I laid in Four's arm the entire night. My skin was buzzing with his touch and I felt a constant blush on my face. We talked about everything while laying in the darkness waiting for sleep to catch up to us. I admitted to missing helping the Factionless and he admitted to wanting to have qualities of all the factions- fearlessness, knowledge, selflessness, kindness, and honesty. I told him about the day my parents disappeared, sharing more than my simulation could express. He told me about his mother. When things got too heavy we laughed about silly experiences we had. It was a perfect night. The best night of my life. I had never been happier and never felt more connected to anyone. It is a memory I think about often, it keeps me sane during my tortured imprisonment. I hold it scared because it only took 24 hours or less to have this feeling of bliss, a true happiness, to be shattered into a million shards of sharp glass. Each time I try to put the pieces back together I keep getting cut. It seems the future I thought I had can never be created.

I woke up next to Four with my heart fluttering, not only because of his presence but because today was the day of my final test that would determine if I got into Dauntless and if so, what kind of job I would obtain. But that was the easy definition of the test, for me, the test would also determine if I could keep my secret hidden. It seems that the only person who knew what I was, Divergent, was Four. I knew he wouldn't turn me in because part of me had a feeling he was hiding his own divergence too. But I knew I had to be careful because it wasn't just my place in Dauntless I was fighting for, it was my life. It might have been the high of being so close to Four but I felt like I was safe, I had done well in every challenged that faced me here. The Dauntless members already seemed to like me. I think I may have fooled them all.

Four let me use his shower; the privacy was still something I longed for, not because I wanted to hide my scars but because I didn't always want to be on display. Marcus had looked me at too much; I often can still feel his penetrating eyes on me randomly. It always gave me a panic attack and I'd look all around only to find he wasn't there.

A shower, breakfast and a few lustful kisses later and I was on my way to the testing area. Think like a Dauntless, I told myself, find a way to fight off or embrace your fears. Go fast but not too fast. Don't break out of the simulation early, let it bring you out of it. It was a day of being lost in my own mind, in and out of the simulation.

I met up with the other initiates, none of them commented on my absence last night because all anyone could think about what our final test. We sat on the floor outside the test room; only one of us would enter at a time, take our turn, prove ourselves and hope for the best. I sat next to Christina, the side of my arm touching hers. I looked around at the faces of the group, not all of us were going to make it. It made me feel sick. But what made me feel worse was realizing in the empty space beside me is where Al should be sitting.

I distracted myself with thoughts of Four. His touch sent a flutter to my stomach, in excitement, nerves and desire. I know I felt desire when Eric had thrust his lust on me but it was different than Four, with Eric I think it was too close to Marcus. I wanted to please him, so I wanted to want him, as sick as that sounds. But with Four, I know I could stand in front of him, just as I am, I didn't need to do anything else. I had a small little smile on my face that was very out of place in this morose, anxiety filled room. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms. I could still feel the gentle urgency of Four's lips on my mine, a feel I don't think I'd ever get used to.

Lost in my distracting thoughts I hadn't realized half of the group had already taken their turn. It was Christina's turn. I stood up when she did. She gave me a nod and turned to walk away but I didn't let her. I did a very Amenity thing, I hugged her, tight and whispered, "you got this." My embrace shocked her but a real smile broke through her anxieties and then she was gone.

Of course, I had to be the last one to take the final test. I walked in the room after Eric, who had been the one to collect me. I was surprised to see how many people were there- all of Dauntless leadership, the instructors, and a group of curious but obviously important Erudite, led by Jeannie Mathews. I knew my test was recorded and displayed for the entire compound to see, drinking and watching initiates struggle through their test was a favorite pastime, but I was surprised to see so many important people in the room. I knew my face gave away my uneasiness. I found Four's eyes, they were stony making it hard to interpret what he was feeling. Were all these people being here normal?

I really didn't have much time to think about it, it only took half a minute to walk to the chair where I was to be monitored during the simulation. I sat down, and took a deep breath trying to clear my mind. Eric grabbed the serum, placed a hand on my neck at first to brush away my hair but he took the opportunity to keep touching me, I didn't know if it was out of lust or a want to intimidate me. His hand moved up and down my neck, tickling me slightly. I was embarrassed that I couldn't do anything to stop it but I was pretty sure no one could see it, his large body acted as a shield. His eyes didn't look at my face until he stuck me with the needle. His blue icy eyes were the last things I saw.

I was standing naked in a glass box. The box was lit up but the rest of the room was dark. I couldn't see anything around me. This was a fear I hadn't experienced before. I looked around trying to figure out what my fear was. Slowly the room filled with a dull light allowing me to see that it wasn't empty, in fact, there was a lot of people in it and they were all looking at me. I could feel all their eyes investigating my body. Out of fear and instinct I tired to cover my body with my arms. It made the crowd laugh. I started to recognize faces, Eric, Jeannie, Marcus, other Dauntless members, the good people of Abnegation and Marcus again, and again and again, somehow he was everywhere, there were copies of him. His stare was vicious. I remembered what I was doing, my final test, I had to calm down. I tried to think about my fear of being looked at, I realized it came from a lack of confidence. What gave me confidence? Singing because it was a way to express myself, it helped me feel strong. I stood straight, let me arms fall to me side and started to sing. The people vanished and so did my fear.

My next fear was back at Marcus's home. I guess this was a fear that I just couldn't shake, part of me would always fear him. I started to scrub the kitchen floor hoping to please him. I heard the clunking of his steps before for I saw him angry face. I scrubbed the floor harder to show him I was trying my best. It didn't matter. He took off his belt, raised it high and let it strike down on my back. It felt so real. I could barely breathe before the next lash came. I focused. I stopped cleaning, I got off the floor and looked him in the eyes. "You can't do this anymore." I said to him. I took a step at him but before I could hit him, he vanished, the fear was over.

I almost didn't know this was a new fear because it was at the same home. This time, I wasn't cleaning, I was just waiting. I heard the front door slam and saw him approach me. He was moving so fast, faster than in real life, like the simulation knew my fear was irrational now, I could easily kill him if I needed to, so he had to be stronger and faster than normal. He pinned me down, ripping away at my clothes. I screamed and struggled against him. "I know what you are," he spat at me. "You vile girl, I know what you really are." At his words I stilled. I wasn't just afraid of the simulation but what those watching it would think he meant by that. I had to think of something fast, "Yeah, I'm Dauntless," I said kicking him in the groin and throwing him off me.

I was standing on the edge of Abnegation, it was burning, and the entire Abnegation section of the city was in chaos. I could hear them screaming. The nicest people in the world were screaming out of fear, anguish and pain. There was nothing I could do, the fire already consumed every building. I couldn't help them. A tear fell down my cheek. I turned and walked away from my old home, it was gone.

Standing outside my childhood home, I already knew what this fear would be. The front door was wide open, just as it had been the day they disappeared. I ran inside to find the mystery that haunted my dreams- furniture over turned, the house a mess and my parents missing. I was alone. There was no one. Just me. I had been abandoned or at least that is what it felt like. I looked around. What could have happened here? But instead of doing what I normally did in my dreams, I walked out of the house, heard a train coming, ran and jumped on. I rode it until it was time to jump off onto the initiation rooftop. When I did, I woke up, no longer alone but home.

I woke up to murmurs and some awkward clapping. Five fears, I only had five fears. I sat up a little dizzy, I tried to stand but fell back into the chair. I was exhausted, all my muscles ached and my head throbbed. I looked up and saw that Max, Eric and Jeannie had approached me.

"You did a fantastic job," said Jeanine. "Fastest initiate of the group and least number of fears."

"Thank you," I managed to mumble out.

She nodded to me and turned her back to me. She engaged Max in a conversation I couldn't hear. Eric smirked at me. It sent a shiver down my back. I hated knowing he saw my simulation, it was an invasion of privacy, plus he probably got a kick out of seeing himself in my first fear.

I stood up quickly wanting to escape him, to get out of this room and leave the final test behind me. I started to walk to the door when I felt an arm grab me, I turned angrily thinking that Eric followed me but it was Four. He didn't let me go but helped steady me out of the room.

"You did great," he said. "I think you're safe."

I smiled, his words reassured me. "I'm almost as fearless as you," I said cutely.

I saw a real smile on his face. He pulled us into out of the hallway into a dark room. His lips met mine. I was surprised by his sudden loss of control but I loved it. Once we broke apart he rested his forehead on mine. "I don't like the way Eric touches and looks at you," he said while gently letting his fingertips strokes my neck. I knew that must have meant he saw Eric touching me earlier.

"Do you think that he'll loose interest when I'm no longer an initiate because I wont be an easy target anymore?" I asked.

"No," responded Four, "I don't think he'll ever loose interest in you, how could he?"

A shiver ran down my spin. Four's compliment was endearing and terrible, I don't always want to be on Eric's radar. We stayed that way for a while, I could have stayed that way forever but we had to had to go to the pit, the leaders had to make the announcement on which initiates made it.

The moment we got to the pit, we separated not wanting to draw attention to our relationship or whatever it was. It wasn't appropriate and I already got too much attention. I stood next to Christina and Will.

"How did it go?" I asked them but before they could respond Max started his speech. I didn't pay attention to it, too anxious to see the ranks. Once the list appeared I saw I was ranked first. Following the list down, both Will and Christina did well. I allowed myself to relax and smile, we made it.

They ordered the initiates and other Dauntless members into lines to get a tracking serum injected. I found it weird that everyone was getting injected and not just the initiates but figured it was just an updated serum that was better at its job. When it was my turn to be injected, Eric let his fingers graze on my neck before he leaned in and whispered, "This wont work on you will it?"

His words told me a few things at once, this was not a tracking serum and he knew my secret. Fear devoured me.

"What do you mean?" I asked trying to sound casual but knew my eyes were giving me away.

"I know what you are," he whispered in my ear while injecting me.