I couldn't believe I had just done that. They say you never know how you'll react in certain situations. Well at least now I do.
Waiting in our justice building was painful. The last time I was going to see my home and I was locked in doors. I wanted to lay in the grass one last time with the sun shining above me. But here I was in an overly extravagant room made for children waiting for death, so not the ideal scenario. There wasn't even a window I could throw myself out of though that was probably why. This isn't how I'd want to start my last week alive, obviously. Jake came in sobbing crushing me in his embrace, telling me he'd always remember me for the person I was before this. He knew I wouldn't make it, we all did. It was nice.
At least I got to see him one last time. I didn't expect many people to come in, I had stopped going to school last year couldn't afford to. And once you lose school, you lose friends. But I still had a couple people that at least had the decency to say goodbye to someone they once shared a sandbox with. They cried and said goodbye though you could tell they were happy they weren't me.
I wanted them all to leave they were all wasting my precious hour. I wanted to see Sebastian, my Seb. He just kind of stood there, right in front of the door. Not moving, not speaking. He just stood there crying.
"I'm so sorry." I ran up to him as tears started to spill over my cheeks. I walked him over the fluffiest couch I could find and we sat there together for a moment, just holding each other. "It'll be okay, sweetie."
"Remember after our first reaping, when I was so excited not to be chosen that I ran up and kissed you in front of the whole town?" Seb let out a humorless laugh. "I think my mother just out died right there."
I smiled. That's why I liked reaping day so much. It was kind of our anniversary. I had had the biggest crush on Sebastian back then and I hadn't just been praying he wouldn't get picked that I was running up to him after hoping to at the very least congratulate him. And then he kissed me.
"You know I can't promise you anything, but I love you. That I can promise." I tried to smile, but I had been crying previously, so it was hard.
Seb let out a humorless laugh tears still ran down his face. "I'll be waiting for you to come home. Just do whatever it takes. I'll love you forever."
I'm numb for the rest of my time in the justice building and my car ride to the train that will take me to the Capitol, but once I step into that train, I feel confident in myself. The mentors greet and I'm determined.
No matter what happens I know I'm going to fight.
