was his cue to come in. He gave the dog a nervous smile upon entry, leaning down to rub behind his ears. His beady eyes seemed to be appraising him, his outfit, and he was suddenly very aware of how casually he dressed. Perhaps jeans hadn't been the best… He had no idea what he was doing.
And then Tris stumbled in, and Tobias's breath caught. She was turned away from him, seemingly trying to find something, and he was amazed at how beautiful she was. There were black and red roses trailing down her back, the selfless symbol slightly visible on her left shoulder. She never ceased to surprise him.
"Hey, Tobias," Tris called over her shoulder, digging around in search of her phone. She didn't use it much, since she really only had Tori as a friend, but she felt like she should probably have it when she wasn't home. In case there was a problem at the shop, though she doubted there would be. It was six o'clock on a Friday night, and it was the second time ever Tris had called off, but Tori seemed even less bothered by it this time, instead grinning and bidding her a fun time.
"Hi, Tris," he grinned. Tonight was going to be fun. He'd been nervous, but now that she's here, now that he's in her presence, he's certain this is right. Everything would be fine.
She turned around at the sound of his voice, struck by the happiness in his shining eyes. It made her blush, but she smiled, too. And then her brow furrowed. "Hey, could you call my phone? I seem to have misplaced it."
"Yeah, sure." Tobias went to his favorites in his contact list and tapped Tris's name.
Tris felt a vibration in her back pocket, and her eyes moved to Tobias's. They stared for a second, neither knowing quite how to respond, and then Tobias's arms were holding his stomach as he hunched over, his body trembling with silent laughter. Tris scowled at him, but she couldn't hold back her smile. She fell onto her couch with an exasperated sigh.
"I'm sorry. I've just been super stressed today," she groaned, covering her now blushing face with her hands. Tobias pulled himself together and looked at her curiously. Had she been as nervous as he was about this?
Had his presence not calmed her like hers did him?
He forced himself to the couch beside her, shoving her hands in his pockets to keep them from touching her. His self-control seemed to be lacking when it came to her skin, and right now there was a lot of it showing.
"What's there to be stressed about?" Tobias tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, instead filling it with concern. He really did want to know why she was upset.
Tris felt her face redden even more. She was still hidden behind her hands, and she used the somewhat private space to gather her thoughts. He sounded hurt, and it made her feel even worse. How could she explain this? That she cared so much she didn't want to fuck everything up? That she didn't know how to handle giving up control in situations like this?
How much sense did that make?
The silence stretched, and Tobias was becoming distressed. She doesn't like me. She only said yes out of pity. But he wanted this, really wanted this, so he forced his hands out of his jeans and gently pried her fingers away from her face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, like she didn't even want to look at him. It hurt more than he cared to admit.
Her face burned. He was looking at her now, could see her insecurities, could see her weakness, and she felt more vulnerable than she ever had.
But there was something about him that made her braver, too, and she opened her eyes. His searched them fiercely. She took a deep breath and smiled. It was small, but she tried to make it sincere. "I just don't understand…" she started.
Tobias didn't either. He let her finish. "...what's in it for you. This...whatever it is."
She'd almost said relationship, but that's not really what it was, was it? They'd kissed, he'd asked her on a date, but that was it. Once he'd realize how weak she was, how fragile, he'd leave for sure, and that would kill her. He was the only person who seemed to understand her.
But she was small, insignificant, stubborn. He was gorgeous and intelligent and fun; what the hell was he doing here?
Tobias leaned away, his brow furrowed. What the hell? He didn't know what she was talking about, or how to respond. She wasn't making any sense. "What's in it for me," he echoed, trying to understand it, to understand her. Something clicked with what she was saying, but it seemed so irrelevant to everything they'd been through. Surely she didn't mean…
He scowled. It made her chest ache. He was pushing her away. She wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough, wasn't enough… "What? Sex?" Her heart stopped. That wasn't what she'd been thinking, was it? But she realized abruptly, from the way her hands were shaking and her breathing uneven, that that must have been part of it. She didn't feel like she was enough for him, because she wasn't, but there was also the fear she'd developed from her father, the fear of losing control of a situation. And that was part of her hesitation.
But it wasn't most of it. She was about to explain that, trying to find the words for him to understand, but he continued. "Because if that was all I wanted, you probably wouldn't be the first person I'd go to." Her stomach twisted painfully, and she pressed her hands there to steady herself. Of course not. He wouldn't want her. Nobody would. She wasn't good enough, and she never would be.
Poe stepped up to the couch and put himself between Tobias's and Tris's legs. It was obvious Tris was upset, and no matter how much he liked Tobias, he needed to get the hell out of here now. Tris was a self-conscious person, and this man had just managed to hit all of her insecurities in one conversation. He had the power to break her, since he knew her so well, and Poe sure as hell didn't want to see that kind of effect now.
"I think you should leave now…" Tris's voice was broken as she stood and turned away from him. Tobias stood, too, ready to argue, but then he noticed the warning in Poe's eyes, and he realized his mistake. Sex was never a reason to care about somebody, had never seemed appealing to him when he had no connections. So here, now, with this amazing, fascinating woman, he wanted to build those connections. Not use her.
But he'd made it seem like he wouldn't want her like that, which was far from true, and that was one of the only things Tris couldn't face. She didn't see herself as he saw her, and now he'd confirmed her long-held suspicions of not being good enough.
His voice was desperate as he reached out to her. She jerked away, but he kept his grip and turned her to face him. "I'm sorry. I meant that you aren't like that. And I'm not, either."
Tris wouldn't meet his eyes. His words bounced off her ears and fell in the silence between them. It was hard to shake the thoughts she'd had since high school, even with Tobias trying to free her. She was a slave to her insecurities.
"Tris." His voice was soft. She was obviously facing her demons right now, and Tobias hated himself for doing that to her. Yesterday had been so wonderful, and the day before, and now, he may have lost her…
But he refused to give up. He placed his hand on her cheek, and her brow furrowed, a tear slipping down her cheek. It made his heart hurt. "Tris, I'm not here because I want anything from you. I'm here because you're beautiful, you're strong, you're brilliant. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you. Because you're worth it, okay? Because I believe you are enough, more than enough. You just are. Don't ever doubt that." He wanted her to see herself as he saw her, but he knew it would take more than this for that to happen.
His voice reached the deepest, darkest parts of her mind, and it made her eyes open. His hand on her cheek, his sapphire eyes burning into hers were the only things keeping her grounded to reality, the only things holding her sanity, and she was suddenly filled with love, with awe, with gratitude. She may not have been good enough for him, but he made her feel like maybe she was. And it felt good.
Tobias felt tremendous relief at the sight of her grey eyes, slowly shifting to their blue counterparts, at the feel of her delicate hand coming up to cover his. He placed his other on her left cheek, and slowly, gently, leaned down to meet her lips. He didn't want to scare her, but he wanted her to know that he wasn't going anywhere.
His kiss spread warmth through Tris, and she sighed contentedly. She wanted to apologize, to make up for acting like an idiot and hurting him like she had, but she knew he'd only chastise her. He didn't like when she apologized so much.
Poe moved to stand between them again, this time nudging his head against Tris's thigh. She rubbed his head, looking down at her Newfoundland. He was such a good friend, always protecting her, and she was so grateful for him. She met Tobias's eyes again, which were full of awe and happiness, and she smiled, too. She was content here, with her two favorite guys.
And then her stomach growled a bit, and she stood up straight, remembering what they were supposed to be doing. Her brow furrowed, her arms draping themselves around Tobias's neck as his automatically wrapped around her waist.
"You better be taking me to a burger," she mumbled, leaning in, and she grinned at his laugh vibrating between their lips.
