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XII
Fading
"…so sorry..."
"…my fault..."
"…love you so much..."
Those were a few of the things Juliana heard while unconscious. They had felt like a distant humming, or as if she had been covering her ears, and she had been barely able to make the words. But she knew whom that voice belonged to.
She wasn't able to wake up, but she was able to think.
So that's what she did.
To put it simply: everything was ruined. Avery knew about her and Severus, and by now she figured that probably the whole school knew how she felt about him. She hoped he had kept his word and nobody else knew those feelings were reciprocated, yet she knew the worst was to be expected.
...
What use would he have for me then?
She had reviewed those eight words over and over and over again, and it wouldn't take a genius to understand what he had meant by that. Avery was going to take advantage of this newfound knowledge to make Severus join Voldemort's side. Sadly, there was nothing she could possibly do to make him decline his offer. If he did, Avery was going to kill her, him, and her family if it was necessary.
But now Severus was there with her, she knew it because she could hear him. So, what was he going to do? What was going to happen?
What was happening right now, while she was unconscious?
What was she going to say once she woke up and Dumbledore asked her who attacked her?
Nothing. That's what.
She knew Dumbledore could not offer them any real kind of protection. His good intentions were not going to be enough. Avery didn't need more than a second to kill someone, and Dumbledore was not going to be able to do anything to him— even if he caught him in the act. That's how screwed up everything was.
So, when she woke up— if she ever did— she was going to say that she hadn't seen who attacked her.
Yes... because that was the logic thing to do.
...
Severus was making his way downstairs to the Slytherin Common Room with his right hand on his pocket fiddling with Juliana's necklace when he was stopped by one of his housemates. He had seen the boy around before, but he'd never learned his name.
"Snape." He called, eyeing him up and down critically. "I still don't know what made her like you, but... well, I guess one person in the world had to find your sourness endearing. It's a relief she's been taken care of though, don't you think?" He finished with a playful wink.
Severus face, as usual, was a mask of indifference. But if you looked into his eyes very closely, you'd probably notice that he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The boy was about to leave when he roughly grabbed him from his shirt.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He hissed dangerously.
"Hey, don't need to get so violent." He said removing his arm from Severus' grasp, his playful attitude still on. "Well... you just woke up so you may not know but..." He began, a vicious smile forming on his lips. "You know that girl, the Brazilian monkey?" He asked and Severus nodded, resisting the urge to stab him in the eye with his wand, knowing that it could be slightly counterproductive. "Well, apparently the idiot was in love with you." He said, now laughing. "Don't ask me how I know but yeah, the source is reliable. And last night she got a visit from our friend the good old lady Justice, who showed her how things are meant to be on this school— if you know what I mean." He finished with another wink.
Severus clenched his teeth in anger, his self control barely enough to stop him from killing him right there.
"No, I don't know what you mean." He growled making the boy sigh in frustration.
"She's on the infirmary now." He answered with a roll of his eyes. "Unconscious… barely dead. I do wish I didn't have to say barely, though." Severus swallowed hard and felt an enormous need to throw up. Apparently the disgust showed on his face, because the boy misinterpreted it for repulsion towards her.
"Yeah, I know." He laughed while he nodded. Noticing the Common Room was almost empty, his eyes widened. "Hell, I'm already late." He muttered and disappeared before Severus could ask him anything else.
He didn't go to class that day.
...
By dinnertime he was looking way too pale for it to be healthy. He had spent the entire day throwing up and trying to not faint— not always succeeding. He had also cried, and cried, and cried again, all while his self-hatred grew bigger than ever before in his life.
How had this happened? They were so careful; no one could have known what was going on between them.
He successfully avoided people all day, but when everyone came back from the Great Hall after dinner, he finally got the answers to the questions he hadn't asked anyone but himself.
"Severus, my friend. Are you okay? You don't look too well." He heard a distant voice say from his spot on the couch next to the fire. When he looked to see who it was, he found a pair of steel cold eyes he was never happy to see.
Avery sat down next to him and leaned slightly closer, that way only Severus could hear him.
"Are you upset that you won't be seeing your dear girlfriend tonight, like you usually do?" He said with a smirk and Severus went from pale to completely white in a second. His eyes widened and he turned to look at Avery, who laughed cruelly. "Oh yes, I know. I had so much fun with her last night." He smiled and Severus wanted to lunge at him but the room was too crowded and his common sense wasn't totally gone. So he just settled for narrowing his eyes at him, his jaw set. "Oh no, don't be getting all angry now. Unfortunately, she's going to live." He said, faking sadness. Severus' breathing became more and more erratic and his head started to spin. "However, neither of you are going to in the close future if you don't do what I tell you. Because I promise you, Severus, that if you don't do as I say, I will deliver her to the Dark Lord myself. And that's not going to be pretty. Well, for her at least. And you know I always keep my word." Severus could barely hear him now, and by the time his body made contact with the hard floor, he was already unconscious.
...
Severus woke up in the dark, gasping for air. He quickly surveyed his surroundings, only to discover he was now lying on a bed in the infirmary.
The infirmary.
Juliana.
He sat on the bed and pulled the covers at record speed, but the sudden movement made him dizzy and he fell to the floor.
"Mr. Snape! What are you doing out of bed?!" He heard Madam Pomfrey's voice scolding him, immediately followed by the sound of her hurried steps getting closer.
He tried to get up but he could not stay still; it felt like everything was spinning. His head hurt like hell, probably because of the force with which his head had hit the floor, and he accepted that he wasn't going to be able to stand up without help. So he took her arm and let her lay him on the bed again.
"Here, drink this." She said and handed Severus a goblet of something that tasted horrid, but he drank without complaining. In a few seconds, he felt the dizziness and headache go away, and was finally able to fully take in the scene in front of him. Apparently he had woken Madam Pomfrey up, because she was wearing a nightgown.
"What time is it?" He asked, now completely awake.
"3 a.m. Now, I suggest you try to get some sleep, because you won't be able to leave until tomorrow at noon, at least."
Severus was about to nod when his eye caught something on the far corner of the wing. There was a bed with closed curtains; the only other bed occupied apart from his. She had to be there.
"Who's there?" Severus inquired, trying to sound calm and nonchalant. Madam Pomfrey looked behind her and sighed sadly, shaking her head.
"Juliana Souza, the exchange student. She was brutally attacked last night. But don't worry about her; you try to get some sleep." She shrugged him off and started to leave when his voice stopped her.
"What happened?"
"Well, she received a powerful slicing curse that hit her on the back, leaving a big gash that led her to almost bleed to death. Luckily, Professor Dumbledore found her before that happened, and because she was brought here so quickly, it won't leave any scars. Thank Merlin, it would be terrible if she had to leave with a permanent memory of her attack." Pity was etched on her features and Severus stomach turned violently.
"Do you know who did it?" He asked, his voice hoarse. She narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion.
"No, we don't. Why?" She questioned carefully.
"Just asking." He answered, trying to not sound too desperate. "Did they do anything else to her?"
"Well... as far as physical harm, no. Psychological... we're not so sure." She said, implying something he understood immediately. "But I shouldn't be talking about this with you. Now, go to sleep. Professor Slughorn brought you looking very sick; you need it in order to fully recover." She ordered and left the room only after he had leaned down and closed his eyes.
Severus, obviously, was far from being able to fall asleep. He waited at least half an hour to make sure that she was not coming back before quietly making his way towards the end of the room.
He spent several minutes standing in front of the closed curtains, trying to gather enough courage to finally open them. When he finally did, his entire world fell apart inside of him.
If it wasn't for the light movement of her chest, he would've sworn she was dead. Her usually olive skin was looking abnormally pale, something that made everything seem more real.
Her torso was wrapped in gauze, it being the only thing covering it. Severus took a few hesitant steps at first— as if walking to close meant that he was going to harm her further— and slowly made his way to the side of her bed.
He stood next to her for some time, just looking at her face, taking her appearance in.
When did this happen?
He decided, after a while, that it surely had been between the time she left the Room of Requirement and the time he did.
It was half an hour.
How long did they torture her?
Not much, probably. But they clearly didn't waste their time. He wondered how Dumbledore found her. Nearly dead, according to Madam Pomfrey.
Did she scream?
Maybe, but Avery surely had put a silencing spell on her.
Then how did she break it?
Well, a wand was not a necessity for her.
It's all my fault.
Severus kneeled on the floor so he could be face to face with her.
"I'm so sorry, love. This is my entire fault. I shouldn't have let this happen. Please wake up. Please forgive me. I love you so much. I love you more than anything." He whispered as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. He took her hand —her cold, limp hand— on both of his and kissed it softly.
"I'm so sorry." He repeated over and over again.
He just stayed by her side, caressing her hair, until he saw the first morning light coming through the window.
"Love, I have to go. But I will be back tonight. I promise. I love you." He said and bent down to kiss her forehead sweetly, before closing the curtains and returning to his own bed.
He didn't hear, of course, the soft sound coming from her mouth that sounded exactly like his own name.
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