As promised, here is the next chapter, all long and angsty XD XD It's pretty full of randomness, so I hope it's enjoyable lol. I'm writing this at ten past midnight, just because I really wanted to get you this chapter. I kind of am on the fence about the ending, but let me know what you think ( ._.)
Tris stared at the mess before her, thoroughly defeated. Her breathing was starting to quicken, her brow furrowing. Who the hell would notice if she was wearing a too-loose dress? Who the hell would care? She hadn't worn a dress in years, hadn't bought one in over five, and she'd never owned one that actually fit her correctly. She didn't know these people, didn't care what her first impression on them was, because her outfit said nothing about her.
That isn't true. Poe's knowing stare relaxed Tris's shoulders, and she sighed heavily. "I know," she breathed. The helplessness in her voice surprised her, but she didn't try to fix it as she fell back on her bed. Of course she cared. These were Tobias's friends. Practically his family. And if they didn't like her, maybe he'd realize what a wreck she was…
"Tris." She didn't move. Didn't flinch. His voice was soft, and it made her heart ache. She didn't want to disappoint him, or his friends. She didn't want to lose him, and that part of her was greatly conflicted with the don't-give-a-shit-what-people-think part.
Tobias collapsed on the bed beside her. He'd never seen her so silently angry before, and it was extremely unsettling. "You alright?" It was a stupid question, considering the oh-so-obvious answer. But it felt necessary in this moment.
His words pulsed through her skull. She wasn't sure if she was alright, wasn't sure if she could really explain how he was feeling. "No," she stated. Tobias chuckled, then leaned onto his elbow so he could see her.
Her eyes were the bluest he'd ever seen them, and he knew that meant she was at war with herself. They had to leave in twenty minutes in order to reach the restaurant on time, and judging by the way she was still clad in her pajama shorts and tank top, she had no intention of being ready by then. There was a mountain of clothes at the foot of her bed, but none set aside as far as he could tell.
"Can't decide on an outfit?" he teased, knowing she wasn't the type to care about how she looked to others. But, to his surprise, her eyes flitted to his and then away again. She remained silent. What?
The bed squeaked as Tobias moved into a sitting position beside her, eyeing her curiously. She could feel her face flaring. This wasn't something she wanted to be feeling, wasn't something she wanted him to see. It was petty, stupid. Unnecessary.
"You're not serious." The incredulousness in his voice made her anger burn, but she remained silent. Of course she was serious, and she hated how ridiculous it made her seem. She hated feeling this weak, this incompetent over something so small. "Tris…"
Her body jolted forward before she told it to. His voice had triggered something inside of her, and there was no stopping it now. "Don't Tris me, Tobias! I know it's stupid, I know it's unreasonable, and I know I shouldn't care what the hell I look like for these people!" The words echoed off the wall in their intensity, but she kept herself from exploding completely. Tobias had done nothing to deserve that.
Her head throbbed, the room spinning, but suddenly there were strong arms around her waist and tethering her to reality. Lips brushed her ear as they spoke, "But?"
And just like that, just in that simple whisper, Tris let herself fall back into his embrace, let herself accept the weight of what she was feeling. Tobias was trustworthy; Tobias was safe. "But," she explained softly, "I want them to like me."
Tobias grinned. After everything, after all the hell she'd been through, all the people she had to face, all the years spent developing a carefree attitude, he'd made her soft. The fact that she cared enough about him to mind what impression she made melted his heart. "They will, babe. You're amazing."
Tris remained silent in his arms, and it was then he noticed the baby blue dress laid out across the edge of the bed. It was simple, plain, but its color matched the stormy part of her eyes. His brow furrowed. He didn't even know she owned a dress.
Without releasing her, he scooted them over toward the garment. "Are you wearing this?" he asked sincerely. Tris shrugged.
"I don't know. It doesn't look right on me. But I feel like I should try to look good, you know?" She sighed again, and untangled herself from Tobias's warmth. As much as she loved being held by him, they didn't have much time before they had to leave. And she needed to get dressed.
Tobias rose from the bed, planting a gentle kiss on her fire-clad shoulder. It made her shiver. "You always look good, Tris. Wear whatever you feel comfortable wearing. It won't affect their opinions of you. I love you, Tris. They will, too." With that and a smile, he led Poe out of the room, not before the dog shot one more pointed look in the direction of the dress. Tris rolled her eyes once she shook the electricity Tobias's kiss had sent through her. What the hell.
When his girlfriend emerged from her bedroom ten minutes later, she was wearing the dress, but she'd also put on black and white striped leggings and her red combat boots. It was a very specific look, and Tobias loved it. Even going out of her comfort zone, she wasn't afraid to be herself.
"You look good, Tris," he whispered, wrapping his hands over her hips. Hers flattened on his chest. She gave him a sly grin through her blush.
"You don't look too bad yourself," she replied, leaning to her toes to press her lips to his. And she wasn't kidding; this was the first time she'd ever seen him in a blazer, and she had to admit it was doing things to her she never imagined she'd feel in a situation like this.
But there wasn't time for much more than another chaste kiss, she reminded herself, and she pulled away, locking her hand with his. "Ready for this?" he asked, genuinely curious. She was wondering the same thing, but she figured she could accomplish anything with Tobias's hand in hers, so she nodded.
Harrison's was a popular restaurant in the middle of the city. It was often crowded, often booked, and often unreachable. Tris had never been there before, so she wasn't really sure what she was expecting when Tobias informed her that's where they were to meet his friends. But when they pulled up in front of a small, family-run establishment, she was a bit confused. "Are you sure this is the place?" she muttered for the third time, making Tobias laugh.
"Really, Tris, you need to get out more," he replied simply, removing his hand from hers to open the door. She scowled as they moved inside. Tobias elbowed her ribs. "Relax, it's a good place. Zeke and I come here all the time." He felt some tension ease from her shoulders, and he smiled.
Tris tried to ignore the lack of warmth as Tobias removed his arm from around her shoulders to sign the reservation sheet. And she definitely tried to ignore the flirtatious grin the woman at the desk gave her boyfriend, the way she greeted him by his first name. Fleetingly, jealously, she wondered if they'd ever dated before, but the thought passed. She didn't really want to think about Tobias's dating history, especially if it consisted of someone so curvaceous and beautiful.
"Right this way, Mr. Eaton," she chirped, beckoning for him to follow her. Tobias turned and offered his arm to Tris; she greedily wrapped it in her own, making his smile widen.
Their table was in the back corner of the place, much to Tris's delight. She hated being out in the open, where she had blind spots. In corners, she could observe without feeling exposed. "I'll let you know when Zeke gets here. I assume that's who you're waiting for?" the woman asked innocently, and Tris felt an urge to punch her. She was talking as if she knew anything about Tobias and his friends, and it was pissing her off.
But Tobias was unphased. He simply smiled. "Thanks, Nita," he replied, and she grinned before strutting away, not so much as glancing in Tris's direction.
Tris was being uncharacteristically quiet, and Tobias's brow furrowed as he slid out her chair for her, wondering if she was feeling alright. He sat beside her, leaving the two chairs across from them for Zeke and Shauna, and covered her hand with his.
The inside of her cheek was clasped between her teeth. "So I guess you weren't kidding when you said you come here all the time." She ran her left index finger across the rim of the water glass before her, feigning disinterest. In reality, she couldn't have been listening more intently.
Tobias shrugged, face still scrunched in concern. What a random thing to say. Is she talking about Nita knowing my name? "Yeah, we try to come at least once a month. Nita's always working the seating."
Tris didn't flinch, despite the growing hatred in her stomach. She didn't like this Nita. Tobias was hers. But she knew that she didn't really own him, didn't really have control over whether or not he could leave her for someone better, and that terrified her.
She tried to keep her voice flat. "How… convenient."
That thoroughly confused Tobias. What was she talking about? It wasn't really much of a convenience, he thought. It wasn't like she had a special table set aside for them when they came or anything, though he supposed it was possible Tris thought otherwise. But judging by the venom in her voice, the bitterness of her tone and the storms in her eyes, he had a feeling she wasn't talking about what he'd thought.
And then he saw guilt flash before her eyes, insecurity, and he knew exactly what she was thinking. She was second-guessing herself, thinking that there could be a chance she was inferior to Nita. The idea made Tobias want to laugh out loud, but he remained composed, simply making a pointed comment. "Not really. She's kind of a bitch."
The words caught Tris off guard. One second she was staring wide-eyed at her boyfriend; the next, she was grabbing at her abdomen, trying to catch her breath from the laughter. Tobias grinned triumphantly. Wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him. He loved the warmth of her laugh.
"Good to see you didn't wait to start the fun," they heard behind them. Tris sobered immediately, raising from her seat and turning around, wide-eyed. A dark-skinned, crinkled-eyed, grinning man stood behind her, white teeth flashing a wide grin. Tobias stood, too, and his hand on her arm calmed her nerves as she was suddenly reminded of her horrible social skills.
"Hey, Zeke," he smiled, reaching out to shake his friend's hand. The man nodded in response, and Tobias moved to hug the woman beside him. "And always a pleasure, Shauna."
Tris awkwardly waited for Tobias to finish his greeting and introduce her. The man — Zeke — had been staring intently at her since she'd turned around, and she was feeling quite uncomfortable under the attention. "Zeke, Shauna — this is Tris," Tobias started, grinning lovingly into Tris's eyes, pleasantly drowning her, "my girlfriend." Tris grinned in response, blushing profusely.
Zeke broke the moment first, startling everyone by attacking her in a full-on hug. She was stunned, but hesitantly returned the embrace. "Sorry, but I've been waiting for this a long time, Tris. Just let me savor it for a moment," he said, still holding onto her. Tris chuckled a bit.
"For what?" she wondered aloud. Surely Tobias hadn't talked about her enough to be so excited to meet her… So what could he be talking about?
Zeke pulled back as he responded cheekily, "For Tobias to get a girlfriend. And for me to embarrass him in front of her." Tris wasn't sure quite how to respond to that. She looked over at Tobias, who was looking away. A faint pink tinted his cheeks. Was this true? Was she his first girlfriend?
He looked extremely uncomfortable, but before he could interject, Shauna pulled Zeke away and wrapped her own arms around Tris, hugging her as best she could around her baby bump. "Stop it, Zeke, you're lucky you're here to see this moment, with the hell you put him through," she sighs, pulling from the hug and leaving her hands on Tris's shoulders. "It's wonderful to meet you, Tris. I'm so happy for you both."
The smile that came to Tris's face was easy, gentle, sincere. She was happy, too. "Thank you so much. It's good to meet you guys, too. I've heard a lot about you."
"Really?" Zeke feigned incredulity as everyone began situating themselves into their seats.
Tobias looked nervously to Tris. This was probably overwhelming for her, and he was regretting it more and more. He shouldn't have invited her like this, shouldn't have thrown his hyperactive, nosy friends at her.
But she had grey in her eyes. She wasn't on full alert right now. She was enjoying herself, and that was good. Tobias let himself relax, too, as she deadpanned, "Well, how could he not? He's too much of an ass to have any other friends to talk about…"
Silence. Tris froze. Perhaps she shouldn't have said that. Shouldn't have gotten so comfortable, shouldn't have been herself…
Zeke's laughter blared like a siren through the entire restaurant, and it didn't take long for Shauna and Tobias to join in. He was genuinely happy, ecstatic that she had a sarcastic sense of humor, that she seemed to have a quick-tongue that could easily tear Tobias's to shreds. His best friend needed that kind of companion.
"I think you're going to fit in here quite nicely, Tris," he chuckled, raising his water glass in a toast. Shauna followed suit, and Tobias waited for Tris before he did, too. His eyes smiled at her, and she allowed herself to smile, too. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be.
But that illusion quickly faded as the topic switched to how they met. "Oh, you know how I wanted to get a full-back tattoo?" Tobias asked Zeke, and when Zeke nodded, he continued, "Well, thanks to Tris, I was able to make my dreams come true." His proud grin made Tris's heart melt. God, she loved him.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Shauna asked, clearly confused. Her smile was crooked, as if she was trying to understand. "Did you help him pick a design?"
Tris shrugged. "In a matter of speaking, yes. But I also gave him the tattoo." Another shrug. She didn't really like talking about her bigger projects as a starter subject on her job. It felt too much like bragging, and she wasn't an artist to brag about it. She just wanted to help people.
Shauna's smile fell, and Tris's did, too, as she watched the woman's face go from curious to cautious. "You're a tattoo artist?" Zeke asked, obviously attempting to repair the awkward situation. Tris's eyes shifted to his as she nodded.
"A damn good one at that," Tobias added, squeezing Tris's shoulder a bit. And while the comment made her heart flutter and her face flare, she couldn't help but wish he wouldn't have said it. It seemed Shauna had no interest in continuing conversation about her occupation.
"So, what do you do, Shauna?" she stuttered, trying to mend the heavy silence. But the woman didn't answer her. Just stared before abruptly standing.
"I have to use the restroom. Excuse me," she stated before shuffling off in the direction of the Ladies' Room.
Tris and Tobias watched after her, Tris feeling even more defeated than she had before they left. But she refused to show it, and lamely she joked, "Was it something I said?" Tobias smiled wryly at her, but looked to Zeke, who was frowning for the first time this evening.
But he quickly fixed his expression, and offered a kind grin. "She's pregnant, so she has to pee suddenly at random times. Not really a big deal." Tris didn't really believe him, but she didn't say anything.
Tobias, however, was unconvinced. "What is it, Zeke?" he insisted, concern and frustration coursing through him. Tris had been so worried about being accepted by his friends, and Shauna freaking like this certainly wouldn't be easy for her. It would mean he was breaking his promise that they'd love her, too.
And he knew how paranoid and superstitious Shauna could be, so it just made him even angrier that this was probably for a very ridiculous reason.
Zeke sighed. "I'm sorry, guys. It was rude of her to do this. Her parents kind of burned specific opinions in her when she was little, and one of them was a stereotype against tattoo artists all being… not great people." Tobias didn't question further. He didn't want to know the specifics, but he was frustrated all the same.
Tris didn't agree with that perspective. "Not great how?" she pressed, and Tobias sighed when he saw the blue returning to her eyes. Defensive. Argumentative. Of course. It was going so well, too. Damn it, Shauna.
But Zeke wasn't one to beat around the bush, so he said simply, "Not great in that they cheat people and sleep around, and that they aren't to be trusted. She's just protective of her friends, so I guess she's worried about Tobias. It's ridiculous, though. I'm sorry about her. She'll come around, I promise."
Tris felt something inside of her deflate. It was beyond defeat, beyond anger. She wasn't mad at Shauna, or even at her parents. She wasn't even mad at the actual bad tattoo artists that had given the art this reputation. No, she was mad at herself, for upsetting Shauna, for not being good enough for Tobias, for not being able to fit in with his friends, his family…
Tobias saw the shift in Tris, saw the color drain from her face, and immediately stood with her. He knew what her mind was doing, and he needed to take her somewhere private, somewhere to convince her otherwise before this stuck. "Hey, Zeke, I'm sorry about this. We have to go." He dropped a fifty from his wallet onto the table, and then he turned and led Tris away from this madness.
The walk to the car was the most terrifying journey he'd ever traveled. She felt so lifeless beside him, despite the motion of her feet, the warmth of her skin pressed against his hand. He helped her into her seat and then went to his own, turning fully to face her.
"I'm sor—" she started, not meeting his eyes, and Tobias grabbed her hand, cut her off.
"Stop it." His tone was harsh, final. Tris's face scrunched as she gathered her thoughts.
"No, I will not stop it. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I upset your friend, that I couldn't fit in—"
Tobias shot forward and crashed his lips to hers, just to shut her up. She was stubborn, and she tried to pull away, but he was persistent, too, and eventually she stopped struggling. "Beatrice Prior. You did nothing wrong, you hear me? Shauna's paranoid about a lot of things; it's one of the main reasons I was hesitant about you meeting her. It's nothing against you, and it certainly doesn't affect my feelings towards you, or Zeke's, for that matter."
She was about to cry. Again. She wasn't a cryer, never really was one to show her emotions like that, but something about this, something about the idea of losing Tobias over something she couldn't control… It broke her. "I just… I just want to belong…" she whispered, not really registering what she was saying.
Tobias was startled. Belong? In his friend group? "You do belong, Tris. Zeke loves you, that was obvious." But she seemed unconvinced. So if she didn't mean that, what was she talking about?
Did she somehow think there was any correlation between his friends liking her and her being in his life?
"Tris. I need you to understand. I love you. I love you so fucking much. I need you in my life. You keep me alive, okay? You are everything. Zeke and Shauna… I've known them a long time, and they don't know half of the things you know about me. They don't understand me like you do. I care about them, too, but don't think for one second that I need their approval to be with you, because you are in my life whether they like it or not. Whether anyone likes it or not. Everything around me can change, I can lose my job, my friends, my house, but one thing will always remain constant. And that is you. Because you are everything that matters. Everything that ever will. I love you, Tris. No one can change that."
She was crying now, but she was holding him, too, was wrapping her arms around his torso and forgetting herself and focusing on his words, his scent, his warmth.
"I love you, too," she whispered. She lifted her head enough to meet his eyes and repeated, "Tobias, I love you."
He smiled. Kissed her forehead. He knew that she meant it. And nothing else mattered.
So what do you think? Too angsty? I feel like I may have made Tris too vulnerable. I've been writing a different story as a project due when school starts, and the main girl in that has anxiety problems, so I apologize if I accidentally let some of her seep into this 0_0 The next chapter will probably have more of the badass Tris we all know and love XD XD Anyway, thanks for reading, and be sure to let me know what you think! - Loopy
