Hey folks! Chapter 50 is here. :) (Warning, lots of bold text below. Skip if ya'll just wanna read.)

Now before we get on to the good stuff there is an issue that I would like to address. It's been bothering me for a while and I thought maybe my writing would help explain a few things out but it doesn't seem to be working that way so I'm just going to come right out and say it.

This IS a KevEdd fic. Not a rev!EddxEdd fic. So those of you are concerned about the 'between the two' thing there really isn't anything to worry about. I believe Edd has established he has no intention of getting back with Edwin. The ultimate plot that this story has and always will mainly center around is Kevin and Edd's relationship. I'm not going to give anything away other than the fact that since it is in the summary this story is indeed KevEdd centered.

On that note I think there is some miscommunication going on between my writing and this massive dislike of Edwin. Hey, like I said you don't have to like the guy, but calling him abusive is not what I intended for this character to be like. And please if you think there are glaring moments that prove that he is tell me so I can change them. Edwin is NOT an abuser. He does have a problem with control issues and yes control issues can be a warning sign in that regard, however, Edwin was only ever meant to be an obstacle for Kevin and Edd. He is supposed to be intense and frustrating but not cruel. He is like a living representation of the second path in life Edd could take. The safe rout. The road most traveled where he knows he can have what he wants at the price of exploring new horizons. He isn't the coziest personality and his past (which I haven't yet gotten to) is a big reason for that. He can be violent and he can be a total dick at times. But abusive? No, not at all.

The whole situation where Edwin told Edd he was needed home and told him about his mother I think became a bigger issue than I had expected. I mean the way I saw it was a desperate man trying to bring home the stubborn son of a sick woman. If Edd hadn't ever thought his mother was sick, would he have gone back? No I don't he wouldn't have. There would have been no reason to go back with Edwin when he was clearly starting something epic with Kevin. I think there was a chapter somewhere, where in the story it was addressed as slight emotional manipulation which makes sense but honestly if Edd hadn't ever known that his mother had nearly killed herself Edwin wouldn't have been able to bring Edd back.

On that note, when Edwin arrived at Kevin's apartment he stumbled upon a scene that could have been taken the wrong way. And he did take it the wrong way. He saw Edd on the floor holding his head with Kevin standing over him. Edwin thought, which I am sure I went over in a previous chapter before as well, that Edd was being knocked around by Kevin (which obviously wasn't true). Edwin assumed Edd was in danger and sprung into action to protect him. Like a raging older brother who shoots first and asks questions later.

I really hope this has explained a few things. I'm sorry that it's a little in the way of getting to the chapter but I felt like all the hate flowing in over Edwin being abusive towards Edd needed to be addressed. Like I said that is NOT what I intended for his character and to PLEASE tell me if you think there are moments that condemn him for it. I will change those lickty split.

Anyways THANK YOU guys for your endless patience and understanding. I also want to thank dshell99 for giving me permission to use an idea they pitched. I hope I did justice to it and it what was something close to what you had imagined!

Everyone, this chapter is for you.

Enjoy!


Bernice gazed upon her son with deep and bitter longing.

Right now she hated Edwin. What she would give to be able to hold her son like he could. Eddward looked so grown up and so far out of reach. Untouchable, her quiet mind supplied. There was nothing but loathing for her in Eddward's eyes and it seemed as though there was nothing she could do to fix it. This feeling she was well acquainted with, but she wasn't the kind of woman who would just to roll over and take it. No, she would find a way to get her son to love her again. He was home now. There was still time to make things right!

Right?

And yet it all seemed abysmal. Everything in him screamed her unworthiness. He was unwilling to adhere to anything she said. Every step of the way had pushed and shoved to keep her at arm's length; tripping her back a whole three feet when she thought she made a step in progress.

To her morbid fascination Bernice smiled.

It was uncanny; the resemblance. Had she been as wasted as she usually was, she would have completely mistaken her stubborn boy for someone else. It struck her how similar they looked. The eyes, the hair, the hate- he might as well have been a carbon copy of the man she used to love. The same man who decimated his family and ruined her for the world.

One minute she was gazing into blue depths and the next she was staring at wood grain. Edwin had shut the door in her face. When had he noticed she was there? Oh well. It really didn't matter. What did was indulging her sudden thirst. She felt parched and desperate for the comfortable numb. The same kind of numb that would soon envelope her as she consumed her fourth drink of the night.

A wave of warmth surrounded her as she hastily entered her room, pressing her back to the firm wood door as she strained her fingers through her tangled locks. Her hair felt greasy and it was with disdain that she remembered she hadn't showered yet. A soak in some bubbles with a glass of white wine would probably do her some good but all that could wait. She needed to do something first.

She looked about the room in urgency until she spotted the box on her bed. She tore through the shoe sized box, dumping out all of her sample sized liquor. The glass bottles clinked at her knees but she ignored them in favor for the bottom of the box where a secret lay waiting. At the bottom of the box was a hidden compartment made up of cloth and some tape, made to look inconspicuous. The cloth had a floral pattern on it, black swirls on an ugly plum that could captivate yet was designed in such a way that it was unpleasing to the eye. She had purposely done that. She didn't need curious eyes peering into her private business.

Of all the things she treasured in the world, just beneath that little piece of cloth, was it.

The shoe box served as both her stash and vault. In it was a bundle of cash she dare not trust the banks with and a knick-knack or two passed down to her from her mother. In there as well was her marriage certificate, followed by a copy of divorce papers. She didn't look at the official documents for long less she let those bitter memories poke at her already battered psyche. Further she sifted through. There wasn't much as the sample bottles took up most of the space but there was definitely enough room to fit yet another official looking document and two Polaroid photos. The parchment was Eddward's birth certificate. On it was hers and her ex-husband's signature, a neat scribble of calligraphy looking ten times more elegant than her just-gave-birth chicken scratch just two lines below. She took special care not to bend or wrinkle it as she placed it carefully beside her.

Hesitantly she reached for one of the photos, not at all surprised by the first one her fingers sought. Her eyes drifted with sudden sadness.

It was a discolored portrait of her wedding day.

Every passing second felt like a millennium. She had burned them all except for this one. Her photo album of what was the happiest day in her life had shriveled in a fire she had set just before Eddward's seventh birthday. Everything, including her wedding ring, had been thrown to the rage of the flame. Except this photo. She remembered feeling happy that day over twenty something years ago. Then she had been so young; so naïve and eager to start a family. She didn't see it coming. No one did. Maybe except for him.

She had thought she was going to be happy. That all her dreams had come true when she got that job she always wanted and the dream wedding she had been planning for since she was a little girl. And when finally got pregnant she thought nothing could destroy her happiness. Oh how wrong she was.

Within the span of a heart beat this broken mother inhaled her remedy, smacking her lips against the guilty burn that warmed her mouth and traveled through her blood system. Soon enough her finger tips numbed and the angry twitch in her muscles had disappeared. Her room was quiet and she hated quiet. The quiet made her think and Bernice's mind was currently caught between the daunting thoughts of her son and the misery her life had succumbed to.

She fumbled with the bathtub faucets until warm water pumped out into her claw footed tub before staggering back to her bed. The photo lay face up as if to taunt her already crumbled sanity. In the photo she looked so happy and so did the man beside her. Was that not a smile on his porcelain features? Was that not a ring on his finger, promising to love and protect her forever and ever? God she hated that man and everything he stood for.

That son of a bitch abandoned me. Left me and his son for the vultures to feed on and yet here I am staring at that stupid picture like he'll suddenly appear and make things right again.

Bernice shed herself of her robe, the world tilting on its axis as she swayed. She downed another sampler of tequila and picked up the photo, ignoring the temptation to rip it in half. She doubted she would have, even if she gave herself permission. Instead she set it down. Out of sight. Out of mind. Beside it, however, was the other photo. This one… she couldn't ignore.

The day she gave birth was yet another moment she could consider to be the happiest in her life. Eddward had been born a bit prematurely but had arrived as healthy as could be. A history of health problems ran in her family and she had been filled with consternation that her first born would be born with the same debilitating defects. Miraculously Edd had been handed to her by a smiling nurse and not whisked away to the dreaded ICU. Her husband had hovered over the nurse and the paper work that needed to be signed as she held her son for the first time, tears and sweat staining her face as she coaxed Eddward's father to them. At the time he had been shy, almost afraid to approach. Eddward looked so tiny in his hands. He was so terrified of dropping the baby that he shoved Edd back into her arms.

The nurse had been nice enough to let their neighbors Carl and Mindy Hawthworts join them in the birthing room. Mindy was there to record the happy occasion while Carl had been there to keep Bernice's husband from passing out on the floor. Carl and Mindy had two boys of their own. Nine year old Billy and one year old Eddy. Mindy had been the one to take the photo of the brand new family. Edd had had been bundled up in Bernice's arms while his father hovered above them both on the bed, looking just as ragged as his wife. They both had smiles on their faces, tears rimming their eyes in red. They looked horrible and yet it was a moment in time that blew any other out of the park. This one she refused to forget.

Five pounds, two ounces and a full head of hair was all they needed to make their family whole. Just gazing at her new born had brought her overwhelming feelings of hope. Or had that been heart burn? She couldn't remember. It made her want to smile how right after six hours of labor she had already made plans for second child, though the likelihood of her becoming pregnant again was next to impossible. Then again that was over twenty years ago when the term hope had actually meant something to her.

Bernice hadn't realized she reached the bathroom until her ankles were submerged in hot water. She sunk into the tub, using her hand to steady herself as she grew used to the heat. Poo. She had forgotten the bubbles. Oh well. Her shoe box sat on the lid of the toilet seat, away from the water pouring over the tub's edge. Somehow she was able to turn the faucets off. It took a few twists and a slurred curse or two but somehow she managed. It didn't take long for her to fall into a sobbing rage, memories she worked so hard to forget rushing at her like the snow currently beating on the roof tops of the very quiet cul-de-sac.

Meanwhile, halfway across the country a single copper headed man with a confident gleam in his eye was embarking on the most ridiculous crusade he never once imagined taking. He had a job and a life to live. So, why in the hell wasn't he at home doing that?

BECAUSE! That's why.

On his bike, climbing speeds of up to 100 mph, Kevin trekked over 1800 miles in nut freezing weather with only the clothes on his back and his father's credit card in his pocket. He was in search of some answers. His conscience refused to simply let bygones be bygones. He had to know the truth. If he ever wanted to face the man in the mirror again he needed to figure this out.

When in motion Kevin was granted a distraction from his reoccurring thoughts. While on the road he could soak in the beauty of the world whipping him; the rumble of the bike's well-toned motor purring like a kitten in his ear as he sailed through the winter wonderlands of the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania, and the timeless quiet vintage of Cedar Falls in Iowa. But when having to break for the night Nat's words continued to haunt him. He could feel his burning questions getting to him, his patience slowly drying the more and more he thought about them.

Kevin never imagined doing something as insane as trekking across the country in search of some guy he picked up off the streets. Who does that? He always imagined settling down with some pretty girl and playing house for a few years. A simple vanilla life style with an O.k. career was good enough for him. But noooo.

He had to stumble across Eddward fucking Vincent.

He just had to take him in and just had to fall head over heels in obsession with him.

And he couldn't figure out why the dork had to mean so much to him. From the very moment their eyes had met, chrome piercing through the blackened lenses of his glasses, Kevin just knew he had to take the kid in. Never had he felt such a powerful impulse in his life to accept someone into it. Instead of going to work and finishing up finals like he should be doing, Kevin Barr was over a thousand miles away from home; ditching out on his friends and family for some jerk. Some dorky but incredibly adorable jerk who had the nerve to worm his way into his heart only to back track all the way to fucking California.

Through his journey rivers had turned to ice, water freezing into cascading icicles reflecting back the mild shine of the sun. Snow covered the ground and Kevin had to adjust his speeds to keep the ride safe. He had seen a truck a few miles back raking salt along the narrow road and for that he was grateful. One town hadn't and he nearly took a one way trip to the Netherworld when he unsuspectingly hit black ice. That had been a close call. Crashing out in the middle of nowhere in the dark of night, miles and miles away from the nearest living person was not the way he imagined going out and he wanted to keep it that way.

Slowing down to a relaxing 40, Kevin took in the grandeur of the sight that beheld him. Only the finger of God could have conceived this picture of absolute beauty and serenity he was greeted with that December morning. On the horizon the sun had slowly begun to fill this part of the world with its light. Grey and golden hues streaking past mountain tops and illuminating the cold desolate sky. Pine trees as far as the eye could see looked like thousands of tiny pinecones from where he drove, painted green and sprinkled in a dash powdered sugar. Here the water ran freely, temperatures fluctuating much too often for them to turn solid. The mountains crowned the tree tops like mighty guardians, sun beams dancing like starlight within their shadows.

Silver lined clouds danced an intimate tango among the mountain tops, kissing every snow covered crevice like a tempered lover. They were far enough away from earth to escape the destructive hand of man but close enough to be marveled upon as cotton gods of the sky. These blue grey heavens only served to remind him of Edd. Kevin couldn't block him from his thoughts and frankly he didn't bother trying. He wondered what the sockhead was doing at that very moment. If he was seeing something akin to the wonder Kevin was audience to or if he was cuddled up in bed dreaming his morning away. He would have liked to have been that bed. To be the home of comfort where Edd could lay his head with the knowledge that he was safe and loved.

Love. There was that word again.

Damn Nathan Goldberg for ever mentioning it, and damn myself for ever listening!

Oh well. It was too late to turn back now anyways. If he ever expected to live with himself this had to be done. He had to know if he really, truly romantically loved Edd the way Nat claimed. Just sitting around and thinking about it don't do him a lick a good. He had to know for certain that this overwhelming passion he felt towards the dork was more than just his freak obsession of fixing people. That Eddward's presence in his life meant something more. That his desire to hold and kiss his tiny dancer was more than just a need to fuck some guy silly into the sheets.

He needed to know if Eddward loved him back.

If not, would Edd ever come back into his life? And if so, what would he do? Honestly he hadn't thought that far along. He was much too afraid of letting his mind wander. He didn't need his nerves wrecked any further with intimidating thoughts of acceptance or rejection. All he knew and had to know at that very moment was that he cared for his dork, and needed him back in life. Even if just for a second. Just one last look. One last kiss.

Was that too much to ask for?

Feh. HELLO NO.

This is Kevin Joseph-fucking Barr we're talking about here. The man with a plan. The red-head with the gonads to go against his own mother when he put in for time off. The dude with tude who jacked his dad's Harley when he realized his own baby wouldn't handle the cross country trip. The guy with the parents whom he totally planned on apologizing to later for all this later. The fact of the matter was that Barrs' never give up and they certainly never backed down from a challenge. They faced them head on, minds clear and hearts steady. Kevin wasn't about to roll over and take it. That's Edd's job after all.

Glancing back at the road Kevin chanced a peek at his speedometer. Cruising as a mild 45 won't get him any closer to his destination. At this rate it would take him days to get to California. The sights were grand and all but Kevin was on a mission. He revved the engine once and it roared to life. His dad's bike was a beauty. Its sleek yellow body was perfectly complimented by the fresh orange coat his dad had applied just a couple weeks prior. In a field of white he was a glowing spec, riding the winding roads like a fiery demon. The mountains at his back and an uncertain future standing at the ready before him, with arms wide open.


So there you have it guys.

What did you think? Let me know! Love you guys.

Ciao!