A/N: Hi there! Just a heads up, this is my first story and I'm really nervous to know what people think of it. I have a lot to learn when it comes to this sort of thing so any advice or constructive criticism would be a big help.

WARNING: Possible OC with Sheogorath. He's a really interesting character to work with but I'm not so sure I'm capable of portraying him in the way that some fans may like. That being said, he is still an unpredictable madman.

Disclaimer - Of course all Elder Scrolls characters, word shouts, Deities, Daedra, names, towns and the very land of Skyrim itself all belongs to Bethesda. I merely enjoy playing around with the characters.

I hope you enjoy! :D


Ellia looked around her in shock, her mouth agape and eyes as wide as dinner plates. Mother of Talos, what was going on?! Had she angered a powerful Daedra or something of the like? She must have done exactly that, considering the chaos that was targeted strictly at her.

This was meant to be a simple task for the Jarl. Find the bandits, kill their leader then head back to Dragonsreach to collect the reward. The first and second parts had been easy enough, that was for sure. "The Cutthroat Bandits" they had called themselves. She'd managed to take out the majority of the camp unnoticed from her advantage point with only her bow before they realised something wasn't right. Her Dwarven war axes had sliced through the remainder of them like a knife slices through butter. Her training lessons with her younger kin were more brutal than wiping out those bandits.

She was glad to see that some of the bandits had horses tied up nearby, there was a lot of valuable loot nearby that she wasn't going to just leave behind. She never left behind any loot that was worth more than 20 Septims, Ellia needed all the money she could get and it's not exactly like Belethor complained when she came into his general goods store every few days carrying her own weight in goods, that Breton would sell his own sister if it meant he'd get a bag of gold out of it. Needless to say, she could barely move after she'd looted everything of worth from the camp and she was exceedingly glad to see the horses were so close to the camp.

It wasn't until she had strapped what loot she could to the horse and turned around to take one last glance at the camp that she was thrown into absolute astonishment and terror.

Now, she was aware that there were multiple camps out here in the Tundra that belonged to the giants and she had made sure to steer clear of their path while tracking down the bandits. So how had she missed the camp that was nearby? But that wasn't the main question that was on her mind, rather... Why were the giants dressed as bards? Or even more importantly, why were they running towards her swinging massive lutes as though they were simple clubs?

Before Ellia could grasp what exactly what was going on, her situation only seemed to worsen. Out of nowhere, a vast group of vampires approached her... Wearing jester outfits. For a split second, Cicero entered her mind. Dancing and skipping their way towards her, one would think they were simply passing through, were it not for the looks on their faces that screamed bloody murder.

Ellia unsheathed her Dwarven war axes, preparing to battle the onslaught of utter madness that appeared to be unavoidable. She couldn't wrap her mind around the situation but she could prepare herself to fight, it was what her body was trained to do. Years of fighting for her life in numerous situations had earned her the mastery of many different deadly skills. She readied herself and locked her eyes onto the nearest target. She was about to sprint and attack when suddenly something fell from the sky and hit her on the head.

Ellia looked up, only to confuse herself all the more. Cheese, slices of cheese were raining down from the sky all around her. Ellia briefly wondered when she had last consumed a vast amount of Skooma, but she couldn't recall having any recently. "What in Oblivion is going on here?!" She screamed in frustration. But no answer came, just an advancement of the enemies who were now surrounding her. She looked for an opening, something, anything she could use to either attack or escape but she had no such luck.

Whilst struggling to even comprehend how she was going to survive this crazy attack Ellia had a sudden idea. It was risky but it seemed as though it would be her only hope given the current situation. Mustering a good portion of her strength, she steadied herself and shouted, "TIID KLO UL!" The words echoed throughout the Tundra as everything around her came to a sudden halt. Using what time she had wisely, Ellia swiftly discovered an opening. One of the giants had his legs and feet spread apart at should width length while preparing to strike her down with his gigantic lute. Moving as fast as she could, which wasn't very fast due to effects of the shout, she dived underneath him and made a run for it.

She felt the effects of the shout drain away as her speed increased and her mobility improved just as she put a few feet between her and her enemies. Hastily, she sprinted up the nearest hill, hoping to scope out a hiding spot from higher up. She both felt and heard the ground beneath her quake as the giants chased after her. At least the vampires would be slightly hindered given the hour of day it was and the sun's heightened point in the sky. As Ellia struggled to reach the top of the hill, tripping on cheese as she ran, she tried to understand just what was happening. Never in all her years on Nirn had she ever experienced something as utterly crazy as this, and she had experienced some very unbelievable things in her short lifetime. Finally reaching the top of the hill she desperately looked around her, hoping to see a mountain or some trees in the distance. Apparently, one of the Divine's took pity of her as she spotted some trees in the distance. Without a moment of hesitation, she ran towards the cluster of trees.

Salvation was close, she could feel it as the trees became closer. The thought that climbing them would leave her trapped didn't even enter her mind as she focused entirely on getting away from the giants and vampires. She could take them on yes, but not all at once, even she, the prophecised Dragonborn, slayer of Alduin the World Eater, the leader and Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, the leader of the Thieves Guild and an agent of Nocturnal herself, an honored Nightingale and the Harbinger of the Companions could simply not defend herself against a group of twenty giants and fifty blood starved vampires... Even if they were dressed in such a ridiculous manner.

Ellia had almost reached the trees when she heard a ear splitting roar from above. "Oh, for the love of-" Her sentence never left her mouth as a mighty dragon bared down upon her, beating it's ancient wings and blasting her with mind numbing ice. Her Nordic blood provided her with some relief as she felt the effects of the dragon's shout drain very little of her stamina. But before she could respond with her own deadly shout, the dragon trapped her between his claws and pinned her to the very ground beneath her, forcefully pushing most of the air from her lungs. Ellia dizzily glared up at the ancient beast, preparing to make it feel unimaginable pain when suddenly she heard clapping.

She quickly turned her head from left to right trying to locate the source, which only served to increase the pain in her head as she groaned quietly. She tried to focus her senses on the sound but to no avail, she couldn't figure out where it was coming from. The dragon didn't move, merely continued to glare down at her making Ellia all the more angry at being pinned down like some mere skeever. She could see the giants and vampires had her surrounded once more. There was no escaping this time, whoever had planned this deranged idea to capture her had achieved what no other living being had, success.

She heard rather than watched as the clapping ceased and someone jumped from the back of the dragon. Impossible, she thought, no one but her knew the Bend Will shout, she was the last Dragonborn. It wasn't until she heard a somewhat familiar voice that she stilled completely and things began to slowly make sense.

"Well, well, well... Your reputation precedes you, Dragonborn. And here I was expecting some marvelous and grand battle only to see you scatter towards safety like some timid little elk, how disappointing."

Suddenly, she felt the heavy weight of the dragon's claws disappear from her body. Standing to her feet a little unsteadily, she looked around to see all the vampires and giants disappear into thin air. It was just her, the dragon... And him.

"You certainly showed more self restraint the last time you were in my presence, little elk. What happened to all that fire and spirit? Did you lose it? You know I could help you find it if you were to beg. I'm willing to bet it'd be inside your shoes... No, no... Far too inappropriate... Perhaps behind your ears..."

Ellia sighed, she didn't particularly want to communicate with this lunatic. The last time she encountered him it had almost cost Ellia her life. But he was powerful, much more powerful than her and it was obvious that he was responsible for the disturbing attack that she just barely escaped from. Idly, she noticed that the slices of cheese around her continued to rain down. She exhaled in exasperation, he did have quite the fondness for cheese, didn't he?

"The last time I was in your presence I wasn't being attacked by enough giants and vampires to destroy all of Skyrim!" Ellia sighed and reminded herself to keep her tongue in check, she didn't want the wrath of this man upon her. "Now what can I do for you? And please, make it quick, I have a bounty to collect back in Whiterun."

"Ahaha! Always down to business... Yes, business..." He bent down and picked up a piece of cheese from the ground only to begin petting it as though it were some pet of his. "I am in dire need of your assistance, little elk. I require someone of your... Personal skills." His eyes stared straight into hers, making Ellia feel far too vulnerable. Those eyes shimmered with a madness best kept away from this world. But still, why would someone of his stature and power need her? Surely he had other people amongst his resources, people who'd be far more willing than her to please him. "Although, I find this plane very... Unsavory. I'll see to it that you're transferred to my home safely. Once you've collected that bounty of course. Little elks need to do what they can to survive... It's a big, dangerous world out there filled with hungry wolves... Hungry, hungry wolves just aching to sink their teeth into the soft flesh of such a elegant beauty." He took a bite out the cheese he'd previously been petting. "The ache is simply maddening..." He said in dangerously soft tone, his eyes glinting with dark hunger.

Ellia was unsure of where he was going with this, but he was a deranged madman so it was best not to assume anything. "Very well, where's the entrance to your realm?" She wasn't looking forward to this, but perhaps it would give her the chance to escape the citizens of Skyrim for a little while, they'd been relying on her far too much as of late. Hmph, yes, let Skyrim take care of itself for a little while, Ellia needed a break.

The dangerous man before her grinned, the smile looked as though it would split his very face in half. The insane look in his eyes only made him look all the more scary. "Silly, little elk... You live right beside it." His grin got all the more bigger, putting Ellia on edge even more. "An entrance to your plane of Oblivion is right beside my house?! Are you trying to make all of Whiterun go insane!?" Ellia couldn't believe she hadn't stumbled upon it before, surely she would have noticed something out of the ordinary. Although, the disturbing disappearances that sometimes occurred within the walls of the city now made more sense.

The grin disappeared from his face, a look of contemplation now taking place. "No, but now that you mention it, that would be rather entertaining... I'd could reconstruct the very foundations of the city... Then we could all have tea on the patio..." He began to hum an unknown tune, only further agitating Ellia. She rolled her eyes and began walking in the opposite direction, cheese hitting her on the way. She'd see him again far too soon for her liking.

"I'll be waiting little elk! I have big plans for you. We'll have so much fun! Hahahaha! Oh, the lovely cheese! And tea, yes tea! Tea and cheese for the both of us!" His voice was reaching hysterical limits as he flew away on that dragon and Ellia could only hope the damn thing would crash and leave him in the middle of the Alik'r Desert.

That man was going to be the death of her, she knew it. She grumpily made her way back towards the horse she'd left earlier on, it still had all her loot on it. Only once she'd finally straddled the horse and started her journey back to Whiterun did she allow herself to swear and cuss at her situation and the man who'd caused it.

"Damn you, Sheogorath... Our paths were never meant to cross again."


A/N: Well, there you have it, the first chapter of my story. Be sure to tell me what you think of it, reviews are ever so helpful and very much appreciated.

I hope you liked it. :)