Chapter two: One day at the time

Around lunch time Gwen stared out of the window of the royal chambers. On days like today, when the sky was a miserable grey and the mood of her council was similar, she felt like tearing her hair out. Why did she have to face every decision alone? It just wasn't fair that Arthur had left her to deal with… oh no, now she felt guilty for even blaming her deceased husband…

In disgust at the unwanted rush of grief Gwen turned around. She lifted the crown off her head to place it on the table with a louder bang than she intended. Looking at it with sadness she couldn't help but remember how Arthur had placed it onto her head with a proud smile. Their marriage took place only a handful of summers ago, but what little time they had lived and loved together Gwen still cherished each and every memory of it. Lost in thought she touched the crown and stared at it, as if it had the answers for her.

It was how Leon found her when he came to collect her for another meeting. "Milady?" His soft spoken question startled Gwen from her pensive mood. She looked up to find Leon's concerned eyes looking back at her. "I am sorry to interrupt, but we are needed in the council chambers for the second half of the meeting."

When she stayed lost for words he stepped closer to place his left hand on her right shoulder. The gentle gesture made her smile in remembrance of their long standing friendship, which dated back to when they were children. "I am alright. Thank you, Leon."

Putting the crown back on her head Gwen pushed down her emotions in favour of duty once more before she asked, "Will you accompany me to the council chambers?"

With a look of understanding in his eyes Leon accepted that she needed to forget all about her sombre thoughts. Gwen waited for his assured nod and then, forming a united front of friendship, they walked out of the royal chambers together.

Upon their entrance Gwen saw that they were the last to enter the council chambers. A couple of guards closed the large wooden doors behind them. Sitting down at the round table the aura of the Queen of Camelot soon replaced the still mourning widow, who tried to make the best of things. From the instant she waved for the council to begin reports about the neighbouring kingdoms the meeting kept her mind busy on other things. Even so Gwen knew that the offers for more peaceful solutions and reports of restored trust were all due to her husband's efforts over the last few long summers of diplomacy. His legacy seemed to stay with her regardless of her emotions of grief.

Inevitable her thoughts moved on to Merlin, who had remained missing since Camlann. What had happened after Arthur fell in battle there… and what kept his manservant and friend from returning? The message Percival brought back was that Arthur had died. He further had claimed that Merlin wasn't ready to come back to Camelot with him. Gwen had a feeling there was something more to it Percival wasn't saying, but she didn't push him for the truth.

The day Merlin did return she would get him to tell her his reasons himself. Gwen firmly believed that he would; he just had to for the sake of Camelot if not for their friendship. However as time went on she began to doubt her own thoughts, not that she'd ever tell Gaius any of it. Merlin was like a son to the old physician and she was sure it would break his already fragile heart if Merlin would not return.

Maybe all Merlin's hesitancy to return home came down to was his magic? The battle at Camlann had revealed his secret, well… to Gwen anyway. She was not sure of how many others had connected the old man who wielded a power beyond what anyone had ever witnessed to the bumbling manservant of the King. Sometimes she saw the question rise in Leon and Percival's eyes too, but both stayed quiet on the matter thus far.

Or had Merlin's absence to do with the fears the purge and its resulting laws had brought to their town and kingdom? The thought made her feel sad, and so Gwen vowed to herself that she would find a way to bring both Merlin and magic back to the kingdom which was now hers to rule.

Hers to rule… the moment the thought came to her Gwen knew that the time had come for the laws to change. Merlin and every other peaceful man or woman with magic had waited long enough to be recognized for the trust they put in both Arthur and herself.

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves and prepare herself for the inevitable long discussion she saw coming from afar Gwen addressed her council. "Milords. There is a matter I wish to discuss. Magic… we have ignored it for too long, but we all know it is what saved the day at Camlann. It can indeed be used for good. As such it needs to get legalized and I believe that King Arthur would have agreed with me."


Merlin never grew tired of the grand sight of Camelot. Even in the grey weather of drizzling rain the castle shone with pride, welcoming him home. Swallowing back the thought Arthur would no longer be there he walked on. Even now there was a bounce to his step for he knew that his friends were there, but at the same time a fear had crept into his mind. What if they realised that he was the one to stop the battle at Camlann? What if they feared him for it? In spite of his doubts Merlin walked on, for he found he could not turn away from his home and not know what his friends thought.

More than anything he longed for Gwaine to understand. Would his friend forgive him for his silence? The knight had always looked beyond the walls of Camelot. He had seen many things on his journeys, which made him more open minded than most… and yet, Merlin had never found the courage to be honest with him. Was he wrong not to? Merlin did not know. All he had wanted to do was protect his closest friends. The less they knew about his gift the less likely the chance they had to make a choice, or worse they had to watch him burn on the pyre. The image of such punishment never failed to make him shudder… not since he saw it happen to someone else on the day he arrived in Camelot.

But then Gwaine had a secret himself, something he held close to his heart. No one but Merlin knew about the fact noble blood ran in the knight's veins. Everyone still believed him a commoner, and Gwaine preferred to keep it that way. He had earned his cloak and knighthood all by himself, and that - so Gwaine told him - meant more to him than titles handed down through blood. Merlin understood his friend's pride and in silence he believed Gwaine to be more noble than he wished to hear.

Climbing up the set of stairs Merlin headed into the castle. Just like old times he walked towards the chambers he called home. An anxious feeling washed over him. What had Gaius made of his absence? He reached for the door and burst inside, not bothering with knocking because he was far too eager to see his mentor.

No one? His heart faltered when the empty room made his call of "Hello" echo into a hollow sound. Where was the man who was like a father to him? Frowning Merlin stepped back out again. Maybe he would go upstairs to the royal chambers to find Gwen then.

After taking a moment to steady himself Merlin opened the door to her chambers only to find it void of people and life as well. The room looked uncharacteristically tidy and clean to Merlin. There were no abandoned clothes, plates, chalices or any of the clutter Arthur used to leave behind. Merlin half expected the shout of his name and an order to follow it, but of course the sounds never came. For a long moment he leaned against the backside of a chair to brace himself against the onslaught of memories.

Once he calmed himself down again with a few deep breaths Merlin concluded Gwen and Gaius had to be at a council meeting. With hesitation he allowed for his feet to take him through the long hallways and around the corner until he stood just outside the doors of the council chambers. The two guards standing at attention by each side of the doors stared at him, both unsure about how to react to his presence and both staring at him in disbelief.

Even from where he stood Merlin heard the raised voices coming from inside. "Magic is only used for evil. We have seen it with the witch Morgana."

Another council member counteracted. "Not always. Remember Camlann, Lord Aldrich. Our Queen is right. You are judging Merlin's actions and the lack of his return too harsh."

"Milords!" Gwen's voice interrupted Lord Aldrich from another argument. "Please… we are at court and I must insist…"

The voices quieted down. Merlin could no longer hear their conversation, but it didn't matter. Already he had a good idea of what was going on inside. Gwen had risen up for him in his absence. It warmed his heart to hear her try to get the council to see magic for what it could be. He also realised that his secret was out in the open and that it could never be hidden again. If he walked out of the castle and the town now, his first instinct, he was giving up on his one chance to get magic accepted by law just like the old days…

No, he had to stay. The way Gwen had stood up for him before, and not even knowing that he heard her she had given Merlin the strength he needed. Ignoring the stares of the two guards he stepped towards the large doors and he pushed them open with a powerful burst of his magic. "Tospringe." It was time to live up to who he was. This was the day magic would return to Camelot… for better, or for worse.

Everyone in the council room fell to silence the instant Merlin walked inside, oozing a confidence he did not quite feel. With a sad smile to Gwen he took a few more steps until he was close enough. Then, unsure about how the face her, Merlin knelt on the floor to speak his message with his head bowed. "My Queen, I am sorry but I have returned to Camelot alone. The King…" The rest of his words got stuck in his throat. It was still too hard to say out loud that his best friend was no longer in the world.

"Oh Merlin." With a firm push of her chair Gwen got up and rose to her feet. In just a few strides she had reached his side and without delay she pulled him up to face her tear filled eyes. "Welcome home."

Unable to speak he let the tears he by some miracle had not shed yet fall. How could Gwen stay so calm and not send him away? Merlin did not know, but it made him feel all the more proud that she was his Queen.

After a moment Gwen stepped back from their hug before she pointed over to the empty chair which stood beside her own. "Please, join us."

With a bow of curtsy Merlin accepted the invitation for the honour it was. Smiling shyly to Percival and Gaius he sat down. Why was there an empty chair next to where they were seated? Where was Gwaine? A rush of panic threatened to spill, but the stern glares from the two older lords who sat next to Gaius had him push his emotions back down. No, it would have to wait!

Looking further around the table Merlin saw Leon nod, assured and unafraid to meet his eyes. Had the senior knight accepted him for who he was? The unwavering truth of his gesture sunk in when Leon did not look away. In a flash he knew what he his friend encouraged him to do, that he had to cease the moment or all could be lost. Merlin took a deep breath then and he grabbed the opportunity to speak up in the name of everyone with magic. Where he found the words he was unsure of and later he would not be able to recall any of them, but he spoke from the heart and in the end it was enough.

What he would remember later was how in the privacy of the physician's chambers Gaius hugged him like there was no tomorrow. In no uncertain terms he told him, "I am proud of you, my boy. I always knew you had it in you to bring about a new future."

Merlin could only shrug at his words, unsure about how else to react and too exhausted from the effort his speech had taken him. It was one thing to be back here and to fulfil at least some part of his destiny, but it was quite another to face the fact that Arthur, the other half of said fate, was not around to enjoy the moment with him.

And where was Gwaine? Merlin swallowed back the sad question… too afraid to face the answer. No one had said anything about the absent knight, and that thought alone threatened to kill what little control Merlin had left over his broken heart. Not today, for he could not deal with the answers he feared most of all.

"One day at the time", Merlin muttered to himself as he took the short set of steps into his bedroom. Tired to the bone he dropped onto his bed, not bothering to undress. He was gone before his head hit the pillow…

Merlin was unaware of the fact Gaius took off his boots and threw a blanket over him. The old physician shook his head, part in disbelief at having his ward back and part saddened by the fact to see him so shaken still. He walked off, stopping at the door for one last glance. "It is good to have you back home", his whisper went unheard.