Hey guys!
Thank you all for your amazing comments/reviews. They have been tremendous and uplifting. I'm currently attempting to write a short story of my own, it's coming a long but definitely a different kind of complexity than borrowing characters in a fandom. It's excited though so I'll keep at it.
Classes start up again in two weeks. Looking forward to that :) It'll be a little harder to get more writing done this way but I'm up for the challenge.
This chapter is a little short but the next one will make up for it I promise. Not much else to say so-
Enjoy!
Edd hadn't had a panic attack in almost a year.
Not since leaving Peach Creek did he ever feel that humiliating loss of control; his insides burning and lungs compressing until they writhed in desperate oxygen-deprived spasms. He wasn't an asthmatic and there was no excuse for the things he had said to his beloved friends, but there was no denying his mind had panicked the moment he realized he was losing control of the situation. Typical behavior in persons with panic disorders. Without an iron hold Edd had fallen prey to the frantic mess that was his own head. His exhaustion only further tipped the scale in favor of his meltdown, his need to lash-out out of self-preservation outweighing his logic; and it had been a foolish display indeed.
In the few short moments after realizing why he had been acting so out of character, Edwin had taken action. To him this was but a normal occurrence, one of many situations where his intervening on Edd's behalf was actually common place. He had recognized the symptoms of an attack rather quickly but it wasn't until the sockhead's lungs had seized that Edwin had to step in. Edd's head had been spinning like an antique model globe. The world had stretched and closed in on him, making the muscles in his arms and legs ache for reasons beyond his immediate comprehension. In all that time Edwin had not let him go. Instead the older man held on, murmuring sweet nothings of encouragement into his little one's ear.
While knocked out Edwin had scooped him up and carried him to the jeep. Edd phased in and out of consciousness, spying trees and silhouettes of people whipping by in multiple shapes and in varying shades of black. The hum of the jeep's engine had rocked him back to sleep once or twice, having only been jolted awake once by a sudden dip in the road. When he woke for good he found himself lying stable on his side, wrapped in arms of comfort that were warm and unwilling to let go. His neck felt stiff and his back was incredibly sore but he felt anchored once again, safe to be in his own skin.
The smell of fresh laundry hit his nose the moment he came into full use of his senses, his eyes widening in the dark and breathe hitching in response to the sudden change in environment. Gone were the sterile white walls of the hospital. Now in their place stood taller crème colored barriers, four, with a single door and a bed with which he had been sleeping upon. Near him was a half open closet door, the inside far too dark to see into. Edd was sure if he picked his head up from the pillow it was currently resting on, he would be able to see the computer desk lying on the other side of the room.
He glanced down at the arm hugging him, his side twitching anxiously from over exertion. His body was telling him it was exhausted but he didn't feel ready for anymore sleep. He knew whose bed this was. The warm cotton sheets and dark colored comforter were a huge giveaway and he didn't quite feel like being in this particular bed at the moment.
He wiggled about at first, reaching for the edge of the bed only to stop when the arms around him constricted. A wave of heat hit the back of his neck and goosebumps traveled up the length of his spine. The man behind him gave a sound a displeasure at having been disturbed and shifted even closer to him. Edwin hummed softly, his nose buried deep into the ends of Edd's incredibly soft locks.
"It has been ages since I last held you like this."
Edd dropped his head back down on the pillow.
"It has not been ages." The sockhead corrected. "Merely a number of months."
"It's all the same to me love." He said, fingers kneading through Edd's shirt.
Edd closed his eyes to the touch, volcanic heat surge through his veins as those expert fingers of his danced crossed his arm. "Please do not call me that."
Edwin opened his eyes then, crystalline blues practically glowing the dark of his room.
"Why?"
Eddward sighed, trying to ignore how nice it felt to be held like this. After all that happened between himself and Kevin, this little human contact felt heaven sent. But even with this feeling of comfort there was still a trouble aspect he couldn't continue to ignore.
"Edwin you know there is no longer an 'us'."
Edwin's eyes fell shut against those words. His chest rose high, filling with hot air that seethed out from between his tightly pinched lips. "Further explanation is required love."
Edd wanted to scoff but kept himself from actually doing so. Edwin just loved to tease him, didn't he? Edwin's arms finally came loose and Edd was given the opportunity to turn onto his side. It hurt to do so and his mouth tasted oily from the inhaler's medication. He had nearly forgotten what the stuff had tasted like but now he remembered. His tongue felt slick and slimy, as if he had licked a spoon full of olive oil and let it sit in his mouth. He wanted badly to rinse it out but doing so required a lot of moving, a prospect his aching body didn't want to face.
The inquiring look on the taller man's face was quizzical, his eyes searching Eddward's for something unseen, for something almost metaphorically tangible.
Eddward sighed. "Edwin we have been broken up for months. Why do you continue this behavior?"
Edwin actually had the audacity to smirk. "Who said anything about us breaking up?"
Edd frowned, hardly finding the humor in this. "I did. It was made official when I left."
Moving on from Peach Creek had meant moving on in life, giving up all he had for something bigger and better in himself. His and Edwin's ten year relationship had been in its purist form and by all means the ideal coupling. Sex had never been a question, as there was none to begin with, but he and Edwin had been happy together; so completely devoted to one another that the physical stuff was just that easily forgotten.
Ending it hadn't been an easy decision.
Edwin chuckled, lifting his head to rest on the palm of his hand. Edd felt his resolve crumble under the handsome grin he was receiving. He was ashamed to admit that Edwin's smile had always been his kryptonite and that its ability still held such power over him.
"You are adorable when you say that, you know?"
"I mean it." Edd said sternly. "When I left I had no intentions of ever coming back."
Shame glistening like tears in his eyes. It took a lot in him to say it.
Edwin caressed his chin, swiping his fingers across the bottom swell of his lover's lips. He wasn't trying to be condescending but the guarded look on Eddward's face spoke otherwise.
"Little one, while you were-" He inhaled sharply. "-away, I never once considered us apart."
Edd sighed at that but Edwin continued.
"At least not in the sense that you might be able to comprehend."
Edd dared to steal a look at Edwin's face, their eyes meeting in a stormy gaze. He didn't understand and Edwin didn't fault him for it.
"I never stopped wondering about your health and happiness, even as I read that damned email you sent me. Day and night I wondered where you were, what you were doing and if you had found what you were looking for."
He leaned in further, capturing Edd's mouth in a fiery demanding kiss. "And I never will stop wondering."
The sockhead's face blossomed pink, his eyes squeezing shut against the amazing feel of Edwin's silk like lips dancing with his own. His tongue dove expertly into Edwin's mouth, flicking against his will across the taller man's teeth and tasting his very essence. Eddward hummed affectionately, indulging in the taste of his boy-friend, er, ex boy-friend like he was some kind of exotic drug. The world rushed all around him until his brain brought him to a screeching halt.
"No!"
Edd pulled back frantically, his arms stretched out to hold himself back. Edwin's gaze stung. It felt like the man was baring holes of shock and insult right into his skull.
"No. We can't do this." He shook his head, lips wet and now swollen from their kiss. "I can't."
"Yes." Edwin stated, dragging Edd close as the smaller boy struggled to put up fight. It didn't take long for Edd to tire, his body still weak and improperly rested. "We can."
Edd had no choice. He curled submissively into Edwind's waiting arms, his face pressed against the man's chest as the smell of pine filtered through his nose. He felt a shudder run through him. In all actuality, he missed this. Desperately. He missed Edwin so dearly.
Their past was not one easily ignored and neither was the love Edd had for the man who practically raised him as a child himself. Edwin was a force demanding of respect and attention. How could he ever forget what they had between them? He may have tried to forget, to sponge away the adoration and loyalty this man had given him, but he knew that in the end it was impossible. Out of sight-out of mind never sounded so silly until now, and yet that was what he had tried to accomplish.
He thought if he didn't have to see Edwin then it was like the man never existed. He thought this way would help him heal from the agony that shot through him when he decided to leave the man behind. It wasn't easy. He cried for days before boarding the plane. Ironically it was the very same pain Edd felt when he boarded the plane out of New York, leaving behind nothing but yet another betrayed soul.
He tried not to think about Kevin but like with Edwin, it was impossible.
Edwin was able to entwine their fingers while Edd's focus was off, the strong grip of his fingers bringing back the boy's focus.
"My little one, we are capable of anything together."
"But-"
"I said once that when you were mine that I would never let you go. Don't expect for me to make a liar out of myself."
Edd sighed, tainted adoration gleaming in his eyes.
"Edwin nothing will be the same. I betrayed you when I left you behind. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"It does," Edwin relented. "However I do not intend to lose you a second time." He stroked back a fallen strand of Edd's hair from his eyes. "My love for you never diminished. Not even in the slightest. I ached while you were away, never stopping in my quest to find you."
The sockhead held his breath.
"And looking into your eyes now, I see the very same love you had for me is still there."
Edd shook his head reverently but Edwin grinned, a genuine smile tilting the corner of his mouth.
He couldn't believe it. He just couldn't!
"Yes, you do." Edwin cooed.
"I can't." Eddward started to sob, the ache in his heart now turning to a thunderous boom. "I can't. Not after all this. I've changed."
"Shh." Edwin turned onto his back, pulling the sockhead on top of him.
The otherwise silent room was filled with Edd's quiet sobbing, his whole body shuddering against Edwin's. His touch, this heat, it was becoming too much. The frustration, the stress, it was all coming down on him.
Neither of them said anything for a long while, waiting out the tear session Edd seemed in desperate need of. When he finally quieted down Edwin spoke, speaking his words slow and soft as not to jolt his lover back into a state of panic.
"No matter what you think Eddward I will always continue to love you as I have. Do not think that distance of any kind or a silly little letter can take what we have away. Always and forever I am truly yours- even if you think otherwise."
Edd rolled his eyes, letting himself relax though his brain was screaming for him not to. He was exhausted. A few years more of sleep should do it.
"We'll talk about this later."
So what did you guys think? Yeah it's stunted but I figured being this long without Kevin was getting a little old. Can't have a KevEdd without the Kev now can we?
So until next time, stay happy and healthy!
Ciao!
