49
The next few days were very strange for her. There was outward calm - a lot of things were happening in town, but none of them seemed to concern her immediately: having lost her position of the only person able to influence the Dark One, she lost her importance to the good ones as well. She didn't have his dagger, and she didn't have his trust - what use was she to them? They rushed into the shop sometimes to ask for this potion or that book, but generally they kept her out of things.
So there was outward calm and loneliness, shared by Will, whom nobody trusted and nobody needed as well, and they went on "dating" and she personally felt like a fool, knowing that He must be watching her with raised eyebrows, and therefore she acted with even more forced cheerfulness then before.
But inside she was beside herself with worry. She wondered what was happening to him. She wondered at his silence - at his complete unwillingness to contact her physically or magically. She wondered if everything between him and those three new witches was just as the heroes saw it. The heroes thought that he was the main villain, the mastermind of the operation of finding the author of the magical book and making him write happy endings for all villains and unhappy ones for heroes, and those witches were his obedient puppets. But what if they were wrong? What if he was in their power, as once before with Zelena, and couldn't act on his own free will? But what power could they have had over him to make him do his bidding? They didn't have his dagger - it was in his hands, and she was sure he'd never let go of it now. What else could be equally important to him? The answer, if she remembered her previous encounter with the witches, was simple - herself. He could make great sacrifices to protect her in the past. And something told her that hadn't changed, despite everything that happened between them: if she were in danger, he would do anything to save her.
Somehow, somewhere during these long weeks of his absence and these brief days after his return she lost her gloomy conviction that he doesn't love her. It simply disappeared, and she just knew that, whatever he is doing and planning, he loves her. That didn't make him a good person, or alleviate his guilt... But it was a start from which things could be built back to normal. As always, it was a start.
But he was not coming to see her, and he was not calling to her, and she was worried sick with not knowing what to do and even what to think. Personal danger didn't concern her at all - he was in town, and that meant she had nothing to fear. But what should she do? Should she call him? Approach him? Leave him alone? What if he comes to harm? What if he does anything stupidly evil, and harm others, and sets everyone against himself even more that ever? Ah, she missed him so much, and she was bursting with the need to talk to him - to set things clear! And she knew he needed her, however stubbornly he denied it and tried to act on his own.
She thought of him constantly and fretted and observed everyone who came into the shop closely in case he comes disguised again, and she thought she saw him across the street, but of course she was wrong, he wouldn't come openly.
She became so obsessed with him that she even had a dream - a strangest dream. It happened when the whole town was put to sleep by one of the witches, but she didn't know that until later - what she felt right then was sudden drowsiness that made her fall on the floor right were she stood in the middle of the shop. And she dreamt that while she lay there he came into the shop, and carried her in his arms to their camp-bed, and it felt so sweet and so bitter to be embraced by him again, she missed him so much - his warmth and his smell and the touch of his skin on hers. And he put her on the bed, and sat by her side, holding her hand and kissing it, and talking - softly and tenderly, telling her he loved her, and was sorry for many, many things, and promising to explain everything but, as it often happens in dreams, telling her nothing.
She woke in tears - that dream was so real, things between them were exactly as they used to be, it felt so right, and she even pressed her hand, the one he was kissing in a dream, to her cheek, and could have sworn she felt his touch, the gentle way he'd brush her skin with his fingertips. And she hoped that it wasn't entirely imagined, this dream of hers; it could have been his way of reaching her, showing her he was thinking of her always.
How could a person entirely evil, a beast with no goodness in his soul, exclude such tenderness towards her? How could a man who thought only of his power care for her so much, and forgive her so easily for what she did to him? How could she have been so blind as not to see his love - his weird, peculiar, but undeniably true love for her?
She still believed that she did the right thing when she made him leave town - everyone said so, and they were probably right. The part where she did it to stop him harming people was justified... The part where she did it out of hurt pride and imagined rejection was wrong. She should have done it differently. She should have listened to him...
She should have gone with him. As simple as that. If she thought that magic was her main rival in his heart, she should have gone with him into the world without magic, and set things straight between them. That's what she should and would have done, if she were thinking of him - of them... But she was thinking only of herself and her bruised feelings.
She acted rashly. She always told him there was a way to set everything right, but she didn't stop and look for one herself.
She called him a beast.
Just as when she lost her memory in the past, she threw away their chipped cup without even trying to mend it. Threw it away too soon, at the first sight of real trouble... She broke their marriage vows as much as he did. And they needed to set it right.
She wanted to see him - she wanted it very much. And, just as she was setting her mind on finding a way to do it, Regina came into the shop, told her that he did something evil again and asked for her help to set things right. She was glad that somebody finally remembered that her help was essential when they needed to communicate with him. She said yes, of course, without adding that she wished to see him herself, and said she just didn't know how. And Regina told her of a way: she should go the place of their wedding, to the wishing-well in the forest, and simply call him through the well. This well is magical - it returns things one had lost. It would return her husband.
As Regina spoke and smiled darkly at her, in that gypsy way that she sometimes had, a memory stirred in Belle's mind - distant memory of meeting Evil Queen on the forest road, and listening to her advice regarding her master and her lover, and rushing back to his castle to ruin everything that was brimming between them with the kiss of true love meant to break his curse - a curse he couldn't allow to be broken just yet. She felt spellbound then, knowing she shouldn't listen to this woman, yet obeying her every word. She felt the same now, and it troubled her deeply. But she told herself to calm down. Regina was evil then - she was a villain. She is a hero now. Surely she wouldn't give her poisoned advice.
She just needed her help.
So she went to the well, and stood there shivering in the chilly grey day, calling his name, hearing the echo of her voice and seeing the reflection of her confused face in the dark water. She felt silly. How could he hear her this way? Surely he wouldn't come.
Yet he appeared by her side in one instant, and everything felt like a dream, again. He was gentle, and soft, and looked at her with eyes full of love. She asked him to tell her the truth, and he did - he explained everything. He showed her his heart - he literally held it out for her in his hand, and she saw how dark and ill his poor heart was, and she saw the flicker of light - their love - in the center of it. And she knew she was wrong to doubt him, and was right to believe in him, and she knew that they'd find a way - true love always finds a way, and their love was true, she saw it with her own eyes... She saw the light of their love, really, really saw it!
And then, finally, she walked into his arms, and felt him crush her to him, and knew how much he missed her, and knew she missed him just as much - perhaps even more. And his lips were so soft and so powerful as he kissed her, and his tears were so salty and warm, and she felt his poor heart beat faster against her own, and she knew she is home at last - in his arms, for better or worse, and she was bitterly happy.
And then she woke up.
She was alone in the shop, on her camp-bed. She was very cold, and somehow uneasy. It was strange of her to fall asleep like that, and her head was heavy, for she was sure she dreamt as she slept, but she couldn't remember a single thing from her dream. And her lips were swollen, as if she kissed someone - but how could she kiss anyone in a dream?
She shook her head, trying to get rid of the uneasy feeling, and went to check the books.
That day left a lingering sense of unease behind it, but strangely things felt much better after that. She calmed down, and stopped worrying about him. Finally, she was able to mentally put some distance between them. He was in town, yes, but he was minding his business, and it didn't concern her as long as he did nothing awful to people. The moment he'd start something dangerous, she'd make sure to stop him. That was her duty, not moping around full of silly regrets.
And she felt no pang of guilt at dating Will, not any more. After all, she had a right to some fun of her own while He was parading the town with three dashing witches!.. The only problem was that Will had lost a lot of his appeal as well, somehow. His jokes weren't so funny, and his eyes looked soppy, and in no way would she allow him to kiss her now - she had no time for sweet nothings and silly quips.
Yet nevertheless he hung around, and one evening she stayed late in the shop for they agreed to meet there and go and have a cup of coffee. But when she heard the doorbell and lifted her eyes, smiling, instead of Will she saw her husband. And felt instant anger, fueled by all past hurt and slights. He certainly had some cheek, to come here just like that, to walk through the door as if nothing happened - as if he hadn't tricked her again, as if he ever apologized! Did he think she'd fall right into his arms the moment he showed up?..
She voiced some of her anger and irritation, but he managed to stop her - with a gentle, soothing wave of his hand, with his pleading and sad look. He said his business was brief - he knew it is useless to ask forgiveness (and right he was!). He mentioned his heart - she seemed to remember Regina explaining that he feared he'd lose his ability to love, lose it to darkness, which possessed his heart almost completely, because of his crimes, and she remembered snorting at that, inwardly: as if he had anything to lose!.. He said that, to have a chance of salvation, he must do only right by her - to do only what's best for her.
She eyed him with suspicion: "Is that some attempt to win me back?!"
He shook his head.
He didn't come to win her back - he came to give her back something she lost.
Her heart.
Will - Will was helping him? - came into the shop carrying a box, the sort of box in which Regina kept hearts she took from people and used to make them do her bidding - and crushed them once she didn't need these people anymore. And her husband opened the box, and horrified she saw inside a gleaming thing - a heart, her heart, taken out of her chest by... The Evil Queen.
And she didn't even know it. She didn't notice its' absence. God knows what she did or said while it was missing from her chest!..
Her husband held her heart in his hand and smiled gently, as if asking her permission to return it to her.
She nodded, dazed, and felt the pressure of his familiar, darling fingers as he pushed her heart back into place.
How many times did she live through this feeling of waking up - remembering herself, her true nature, her true love? Too many... She woke up once to look at his tenderly crumpled face by the wishing-well, when the first curse broke. "I remember, and I love you!.." She woke up once here, in this shop, drunk and ashamed of herself after believing herself to be a different girl - woke up to see his ashen face, to kiss his tears at the loss of his son. She woke up now to see his face unnaturally calm and quiet, and to hear his voice say evenly that now, once her heart is in place, he would leave her, for he is not worthy to be by her side and protect her heart.
He was letting her go, as he tried to many times before, and she always felt his attempts as cruel rejections, but this time was different. This time there was a finality of true sacrifice - there was nothing in it for him, no other interests or tasks or quests, he was thinking only of her happiness.
He believed her when she said she doesn't love him any longer.
And he literally gave her heart back to her.
He set her free.
It was the most selfless thing she ever saw. The most painful of sacrifices - letting go of your loved one. To ensure her happiness, to be certain she'd have only good things in her life he left her in peace... He relinquished his claim on her, that claim forged with so many spells and promises, for he believed she is better off without him.
What great, what unimaginably powerful love would prompt a man to do such a thing?
What blindness, what incredible blindness would prevent him understanding that it is completely useless to set free a woman to whom you'd just proved that you love her beyond anything in the world?..
Just once did she feel the same - when he died in front of her, setting her free in the most final of ways. And even then she didn't accept her freedom - because she didn't want it or need it. She fought to return him from the dead, and brought uncountable troubles on their heads in the process, but she felt then as she felt now that it was all worth it - that no freedom of loneliness could be better than self-imposed imprisonment of love.
The moment her heart settled in her chest, it all came back. Her regrets, her worries, her tenderness; she remembered her "dream" in the forest, she remembered his broken heart held out to her in his open palm; she remembered their kiss, and their tears, and peace she found in his embrace. She remembered her pride in him and her frustration with him, she remembered the light and the darkness and the need to mend the cup they both chipped. She remembered her duty and her love and, as she watched his back when he walked out of the shop, she remembered she once told him she'd go with him, forever.
And her fingers slipped out of the hand of the young man who was holding her hand hopefully, and her eyes were fixed on the spot were her master and lover disappeared.
And her heart, just returned to her, reached out - to follow him, wherever he went.
