Chapter 20: Spoons

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands. - Dudley Moore


"I can feel your regret from over here," drawled Draco, not even needing to open his eyes to know that she was awake. Her squirming had woken him up a good while ago.

"I don't regret... it," she replied in a small and scratchy voice.

"You can say it, you know. Sex. S-E-X," he goaded with a cheeky grin. He blinked his eyes open and yawned. "I mean, you practically jumped me last night, Granger."

She turned over onto her back and rubbed her eyes before shooting him a pointed look. "Excuse me, you were gawking at me all day long. I just decided to be a man about it."

"I'm not complaining," he said, rolling onto his side to curl an arm around her middle, humming in approval that they were both stark naked underneath the duvet.

"Um. What are you doing?"

Draco smirked at the squeakiness of her voice. "I'm spooning you. It's way too early to be awake and I want to sleep." He buried his nose into her hair snugly.

"Can you... can you not do that?"

"Do what?"

"Press up against me."

"That's what spooning means, Granger," he said sarcastically.

"I know what spooning means!"

His brow furrowed. "Why don't you want me to spoon you?"

"I'm not comfortable," said Granger, pulling away from him.

Draco scowled, snatching his arm back as if bitten. "What's your problem?"

She didn't reply, keeping her back to him, shoulders drawn up tensely.

"Fine," he bit out. "Whatever. You're stiff as a board anyway."

Granger flipped around abruptly and glared at him, clutching the duvet so tight her knuckles turned white. "Excuse me? You don't need to be rude about it."

He rolled his eyes, sitting up quickly. "I knew you'd act like this. Fuck this."

Her lips thinned. "Well, you have terrible morning breath!"

Kicking the covers away, he got up, trying to ignore the pang of hangover dizziness that hit him. "Good comeback, Granger, excellent!"

"Screw you Malfoy!" she shouted as he stormed into the bathroom, without bothering to put on his boxers, and slammed the door shut.

In spite, he flipped the toilet seat up with so much force that it bounced back, clattering noisily. Relieving himself of all the toxins from last night, he fumed in silence. Of course Granger would act like a woman wronged the morning after. She probably blamed him for putting a dent in her perfect record of sleeping with perfectly nice men who made soppy love in the missionary position.

When he finished, he flushed the loo, leaving the lid up. If Granger thought he'd put it back down she had another thing coming.

Padding over to the sink, he turned the tap on and winced at his reflection. Thank Merlin it was a Muggle mirror; his mirror at home would give him hell for looking like shit. But hey, no matter how shit he looked, no woman had ever not wanted him again in the morning. Hell, he wanted Granger again this morning... just for a damned cuddle like some teenage boy, and she all but kicked him out of bed.

He glanced outside. It was starting to light up outside. He thought about crashing a couch - there must be a free one somewhere in this ten-bedroom mansion. But nothing beats a bed. He was hangover as fuck. He deserved to sleep in a bed.

So he picked up a toothbrush.

Two minutes later, he snuck back into the bedroom. Granger had her back to him, but at least she hadn't torn his pillow into shreds or wrapped the entire duvet around herself. Hoping it was a good sign, he gently climbed onto the bed and ducked under the covers.

She didn't move.

Keeping a respectable distance from her, he leaned forward and paused just above her right shoulder. Knowing she would be able to smell the minty toothpaste on his breath, he asked, "Better?"

She didn't reply.

Draco sighed softly, shifting to half-prop himself up on the headboard so he could see the side of her face. "Don't fight it, Granger. It's toastier with the both of us in here and I know you like it too."

She peered at him over her shoulder, through soft tresses of chestnut hair. Then slowly, slowly, the corner of her lips lifted into a lopsided smile. He thought she looked pretty... beautiful.

"Fine, but don't get used to it," she replied on an exhale.

"I'll try not to." He smiled back, sliding onto his back and slipped his right hand from underneath the duvet, resting it on his pillow. He'd much rather be putting it to good use, like cupping one of Granger's boobs. But he was a gentleman, so he added, "I won't spoon you, don't worry."

He watched as Granger pursed her lips briefly before shuffling closer to him. He held his breath as she sank her back into his front, shifting so that she rubbed against him invitingly. He bit his lips, the warmth of her body so overwhelmingly comforting that his eyes fluttered shut of their own accord. He snaked an arm around her waist.

"I knew you couldn't resist me," he teased, nosing through her hair to kiss the back of her neck.

"Don't be cocky," she retorted.

He chuckled. "Not yet I won't be."

He could feel the soft shake of her shoulders as she giggled. His smile split wider when he felt her hand close over his. Flexing his wrist upward, he wriggled his fingers and tangled them with hers.


The knocking wouldn't stop.

Hermione felt Malfoy stir behind her, who promptly unleashed a string of the most colorful curses ever invented, the profanity brushing just past her exposed ear. Clutching her even tighter against him, she felt him bury his face in her hair.

Malfoy finally yelled at the fifth knock. "Fuck off!"

"Malfoy!" she chided, landing a pinch on his forearm.

"I want to sleep," he grumbled, catching her wrist and tucking it underneath his hand before she could pinch him again. Raising his voice, he thundered. "Just come the fuck in!"

Realising belatedly that whoever walked through the door would catch her in the most compromising position, she squealed and ducked underneath the duvet.

"Granger."

"I'm not here."

Malfoy stripped the duvet back without so much of a warning and she yelped indignantly, her hands flying up to cover her chest. The bright morning light stung her eyes and she winced.

"Was that really necessary!" she squeaked, quickly gathering the duvet around her torso.

His lips quirked apparently at her prudish behaviour. "Well, after all the energy we burned through last night, I thought you'd be interested to know that breakfast is here."

Following the dramatic sweep of his arm, Hermione felt her lips turn upward at the sight of a rather fancy breakfast tray currently floating its way towards the bed. "Look at those dome lids! Are they actually real silver?"

"A droll thing to be concerned with right now," he commented with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Let's eat by the window," she replied. "It'd be nice to let some sun in, it looks perfectly warm outside."

Malfoy pouted. "Can't we just eat in bed? Naked?" he added with sidelong leer.

"Malfoy?"

"Yes, Granger?"

"Keep pushing it and you can eat in the bathroom. On the loo. Alone. Naked."

Throwing up his hands in surrender, he conceded. "Fine, mademoiselle, whatever you want."

With a grunt of effort, Malfoy heaved himself off the headboard and inched forward towards the tray which had now reached the foot of the bed, carefully keeping the sheets wrapped around his waist. He tried pushing the tray towards the table to the right, but it didn't budge.

"Bloody hell, just move already!" he growled, grabbing a handle and gave it a mighty yank, which seemed to anger the tray. It resisted and its legs scuttled backwards stubbornly, not unlike a dog fighting against taking a bath, making the china and silver jingle. Hermione fought a grin.

In defeat, Malfoy let go, peeved that he was bested by a piece of wood. "Must be Blaise and his bloody clever charms, the tray won't move. Getting my way never felt so underwhelming."

"That actually is really clever," chuckled Hermione, moving the duvet so that the tray could land evenly on the mattress. Spotting an envelope, she plucked it from where it rested between two empty cups, and read it aloud. "'We swung by earlier but you were still asleep. We decided to leave early for Italy, so stay in bed and enjoy breakfast! Thanks for everything again you guys. We love you, see you when we get back in three weeks! Blaise & Pansy Zabini xxx'."

"Thank fuck, no nagging for three weeks," rejoiced Malfoy as he flopped onto his back, making the mattress bounce. "Is the coffee pot charmed to pour itself?"

"Don't be a lazy arse, Malfoy," quipped Hermione, crawling towards the edge of the bed in search of her bra, which was nowhere to be seen. "Can I borrow your shirt, Malfoy? Just need to pop to the loo."

He grinned wolfishly. "Sure. As long as you don't wear anything underneath."

She rolled her eyes, turning her back to him so that she could quickly slip his shirt on. Fortunately it smelled clean enough, and she kept her arm belted on her chest so he couldn't take a cheeky peek. Her legs creaked when they hit the carpeted floor, and she groaned as her muscles stretched after a solid 14 hours in bed.

"I feel like a plank of wood," she complained, picking up her discarded knickers on her way to the bathroom.

She heard Malfoy snicker as she closed the door behind her. "You're anything but, Granger."

The bathroom was warm, nearly glowing yellow as the early afternoon poured in through the large windows. The tiles of the floor were cool though, and Hermione felt reality seeping back into her veins as she walked stiffly across the unnecessarily big room towards the loo.

The toilet lid was up, and Hermione frowned. Looked like she had to have a word with -

Hold it right there! She thought to herself. Toilet lids were on relationship territory, somewhere around the two-month mark. And they were nowhere near there. She calmly put the lid down.

Whilst on the loo, her mind wandered. She instigated sex with Malfoy last night. Malfoy! She seduced him into her bed - well technically, his bed because it was his room - and it was bloody amazing. She let him take her knickers off with his teeth and he let her tease him until he was panting for her touch. Well, smack her arse and call her Judy!

When she came out of the bathroom she was feeling suitably refreshed. On the bed, Malfoy was buttering toast with such care that he might as well have been coating a cake with buttermilk.

"Coffee or tea?" he asked as she curled into a comfortable ball next to him, their arms touching.

"Lots of coffee, please," she answered, reaching over to his side and grabbed two cubes of sugar. "No milk."

He poured the coffee into her cup as she stirred in the sugar, a peaceful silence befalling them as the teaspoon clinked against the porcelain cup.

When she was done, Malfoy lifted up his coffee, which had so much milk it almost looked like tea, and winked. "Here's to a night of successful sex."

"Must you be so crass?" she wrinkled her nose, but raised her cup anyway.

Malfoy took a long sip before smacking his lips and he sighed appreciatively. "I thought what I said was very complimentary."

She half-smiled, fluffing a big pillow and slipped it behind her back. "I have to say I was impressed you were still able to get it up considering the state you were in."

Feigning surprise, Malfoy bit into his toast and remarked, "Now who is being crass?"

"That's rich coming from you," said Hermione. Feeling her stomach rumble, she pulled the dramatic dome lid off her plate and was delighted to find a vegan full English breakfast. "Blaise and Pansy remembered that I'm vegan!" she said happily, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth.

"Veganism is such a load of bullshit," said Malfoy with an exasperated roll of his eyes. "Here, have some sausage."

Whacking his hand away, she decided to ignore his innuendo. It was weird enough eating breakfast with Draco Malfoy. Not to mention that he was stark naked underneath those sheets. And from where she was sitting, he was looking fine.

"You know, you might as well be wearing nothing. I can see straight through the shirt, Granger."

That caught her just as she was swallowing a mushroom, which was now lodged intrusively in her throat, causing her to splutter and Malfoy to laugh. Flushing furiously, she gathered the duvet around her shoulders and with a large cough she could breathe again. "Thanks, Malfoy. Thanks a lot."

Malfoy seemed delighted at her response. "Why so shy, Granger? I've already seen you naked. Every delicious inch of you." As if making a point, he trailed a teasing finger down the length of her arm.

Spearing a veggie sausage with her fork, she insisted loudly, "I'm not shy!"

Malfoy hmmm'ed dubiously. "Alright, maybe you're not, if last night was anything to go by. Tell me, Granger, do you act with such reckless abandon with everyone else you sleep with, or was I just lucky?"

Flushing bright red, she mumbled something she hoped was incoherent enough to evade the question.

Malfoy's blond eyebrows knitted together in utmost perplexity. "Wait... you've never... had sex?"

Hermione wondered idly if her face could physically resemble baked beans. "No! Did you seriously think I was a virgin? I meant I haven't had a one night stand before!"

"So you mean to tell me you haven't had sex since your last boyfriend? Wow, this is huge," he said and blew a raspberry.

She launched herself onto him, knocking him sideways while jabbing him in the stomach. "You're such an arsehole Malfoy!"

"Hey! We just had sex, I'm allowed to ask intimate questions," he grinned easily. He stayed on his side, not at all bothered by her assault.

"It was a one night stand! That doesn't give you any privileges."

Malfoy put on a hurt puppy look. "Stop saying it's a one night stand, Granger! We both know damned well that it isn't!"

Hermione pulled back, thrown. "It isn't?"

He gave her a devastatingly charming smile. "Granger, I'm here, having a romantic breakfast in bed with you. Does it look like I think you're a one night stand?"

Her heart was beating fast, and she wrung her hands nervously. She somehow felt that sometime in the future, she would look back and know that this was a significant moment. One in which the twisted sheets were starting to loosen from Malfoy's waist and exposing a hip bone as he half sat up to scoop her into his grasp.

"I'm not asking for much, Granger. At least throw me a bone for saying something vaguely sweet to you."

Disoriented, Hermione opened her mouth, but closed it when she realised she didn't know what to say.

"Charming," grinned Malfoy. "I just robbed Hermione Granger of the ability to say clever things. I've never been so flattered in my life."

A loud knock jerked Hermione out of her trance, and before either of them could react, the door opened and in ambled a very smug Theodore Nott. And all of a sudden, she was on her back, with Malfoy covering her state of undress and swearing at his Slytherin friend.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Nott? Get out!" he yelled, his jaw clenching right above her face.

Theo clucked, hands on hips. "Knew I should've invested in a camera. I'd be richer than you if I had one right now, Malfoy." He gave the upside down Hermione a wide smile. "Good afternoon, Granger, long time no see."

With a snarl, Draco carefully wrapped the sheets around Granger's chest and moved off her, helping her up. He then sat up on the edge of the bed and spread his legs brazenly wide.

"Eyes up, Nott," he barked.

Theo rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, Draco. If I wanted to look at a package I'd check out my own."

He turned to watch Granger's reaction. She looked unexpectedly amused. Of course, when he was being vulgar deserved to have his mouth washed with soap, but when Theo did it it was funny.

"How did you enjoy yesterday Theo?" asked Granger politely, twisting around to put her bare feet on the floor next to him.

Draco gaped at her. "Really? You're going to start a civil conversation with him when he barged in without so much of a 'hello'?"

"Just scandalous enough to be entertaining," replied Theo, bypassing Draco completely. "Thanks for Kate again, Malf-" He dove just in time for an expensive shoe to sail over his head harmlessly. "Really, Draco, manners! Did Narcissa teach you nothing?"

"You have three seconds to tell me what you're doing here before I kick you out, and I guarantee you it will be painful."

Granger snickered, tilting her head to one side and her right eye crinkling in mirth. "Ooh, Malfoy gets tough- oof! What are you doing!"

Draco tightened his grip on her waist, having just hauled her into his lap to re-establish some sort of authority in this room. "One more word Granger, and I'll throw you out too."

Theo wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Shall we try very hard to get kicked out, Hermione?"

She laughed. She laughed! Draco spluttered. "Granger, this guy isn't even funny! And don't think you can distract me, Nott - what did you come in here for, uninvited?"

From his back pocket, Theo whipped out a rolled up newspaper and tossed it to the couple. Draco caught it and with a flourish, it unrolled like a scroll. Both of their jaws dropped at the glaring headline.

The Daily Prophet

16th July, 2004

THE FORBIDDEN AFFAIR: HERMIONE AND DRACO GIVE INTO DESIRES THAT HAVE BEEN BREWING SINCE THE HOGWARTS DAYS

Draco's mind had barely caught up with the words on the paper before the words rushed out of him. "That flash in the bushes! That fucking flash in the bushes!"

"You saw a flash in the bushes and you didn't do anything about it?" Granger yelled into his ear, giving his chest an angry push, but stayed put in his lap. "Why?!"

Dropping the Prophet, Draco grabbed both her wrists and protested. "Hey! You had just stuck your tongue in my ear and were practically dragging me back to the house for a hot shag, it wasn't like I was thinking straight!"

"You could've done something about it afterwards!"

"That was the bloody plan!" roared Draco, fisting his fingers in his hair. "But I fell asleep! Do you know how much concentration it takes to shag properly when you're plastered!"

"This is bad," declared Granger, snatching the paper from his hands and stared hard at it. "This is really bad."

Out of the corner of his eye, Draco saw Theo leaning back against the door frame, observing the yelling match between himself and Granger with a most infuriatingly amused look that just begged to be punched clean off his face.

"If you want to say something, Theo, just say it," bit out Draco.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Nothing that hasn't been said in the Prophet. But both of you would want to go back to your homes and set up some wards and probably brew some Polyjuice - the paparazzi is becoming more brazen by the day."

"And you'd know that because you're followed everywhere," said Draco sarcastically.

Theo grinned. "I've shagged enough famous women to know how it works."

Draco shifted Granger so that she was half sitting on the bed now. "How are you getting back?"

"Portkey," she answered. "I have to go soon, I need to start on some sketching for a client meeting tomorrow morning."

"Damn there's no floo here," lamented Draco, his hands falling naturally onto her bare legs and rubbing them soothingly. "Owl Potter and tell him to go put up wards around your flat first. The photographers would literally be on brooms outside your windows. You can stay with me tonight and I'll take you back to your flat tomorrow morning."

"I promised Ginny I'd catch up with her tonight, so it'd make more sense if I stayed at hers," reasoned Granger. "But I'll send Harry an owl now."

"Why can't you just floo over to mine when you're done with the Weaselette?" Draco snapped his mouth shut when he realised how whiny he sounded, especially with Theo in the room.

Granger's lips quirked. "I haven't seen Ginny for a week, and she gets separation anxiety. We're all having pizza and drinks tomorrow night though, you're welcome to come if you want. You too, Theo."

Before Draco could open his mouth, Theo jumped in and said too cheerfully, "That sounds like an excellent idea, Hermione. We'll be there, with bells on."

"Great," said Granger with a grin. "Well, I'd better get moving now. Got lots to do before the portkey activates." She paused, giving Theo an apologetic look. "I'm afraid I'll have to kick you out, I'm not exactly appropriately dressed."

"Don't worry about it Hermione," replied Theo. "I'll get out of you lovebirds' hair now, got a bit of packing to do myself."

"We'll see you tomorrow night then," chirped Granger. "At Harry and Ginny's place, I'll have Malfoy owl you the address."

"Excellent," said Theo, shooting Draco a smile that was decidedly evil. "I'll see you at Potter's tomorrow night, Malfoy."

As soon as the door closed behind Theo, Granger sprang up from the bed, the sheets falling off her body enticingly. "Where's my wand? I can't find my bra and I kind of need it."

Well, Draco wasn't in a hurry to help her find it. So he propped his feet up onto the bed next to their abandoned breakfast tray. "Granger, about this pizza night."

"What about it?" she asked, busying herself with looking underneath furniture for her lost items.

"So is it like, you, Potter, Weaselette-"

"Ginny," she corrected him.

"- Weasel, then me and Theo?"

Granger straightened her spine, a hand on hip with a puzzled look. "Yes."

Draco waited for it to sink it, but apparently it didn't. Really? Four Gryffindors versus two Slytherins? If he didn't know Granger any better he'd say it sounded like a plot to murder them.

He attempted to communicate his anxieties in a way that wouldn't involve Granger doing him any physical harm. "So we'll be sitting there, eating pizza."

"Yes," she said slowly, a bit condescendingly if you asked him. "So?"

With a big sigh, he said finally, "Nothing. Sounds like fun. Though I'm not sure how pizzas can be vegan."

She laughed. "You'd be surprised."


Theo was a little bit drunk. He'd decided the best way to avoid the inevitable hangover was to stay drunk, so he'd kept a bottle of red next to his bedside table. It was now three o'clock in the afternoon and there was only a quarter of wine left.

He didn't go on holiday often. Managing his father's vast fortune was a full time job, and so was evading the tax authorities. So when he did take time off, he always made sure to milk it and go all the way. Banging Draco Malfoy's date was one such example.

Speaking of whom... Hermione Granger. Surprise was the mildest possible way of putting it. Absolutely and utterly floored was more like it. It was like that time he woke up in just his boxers and shoes in the ensuite bathroom of Mrs. Zabini's hotel suite. He still wasn't sure what happened there that night.

A real what the fuck moment.

Not that it was impossible though. Granger had always been pretty in a way. And the thought of mounting a Gryffindor had always gotten Theo's pants a bit tight -

A most vicious slap on the back of his head had him howling in pain, and through embarrassingly wet eyes he watched Malfoy saunter into his line of vision with a satisfied smirk.

"Least you deserve for interrupting my breakfast," he said, taking a seat on the other side of the bench.

"If I'd heard you coming, I would have taken you down, mate."

Malfoy snorted. "As if. You're still drunk. You're sluggish as a worm as soon as you get a glass into your system."

Theo shrugged and grinned. "I can still shag like a champ though. Ask Kate."

"Can you just shut up about Kate already?"

"Jealous are we, Drakey?"

His nostrils flared. "Why should I be?"

Licking his lips, Theo decided to have a bit of fun. "Well, I mean, come on. Kate had those amazing legs, and those jugs -" he paused and made a face that conveyed pure amazement. "And well, Granger on the other hand - seems like you drew the short straw, you know?"

Carefully peering to his left, Theo spied Malfoy's fingers clenching the bench way too tightly. He pressed on recklessly. "And I'm telling you mate, the tricks she knew - Merlin's rod. I bet Granger doesn't even go on top, does she?"

Theo casually glanced to his right. Pale lips thinned dramatically, shoulders stiff. Just a little nudge and he'd go tumbling.

He smirked devilishly. "But still. I'd shag her. I'd shag her good and long until she can't wal-"

Thank Merlin he was a bit tipsy - it certainly dulled the mean right hook that caught the underside of his jaw. But he slumped forward anyway, figuring he should give Malfoy the satisfaction after such knobbish behaviour. Stretching open his jaw slowly, Theo winced. It actually did sting.

"You're such a wanker, Theo," said Malfoy through gritted teeth, shaking his hand out. "You actually make me miss Blaise."

"You never could take a bit of teasing," replied Theo with a grin. "So... how was Granger?"

"Not as good as your mother."

With a bark of laughter, Theo said, "That was below the belt, mate."

"You started it," shot back Malfoy childishly.

They listened to the slosh of liquid as Theo washed the pain down with a mouthful of wine. It was a beautiful afternoon. They were sat right where the Zabini's had exchanged their vows, and the day was so clear that he could see people walking about in the neighbouring town.

"You know she's too good for you right?"

Draco whipped his head around. "I'm good enough for anyone."

Theo shook his head, taking another swig. "No, no. Like good, as in literally goody-two-shoes good."

Rubbing his eyes, Malfoy sighed and asked. "What's your point?"

"Can you imagine the nagging she'll put you through?" He put his voice up a notch. "'No Drakey Poo you can't yell at your lawyers. You have to be nice to the house elves-'"

"- I don't even use those damned creatures anymore -"

"'You have to donate all your profits to a shelter for kitties -'"

"C'mon Theo -"

"And do you actually want to be in a relationship in general right now?" he asked. "When you're getting more arse that you can literally sink your teeth into?"

Draco scoffed. "Don't be so lewd, you're making me blush. And how exactly did this conversation turn into such a pussy heart-to-heart?"

"You'd tell Blaise," pouted Theo.

"That's because he's my best mate."

"I don't understand why you have to monopolise him. As far as I'm concerned he's my best mate, too."

"Speaking of besties, thank you for your very prompt RSVP to Potty and Weasel's house party, you fucker," said Draco sardonically.

His eyes widened in pretend innocence. "What? I thought you wanted to go after that very public display of clinginess."

Malfoy sighed heavily. "You're the biggest knob on the planet right now."

"Oh come on, Draco, pizza night with the Gryffinbores! It's a foolproof Sunday night plan," grinned Theo, leaning over to give him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Theo knew he needed it.


A/N: This chapter took a lot of rewriting. It verged a bit too much onto fluffiness at times, and I tried really hard to neutralise it with humour and crassness in the form of Theo, so hopefully it worked out! I hope you are all happy with the way Hermione and Draco's relationship shaping out to be. Also, I hope everyone liked the Theo scenes, there has to be someone here to annoy Draco while the Zabini's are away on their honeymoon.

Thank you all again for your amazing comments. As usual, all reviewers will get a sneak preview of the next chapter when I've written it up. The summer job's keeping me busy but again, I'll try to update within 2 weeks!

Lastly, there aren't that many chapters left now, I won't say how many exactly, but we're almost there!