Chp 07 senior angst
The party is over. Elliot is catching the red eye from Stanford. We sit in dad office. Mia is confused by what's has happened. Sweet, trusting Mia. I feel really bad about this situation, after all I caused this, by outing the bitch. I should have done something; keeping this far from my family. I sit a brood, on my failures.
"Mia, come here. Oh. Remember we talked about stranger with evil in their heart?" mom says quietly.
"Yes. I remember, but what…."
"Sometime these evil people aren't strangers; they are people we thought were friends, or good. Their evil is hidden so they can sneak in a due harm." Mom is really hurting, the bitch wormed her way in, listen to all of mom fear and angst, used her trust, her inner demons against her, against us.
"Like the witch from Hansel and Gretel, I mean lured you in?"
"Yes, she pretended to be our friend, so she could sow evil. She is a pedophile, extremely evil one. She liked to beat, torture children." I feel sick, mom is having to destroy a part of Mia innocent.
"I understand, so the magazine she gave me were meant to lure me?" what the fuck, what magazine?
"Mia, what did she give you?" mom is shaking, dad is about to come unglued
"well, just two playgirl magazine, I had questions, she gave me a private number to call her if I had any questions about sex, or boys." Mia is picking up on the tension, she looks about nervous. "I didn't want to talk to you about these feeling I am having; I'm embarrassed…"
"Amelia Grey, you can talk to me about anything, embarrassing, or sex. I will not judge or hurt you. I know some things are hard, but you can always confide in me." Mom is hurt all over again. She's hurt that the bitch was putting a wedge between her children and her.
"I didn't call her. Ah oh I'm. I called …" she hesitates; mom is about to cry. "? Mia, darling" shit dad is using darling, this is bad. He's about to get all lawyer. "Who did you call?"
"I called Annie, she said she'd get me answers, and if she couldn't to ask mom or Mrs. Clark (Mia high school health teacher)" Mom looks relieved, dad is backing off. "Yes, that was good advice."
"She said that Elaine was a bad person, that I put myself in danger if I trusted her." Mia says staring at the ground. I get up and hug her. "Mia, I'm sorry. She, her evil is. she will never hurt you, I will make sure your all ways safe." I hug her. Then release her to mom embrace. Dad lays a hand on my shoulder then hugs me, running a hand thru my hair "We will keep you children safe. this is not your fault.
I know in my mind he's right, but in my heart I know I allowed the bitch to invade my family. If I hadn't been so f#* king fifty shady of f**k; she never would have got in. how do I make up for that.
Breakfast:
Elliot rolled in about 6am. He is unusually subdued. Everyone is quiet. Andrea is making a lite breakfast as everyone is feeling something. I'm feeling quilt, loathing, hate, fear. Yes, fear is this the straw that breaks my family. Will they now abandon me? I've caused so much pain and misery to them how can they love me, after all this stuff. I wallow in self-loathing and doubt.
Ring, ring, ring.
Mom answers the phone, a hands it to dad.
"Yes. Yes. Yes. How? Yes." Dad hangs up the phone. Takes a deep breath. A second. This is bad news. I fear. My fear overflows. I shake. Elliot throws an arm over my shoulder and hugs me to him. Mia is in mom embrace. I try to focus. I'm not sure I can take causing any more damage to my family.
"It's over. Elaine was found dead in jail this morning. The other inmates killed her. She can never hurt anyone ever again." Dad shutters as he speaks.
"We will finish eating and go to Mass. We will pray for forgiveness for ourselves, family, the victims and Elaine. Yes, even her. I don't want anyone (looking directly at me) to have any doubts or quilt. We will never have hate in our hearts for anyone." I don't know if I can but I'll try, mom wants me to try to be better.
After Mass we drive to Mt. Rainer, park and hike. It's been ages since the family toke a hike. The first hour is quiet. Everyone is quiet, unusual quiet. We're all lost in thoughts. Till Elliot catches a lizard and drops it on Mia head. She screams, every wild animal is running away in fear, and frets; chases Elliot around the parents, me, trees. I laugh, the parent's laugh. We hike the Grey family way. A herd of stampeding elephants is quieter than the Grey family. I feel happy, loved. Mom leans in takes my hand and whispers "I love you" the world is bright and full of promise.
Xxxxxxxxxxx
Three weeks later: I-5 south to Portland.
The fear club cruise down I-5 head for a charity fun run in my BMW. A little 12km race. I stare in the mirror. What started several years ago as pen pal, has morphed into to twice monthly meeting, to the four of us running these races. Harrison, riding shotgun, with touch issues like me. Morgan with terrible burn scars has crowd issues as does Max. We're all working on are problems, since we start doing fun-runs we've gotten better.
We've check in: staked out an area behind the start line. Away from the crowd that always pushes and shoves at the line. We're bullshitting and joking. "oh" someone just goosed me, I spin, and rage boils up and then. Staying right behind me is a petite little girl, arms crossed looking everywhere but at me. Tapping her foot.
I mimic the stance and start taping, quickly in sync. I lean in almost touching her nose. "Did you Goose me?" she looks mischief about and "Moi". "Morgan the water bottle." She bolts. I grab the bottle and chase, with the club right behind me. She makes for a large group of older men. Grabs a hand and hides. The man turns "Christian! Good to see you. Annie?" Annie looks up like ice cream wont melt in her mouth. Sweet, innocent, the world's most inept liar as she quickly changes to guilty. I can't help but smile.
"So, how have you been? This is my running group, mostly ex-military."
"Good, this is my club. Harrison and me touch issues, Max and Morgan crowds' issues" I introduce. As people two and single acknowledge us. A guy with scars like Morgan walks up. Thump his scar "napalm". Morgan thump his neck; he usually wears long sleeve turtle necks but today just long sleeves "mother" they move off having a private conversation. As Steele talks to the three of us. I notice the older guys have circled us. Not close but no letting the crowd close in on us. I see Harrison and max relax. "after the race we're going to a barbecue joint near Tacoma, your welcome to join us?" "good barbecue?" "Best in the state" "(Four) hell yes" erupts.
The horn blares, one minute to start. The crowd surges forward. the circle holds. The gun fires and we wait for the crowd to surge ahead and string out. We start to run "You guys run at your own pace, see you had the finish" we surge ahead. The old guys set a steady ground eating pace. We set are normal pace. I feel a hand touch mine; Annie is right beside me a little back on my right. I feel good, happy, easy. The guys are smiling and feel good even Max, the sour puss of the group.
At the finish, we met up get directions and head out to Cowboy Bob's Barbecue road house off I-5. I expected a cheesy fake western Barbecue place like you see on TV. What we get is a straightforward high end restaurant. With easy lighting and simple decorate, the walls are covered in large painting of Scenic Mt. Rainer. The food is great. We're in a large banquet room as our group is close to thirty people. Max is in deep talks with a couple of guys, arguing superheroes. Morgan with his new friend Sam are talking cars, Morgan's passion. Harrison is slurping ribs, while playing chess. I'm watching everyone, listening to Ray's talk about a historic house he's planning to work on. I watch as Annie moves around the room, clearing plates, directing the waitress, talking and mingling. She even talks to my guy.
One of the guys puts a small riblet on my plate, I notice almost everyone get one, just one. Annie places a large milk next to me. Touch's my back, I miss that touch. "you'll need that." I lean back, she smiles at me. I hear "Alright, the run was a success, now the real fun; the challenge. Eat the riblet ( a small single thin rib about the thickness of a pencil, sometime call baby back ribs)." I pick it up and eat. O'god my mouth is on fire; my face is burning up. Tears flow uncontrollable I grab for the water. "No, Chris the milk" I switch to the milk. O' Relive. looking around, all my guys are chugging milk, several of the older guys as well. I feel small circle on my back. The pleasure offsets the Supernova hot sauce, ghost peppers and habanero as the host explains. I barely listen as Annie touch relaxes me.
Later as we head north. I feel uneasy leaving Annie. Yet satisfied. I mean she is the only person outside of family to touch me. She is so cool, and calm, and perfect. The guys are all in love with her. She was the perfect hostess, runner, Morgan and Harrison talk about her like a little sister. I think max has a crush. Me I can't define my feelings. Their confusing, Hawthorne believe I have adult feeling for her, but she just a kid, Mia age. I head north. Every mile increases my feeling of lose.
I've dropped everyone off, with their load of take-out. I have a double load. Arriving home, I carry the food into the kitchen, Andrea is preparing dinner. "Andrea, I brought home take-out." "What did you get?" "Barbecue plus I stopped at the deli and got sides." "Alright I'll get it heated up, go get the family." I walk thru the house. "Mia Barbecue in 15." I watch as drool forms, her eyes glass over. I find the parents in the media room watching a chick flick, all cuddling "Mom, dad, I brought home barbecue and sides from the deli you like." "Which barbecue place?" dad ask. "Cowboy Bob down below Tacoma" they both jump up. And high five. "Excellent, haven't had Cowboy Bobs in years." Dad beams. "How did you find it" "I ran into Annie and Mr. Steele at the fun-run. They invited us to join his race team afterwards. It was great to see them. Annie is so cool." My mom looks at me strange. But then hugs me as we head to the table. Mia has changed into a t-shirt; her table manner evaporates with the mention of barbecue.
I'm glad I stashed the second load in the freezer. The food disappears, taking a small foil pack. I place one riblet on each plate, except my own. Mom raise an eyebrow, tongs her riblet to dad's plate with a smirk. Then gets large milks for dad and Mia. They slurp the riblet. I watch as dad calmly slurps the second as Mia reaches for the last one. Who knew dad and Mia were pepper heads, they are barley effected. I'm heartbroken my prank failed. Mom strokes my hair, "better luck next time." I laugh as dad and Mia analyzes the hot sauce ingredients. Today's been a great day.
XXxxxxxxxxxxx
One month to go till graduation. School has become a nightmare. Rumor's fly about. I'm gay, a pervert, like young boys, a narc, police informant. I can't walk down the halls without whispers and snarking comments. The few friend I was making disappear. I grow dark and menacing. I grab Joey Miller, one of the main school gossips, "Alright Joey who's starting these rumors?" "I don't know?" "Joey, Joey let's think real hard. I feel if I can't find the asshole, I'm just gone have to settle for you. Maybe break some fingers?" "Please don't, I'll find out, please?" "alright till tomorrow afternoon. Or your it" I let him walk the next morning after lunch I find a note in my locker. Tony Sullivan, young brother to joe. Elaine protégé, now awaiting sentencing. Dad file civil and criminal complaints. The Sullivan family is in for a world of hurt.
The Rumor stop but the damage is done. I can't get a date for the prom. I plan on skipping it, but mom steps in an arrange a date with a fellow doctor's daughter. O'joy I don't get one prom, but two. Friday night my prom then Saturday her prom. I meet her a few days before the prom. She's fat, not grotesque but chubby and with a room temperature IQ. She drools constantly. After ten minutes I find out she a C student majoring in study hall. I pull my hair. Mom really. My argument falls on deaf ears.
Friday night my prom. I pick up Marie Caudwell from her house. Damm, she a puff of pink. I take her to my prom. The mean girls waste no time in spreading the lies; Marie doesn't seem to get the big words. I manage to survive. At her house I kiss her cheek, walking away gaging on the thick make-up she wearing. I can't wait for Saturday to end.
Saturday I pick up my pink puffy date. I hope the night is boring. But no were on her turf. She drunk within thirty minutes of arriving. Than spends an hour in the bathroom with her friends. I feel like I'm a piece of meat they way they stare and whisper. I try to go outside for some air and space but two football jock want to fight. The vice principle happens by. So I'm waiting for my date. I see her making her way over, a little green, dress splatter in what I don't want to know. "I want to leave?" "OK, but Leia need a ride, she lives a couple blocks from me" "Ok let go."
We drive to Leia house; they drag me in. shit they make right for the alcohol. I stare, they make out, pulling their tops down. Grabbing each other. I feel wrong, unease, I'm missing something. The one thing I've learned is to trust my gut. An it's screaming run. So I turn and walk out. Getting in my car I start the engine lay my head on the steering wheel. Breath Christian, breath.
Headlight flash in my mirror. Then die as they turn into the driveway. I look back kids with beer, shit the football jocks and damn a girl with video camera and light. I put the car in gear an easy away, I see Leia topless in the door. I clearly hear he say "he left, the fag". I boil with rage as I turn the corner headlight on and speed thru several stop signs. Got to get to the highway. I grab my phone. Dial Dr. Caudwell "Hello sir, I'm informing you that I left Maria at her friends Leia house. Their having an after prom party. I didn't feel comfortable with the alcohol or the people. Yes, sir. She insisted on staying." Hang up call mom. I explain again as I reach the highway. thank god no one behind me. I speed home.
Arriving home, I find mom in the great room looking pissed. "Jack, Christian left the party, he didn't get Maria drunk. You're the one who caught them videotaping her and those boys, yes. But Jack you can't blame Christian. He called you, wait he's here." "Christian did you call the police about the party?" "No mom. Just you and Dr. Caudwell" "You hear that Jack, someone else called them. I know it's embarrassing. But it's your problem. I will deal with mine." Shit I'm in the dog house. I sit on the couch. Await my execution.
Mom sit next to me. "Christian were you drinking?"
"No"
"did you have sex with Maria or anyone tonight?"
"No"
"why did you leave the party?"
It was just the Maria and Leia, they started drinking and making out, invite me to join, but it felt wrong. I felt trapped. I left. I saw the other arrive. I saw one had a video camera. I was in the car. I sped away as fast as I could. I know it was a set-up. I'm sorry."
"Christian, it's not your fault. You did the right thing." She leans in a pulls me to her bosom. "mom, no more matchmaking please?" "I'll try but I want you to be happy." After a while I get up shower Maria and Leia perfume off me, really scrub my skin till it raw. I take my tux, underwear, even sock and shoes rolling them into a ball put them in the trash. A fitting end to my senior year. In two weeks I'll be in Boston; taking summer classes.
I lay in bed, negative thought cascade thru my brain, why me, what did I do wrong. For the first time in a long while the answer I dread flows in "you killed her. You weren't good. Mommy doesn't love bad boys" I cry. I grab my dream-catcher from the bed post. A build-a-bear with long brown hair, big google eyes and sweet cinnamon flower scent. I hug him. Pressing the voice button a soft sweet voice "Christian, relax, my love, let me shield you. Relax" Annie I miss holding you, my dream catcher.
*note Cowboy bob is purely fiction, do not flame about which Barbecue place is best. i don't need that headache again. also I'm not a pepper head. so don't start on which combo is hottest
