Author Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter, this story seems to be well received and I'm really grateful for that. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. I don't know which story I'll work on next, Lullaby needs an update, but Rookie updates require 1000 words less than Lullaby ones, and the sooner I'm done with Rookie, Lullaby and Caecus, the sooner I can get on with the other stories I have planned. All could do with being finished by October because I go away for a month...


"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Maura climbed out of the car and straightened out the front of her dress. She pushed the sunglasses further up her nose and trailed her fingers across the etched markings on her skin. She didn't want to face the world, nor did she really want to face any of her colleagues.

"Yes," she said, holding her arm out until she could feel Jane's fingers wrap around it. "I need to."

With Jane's hand on her arm, and her other hand against her back, they walked through the maze of Boston Police Department. She could hear the rustling of crisp uniforms travelling down the corridor, the tedious chatter of officers going about their daily routine. The elevator beeped as it arrived and they stepped inside. Bodies piled in around them, a suffocating space that Maura was wholly glad to step out of a few moments later.

"Are you sure?"

Maura rolled her eyes. "I'm sure."

"Doctor Isles!"

Kent's arms wrapped around her, the sound of his voice increased against her ear until all she could hear was his gentle breathing. He squeezed her tightly. She succumbed to the embrace, despite reservations. She stepped backward, almost colliding with Jane.

"It's great to see you, Detective Rizzoli said you wanted to come and see the place again…I mean, to look…to observ…" he sighed. "You wanted to come and visit."

"It's okay," Maura said, resting a hand against what felt like his upper arm.

"We're not nearly as prepared for you as I would have hoped," he said. A door squeaked and Jane pressed her hand against Maura's back again. She moved forward. "There's a lot of things I wanted to move out of the way."

"It's fine," Maura said, breathing in deeply. She could smell the formaldehyde, mixed with the earthy scent of the viscera. "You're in the middle of an autopsy."

"How did you…?" Kent asked, then drifted off. "I was in the middle of."

"The gallbladder," she said, cutting him off. Her lips curved. Her whole body felt lighter. "I can smell it."

"Alan Ritz, he's suspected to have died of a puncture to his lung."

"But?"

"He's got tumours on his lungs."

"Could you give me a moment, please?"

Silence. Maura listened to the tiny sounds Jane and Kent made, she could feel their movements. She sighed loudly and rested a hand on her hip.

"I'm not going to go anywhere," she said. "I'd just like a moment in here alone. You can stand outside the window and watch me, if it would make you feel more comfortable."

"We'll be right outside," Kent said.

Jane ran a hand across her wrist. "Just outside the door. Shout if you need me."

Their shoes tapped across the tiles. The hinge on the door squeaked again. Maura waited a moment longer, sending a glare across the room in the direction of where she suspected Jane was stood.

"Alright," she muttered. "I'm going."

The door squeaked closed and Maura breathed a sigh of relief. She stepped forward, her hand outstretched. She could feel the base of the examination table, a foot. She navigated her way around the room, touching every surface, remembering every footstep she'd taken over the years. By the time she reached the other side of the body, she felt her heart thrum inside her chest. Tears pricked at her eyes. She waved a hand, her head bowed.

"You ready to go?" Jane asked.

"No," Maura said.

"Then what?"

She sighed, forcing her lips to curve briefly, before allowing her natural expression to take over. She reached across to Jane's hand and gripped her skin. "I'm not ready, but it's time to go. Goodbye, Kent."

Out in the corridor, Maura's shoulders shook. The tears increased, coating her skin like trails of sweat across her back after vigorous exercise. The elevator beeped and the doors whooshed open. By the time they'd reached the parking lot, Maura stopped. She reached out to the brick walls by the door and gasped for air.

"Maura?" Jane's voice reached her ears about the same time as her hands reached her back, and she sunk into them.

"I'm never going to go back there," she said, struggling with every painful breath.

"Kent is happy for you to visit anytime you like."

"No." She shook her head vigorously. "There's no point in going back if I can't work. That was the last time, and it hurts."

"I'm sorry, Maura."

In the midst of the tears, she found herself laughing. A joyous sound she didn't expect to follow such sadness. She stood upright. "Since it happened, it's the first place I've felt completely safe."

"Really? Even with the body and the scalpels and things?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Jane. Despite the somewhat dangerous tools, the examination room is the first place I ever learned to be okay with myself. I know it better than I know myself. I don't know if I know how to be without being a pathologist."

"Could you learn to do an autopsy like this?"

Frowning, Maura paused, then let out another laugh. "No, Jane. It's impossible. There are no blind pathologists. My work relies very much on being able to see evidence, without my vision, I will never be able to do it."

"Why were you laughing?"

"Because it's all over," she said. "Everything I've ever worked towards is finished."

"And that's funny because?"

"It's not."

A silence followed. The laughter subsided and Maura felt the tears resurface. She hunched over and sobbed, rubbing her eyes to stem the tears. She breathed slowly, pushing the tears aside.

"I need to go home."

"Are you sure?" Jane asked, cupping her cheek. "We could go get a coffee, or see Ma at the Robber."

"No." She covered Jane's hand with her own. "I just need to go home."

x

"Where are you going?" Jane asked.

Maura turned around, her hand on the edge of the banister. Her cheeks were red raw from the tears, her eyes dry. "To bed."

"No."

"No?"

"I won't let you do that, Maura, not again."

"Maybe it's what I need," she said, taking a couple of steps before stopping again. "I really need you to let me do this in my own way."

"I'm trying," Jane said, stepping closer. "But I won't sit and watch you wallow in your bed."

"Wallowing is a perfectly acceptable way to deal with my trauma."

Everything went silent. Maura's eyebrows creased together. She stared in the direction Jane was stood, waiting for her response. When Jane didn't speak, she stepped down a couple of steps.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Jane sighed. "You can't even see me."

"I know you're staring," she said, walking toward her. "Don't you know this is already difficult enough? I don't need you judging me."

"Not judging."

"Really?"

"I'm worried."

"I'm fine."

"You spent the whole car ride back here sobbing. That's not fine."

"How would you feel if your career was over? If you'd had to say goodbye to the place you love the most."

"Crappy." Maura felt for the wall and leaned against it, still facing the direction where Jane's voice was coming from. "Maura, I want to help you through this. I know it sucks. Your career was important to you and you can't do it anymore, I get that."

"Do you?"

"Yes." The space in front of her filled, the warmth of Jane's body creeped ever closer. "If I lost everything I'd want to hide in my bed, too. But you're not me, Maura. You're better than that. When Jack left you got on with your life. When your parents were emotionally neglecting you, you sent yourself to boarding school. You're a fighter and I won't let this defeat you."

She lowered her gaze, staring down at the floor, at the single colour in front of her. "Everyone has something that can defeat them."

"Not you," Jane said, closing in around her. Maura breathed in slowly, her breath caught in the back of her throat. She could feel Jane's arm brush her side as she leaned against the wall. She could sense Jane's mouth, inches from her own, could feel the subtle hint of breath on her skin. "When you realised your career was over you went to your workplace and you said your goodbyes. You didn't roll over, you did something. You're gonna keep doing something until the day you find something else that matters just as much."

"No."

"Your life isn't over because you've lost your sight, your life isn't over because you lost your job. You might want to cry and hide away, and that's okay. But maybe you can wallow on the couch, or wallow in the kitchen making pasta."

"I can't make pasta anymore."

"Then eat ice cream, stuff your face with cake until you feel sick."

"I don't think that would be a health option."

"You could write about this, Maura," she said. "I've read your stuff; you can string sentences together better than Frankie can spell his own name some days."

She tried not to laugh, but her lips crept upward. "I don't think your brother would agree with that."

"You can tell the world what it's like to have a brilliant mind, and no vision."

"Technically I have some vision."

"You know what I mean."

"Jane," she said, resting a hand against her shoulder and pushing her back. "I understand what you're saying. I do. Tomorrow you can get me out of bed and make me put on proper clothing, and help me figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. But today, today I need to wallow in my room. Okay?"

"I guess that would be okay."

She slid her hand over Jane's shoulder and up to her neck. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against Jane's, taking a moment's pause to breath in, before deepening the kiss. Breathless, she leaned back again.

"I love that you're trying to help, I love that you want to pull me out of this depression. Today I need to feel it. Then tomorrow we can discuss learning to make tea or use a computer at the Blind Society, or writing about my life. Tomorrow you can kiss me like I know you've been wanting to for weeks. Just give me today."

"Okay."

She turned around and felt her way back toward the staircase, taking each step slowly, carefully as she made her way toward her bedroom. Despite how sad she felt, she felt hopeful that finally she could travel around her house without fear. She knew it as well as she knew the examination room at BPD, the only difference was her home didn't house as many dangerous items. At least it wouldn't once she asked Jane to put her fencing equipment and some of her more precarious ornaments into storage.

Climbing into the bed fully clothed, she wrapped the bedsheets around her body and closed her eyes. Her cocoon felt safe and warm, like a tiny chasm where nobody could reach her. She listened to the world around her, to the cars travelling outside her window. After what felt like a long while, there was a faint knock at the bedroom door. She sat up, pulling the sheets away from her face.

"Come in." She could hear the tread of Jane's feet across the carpet. "I hope those are bare feet dragging across my floor, Jane?"

"How did you know it was me?"

"I thought we'd already been through this."

"But my feet don't make noise on carpet."

"I could hear the way you dragged your heels across the floor," Maura said. "Besides, you're the only person home. I assume Angela won't be back for hours."

"No, just me," Jane said.

"What can I do for you?"

"It's not what you can do for me," Jane said, her weight pushing down the end of the bed. "It's what I can do for you."

"Did you get me ice cream?" she asked, sniffing the air.

"Your favourite," Jane said, handing her a bowl. She shifted her position on the bed and leaned back against the head board. "I also brought up a book."

Maura narrowed her eyes. "Are you trying to make a joke?"

"It's one of those audio books, it was a recommendation for people who like fancy pants books," Jane said.

"What exactly is a fancy pants book?"

"Ones with more than two hundred pages." Maura laughed. "I downloaded it onto your laptop, all you have to do is press play or stop."

"And how do you expect me to do that?"

"I know you're not incapable of pressing a button, Maur," Jane said, grabbing her hand and directing it toward the keyboard. "You feel that, that's the right side of the laptop; third button down from the top, four to the left. You can press that button and it'll either start or stop depending on what you want to do."

"Oh." Maura smiled. "It's that simple?"

"It's that simple. I'll even plug it in so it doesn't lose power."

"Thank you, Jane."

She cupped her cheek again. Maura leaned her head against it as Jane kissed her forehead. "I'll leave you to wallow properly."

She grabbed her hand before she could move away. "You can stay, if you'd like. Just in case I forget which button to press. I'll even share my ice cream."

"That's alright," Jane said, scooting up along the bed to sit beside her. "I brought my own."