There are TWO IMPORTANT notes on my profile. Just so you know, right on the top
On Monday morning I walked alone through the corridors in the morning. Hayley wouldn´t be back to school in a while now. Connor was with his other "gay- friends" and Tyler had caught some cold in the beginning of the weekend, and was home today not to pass it on to anyone.
"Hey Lex!" Liam and Mariah greeted me, I nodded and smiled as an answer. Didn´t really have the strength to do anything else, didn´t want to say something in case my voice would break.
I couldn´t understand why I was reacting like this. I had finally talked to my mum, had talked to my brother. Had read all the letters, kind of understood that I wasn´t alone, and still, I was more messed up than ever. Every high pitch sound, I jumped high and turned around to see what it was. I felt maudlin most of the time, and did my best to distract myself with things. Even though it was hard.
I seemed to be going automatically, I didn´t let anyone see that I was sad or angry. I could smile, but I knew that Carole, Burt, Kurt and Blaine noticed that the smiles never reached my eyes. That´s why I spent most of my time in my room at home. Doing my homework, and trying to teach myself how to use the computer Kathryn had given me.
When I got tired of the computer, I sometimes kept on reading Harry Potter, during the three days I was like this, I finished the fourth book, and started with the fifth. They were exciting, and they could keep me distracted for a long while.
Then I used to lay there, staring in the ceiling, or I walked downstairs and watched TV, without really watching what was on, and handing the remote to whoever came to sit down. It was like I was an empty shell. No feelings, no thoughts, no memories. Or at least it must have seemed like that during those three, almost four days. I knew that there was a lot more under the surface than what most of them ever could have guessed.
I knew the others did their best to cheer me up. Burt tried with his "funny" stories, I didn´t even smile at them. Carole made my favorite dishes for dinner, but I just kept on pushing the food back and forth on the plate with my fork. Kurt came home on Monday with a T- shirt he said made him think of me, and on Tuesday Blaine came home and claimed that he´d found a box with all the harry potter movies for a cheap price on a second- hand- store. He gave them to me, and at that point I literally fizzled at them all to leave me be, that this would take its own time, and there was nothing they could do about it.
I started becoming on this on Sunday, I stayed like that for Monday, and Tuesday, but everything had a change on Wednesday forenoon.
Mr. Schue pov
From eleven to two every Wednesday, I had a long break. Who knows why, but I liked it, because it gave me some time to correct tests, and go through my students´ essays. This Wednesday, I had just started when there was a knock on the door. When I looked up, Lex came walking through the door.
She had acted a bit weird the last few days, not weird at all I guessed with all she was going through. But today when she came through the door, she was breathing fitfully, and she held her hands on her over- arms, almost like she was holding herself together.
"Lex." I pushed my chair backwards, stood up, and took three quick steps around the table and lifted my hands to put mine as well, on her upper arms, but she spoke up.
"Close the door, please close the door " she said in a low, high pitch and shaky voice. I looked past her and closed the door, then fixed the blinds so no one could look in and locked the door. I had a feeling this wouldn´t be a good time for someone to come in.
I took another two steps, and stood in front of her again, her breath shoot. And she opened her mouth and stuttered.
"I-I-I"
"Sch Lex." I stroke her arm. "Try to breathe slowly and tell me. Come on, deep breath." I took one deep breath and showed Lex to do it with me. It helped, but right after her breathing started being fitfully and too fast again. But despite that fact, she managed to get out three words.
"I´m falling apart." She whimpered. And right after, her breathing started turning into sobs, her whole body was shaking, and tears started rising in her grey- green eyes.
"Hey, it´s okay." I wrapped my arms around the shaking figure. She started sobbing harder, and gripped around the fabric in my west, right by my shoulders. She gripped tight, as if I was a rock she needed to hold on to to keep from falling. And I guessed, that that was pretty much what she was doing.
"Sch, sch, sch it´s okay." I tried again, but that only made it worse, and I decided to just stand quiet until she had calmed down. It took almost fifteen minutes, to calm down enough to speak again.
"I´m falling apart." She sobbed.
"I know." I said in a low voice. When her breathing slowed down a bit, and the sobbing stopped, I stretched out my arm to a box with tissues on my desk. I took one and gave it to her, then took a step back. Lex cleared her throat and dried the tears with the tissue I gave her.
"I´m sorry." She mumbled.
"No… don´t say you´re sorry." I said.
"I feel so silly. I don´t get it. Why am I being so weird now… when everything´s about to get better."
"That happens sometimes."
"I ran out in the middle of a lesson because I just felt so messed up all of a sudden. I suppose I´d better get back. Or miss Frog…." I couldn´t help but to snort with laughter. "Frond´s gonna kill me."
"It´s all right, I´ve already heard miss Frond´s very suiting nickname." I smiled, how much time is there left of the lesson, and what do you have after that?"
"Ten minutes, lunch- break."
"Get your jacket," I said and took my coat down from the hook. "You need to get out of here for a while."
"But miss…"I smiled again, and patted Lex´s shoulder.
"Don´t worry, I´ll take care of her. Come on now." For the first time in God knows how long Lex smiled too, and turned around and walked down the hall to her locker.
So, when writing this. I kind of had that scene in mind- you know that one from "preggers" in series one. When Finn have just been told that Quinn´s pregnant and he comes into the audiotourium all messed up. It´s one of my favorite scenes from the glee- series of all the seasons.
I wrote another glee- one- shot yesterday, it´s kinda an R.I.P.- story for Cory Monteith/ Finn Hudson, please check it out.
