Author Note: Thank you for reading, etc. the last chapter. I keep hitting stumbling blocks with my fics. I finish one of my jobs on Friday and though it means I'll be lazier (watching more TV) it also means I may find more time to write. I'm going to try and work on the next chapter of Lullaby, though Rookie might end up next as chapters are shorter. I've also been working on a new story, but I'm not sure about posting it yet.


She felt different. The dress was as familiar as a glove on a winter day, but her heart had changed and she didn't recognise herself in it anymore. She'd barely dressed in weeks, not like she used to, not in clothes that were perfectly formed works of art. She kept running her hands down the skirt, feeling the fabric against her palms. She loved the dressed.

"Where are we going?" Maura asked, folding her hands together in her lap. She could hear traffic on either side of the car, the honking of a horn. The world rushed by and she had no idea what it looked like anymore. She tried to picture it in her mind but all she got was the blur in front of her eyes. She felt disoriented.

"You'll see," Jane said, reaching for her hand as the car rolled to a stop.

After a few moments, they moved again. "We've been driving for a while. It can't be anywhere close to home."

"Perhaps I'm driving around to confuse you," Jane said.

She sighed. She could have been tucked up under her bed sheets. "Are you?"

"No."

Another few minutes passed by. Maura tapped her fingers across her knees, regretting not asking Jane to help her shave her legs. She longed for a waxing, a massage, a pedicure, the full works. She missed feeling completely at ease with her hygiene and maintenance.

"Are we going to a baseball game?"

"No. You hate baseball."

She turned her head and stared at the post between the front window and the side window, at least she suspected that's what it was. All she could see was a dark blur between two mixed areas of shapes and colour.

"What's the weather like?" she asked, her eyebrows pulled together.

"What?"

"The weather," Maura said. "I can't see what the weather is like."

"It's sunny," Jane said. "Not like middle of summer sunny, there's a blue sky and a few clouds. It's not warm, but it's not cold."

"I could feel that."

"I forgot you didn't know what the weather was doing," Jane said, her voice smaller than before.

The car turned, pushing Maura toward the door. It slowed, the car moved back and forth a couple of times, before stopping. The sound of the engine disappeared. The click of a seatbelt. Maura stayed in her seat.

"Come on," Jane said.

Maura frowned. "We're here?"

"Yeah."

"Where's here?"

"It's a surprise," Jane said.

She reached to the seatbelt across her front, then ran her fingers down toward the clip. She helped it back up to its stationary position. Using her hands, she ran her fingers along the car door and pulled it open.

"Wait a second," Jane said, her voice grew louder. Her hand landed on Maura's arm.

"I can manage," she said, brushing her off. She placed one foot after the other out of the car, hitting the concrete. Then she used the door to help herself to stand up. She reached out but couldn't feel Jane anywhere. "Now I can't."

"Okay."

Jane's boots tapped across the ground, her hand wrapped back around Maura's arm, interlinking with her own. She clutched her hand against her forearm. Together, they walked across the parking lot. The whoosh of automatic doors in front of them. They carried on, Maura's heels clacked across the tiles, signalling their arriving inside a building.

"Where are we?" she asked again.

Letting go of her arm, Jane rested a hand on her shoulders. Maura could feel her body in front of her, could sense her inches away.

"We're at your favourite place in the whole of Boston."

Maura narrowed her eyes. She turned around, searching the blur for some sign that she wasn't where she thought she was. Someone else's shoes tapped across the floor. A group of people were nearby, she could hear the noise of their chatter.

"Jane." Maura let out a slow and methodical breath. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't even explain. When Jane swore, she laughed. Her chest rose and fall as the laughter tumbled out of her mouth.

"Shit, shit, shit," Jane said, her voice grew distant. "It's not like they've never heard it before."

"What was that?" Maura asked. She turned her head around, could feel the eyes staring at them.

"Someone didn't appreciate my colourful language." Her fingers touched Maura's elbow. "I'm sorry. I'm the worst person in the world."

"You're not." Maura lifted her hand to Jane's and gripped her fingers. "You're wonderful, you tried to bring me to the one place in the world I love."

"What sort of idiot brings a blind person to an art gallery?"

"One who loves her, and is trying to cheer her up." She trailed her fingers across her shoulders and up to her cheeks. Cupping her chin, Maura leaned forward, brushing her lips against Jane's.

Jane sighed, pulling back. "You did that thing again."

"I know," Maura whispered, stepped back. "What you did means a lot."

"Even if there's no point us being here?"

"Maybe not." Maura reached for Jane's hand, hitting her fingers as though she'd seen exactly where they were. "I've been here a thousand times, I could tell you what is in each painting."

"Really?" Jane paused. "Let's do it."

Hand in hand, they walked onward, across the tiled floor. She tried to picture to map of the art gallery in her mind, the sections of paintings, and the alcoves full of treasures. She didn't think Jane's swearing was the cause of people's stares, she could feel eyes on her, watching her. She pushed the thought aside and focused on the gallery.

"Impressionism," Maura said, as they came to a stop.

"Impressive," Jane said.

Maura squeezed her hand. "What's the title of the painting?"

"Two sisters on the terrace."

"There's two sisters," Maura said, recalling from memory the image she'd pondered over a handful of times in recent memory.

"Duh," Jane said. "That's not very impressive."

"One has a red hat, the other is wearing a hat of flowers. The smallest is in a sailor style dress, resting her hands on a basket. Behind them, amongst the trees, are boats travelling across the water."

Jane didn't speak. Maura waited for the silence to pass. She tried to recall if she had missed anything of significance. She opened her mouth to speak, stopped by Jane's mouth touching her own. Her hands rested against her arms. Maura responded, moving her lips across Jane's, until she stepped back, breathless.

"What was that?"

"I thought you wanted it," Jane said, her voice small and weak. "What you did, you amaze me every single day. You always have."

Maura hesitated. Her heart beat right up to her ears. She circled her fingers across Jane's arm, dancing down to her wrists. She tightened her grip once more. "I don't know how to do this."

"Wha'd'ya mean?"

She sighed, letting going of her wrists. "You do these things. You make me feel…and I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to be me, so how could I ever know how to be with you?"

"Maura." Jane's voice drifted away, lost in the silence. A couple of people stood nearby, talking loudly about a Degas, before going silently. Maura narrowed her eyes. "I don't expect anything."

She swallowed the lump that formed in the back of her throat. "But that kiss."

"You know you're important to me." Jane slid a strand of Maura's hair back over her ear, her fingers brushed against her cheek, against the scarred skin. "I want you to know you're important to me."

"The expectation." Maura stepped away, twisting round until Jane couldn't see her face. She lowered her head, allowing her hair to drop back across her face.

"Do I want to be with you?" Jane asked. "Yes. I do. Does it matter to me if you're not ready? No. It doesn't. So much happened, and I don't want to rush you. If you're not ready for it to be more, then I'm not gonna push it."

"I'm sorry," Maura said, her eyes fixed on the blurry floor.

"Don't be."

She breathed in slowly, listening to the sound, feeling the expansion of her chest. Then she did the same as she breathed out. It felt complicated, for the first time. She was still trying to get the hang of being unable to see properly. The first time she kissed Jane, she felt it from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, she felt expectation and hope. Then she showered on her own and it all crumbled, lost in the knowledge that she had become dependent on her. She wasn't the Maura she knew, deep down she'd become tarred, on the outside, her scars were visible signs of the damage that had been done.

"Next one," Jane said, tugging her hand. She stepped forward, cautious. She ignored the voice in her head telling her she belonged in a darkened room. "Dance at Bougival."

x

Stale beer toyed with her senses, battling against the glass of wine in front of her. Maura listened to the hubbub of the Dirty Robber, feeling at home in their usual booth. She kept one hand on her glass, ready to lift it to her mouth at regular intervals. The only problem were the eyes already following her every move.

"Thank you," she said, reaching her other hand across the table to Jane. "For trying to cheer me up."

"Anytime," Jane said, gripping the ends of her fingers.

Sipping her wine, Maura sank against her seat. She turned around, glancing across the room despite being unable to see anyone. She could feel the people around them. She battled with the desire to give in to her emotions.

"How many?" she asked.

"How many what?"

"How many people are watching me?"

"Nobody's watching you," Jane said. She went silent. She tugged at Maura's hand as she twisted around. "Oh."

She chewed her bottom lip, in a desperate attempt to push aside the tears that built up in her eyes. "People were doing it at the gallery, too."

"They were?"

Maura sighed. "I had a lovely time, I'm not sure I'd like to repeat it all that often, but I appreciate the effort you made."

"No," Jane said, clutching her hand. "I won't let you avoid places because some idiots can't keep their eyes to themselves."

"I know I look different." She reclaimed her fingers and tucked them on her lap under the table. "It's not their fault."

"Of course it is. They don't need to stare." Jane went silent, then her voice raised. "Never seen a beautiful woman before?"

"Jane. Don't."

"Why shouldn't I?" She gritted her teeth, twisting around. "I can't believe I didn't notice it. How did you know?"

"I could feel them staring."

"I'm sorry," Jane said. "I wish I could do something to stop it."

"I'm going to need to get used to it."

"You shouldn't have to."

"I don't have any choice."

They sat in silence. Maura sipped her wine, enjoying the taste of a fine glass of chardonnay. She closed her eyes and trusted her senses. She drank a little faster, until she felt the wine go to her head.

"The doctor said you can get plastic surgery, to repair some of the damage to your skin."

"Yeah." She placed her glass on the table. "I can."

"Maybe it's time you looked into it."

"Maybe." She downed the rest of her wine and let go of the glass. "Can you take me home now?"

"But it's quiz night."

She sighed. She missed knowledge, she missed testing her understanding and challenging her intelligence. The Dirty Robber quiz night was often filled with popular culture questions, but every week Korsak threw in something to test her. Her heart sunk, tears pricked at her eyes. "I don't want to stay here any longer. Please take me home."

"Okay," Jane said, standing up beside her. She reached for Maura's arm and helped her to her feet. "I could read the new medical journal to you in bed."

She rested her hand over Jane's and smiled. "Thank you. I'd like that."