THIS IS THE SECOND PART OF A DOUBLE UPDATE! CHECK IF YOU READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER!

Also: there is an important author's note at the end of the chapter.

And review if you can because that would be totally great k bye.


XV
Complicated


"So... I am pregnant. It's official."

"Yes, you are. And I don't think you really believed there was a chance you weren't."

"I find it hard to feel like this was my fault."

"Because it wasn't your fault. Or Severus'."

"Yes, I know." Pause. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, that's a question only you can answer. What do you want to do?"

"I want to have her."

"Her?"

"You know as well as I do that she's a girl." Isabel smiled.

"We'll figure this out. You wanted to become a potioneer, and you will. It may take a little more time... but we'll help you get there." Pause. "Are you going to tell him?"

"No." Juliana's answer held such a sense of absolute finality and resolution that Isabel couldn't help but stare at her daughter in mild surprise."Giving him something to lose now is the worst thing I could do to him." She was right, Isabel decided, agreeing with a simple nod.

...

The months passed and with the new seasons always came new information regarding the current Wizarding War going on in Europe. There never was anything that pointed at something that could have happened to Severus specifically— or something that pointed at him as the culprit of a crime, but Juliana knew that he probably had been involved in most of the things she knew about.

The Death Eaters had been doing things so vile, so disgusting, that her stomach churned everytime she thought about them— and she cried inconsolably whenever she thought about how all the things Severus was doing were damaging his mind and soul.

If Juliana had believed in God, she would've prayed every night for Severus, wishing he hadn't lost himself yet, wishing that the young man she fell so deeply in love with was still there— even after all the hideous crimes he would've commited by now. Because he had commited hideous crimes. Juliana wasn't naive, she knew it was impossible not to— that even if he didn't want to terrible things, in order to stay alive there was no other way out than to do them. And she still felt in her heart that he was alive, therefore he was out there... doing things that could make her skin crawl and have nightmares for weeks.

If they ever met again, would she be able to forgive what terrible things he'd done?

Was it even her place to forgive the things he had done? Who was she to forgive him?

Could she be angry at him, could she ever hate him for the things he had done?

She didn't know— and that killed her.

...

One afternoon like many others before, while taking a cake she had decided to bake out of the oven, Juliana felt a strong contraction on her stomach that forced her to bend forward in pain.

"Jesus, what are you doing in there, Cassie?" She asked her baby looking down at her noticeable belly but ultimately ignoring the situation. That was until ten minutes later, when she felt another strong contraction that activated her inner alarms. "Oh God, what's happening? There are two months left still." She whispered worriedly to herself, quickly making her way outside to find her mother, who was on the back taking care of her garden. By now Juliana was beyond scared and her breath was labored. "Mo— shitmom, I'm having contractions." She managed to say with gritted teeth, digging her nails in the doorframe. Isabel looked up in surprise and instantly got to her feet to assist her.

"How often are you feeling them?" Isabel asked.

"Um" She looked down at her watch. "I had two and last one was three minutes ago."

"Get in the car, we're going to the hospital." She ordered and Juliana did as she was told. Isabel disappeared inside the house for a couple minutes and returned with a light coat and the car keys on her hand.

As she started the car, Juliana winced in pain and closed her eyes tightly.

"Shiiiiiiit. What's happening? She was supposed to be born on late December!" She screamed as liquid started to run down her legs. "OH NOMY WATER BROKE! MOM!" She cried out, her eyes wide and panicked.

"Juliana, calm down. It's just going to be a premature birth. You know you were born before it was due, too. Just breathe in and out. And try to relax, it will be easier." Isabel reassured her.

"Yes. Okay. Relax. Relax. Sorry I broke my water on your car, mom." She apologized with her eyes closed tightly, inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling from her mouth.

"Don't worry about it. We're almost there." She said softly, pulling over the parking lot of the hospital. As she opened the door, another contraction hit her.

"Damn, fuck, shit. Relax, relax." Juliana cursed loudly.

Once they were inside the building, a nurse took her to a room on a wheeling chair as Isabel took care of the paperwork.

"Don't worry Juliana, Doctor Ferreira will be here in a second." The nurse told her as Juliana placed herself comfortably on the bed. She left shortly after a dark skinned woman with a gentle smile entered the room.

"Thank God you're here." Juliana sighed in relief, making the doctor laugh.

"I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world, darling. Now, let me see." She examined her for a few minutes before speaking again. "You are not fully dilated yet, we still have to wait a few hours."

...

"Oh, hello." Juliana cooed as they handed her the smallest and most beautiful human being she had ever seen in her life. "How are you, Cassie?" The baby still had her eyes closed and was making small sounds with her mouth— but at the sound of her mother's voice, she slowly opened them. Juliana's breath itched. She'd known that the eyes that would loook back at her were going to be exactly the same as his. Her eyes burned with unshed tears.

"We will be taking her now, Juliana. Because she was premature, she needs special care." Juliana nodded with a sigh as the nurses took Cassandra away. Isabel came to her side right after they closed the door and hugged her daughter tightly.

"She's absolutely perfect." She praised. Juliana started crying.

"Yes, yes she is." She replied after a few moments, drying her tears. "What day is it? October 30?" She guessed, but her mother shook her head.

"It's already October 31."

...

It was on December 17 when Juliana was finally able to take Cassie home, with perfect health. Everyone in the family fell in love with her the moment they saw her. Her toothless smile was a cause of delight amongst her relatives, and pretty soon she learned to love the attention everyone gave her, crying loudly when she wasn't in someone's arms.

When she was five months old her first two teeth appeared, and with that there wasn't one member of the family that didn't get their mark eventually etched on their skin.

When she was eight months old, after mumbling incoherent sounds all day, she finally said her first word.

"Daddy."

This was, of course, Juliana's doing. She had made sure that Cassandra saw every day at least one picture of Severus. All while she pointed at them and said "Daddy. Can you say daddy?" That's why— even if she also encouraged every day to learn other words— her heart was ecstatic because that particular word had been her first.

Shortly before her first birthday, she was already able to walk. Her hair was long enough now for everyone to see that it was going to be as black as darkness; as black as his. There were a few of Juliana's relatives that had seen that hair before personally. Nevertheless, no one ever dared to ask what had happened to Severus. They all knew already that the moment they mentioned him, Juliana would break down.

After her first year, she was able to form mostly coherent sentences. She knew the names of everyone that visited often, and was able to recognize Severus on any photography.

However, it was on October 31st, 1981— the day of her third birthday— when everything changed forever.


PLEASE READ BELOW! THIS IS IMPORTANT!

O-kay guys.

I think we've reached a point where it's important for me to clarify something I also clarified in the first version of this story.

This story is AU, therefore this is absolutely not a way for me to try and justify Severus' actions in canon. Half the purpose of this story is to give him the life I think he deserved.

Do I think he was a good man in canon? No, I don't.

Do I think he was a bad man in canon? No, I don't.

To me, Severus Snape lies in the spectrum between good and bad, but not like "normal people" would. He's somewhere lost in the middle, sometimes leaning towards the bad side, sometimes leaning more towards the good. He is a complex man, and he's had a hell of a shitty life.

I don't think someone every really loved him (not even Lily when they were younger), and his desperate need to belong to a group and feel accepted by people is what ultimately was his downfall.

Severus didn't do bad things for the sake of evil, he did bad things because he didn't know what else to do. I always believed that if he had someone that really loved him and supported him (enter Juliana) he wouldn't have become the man he ended up being, and he wouldn't have fucked up as much as he did. He remained doing unnecessary shitty and crazy things for the rest of his life- and many of those things that happened in canon are things that I do not feel very comfortable changing because I believe them to be relevant to the story; and even though I obviously have to modify things to fulfill the purpose of this fanfiction, I still want to keep it as canon as possible.

That's why I need you to understand that in the future there will be many times where I will explain bad things Severus' has done as if they had an ulterior motive that wasn't evil but actually the opposite: they were bad things that were done purposefully with a valid reason (at least valid to them), in order to do good.

But that is not the case in canon.

I am aware of what a fucked up human being Severus Snape is and all the bad/evil/creepy/etc. things he has done, and I do not want you to think I condone or romanticize them AT ALL. But I believe that if he had been loved and nurtured properly from a young age instead of abused, humilliated and picked on constantly, he would've not turned out to be the villain a lot of people think he is.

Severus Snape didn't deserve the life of abuse that lead him to lose his path only to die alone and unloved- he deserved a good life, and I will make sure I give it to him.