LOCATION: KYLO REN'S QUARTERS - STARKILLER BASE
STARDATE: 1/10/1943
There was a throbbing in my head. A dull ache that spread from my cranium all through my skull with such ferocity that it felt like my brain was about to fall apart. Besides that, however, I was unexpectedly comfortable. There was a strange sensation of being led on a giant marshmallow, certainly different from the hardwood beds that I was used to in my dorm room.
My eyelids fluttered open, confused, and I squinted at the unexpected scene in front of me. I was in a room. A room that was familiar enough to know that I had been in here before, but not so familiar that I could place it. The walls were grey-washed, and only a few sparse items of furniture filled it, but regardless, it was a much nicer room than the one I usually stayed in.
I looked down at myself. I was… in a bed? The black silk sheets were pulled up to my neck, more luxurious than any fabric I had ever seen. I sat up in confusion, then winced as the sudden movement caused a stab of pain to shoot through my skull once more.
"Fuck, ow." I muttered, bringing my hand to my head.
Taking me by surprise, a warm hand firmly pushed down on my shoulder, gently shoving me back into a lying position. I let out a huff of air as my back hit the soft mattress, and looked up in surprise as the hand lifted from my shoulder. The clear pale face of Ren looked down at me, his eyebrows twisted in an expression of something that was almost concern.
"Don't try to move." His voice was gravelly from lack of sleep, hoarse and low, "Just rest there for a bit. Don't get up too fast."
The lamp beside the bed was switched on, bathing the otherwise dark room in an eerie yellow-tinted light. I looked up at him in confusion, but he didn't offer me any explanation as to my current predicament. He walked silently down to the foot of the bed and pulled up a chair, sitting down in it. He started at me intently, slightly too intently for my liking. I looked around me from my vantage point. The large wooden desk in the corner of the room, the mahogany wardrobe pulled up in the other corner. I knew this place.
Ren's quarters.
I was in Ren's bed?
The knowledge shocked me so much that I pushed myself up from the bed in surprise, looking around me. The sharp pain returned to my head for a second and I winced, before my vision went black and I felt myself fall back onto the mattress.
"I told you."
I rolled my eyes under my eyelids at the smug tone in Ren's voice. I pulled myself up into a sitting position, much slower this time, and looked down the bed at him. He was in a black shirt, tight-fitting, the top two buttons undone. He looked rough, like he hadn't slept.
"What… what happened?" I asked, the throbbing in my head decreasing slightly. He let out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, pushing the dark strands back from his face.
He raised an eyebrow at me and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest.
"You fainted."
"What?"
He bit his lip and looked at me from under hooded eyes.
"It was my fault. I knew that you weren't strong enough, and I went through with it anyway," he looked down, "It's my fault."
"What are you talking about, Ren?" I was confused. The last thing that I remembered was standing before Snoke, telling him about my training progress.
"He tried to read your mind," Ren explained, his eyes never leaving mine, "You weren't ready for it. I think you had a panic attack."
A panic attack? I was certain I had never had one of them before. As I cast my mind back, however, pieces of the events started to come back to me in fragments. The intruding sensation of Snoke's tendrils of thought poking their way, unwanted, into my subconscious. I remembered the feeling of panic, of hopelessness. My throat closing up in fear, breath cutting off. There was a part of me that also remembered Ren's voice inside my head. A low baritone that somehow managed to calm me slightly. Evidently not enough to prevent me from having a panic attack, however.
"Is he angry?" The question left my mouth before I could stop it, and I was slightly embarrassed by the fear in it. Snoke had been adamant that my training progressed as quickly as possible, Ren made that clear to me from the beginning. Would he be angry at me for not being able to withstand a mind-probe in the way he wanted? Ren's mouth twisted up in a self-deprecating smile.
"It's more likely he'll be angry at me, Robin," His voice was tired, emotionless.
"What do you mean?"
He shrugged his shoulders and smiled, the light not reaching his tired eyes.
"He's probably going to blame me for not preparing you well enough. It was my job to teach you everything you needed to know. It's my fault you're not strong enough to withstand a mind-probe."
I raised an eyebrow. For the first time since I had met him, I felt sympathy for Ren. He had to bear the brunt of my failure, constantly searching for Snoke's approval. It explained the reasons why he had been so harsh on me during the first stages of our training.
"I'm sorry,"
He shook his head at my apology, waving it away.
"Don't be sorry. We can work on it."
I nodded and glanced to a clock stuck to the grey-washed wall at the side of the room. 06:46. It wasn't even seven O'Clock in the morning yet. My eyebrows raised in surprise. It had been late afternoon when I had gone to see Snoke, no later than six pm.
"Did you…" I began, not sure how to phrase my question, "Did you stay awake all night?" The dark circles under his eyes and unusually bedraggled look to his hair gave me the impression that it had been a while since he slept.
He nodded his head, scratching his chin with his hand. It surprised me to see it bare, uncovered by the black leather gloves that he usually wore in my company. His fingers were long and smooth, fairly prominent veins sticking up from underneath the pale skin. There was a dark shadow of stubble around his jawline, something that I had never seen on him before. It added to the tired look, but I had to say it didn't look bad on him.
"Yeah. I started reading a book after I brought you in here and I just…" he let out a low chuckle, "Didn't stop."
He glanced over at his desk, where I noticed a thick leather-bound tome splayed open on the dark wood. I smiled to myself. It would probably take me years to read what he had read in a single night.
"Wait… you brought me here?" my voice sounded almost too loud in the silence of his room. If I didn't know better I would have thought that a faint blush crept up his cheek at my question. Luckily for me, I knew better.
"Well you were unconscious, Robin,"
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah. I know that much. But how did you-"
"I carried you."
I was stumped into silence for a second.
"You carried me?"
He nodded.
"The whole way back from Snoke's chamber?"
Another nod.
"That's like," I struggled to think for a second, "At least half an hour's walk."
His mouth twitched.
"Yeah. And you're pretty heavy, so if you could try to pass out slightly closer to a bed next time, that would be great."
I snorted out a laugh at the sarcasm in his voice, and slowly tried to pull myself out of the bed. He was up in a shot, striding over to my side of the large double bed and grabbing hold of my shoulders carefully as I stood, keeping me steady. When I was on my feet, he let me go, taking a step back and surveying me with caution, as if he expected me to keel over. Granted, I was feeling a bit dizzy, but I was standing up well enough on my own, and the splitting pain in my skull had now reduced to a dull ache instead.
"I'm alright, Ren," I ended up saying to him, just to prevent him from looking at me like a china doll that was about to break. He raised his eyebrow in a face that said, 'If you say so' and turned from me, pulling his chair back up to his desk, and sitting on the corner of it, looking back at me.
"What are we doing today?" I asked him. It was surprisingly cold in his room now that I was no longer tucked cosily under a duvet. I was wearing yesterday's clothes; my thin black tank top and a pair of combat trousers. My thick leather boots had been removed at some point in the night, so I stood on the hard floor in nothing but a holey pair of grey wolly socks.
"I'm not going to overwork you," He told me, crossing his arms, "I think you just need a day of rest."
He must have seen the disbelieving look on my face at his words, because he shook his head seconds after he had said them.
"I don't mean you'll be doing nothing, Robin. I just mean that you won't be doing anything that results in physical exertion."
He thought in silence for a second.
"Get some breakfast from the kitchen and meet me in the library at eight. We can work on your reading today."
I nodded. This was more like it. An instruction that was easy to follow, this was the kind of thing that I could do without a problem. This was the kind of thing that I was comfortable with.
"Yes Sir."
"Don't call me Sir," He turned away from me again and opened up his book, scanning the yellowing pages with intensity.
"Ren. Sorry."
He looked over at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Your boots are by the door, Robin. I suggest you hurry up."
I nodded silently and walked over to the door. The sudden movement caused my stomach to lurch slightly, and I grabbed hold of the side of the bed to steady myself. Evidently I wasn't as recovered as I had thought I was.
"Are you alright?" The concern in Ren's voice cut through my periphery and I turned around to see him, half out of his seat, the book on his table forgotten. The worry in his eyes surprised me.
"Yeah," I replied, pushing back off the bed and blinking a few times to get rid of the black spots that were dancing in front of my eyes, "I'm alright. Thanks, Sir."
He coughed lowly.
"Ren. Sorry," I corrected myself and picked up the boots, slipping them onto my feet. I exited his room, closing the door silently and set of walking towards the kitchen.
After everything that had happened, I had a feeling I would need a big breakfast.
Thanks for reading and please tell me your thoughts x
