Wake up, plan, plot, fight and go to sleep. Wake up, fight for your life, try to save the city and go to sleep. Wake up, visit Amity to discuss the war, get in a shouting match, and go to sleep. Wake up, feel the space between the two of you growing, look at his mother bitterly, visit Candor, and go to sleep. Weeks in, weeks out. Wake up alone, feel alone, slip out of the Factionless headquarters alone and unnoticed.

Lately life has been all about trying to save the city, from Jeanine and Evelyn. I used to love to help other people; it was a safe distraction from the abuse of Marcus and a distraction from myself. I never realized, I hated who I was. Marcus' words were more than words, they were labels that burned on my soul and I had started to believe them. During initiation I started to heal, I started to wash off the grimy insults and see who I truly was. I still love to help people but it's not as simple anymore- the problems or me. I felt like I was drowning and my life jacket, Four, kept drifting just out of reach.

Four's mother had him convinced of everything she said. He started to go on secret missions at night, leaving me sleeping alone without knowing where he was. It's not that I wanted to be a leader, Four would make a much better leader, but I wanted to know what was going on. But was Four a better leader? He wasn't being objective; he was blinded with the gift of having a mother back he thought was dead. No one could blame him. Every time he left while I was "sleeping" I wish he would just talk to me, tell me what is going on. When we talk, we make the right decision. We needed each other. We were two halves of a smart team, a relationship, or so I thought.

The sun was just starting to rise and warm the city. Our home looked cozy, peaceful and serene but it was just the illusion of the morning because really there has been fighting, physical and verbal, there has been surprise bombings, there has been propaganda and most of all, there has been terror. I sneaked my way over to a park; I hadn't seen a single soul. I climbed a tree in a small cluster. Once sufficiently hidden by any unseen praying eyes, I leaned back, took a deep breath and stared to the sky.

I had started to feel worthless again. The love I had been so dependent on was growing sparse. I wasn't able to help the city, not really, I mean, I was able to get the truth out there but Evelyn stopped me from doing anything else. I stopped being consulted. I was barely able to leave Factionless headquarters because I was too big of a "target." She played it up like it was to protect me but I knew better.

I am weak. I am pathetic. I am lost and again, I had no place. I was homeless even among the homeless. There were still Factionless and Abnegation that looked to me for answers but seeing their eyes just made me feel hollow.

How did I loose myself so quickly?

I had been crying for a good ten minutes when I heard voices. My back stiffened and I put up my guard.

"I want to kill them all, every last one of them" a woman's voice sounded, a voice I'd never forget.

"I don't think that is a good idea. Candor and Amity will never understand or join you if you kill all the Factionless and Dauntless traitors. Anna told them everything under the truth serum, it killed your advantage," said a male voice that softened my heart. It was Eric. I noticed he said, "join you" and "your advantage" not "our."

"A message needs to be sent," Jeanine retorted. They were standing just below me. I could see the tops of their heads.

"Not like that," Eric said crossing his arms and leaning against the trunk. "If you precede in this fashion, Dauntless soldiers will not follow."

"Excuse me?" Jeanine said sharply.

"You heard me," Eric said coolly.

"I think you need to remember who handed you your position," she threatened.

"Things have changed. I was young. You manipulated me," he said. "They follow me, not you and I say no."

"You insolent little boy. You are still young. You let that stupid girl get into your head. I should never have let you deliver her food. I should have realized this was going to happen," Jeannine was fuming.

"She got in my head, in my blood way before that," he said chuckling quietly. "I would have thought someone as smart as you would have realized that."

"I don't understand why men fall in love with her so much," Jeanine shook. "It's irrational."

"Well, you're obsessed with her," Eric countered.

"That is because of my work. When we were using her parents we were so close to figuring out what make Divergents different. Unfortunately they died a year into their testing, after a particularly, violent test. She is the key. I need her to understand Divergents. That's what this is all about, it's what the war is about, understanding and stopping the Divergents from ruining the city," she was clearly frustrated and ranting.

My heart felt like it was swallowed by a black hole of realization. I finally knew what happened to my family. The woman just five feet below me stole them, tested and tortured them killed them. Instinctively I reached for my knife. I could kill her efficiently in a manner of seconds. I could take my revenge and possibly end the war.

"We fall in love with her," Eric's voice broke my thoughts, "because she has struggled but still survives. She is selfless, she is brave, she is kind and she is smart. She has been kicked but doesn't stay down for long. It is her. She is the reason people care so much about her. It probably stems from her divergence, but it is what she does with it that matters."

Many things happened at once. I put my knife back in its holder around my waist and a few tears slipped from my face, landing on Eric. His words felt like pointing alcohol on wounds to clean them, it heals the injury, slowly and burns painfully. His eyes flicked up to see the source and I tried hide. All of a sudden I realized how stupid it was to go outside, alone, in the middle of the day.

I held my breath waiting to see if he told Jeanine or if she noticed his gaze. I looked down again, tempting fate, and saw that he was no longer relaxed against the tree but looking around. He was looking to see where the others were, but there were no others, only me.

"Like I said, Dauntless will not participate in anymore killings. We want the Faction system to stay in place but the rest is not our battle," he said dismissively to her.

"You are making a mistake, they, she will destroy this city," she spoke ominously.

"I'm pretty sure that is exactly what you are doing right now," he countered.

She stalked off. I was afraid. Eric may have saved me. He may have said very nice things about me but I didn't know if I could trust him. What was he going to do? It was midmorning now, the sun was in full bloom but less people were in the streets than before the Abnegation attack. People resorted to hiding and most jobs had been postponed.

"Come down," he said quietly. "No one is around and no one will see you."

I hesitated, very nervous but started to climb down anyway. I landed gently next to him, looking at my wringing hand and hiding behind my hair.

I felt his hand gently touch my face, he moved my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear and raised my chin so my eyes met his. My eyes were red with a morning full of tears, they felt swollen and tired, and they were brighter green than normal because of the fresh watering. I looked into his icy blue eyes but they didn't look so icy today, warm and full of concern but not distant and cold.

"You are alone," it wasn't a question. He had searched the area, he knew, but he was looking for a response.

"Yes," I spoke timidly. "I had to get out of there. Four's mother is terrible. I have no say in anything. I felt alone without being able to be alone and actually feel anything."

"So you came out into the city, where you are being hunted for torture for a cry?" he chastised. "Do you know how stupid that sounds?"

I giggled at the stupidity. He was right, I was being very silly. I nodded at him.

"Four doesn't let you cry on his shoulder? Seems like something that poor sap would do," Eric questioned insultingly. It was obvious that even though wasn't willing to kill more that he still hated Four.

"He's a bit busy," I said quietly.

"Doing what?"

"I don't know, whatever his mother says I guess. She's a tyrant," I said never having my eyes leave his.

"How could he neglect you," he said letting his fingers graze from my cheek to my neck. I took a step back.

"There is a war going on," I said with frustration. "There are more important things to do."

"No Anna," Eric said taking a step closer, "You are wrong, there is not more important things than the ones you love. He's a fool."

"No, I think he knows that, he loves his mother," I said.

There was a long silence. It's foolish but I just wanted to be in his arms and find comfort. I wanted to feel something other than broken. But I fought it. He wasn't Four. He wasn't mine.

We sat at the base of the tree and talked until midafternoon. He caught me up on everything that was happening. Apparently he and the other Dauntless that had sided with Erudite originally no longer want anything to do with her. She is killing the city. They plan on moving back to dauntless and reestablish a full dauntless. This included replacing or reelecting the leaders. When I asked Eric if he thinks he'll be reelected he laughed at me, he didn't think anyone would want him as a leader who helped with the betrayal of their kind. I reminded him how he saved them but it didn't help. As we got up to leave I whispered a question to him, "Can I come back to Dauntless or would I be in danger?"

"Anna, if you come back, I will let nothing happen to you," he said just before turning away.

Getting back was a little trickier than leaving but I made it unnoticed. I was already feeling better. It worried me; did I feel better because of Eric? Was I that selfish that I needed attention, from anyone? As I snuck back into the Factionless headquarters my mind buzzed with everything that happened. The buzzing is what made me realize it, no, it wasn't Eric, it was having information and control in my life. I had no control hiding with the Factionless. I had no control while under the leadership of Evelyn. I didn't believe in the same things that she and her followers did. I liked the Factions. I liked being Dauntless. I liked having a place in society. There were changes that needed to be made. We could not let people be Factionless and live homeless because it was inhumane and we were better than that. Like I told Jack Kang, things need to change, just not the way Evelyn wants.

"What have you been doing all day?" Four's voice made me jump. "You weren't in bed when I came in this morning."

I didn't tell Four the whole story, I just told him that I went for a walk and overheard that Dauntless was being reestablished and separated for Erudite. I left Eric out because I know he's a sore spot for Four.

"I know you have a lot going on here. I am not asking you to go back with me, but I am going. Dauntless is my faction and I love it. The brief time I spent there I became myself. I don't want it destroyed," I spoke with conviction.

"Anna," Four started to speak. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was going to try to keep me here.

"I love you, Four, but I don't love the cause you are fighting for. I can't sit here and let it happen. I'm going home and one day you will realize that you want to be home, too. I'll be there waiting for you."

"She said you'd do this. She said you'd leave me and betray us," Four was getting a bit more emotional that I thought he would.

"Of course I'm not going to stay here with the Factionless, you've isolated me! I've been alone for weeks! I'm hurting and I know how to fix it, I need to control my own destiny. I love you too much to ask you to leave your mother. I wont do that to you. I love you. I'll always be yours, I just can't be here," I said. This conversation is not going how I expected.

"Don't leave me like she did," he said, his shoulders sagging with sadness.

"You're not with me, when you are with me. And I'm not leaving you! I'm just going home," I said.

"What do you expect? Are we going to be together but fighting on opposite sides of the war? That is not going to work."

"Four, I need to know what the new leadership of Dauntless is going to do. I don't know whose side they are going to be on, it depends on who is elected. But at least there I will be able to hear the conversation, I wont be a tool that is brought out when you need people to be convinced of things! That is all I am good for here! Moral low? Lets have Anna bounce around and raise spirits. When she's done lock her in the dark and go back the secret missions and late night assignations," I was unraveling.

"You are going to need to leave immediately," said a bitter female voice from the door. Evelyn was standing at the door shooting daggers with her eyes at me. "We can't have traitors in our midst's. I would say we have to kill you but I am sure Tobias would not let this happen. So, I will have to settle on you leaving right now, no goodbyes, no spreading the word, you are out and you can never come back."

What she said hung in the hot stuffy air. Four was right, our relationship was going to have to end, Evelyn will never let me near him again. With tears streaming down my cheeks I turned to Four. I stepped closer to him. I kissed him with so much ferocity we lost our balance.

"I love you, and I will love you forever," I whispered to him. "You think I'm leaving you but you've already left me. Please come back to me, I'll be waiting."