That evening, I sat in the window on my room, Ned´s hutch stood on the desk, the dress hang on the wardrobe- door, and the shoes stood under. I had the diary open in my lap, with a pencil in my hand. I looked out the window again, it was pitch dark outside, but there were street- lights by the road. I looked down at the diary again, and put the pencil to the paper. Then I started writing.

Dear diary… how silly that sounds. How about if I gave you a name? But what name?... how about Clara? You like that? Clara it is then.
If someone reads this, that person´s probably gonna think I´m really weird, writing in a diary like I was talking to a person, or writing a letter. But I don´t care, I´d like to think about Clara like a human being. And it´s my choice, so whatever?
I just had the best birthday of my life, no need to explain, but it´s been the best day of my life. My friends are just the best, still can´t believe they actually gave me a living animal, a hamster. His name is Ned, and he´s gonna be New Directions´ mascot.
Burt and Carole are sleeping in the room, further down the hallway. I can hear Kurt and Blaine chattering in Kurt´s room, across the hall from mine. I can also hear Finn snoring on the other side of my bedroom- wall. The sounds doesn´t annoy me, especially not the snoring, because, if you can hear somebody´s snoring, you know that they´re breathing, and then you know that they´re alive.
You might wonder why I call the whole family by their first- names, well, that´s because, they´re not my biological family. I´ve lived with Burt and Carole for about a month now, before that I had lived at Mr. Schue´s for about a month. Mr. Schue my history- teacher, and the coach of New Directions, that´s the glee- club I´m in. New Directions were the ones making this birthday the best day of my life. But that´s another story, well, Mr. Schue was the one finding out that my dad abused me when I lived with him. And that´s why I don´t live with my dad.
when I was nine, my mum took my brother Zeb, and left, I don´t know where, but I haven´t seen either mum or Zeb since then, at least not as I know.
Then my uncle Wyatt moved in with me, dad and my little sister Maddie. Two years later dad and Wyatt shot both me and her, I survived, but Maddie didn´t.
Can you keep a secret? Of course you can! I wish that Burt and Carole would adopt me, maybe it´s too much to ask for, I mean one adoption costs like, ten thousand dollars, and Burt and Carole haven´t got loads of money, but… I would still love if they did, then we would be a family. For real.
Goodnight now Clara, the rest of the house is sleeping now, and I´m going to bed. /Lex.

I locked the diary, and hid the keys in a leather pouch I had bought years ago, to keep things that meant something in. except the keys, there lay a necklace, that I once gave to Maddie, and her baby- teeth in a small box. I laid it back in the drawer in my bedside table, and laid down in the bed, and pulled the quilt over me. I smiled a bit for myself. And looked to the desk, to Ned´s hutch, it sounded when he was running in his hamster- wheel. Then I turned around and fell asleep.

The next day, Friday, glee club.

I stopped singing, and lowered the violin. We were in the auditorium, the rest of the New Directions, sat down in front of me on the stage, I had just preformed Gone too soon. The others clapped their hands, I reached for the violin- case.

"So, time for the week´s last song then." Mr. Schue said. I nodded, and the others stood up. Mr. Schue continued.

"Liam, you take the drums. Tyler, the guitar, Jasper, electric guitar, and Aiden, you´re on the base." The boys nodded and took their instruments. I laid down the violin on the floor in front of the stage, and ran up to the others, and then the song started.

I had read somewhere that this song was written about teenagers and how it feels like no one really understands you when you're a teenager. And hearing the lyrics I could almost know that it was what every single student in this room felt untilthe music stopped.

"Good job guys," Mr. Schue clapped his hands. "Really good. So everyone have a great weekend… and… Lex? Today´s the day Alice´s gonna cut your hair right?" I nodded. "Are you nervous?"

"Not really," I answered. "I trust Alice."

"Let me take a photo, so I´ll have before and after- photos." He pulled up his phone from his pocket and turned the camera on.

"Okay, have a good weekend everybody." I said when Mr. Schue had shooted his photo, turned around and walked out of the auditorium, next to Alice.

"So, what do you want me to do with your hair?" Alice asked when we were walking towards her house. I shrugged.

"Do what you like!" I said.

I´m stopping there. But first there´s something I gotta tell you.

Tomorrow, (Thursday, February the 7:th) it´s exactly one year since I quit taking my meds. It feels… strange.
Playlist
Gone too soon- Simple plan
Welcome to my life- Simple plan