Forgot to write it, but the song in the last chap was look after you by the fray.
I just finished watching glee season four, now what am I gonna do with my life until season 5 comes out next fall.

I ran back into my room after waking up the others, and got a pencil, my ten- things- list, and the notebook I had been written letters to Maddie in, then I walked up in deck where the others stood, I sighed and started opening the notebook while starting to talk to the others.

"I know you wonder why I wanted you guys to be here, and… you know, I´ve got one thing left on my list and it reads. Go to Maddie´s grave, talk to her, tell her that I´m able to let her go. As the list says, I was going to do it by Maddie´s grave, but I feel closer to her here." I looked around, the early morning had made the sky turn orange, pink and red. "I know you all wonder why I wanted you all to be here, and the fact is… I´m not sure. But I wanted you to be here… so I hope it´s not too much bother."

"Of course not sweetie." Mum said, I nodded and smiled thanks.

"I´ve written one… one last letter in this. And I wanted to read it." I riffled through the book and found the right pages Then I read it out loud.

Dear Maddie
People say that the three things to say are "I´m sorry.", "I love you" and "help me." And with a bit help from those phrases, I´ve… at least tried to write another letter, and this letter and the phrases and the phrases will together come to the hardest thing to say of them all. But, just to pull out the time, I´m not going to write what it is just yet.
The first phrase I´m going to bring up is "help me." Maddie, I don´t know if you remember, but about six months before we were shot, I was in hospital, I had a pneumonia, and was getting really sick when you pulled me out of the sofa, you let me lean on you and then we walked, out of the house we used to live in, you forced me to walk further even if I just wanted to collapse and fall asleep in some pile of snow you made me carry on, and after a couple of hundred meters there came a car. A pair- a man and a woman came out, you said something to them- asked them to help us because your sister was really ill, then I blacked out.
Maddie I didn´t realize then, not afterwards either how much of your strength it had taken for you to ask for help- I didn´t realize you were screaming for help from others and I was only working against it.
Do you remember that nurse? Adrian Blue, he who would always give you candy when he came to see if we were doing okay. One night when you were asleep, he carried you to lie in the sofa in the doctor´s lounge, then he came back into my room- he started asking questions about our parents, and why I hadn´t been at the hospital, and about our scars and a hundred other things. I lied, came with excuses- you know, the usual. I had fallen in the stairs, walked into a door, and I was the one afraid of hospital and therefore not wanting to go- our parents where in Thailand, and I didn´t want them to worry. So on. During a little while I was thinking about telling Adrian the truth, I was so close for a while. But I pushed the thought away. After this I have many times been wondering what would have happened if I had told Adrian about it, and you have no idea how many times I wished I could turn back time and do that. This leads us to the second phrase, I´m sorry.
Because I am sorry, I am so, so sorry for not noticing your screams for help, I´m sorry I couldn´t be as brave as you. I´m sorry you had to die, I could keep on going on like this forever, that´s how much I´m sorry for. But, some people around me now, made me realize that maybe I have actually nothing to be sorry for, it wasn´t because of me, that dad would be drinking. It wasn´t because of me mum left, it wasn´t because of me Brian and Wyatt decided to do what they did. Maybe both Brian and Wyatt would like to think it was my fault, it wasn´t. I did all I could, I did what they wanted, I did what Katheryn told me, but yet she only took Zeb with her, her own decision not mine. But yet, I feel so guilty, so I´m sorry, I am so, so sorry.
I´m moving on to the third of the phrases, I love you. Because I love you I love you so much Maddie. You´ll always have a very special place in my heart, and I´ll always have you with me, you will always be there. You´ll always be giving me the strength to carry on. And with this, we go through to the hardest word to say of them all.
I realized, I need to let you go. It doesn't mean I won´t love you anymore, because I love you as much as I ever did. It doesn´t mean I won´t think of you because I always do. It won´t even mean I won´t remember you, because I will never ever forget you Maddie. And that leads to a question, am I ready to let you go? And as a fact, I don´t think I am, no, I know I am not. But the thing is as well, I don´t think I´ll be ready until I´m doing it. But at the same time, if I keep on holding on to you, it will keep on tearing on us both. S… I need to let you fly. And to literally let go, I´m gonna throw this book, and my finished list into the ocean. I know it´s not allowed, but screw the rules for once. I´m gonna live now, because I´m gonna live the life that you never got, and make the most out of every second.
By the way, did mum ever tell you that my full name is Alexandria Cara Snow, Zeb´s is Zebastian Nicholas Rainer, and yours is Madelyn Nicole Sunshine.
I love you Madelyn Nicole Sunshine, now, before and for always.
Loads of big hugs from your big sister Alexandria.
I love you.

I closed the notebook, and looked around to the others, everyone except Finn had tears in their eyes, so also me. Dad ruffled in my hair.

"You´re right about the fact that it isn´t allowed to throw things over- board. But let´s screw the rules." I smiled and pulled out a pencil and my list out of my pocket.

"Number one." I said. "Go to Maddie´s grave, talk to her and tell her I´m able to let her go… I didn´t go to her grave… but…" I looked around. "…But I did it anyway… I´m crossing number one now." I crossed it, then I stood up and walked over to the railing. I lifted my hand to let go off the book and paper, when I had an idea. I asked Tyler to hold the book when I ripped the paper in eight pieces. Then I gave everyone each piece.

"Together." I said. Dad stood in the edge, he held his left arm towards the edge waiting to let go of his piece, he laid his arm around Kurt´s shoulders, who held his arm around Blaine´s shoulders, I held my arm around Tyler´s who held his around mum´s who held her around Finn´s and in the other edge Rebeccah stood. We al held a piece of paper over the edge over the deep ocean down below.

"Everybody on three," I said. "One… two… three." At three we all let go, and then I moved the notebook over to the hand I held over the ocean. But I just couldn´t.

"It´s okay sweetie." Mum took my hand. "You can let go, and we´re going to be here every step of the way." I took a couple of steps back then threw my arm back and with all my power I threw the notebook into the ocean. I saw when it landed, and realized that I would never see that again when some big, and I mean huge shadow- started getting closer to later become a whale that broke through the water and high up, raising noble big, blue- grey and huge towards the many- colored sky.

"Wow." The whale landed again and swam away.

"That…" Kurt began. "…was… beautiful." We all nodded agreeing when we heard the door to the restaurant click and a staff- member came out.

"Hey, what you doing? You can´t be out here at night…" that´s all that we heard, as we all turned around and ran.

"NO RUNNING ON DECK." We heard him shout, but then we were already running inside again, as we ran through the corridors and into the room that we reached to first of ours, which was mum and dad´s, and during loads of laughter we stumbled into the room.

"That was so awesome," Finn exclaimed when the door was locked.

"Really?" Mum answered him. "Can´t believe we just did that."

"Neither can I." I said smiling and sat down on the floor. "But it was so awesome." I kept on smiling, even when Tyler mumbled something about getting something from our room and sneaked out from the room.

I now sat on the floor leaning against the double bunk in the room, Mum sat on the floor leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room, only about a meter from me, Finn sat down next to her, Rebeccah on the other side of Finn, Kurt and Blaine sat on the floor on the short- side of the room, dad on the left side of me, and when Tyler came back, the whole 1,8 kg- box of red vines, and a big bag with M´n´M´s. He put the box and the bag in the middle of the floor.

"You just take if you want," he sat down on my right side.

"This was your birthday presents Tyler." Mum said. "It´s all yours… so don´t…" Tyler interrupted.

"With all candy I got now, and all that my uncle is going to give me when I get home, just as every year, and from my aunt. Then I´ll never have the time to eat it all up." Tyler smiled at her, and then Finn leaned forward and fished up a red- vine from the box. Mum looked strictly at him.

"Finn!" Finn only looked confused.

"Mum! He said it was okay." Mum sighed and leaned back again, Tyler gave me a red- vine. I thanked, and then pulled up my phone to check my Facebook.

"Mike Taylor´s finally home, without a scratch even though he had to stay for a couple of weeks longer. Now he´s resigning, and taking a job in Lima." I told the others after reading on Marcie´s facebook. I carried on scrolling and stopped at a photo Ethan hd put up.

"You know, the Morison´s are adopting again as well." I told the others. "Apparently, Jessica and Tom signed up long ago, and now they have got the chance to first foster than adopt this little girl who´s moved in with them yesterday. Ethan´s written that the girl was never given a name by her addict parents… but the Morison´s decided to give her the name Gracie Caroleena, using Gracie then. Look at the pic Ethan have put up." I showed them he pic Ethan had shot of Ben, sleeping in a sofa his arms wrapped around a sleeping girl with black hair- I saw was Gracie.

"Aw." Mum exclaimed. "How sweet."

"How can anyone have a child without giving him or her a name?" I asked, more myself than the others. "That´s cruel." The others nodding agreeing with me.

Eventually, we all fell asleep on the floor and when I woke up, all the others were still sleeping. I loosened myself from dad and Tyler and shot a few photos. Then I sat down between Tyler and dad again, and fell asleep once again.

At Sunday, we got off Diana, and took in at a hotel, the plane to Ohio would leave at seven P.m. at Monday night, and I nagged the others about telling me what they were planning for Monday day, but they refused to tell me. But eventually they blind- folded me and we all got in a cab God knows where. When they finally took away the piece of fabric again and what I saw stunned me.

"This…" I breathed at last. "…is…. Awesome." In front of me was a big pool and…

"Dolphins? You have got to be kidding me…"

"This was your dream was it?" Blaine looked worried.

"Yes… oh my God…" A man came along dressed in a full- body swim suit.

"Hey, which one of you is going to swim with our dolphins?" he waved towards the three dolphins in the pool. I opened my mouth, but closed it again.

"Lex is." Dad pushed me slightly to take a step forward.

"So… your name´s Lex?" the boy said. I nodded.

"My name´s Shawn, and the first thing we´re gonna do… is… find the right suit for you. Follow me." I followed Shawn into a back- room where there hung loads of swim- suits.

"I think this is gonna suit you. You can change clothes in there, and lay your personal belongings there." He pointed, "shout if something happens." He reached me the equipment I needed. And then sat down on a bench. "

"What could happen?" I asked him, Shawn shrugged then chuckled.

"I was here once when this… unbelievably fat man was here. And I sat out here, he shouted and…. He had somehow managed to get the suit upside down, back and forth and the suit was way too little. God knows how, and then he couldn't get it off, and I had to help him. I can also tell that he was completely naked under it."

"Ew, you just gave me a picture I did not want to see." Shawn laughed, then clapped my shoulder.

"Go get changed now whatever your name was again."

"It´s Lex." I answered him, walked to where he pointed and got the suit on without any problems. When I came out again, the others laughed and shot pictures, and then it was time. I stepped down in the pool, and swam out enough, but… the dolphins I couldn´t see… well… until one jumped up from the water only decimeters from me, scaring the hell out of me.

"AAH." The others laughed, and Shawn pretended to be giving the dolphin a lecture.

"Noah, how many times do I need to tell you not to scare our guests…" he laughed, Noah made a screeching sound that sounded almost sounded like laughing.

"Oh you thought that was funny did you?" I looked to Noah. "Well, then…" I splashed water at him, he splashed back and soon the other dolphins- Ade and Margie had joined in.

"Okay, okay," I shouted at last. "I give up, I give up."

"Hey Lex," Shawn said. "Margie and Ade you can grab the fen of- and just hang on, Noah is the biggest- so he´ll let you ride on his back." I grabbed Margie´s left fin and was dragged along across the pool, Noah and Ade had joined so the next thing, Noah let me ride on his back with Ade and Margie swimming on each side of us.

But like every other fun thing, it ended way too soon, and we had to catch our plane so I was lifted out of the pool by Shawn, Blaine shot a photo of me and Shawn and the dolphins, and to do a prank, I and Finn pushed Shawn into the pool, but of course, Finn was pulled with, and completely soaked, while the rest of us were crying with laughter.

"Hey." Shawn shouted after us when I and Finn had gotten changed. "Don´t you want to know what happened to that fat man?"

"Yeah."

"He dressed in his own clothes straight away and left the building, never saw him again." I laughed and turned around to walk outside, we bought another couple of photos in the reception and then left for a restaurant, and then the airport, I had never been flying before, and in our seats I couldn´t help but to reach for dad´s hand.

"It´ll be okay Lex." He comforted. "Flying is safe."

"I know." I answered him, and squeezed his hand even tighter when the plane went even faster to get in the air.

"Doesn´t feel safe." I whimpered when I felt the plane going up.

"Lex look at me." Dad grabbed my chin and forced me to look to him. "Now, do you really think we´d let something happen to you?" I looked into dad´s green eyes. I knew...

"No," I answered him. "You wouldn´t."

I knew they wouldn´t.

Yay… done… two chapters left, in the next the head characters for the sequel will be introduced.
A pic of what Ben and Ethan little sister Gracie looks like, will soon be up on dayviews, find the link on my profile