08.
x
"Everyone has something of beauty about them. But loving let's you look, and look, and look again. You notice the back of a hand, the turn of a head, the way of a walk. When you first love, you look blind and you see it all as the glorious, beloved whole or a beautiful sum of beautiful parts. But when you see the one you love as pieces, as why's, you can love those parts too, and it's a love at once more complicated and more complete."
-ALLY CONDIE, Crossed
This was the first time in a months that Korinna had slept peacefully. Although the Gimello's household was much louder than the Gallaghers (Shockingly) as of lately, Korinna felt herself waking up at all sorts of hours in the night to find Nicky and Vito wide awake. Korinna already missed out on six months of their lives so she didn't mind missing out on a few hours to hang out with the Italian brothers. The most peaceful sleep overcame her when the fifteen year old found herself locked in Carl's arms when the both of them finally dosed off into a deep slumber. Korinna immediately picked up on Carl's familiar scent of peanut butter, dirt, and pine mixed with a bit of that loud along with whatever liquor of his choice. To have her friend holding her into the night was one of the many things she missed about the boy, Korinna wasn't that affectionate but when she wanted to be she would be a bit too aggressive opposite to Carl who showed bits of affection here and there. The two never cuddled before but they have slept side by side even if this was different and they both knew it.
They first slept in a position where Carl had his arm underneath Korinna's head with his fingertips brushing against her shoulder, her head tucked underneath his chin along with their bodies tangled facing each other. Two hours passed into the night where Carl's arm was falling asleep and Korinna decided to spoon Carl, with him facing the freshly padded windows and her arm wrapped around his torso leaving her forehead to press into his back. That only lasted an hour until Carl demanded to rest his head against Korinna's chest leaving the girl to believe that he only wanted to cop a feel with his face which wasn't a hundred percent true. Carl always slept on Korinna's chest when they took naps together, his hands resting respectfully against her waist. They both found themselves most comfortable in this position, Carl enjoying the sound of the hammering of Korinna's heartbeat at the start (which fed his ego a little bit knowing that he had that much of an effect on her) but as soon as the organ calmed down Carl found himself falling asleep quickly knowing that the girl within his reach was not going anywhere. As for Korinna she preferred to spoon Carl liking that she could feel his heartbeat with each raise of his body as he slept. The two teens were in so deep for awhile that it should be a crime that they're just now seeing how much they really meant to each other.
A set of eyes struggled to pull themselves open, their eyes shutting closed again after opening them half way as they rolled over onto their back. After a few minutes of staring into complete darkness Korinna managed to pull her eyes open to stare up at a poster of a girl in a bikini. Rolling her dark ink filled eyes Korinna could feel the usual bags underneath her eyes forming as she turned her head to find the bed empty. Frowning she pushed herself into a sitting position and rubbed her eyes a bit, pausing as she tried to rack her brain if she wore her contacts yesterday. After thinking to herself she remembered she took them out before heading over to the Gallagher's and let out a sigh of relief. Peeking over at the alarm that sat on the nightstand the clock read in dark neon red numbers: 3:03 AM.
'Go figure another night of waking up at random hours.' Korinna thought as she ran her fingers through her hair.
The door creaked open revealing Carl who pulled off his hoodie first revealing a short sleeve black t-shirt and a gold chain. He kicked the door shut as he tossed the hoodie at the foot of the bed lifting his eyes to see Korinna sitting up wide awake. "Hey."
"Hi..." Korinna replied watching as Carl sat on the edge of his bed, pulling off his Jordan's.
Carl stood from the bed again and went over to the drawer to pull out some sweats, resting them on top of the dresser to free his hands and shove off his black jeans. Korinna didn't bother to turn her head as Carl pulled his sweats over his boxers but she made sure to keep her gaze on his upper back. Once Carl turned back around he shuffled over to the bed and jumped into it face first with his eyes closed and his head turned to Korinna who continued eyeing him.
After a few minutes of silence Korinna pushed herself back onto the bed her dark eyes trailing over almost every inch of Carl's face. From his forehead, to the way his eyelashes gently rested underneath his eyes, the shape of his nose, to his lips, then all over again. Korinna lifted a finger to poke Carl's face earning a groan from the boy. When he didn't open his eyes, Korinna poked him again making Carl open one eye, "What Ren?"
"Where'd you go?"
Carl yawned, "I went out to get some air and Sean came out to talk to me since I'm not talking to Fiona," He mumbled.
Korinna nodded her head, "What about?"
"We talked about the thug life along with losing people to it..." Carl answered his eyes now wide open as he stared back at Korinna.
Korinna didn't bother to know more about what was exchanged between the two because it wasn't her business. She of course didn't like the fact that Carl thought this was the best way to go, she knew that Nicky and Vito did illegal shit also but they've been doing that since the first day she met the two. Korinna and Carl had their share of doing "bad" things around the southside but what else were you supposed to do to have fun? She didn't like that Carl let himself get blinded by the money and thinking by going to juvie that he suddenly knew all there was to gangs. He didn't need to be involved in any of it, she knew this was not the Carl she knew before he decided to pick juvie as an option. However she also knew that she couldn't judge him since she also did things she wasn't proud of.
"Did it help?" Korinna wondered, lifting her eyes to meet his after staring off into space for a bit.
Carl exhaled, "Yeah it did. Sean along with Nick...made me realize that I'm not cut out for this shit. I don't have a clue what I'm doing, I thought I did but it's not what I want anymore. I thought by going to juvie people on the outside would know my name on the streets - which they now do, that I'd be respected. I never thought by going to juvie I would make a friend just to lose him to this life style. I never thought Nick would do something like that...what he did scared the fuck outta me. I'm finally seeing the past few months in my eyes for what it really is and that's not a road I want to go down, you know what I mean?"
"I know exactly what you mean. I'm glad you're figuring yourself out, Killa. I don't know what I would have done if I came back to find you facing more time for something dumb or worse..." Korinna replied, their eyes met leaving Carl to know what she was hinting at.
Carl nodded, "The last thing I want to do is go back to that place. I don't want to be a disappointment to you or anyone else."
"You're not a disappointment you've just made a disappointing mistake that you're learning from. Everyone has their moments." Korinna claimed.
Carl blinked, "What mistakes have you made in the last six months? Since ya know I missed out on a lot."
Korinna ignored the jab as she played with the sleeves of the pink furry jacket, "A few...I don't want to tell you about."
"Why not? Aren't we having a heart to heart right now?" Carl pressed, brushing a dark strand away from Korinna's eyes.
Korinna swallowed as she continued playing with the sleeve making Carl eye her suspiciously,"If I tell you...you have to promise not to get upset."
"Depends what it is," Carl breathed with a frown.
Korinna sat up straight, her hands resting on both sides of the furry coat with her eyes closed with hesitation. Quickly she pulled the coat off revealing herself in a long white sleeve t-shirt. Carl didn't know what Korinna could possibly be showing him that would make him mad. That's when the girl used her left hand to brush her sleeve all the way up to her shoulder revealing jagged cuts on the side of her upper arm. Carl pushed himself into a sitting position shuffling to sit on the edge of the bed as he gripped onto Korinna's wrist eyeing the marks on the further part of her arm.
There were about eight marks against her bronze skin, two of them were fading, three were noticeable, two looked as if they were still healing, and the last was the largest of them all leaving Carl to think that with the way the cut was that she probably hit an artery. Carl clenched his jaw as he struggled to meet Korinna's eyes, she boldly stared into his rain-forest colored eyes waiting for him to say something.
"Did you do this?" Carl whispered.
A stiff nod was the only reply Carl received.
"Why?"
Korinna pulled her teeth from biting down on her bottom lip arguing, "Why did it take for Nick to murder someone for you to listen to me?"
"Don't switch this around on me. Do you know serious this is? Why would you do this to yourself, do Nicky and Vito know?" Carl fired back.
Korinna pulled back from Carl leaning back on her hands as she glared at the boy, "I'm not switching anything around. If Nick were still around you probably wouldn't be talking to me right now. I'm not telling Nicky or Vito anything because they don't have to know. I didn't have to tell you, you act as if I have a problem or something. I've only did it a few times, I'm fine."
"Yeah cutting up your arm eight times is enough! Do you know people die from doing stuff like this?"
"Maybe I wanted to!" Korinna yelled causing Carl to clamp his mouth shut.
Korinna held a bitter smile on her lips as she stared back at Carl, "I didn't show you my scars for you to judge me. I showed you them to let you know that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes. So what? I was a cutter for a few months back in Greece, even spent a few nights in the hospital on suicide watch since my dad's perfect new wife found me in the bathtub. I wanted to die because I wasn't happy, I never felt like a million bucks here in Chicago either but at least I could just fucking breathe you know? At least I had people that actually cared about me. If I couldn't have that then I didn't want to be around Dimitri, Astrid, and the baby. I didn't want to live because I knew I wouldn't find happiness there. That was my biggest mistake, thinking that cutting myself was the answer. That hurting myself would make Dimitri and Astrid bring me back here. If I continued on I probably would have died."
Carl remained silent as he processed the words spoken from his friend's lips. He felt like utter shit not knowing or giving her a chance to tell him what was going on in her life for six months. He wasn't there for her, he couldn't be because he made a mistake by getting involved with drugs and thinking it was cool. He made a mistake for not being a better friend and believing his own assumptions. Carl also knew that he had a right to feel the way he felt.
Carl gripped onto Korinna's wrist pulling her left arm forward so he could stare at the marks again. He swallowed the lump of tears in his throat as he leaned forward to place a kiss on each mark on her skin and pulled her upper body into his arms with her cheek resting against his arm. "I need you to forgive yourself for your mistakes just like I'm going to forgive you and myself for all the things I've been through. I never want you to fall into the dark place again, you hear me? I never want you to result into hurting yourself in order for you to be heard. I see you, I hear you. You're home and you're safe. I don't ever want to lose you like I lost Nick."
Korinna felt warm liquid gliding down the corners of her cheeks and for once she didn't bother to brush them away. With shaky hands Korinna gripped onto the back of Carl's shirt squeezing the pain away. The two took deep breaths feeling themselves coping with one another. The two stayed in each other's embrace for awhile until Korinna filled Carl a bit more on what happened the night Dimitri and Astrid took her away from the Gimello's front steps. She told him how there was no way for her to contact him, Debbie, or the Gimello's while she left the country. She told him how Astrid was keeping every letter written to him along with other's were stacked away in the floorboards, she told him how Dimitri ran over her phone as soon as she tried to call anyone here on the house phone, and bits and pieces of how they gave her a curfew, kept tabs on her, and how everything felt so forced. She truly felt Melanie Martinez' lyrics to Dollhouse living with Astrid and Dimitri.
"Damn...I guess I shouldn't tell you that I had a grand time in juvie then?" Carl joked while Korinna remained cradled in his arms.
Korinna smiled, "No go ahead."
"Well the first two months were cool once everybody got to know me, they took me right in. It's like I gained some new brothers without being a brotha you know?"
Korinna snorted at that.
Carl continued, "I think when my birthday came around was when I really started to get my act together. Everyday I would have to deal with not slicing Chuckie and his fellow skinheads along with my boys. There was beef everyday if it weren't between me and Chuckie then it were between my boys and his boys. On my birthday no one showed up, something came up which is usually does. It was the first time I've ever spent a birthday by myself, it felt really shitty. No special meal, just the usual playing ball or trading shit for cigs even though I hate them, but I had your letter to get me through. Even if no one from the fam would tell me what was going on with you, I had your letter and I had your voice in my head while I read it. I had you to tell me that you like-like me."
Korinna felt terrible that Carl had to spend his birthday alone. Now that was messed up, she couldn't believe no one showed up for that. This family was really tight together and Korinna didn't want to imagine Carl alone on his fourteenth birthday but a part of her felt at ease knowing that her letter gave him some sort of comfort although he was being an ass by mocking her with her words.
Playing with Carl's gold chain Korinna lifted her head, "Yeah I like you, maybe even love you. So what? Fight me."
Carl didn't want to admit that he felt his insides spark to life at that. Did Korinna just admit that she loved him? Did she mean in love or what? Why was he feeling like a girl about it knowing that that might actually be what she meant. Carl truly felt himself at his happy place knowing that the two were off to a better start and was hoping that it would stay this way. When he looked down at Korinna she had fallen back to sleep with a smile on her face and he knew that he was the reason behind that smile.
Korinna walked beside Nicky and Vito as they trailed down the extremely long hallway. Vito had his arm thrown around Korinna's shoulders as Nicky lead the way. Today was the day that she would be paying a visit to Nona Gimello, and to say she was nervous was an understatement. The place didn't seem too lively and happened to be rather quiet which didn't sit well with Korinna. The nurses were very bubbly though while most of the elderly seemed ready to leave this place in more ways than one. Korinna desperately hoped Nona didn't appear that way when she walked through the room. She stopped outside of the room while Nicky continued on inside, Vito turned to Korinna who played with her cellphone viewing the text from Anwar but not really comprehending what was said.
Vito removed his arm from Korinna's shoulders to lift her chin up, "It's gonna be alright. Nona would want you to be strong for her, ya know? Just keep that in mind."
Korinna nodded her head, placing her phone on silent before shoving the phone into her jean pocket. Vito allowed Korinna to walk through first with him trailing behind her. Korinna noticed a vacant bed as soon as she walked through and turned her head straight near the window where she could see Nicky crouched down in front of Nona, who sat in a red plushy chair.
"That cagna (bitch) tried to throw a shoe at me Nicky. I had to show her what I was made of." Nona yelled while Nicky chuckled leaning over to kiss her cheek.
"I'm sure you did." Nicky chuckled.
Nona glanced to the right before tipping her head to meet Nicky's eyes, "Her stuff's been moved out right?"
"Yeah." Vito answered.
"Guess I did my job right." Nona winked, earning a laugh from Korinna.
Nona turned her head to the side as Nicky moved to sit on the bed giving his grandmother a good view of the young girl she viewed as a granddaughter. A smile granted Nona's lips as she held her hands out, "Get over here Rokos."
Korinna stepped forward to place half of her weight on the woman's lap with her arms wrapped around the elderly's woman's neck. "You look good Nona."
Nona placed a kiss on the girl's temple, "I may be sick but I still got it."
Korinna giggled as she leaned back to stare into the woman's light green eyes, locking her face forever in her memory. Korinna noticed the dark long hair that almost touched the woman's butt appeared much shorter. The once long hair was now cut above her breasts but she still looked good.
"I missed you Nona." Korinna stated placing a kiss against the woman's nose.
Vito and Nicky smiled at each other as Nona patted the side of the young girl's butt, "I missed you too baby. I'm so happy you're here."
xxx
By the time Korinna, Nicky, and Vito made it back home it was dark out. Nicky pulled up a few houses down from the home since someone took the parking spot right in front of the house. It felt nice to see Nona, she still seemed okay and remembered Nicky and Vito unlike other times where she forgets. Nicky and Vito played 21 while Korinna braided Nona's hair and watched old Italian soap operas with the woman. It was nice to feel carefree for once.
Korinna noticed Debbie sitting on the front stoop waiting against the cold and rushed over to her friend.
"Debz are you and the baby okay? It's freezing out here." Korinna said grabbing one arm while Nicky supported her back and Vito grabbed another arm.
Debbie nodded, "Yeah it's freezing! I can barely feel my stomach, did you forget that we agreed to listen to Zayn's album or..."
"Shit I forgot. Let's get you inside. You want hot chocolate or tea?" Korinna cringed feeling guilty that her pregnant friend had to wait out in the cold for who knows how long.
Nicky unlocked the door rushing up the steps while Vito ushered the girls in before him. Debbie took a seat on the couch while Vito tossed some wood into the fireplace.
"I want to say hot coco but Queenie would probably say tea is better for the baby. So whatever tea you have is cool." Debbie replied as Korinna rushed into the kitchen to make tea.
Vito chatted with Debbie here and there cracking a few jokes to make her laugh, keeping her company while handing over the computer so the two teenage girls can "Fangirl" over some singer. When Korinna returned with a mug, Vito took a seat in the arm chair.
"Uh Vito?" Korinna called out to the man.
Vito lifted an eyebrow, "Yeah sweetheart?"
Korinna and Debbie shared a glance, "Are you really willing to listen to Zayn's album with us?"
"That's the guys name? From that boy band right?"
"Yeah..." Debbie trailed off.
Vito rubbed his face, "Which one is he? The one with the brown hair with the birthmark on his neck?"
"No that's Liam. Zayn was the one with the darkest hair out of the group and the best voice, Liam's a close second though. How do you know so much about this boy band?" Debbie asked smiling behind the mug.
Vito shrugged, "My girlfriend's a fan. Heard a few of their songs, I liked Liam he reminds me of JT. Don't tell Nicky I said that."
Korinna and Debbie laughed as the two sat side by side listening to the intro then belting out to Pillowtalk making Debbie rush to the bathroom to pee since she got a little too excited. While Debbie made her way back from the bathroom Nicky came down the steps rushing out the house making Korinna and Vito frown at each other.
"I'll be back. Stay put," Vito ordered as Debbie cradled her stomach and sat down next to Korinna.
Korinna shrugged her shoulders balling her feet underneath her as she swayed her body to the beat of "sHe"
"Ugh I wish I could ball my feet underneath me like that." Debbie sighed eyeing Korinna and her relaxed body.
Korinna reached over to rub Debbie's large belly, "You wanted to have a baby."
"I know. I can't wait for her to get here so I can sleep and sit comfortably." Debbie scowled.
Korinna felt for Debbie, well for the fact that Derek left Debbie to raise a baby on her own but in a way Debbie did bring this up on herself and Korinna was not afraid to tell her that on their little reunion. Although Debbie didn't want to hear anything negative Korinna had to say to her Debbie liked that Kori always kept it one hundred with her and would support her unlike her sister.
"Hey Rinna."
"Yes Debz?"
"Would you be the godmother of my baby?"
At that question Korinna began choking on air leaving Debbie to roll her eyes and slap the girl on her back.
"Why are you being so dramatic? It's not like I asked you to stretch your vagina out and have my baby." Debbie snapped.
Korinna raised her hands in the air, "I wouldn't birth your child even if you payed me."
"That's mean. Even if we're in our thirties and I need you to carry a child for me and my husband you would shoot me down?"
"Hey you had one baby at fifteen you could push out another one years later." Korinna stated with all honesty.
"So that's a no then for being the godmother to my child?" Debbie tested turning to her friend.
"No offence but I don't like babies. V's babies are violent, one of the girls threw up on me the other pooped and punched me in the face. They're lucky their babies because we would fight if they weren't." Korinna defended herself.
Debbie let out a sigh while shaking her head, "Not all babies are the same. What about your half-sister? You said she likes you."
"I don't know why. I mean I don't have anything against the kid since she didn't ask to be here but I don't hate or love her either." Korinna answered.
"Wow, harsh much?" Debbie quipped.
Korinna pursed her lips as she turned her attention back to the computer not bothering to explain herself. That's just how she felt take it or leave it.
"Okay so let's say a few years later when you and Carl finally decide to be a thing, would you consider having his baby?" Debbie decided to ask trying to get Korinna to see that she would reproduce if it were with Carl as an option.
Before Korinna could answer, the two didn't realize the front door was open and that it was not Vito standing there. Carl stood at the door with his cornrows taken out leaving his grown out hair crinkly and his forehead had a huge stitched up gash on it.
His eyes shifted from his sister's to linger on Korinna's letting a smirk grace his lips, "So Ren should we get to practicing here or at my crib?"
A/N: Extra long chapter for everyone! I spent the whole day debating if I wanted everything that happened in this chapter to turn out the way it did, I guess it's decent? I just want to say that I like Carl with long hair much better than the rows but yay Korinna and Carl hashed it out so everything is all good right? ;) I'mma bout to do it (In the next chapter) so be prepared to yell and fight me. I can't believe the season finale is already appearing on Sunday that was quick, this season definitely improved throughout the first couple of episodes and I'm glad it did. Carl's story line was absolutely the best let's be honest here and I'm glad I stayed to write. I have no idea how season seven will go but I'm ready?
What did you think?
Only a couple of more chapters to go until I'm actually done with this story. I might even give the UK version a chance while I wait for season seven to grant us with it's presence next year and possibly continue writing more oneshots and blurbs for Carlinna.
Catch ya later!
-ALES
