A/N: Hello everyone! First of all, my sincerest apologies for being away temporarily. I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting and I'm so sorry that it seems like I've forgotten about this fic. I really do enjoy writing and I will definitely finish this story. I've just been really terrible at managing what little free time I have, and it seems as I just fell behind because of that. I really appreciate all you readers and your kind words always make my day :) Here are chapters 33 and 34. Hope you enjoy them!


Chapter 33: Desire

Astrid sat at the edge of her bed, lacing up her boots and feeling the slight tingle of excitement crawl through her chest. Sure, Arnbjorn wasn't necessarily happy with Zirath's decision to take her to Dawnstar, but the decision wasn't hers to make in the first place. She couldn't help the fact that whatever small trickle of guilt she felt inside wasn't enough to remove the strange yearning for Zirath's company.

Astrid rose to her feet, examining the inside of her small leather satchel of belongings before strapping it to her belt. The usually cool, damp air had become slightly cooler, validating that night had, indeed, fallen upon the sanctuary.

She briefly checked her side, adjusting the dagger that she'd placed there, before stepping into the dark corridor ahead. Through the dimly lit passageway, she spotted a tall, broad silhouette standing in the shadows.

"Astrid." Arnbjorn's gravelly voice reverberated from the stone walls, hitting her ears. "You leaving?"

Astrid grinned in the dark, feeling her heart beat intensify as she soaked in his voice. Apparently, he'd been waiting to see her, and that in and of itself brought a wave of pleasant emotions through her body. She stepped toward him, eyeing his broad, muscular form in the darkness. "Have you always lurked around like this, or is this a new thing for you?" she teased him, stopping close enough to see the outline of his face and the small glint of light reflecting in his icy blue eyes.

"You think you're funny, don't ya?" he snapped, though Astrid could see his lips curl into a slight half-grin in the shadows. She smiled a bit wider, casually shrugging his feigned irritability away. "You got your weapons packed?" he continued on, despite her previous remark.

"I have a dagger at my side, if that's what you mean." she replied flatly, trying her best not to show just how much his concern for her was affecting her emotions. Astrid bit her lip slightly, in an attempt to stifle her grin and not appear too pleased by his behavior, although she certainly felt that way.

Suddenly, Arnbjorn's expression twisted to one of both shock and displeasure. "That's it?" he huffed, causing Astrid's smile to fall completely.

"Yes. Why?" Astrid scowled, suddenly feeling a bit foolish due to his tone.

"You'll need more than that. Wait here." he replied, stepping away from her and disappearing in the shadows. After a small moment of silence had passed, Astrid heard his footsteps heading her direction once more. Before she realized what he'd done, he stepped up to her and pulled her hand open, while she felt a cool, thin shard of metal on her skin. She looked to the object, seeing that it appeared to be a small shiv with a very sharp point.

"Hide that one. You'll never know when you'll be disarmed by a bunch of asshole bandits on the road." he explained, now handing her another dagger. "Keep it on you. Never take just one weapon, understand?" Arnbjorn asked, the concerned tone of his voice causing Astrid to involuntarily smile like a giddy child once more.

Realizing her blatant display of joy, Astrid averted her gaze from him. "What? You don't think I can handle myself?" she remarked playfully, hoping to focus the attention away from her obvious display of affection for him.

"Whether or not you can handle yourself isn't my concern. You ever get ambushed by a bunch of savages?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Can't say that I have." Astrid replied, still smirking from the way he seemed to scold her out of concern for her well being. Normally, she wasn't very fond of being told what to do. However, she found herself feeling surprisingly content when it came to his protective demeanor.

"Well, let's just say you'll be thanking me for that pointy little piece of iron if you ever do." he remarked, as Astrid heard the soft echo of footsteps intrude upon their conversation.

She briefly looked past Arnbjorn to catch sight of Zirath's dark form enter her line of vision. "Are you ready to depart, sister?" he inquired, his voice flat, icy, and seeming rather unenthusiastic about Arnbjorn's presence.

"Yes. I'm ready now." Astrid answered, briefly glancing at Arnbjorn, who's features also seemed quite displeased in the shadows.

"Very well. Come along." Zirath instructed, his shadowy form turning and leaving abruptly, implying that he was in no mood to wait around.

Astrid grew silent for a brief moment, before turning back to Arnbjorn, who was now equally as silent. "I'll see you around..." Astrid spoke, her voice trailing off a bit due to both the awkward situation and the slight pang of sadness she felt for leaving him.

Astrid took a few steps ahead, attempting to wipe the confusing emotions away and focus on the task ahead, only to feel a firm grip on her wrist, holding her back. She turned in the darkness, meeting eyes with Arnbjorn. In the dim light, his eyes seemed to be deeply fixated on her own, and a look of worry and something else deeper was lingering in his gaze. Feeling his rough hand holding her in his grip sent a feeling akin to a jolt of electricity up her spine. A rush of elated feelings swept over her. Something inside of her wanted more of his gaze - more of his touch. However, just as quickly as the wave had hit her, it dissolved into something a bit more like fear and panic. She just couldn't act on her impulses. It left her too exposed - too vulnerable. His eyes were nothing like those eyes, and yet...the damage had been done, all the same. Frozen in place, she simply gazed into his eyes, too confused to say or do anything.

"Just watch out for that guy. I don't trust him..." he spoke in a low, hushed growl before gently releasing her and stepping quietly back into the shadows.


Astrid poked at the blazing campfire with a stick before briefly glancing at her leader's face, which remained remarkably unreadable the whole carriage ride to the outskirts of Dawnstar. The two of them had donned plain black robes covering their armor per Zirath's instruction and set up camp in the icy terrain just out of the city's reach.

Astrid had to admit, she began to feel a bit baffled by her leader's behavior, which had become completely aloof during their time traveling together. As a matter of fact, Zirath had only spoken a few commands to her and nothing more, leaving Astrid wondering just what was running through his mind the whole journey. At first sight of this behavior, she'd simply remained silent, observing him and studying for what motivated his actions. However, after days of coming up short, her patience was growing increasingly thin.

"So, when are we going to meet our client?" Astrid plainly asked, watching the flames crackle and spark when meeting the slight dampness of the tinder.

"Soon, child." Zirath replied, remaining just as distant and mysterious as he'd been the whole time.

"Will we be going to the city?" Astrid pried further, raising an eyebrow.

"Quite the contrary, dear sister...Our client has left specific instructions to meet with us in this very spot. He has eyes and ears hidden in the shadows. Once they have seen the flames, they will know. Our friend will be meeting with us, shortly..." he continued, his eyes gazing upon the dancing flames as if mesmerized by them. Much to Astrid's dislike, he fell silent once more, fixated on the fire before him.

The secrecy and strangely distant behavior Zirath continued to show was beginning to nag at Astrid's insides. Why wasn't he conversing with her as he normally would in the sanctuary? Finally, curiosity and slight irritation overtook her.

"Is something the matter?" she inquired, hoping to make some sense of his uncharacteristic behavior.

She watched as his crimson gaze lifted from the burning embers to meet with her own. A subtle smirk curled on his lips, as he straightened himself and began to speak.

"I see that the lack of words passed between us has unnerved you, sister..." he began, his voice returning to its usual smooth, velvety form. "I can assure you that there is no problems or strife in our midst, my child...I am merely...preparing..."

Astrid's brow wrinkled in deep confusion. "What?"

Zirath smiled, his razor-like teeth gleaming in the firelight. He then pulled out the Blade of Woe from its sheath on his side, seeming to watch the reflecting flames on its surface. "Have you ever seen a play, Astrid? A grand performance? Have you ever dined on the finest cuisine from the most remote lands of Tamriel? Have you witnessed the beauty of a lavish ball full of the wealthiest nobles alive?" he asked, slowly running his long finger down the jagged blade.

Astrid began to scowl. "Of course not. I was a half a step away from being a beggar." she spat, feeling as if he'd hit a nerve within her. He was fully aware that she hadn't grown up wealthy, which led her to ponder on if he was actually going somewhere with these questions or attempting to mock her. Against her own will, her subtle, yet constant undercurrent of anger and shame came to the forefront of her emotions. Whatever pleasurable feelings his presence often gave her were completely covered by a sudden, overwhelming feeling of inferiority.

Apparently, Zirath had sensed that he'd caused her some discomfort, and seemed to want to reassure her. "Forgive me, deal girl. My intention is not to frown upon you...It is to show you...what I see..." he trailed off, his words somehow both calming Astrid's insides once more and confusing her further. Since when had she began to hang on to another person's words so tightly? Since when had she allowed her emotions to become so visible?

"Just what do you see?" Astrid narrowed her eyes, waiting for an explanation to all of his cryptic actions and words.

"Ah..." he grinned devilishly, sheathing his weapon. "A worthy question indeed...To begin, do you see what quality all of those lovely things share? When you look, do you see?"

Astrid could find no reason or answer for his strange inquiry, and so she simply shook her head, baffled by the whole conversation.

"You will. You are young yet...untrained...You see, as a child of such wealth and status I witnessed many things. I saw the most beautiful women, heard the loveliest music, dined on the finest feasts...And be it that under all of that exquisite allure and beauty, I truly had a loveless existence. I began to see things for what and how they really are...Life, nay - fate is nothing more than a grand play. All of these fine things - all of Nirn's existence is a brilliant masterpiece that needs to be twisted, shaped, and bent by our own hands. The finest things in my existence took painstaking preparation..." he explained, though Astrid still felt as if she remained in the dark. However, she began to feel that familiar, hypnotic pull drawing her eyes to him and leaving them there, unmoving.

"My eyes began to open, and I began to finally see...From my mother's feigned love to the false words of every lord and lady she came in contact with. I began to see them for what they were - a finely crafted display, much like the work put into preparing a vintage wine or a rare delicacy. Or better yet, they were a divine play. All of the actors were into place, all the right whispers fell into the right ears, the right embraces and lovers in the dark...All the motives and hidden agendas slithering about in the shadows, feeding those whom they served. Ah, but none of those serpants served my purposes...Behold this fire, Astrid..." Zirath gestured to the bright, blazing flames twising before her eyes. He then stood, holding out his hand to her. She gazed into his crimson eyes, grasping his hand in her own and standing beside him.

"You see how it engulfs the things it needs, feeding itself for its own existence..." he purred, as he held out his other hand. Astrid watched, mesmerized by the flames that began to grow in the very palm of it. "I am that fire...You can be that fire, too..." he spoke, his every word sounding more delicious than the last. Zirath knew exactly what Astrid realized long ago, and that was the fact that a person could, indeed, twist fate to their liking. She certainly had when she stopped Reiner from ever taking another breath in the plane of Nirn. Zirath knew. He understood. He urged her to follow her desires, which were the same as his own.

"It's no different than a wolf..." Astrid mumbled aloud, her mind lost in memory. Suddenly, images of a sparkling, bloody bovine corpse in the light of the moon and stars began to flood though her thoughts. The feeling of that night, the air, and the reek of death in it overtook her.

"Far better than a wild beast, sister..." Zirath corrected her, seeming to instantly know what she'd meant. "We are the divine actors in this life. We create the roles, we move the pieces into place, and we decide fate...We are the flames, Astrid..." he explained, his blood-red eyes causing her heart to pound wildly with excitement.

Nothing had ever been so true in that moment. She'd known it from the time she was a little girl tempting the fates every time she'd held her breath under the warm waters of her bath. She'd known it from the way she constantly bristled like a caged beast under Nona's false righteousness. And she had known it when Reiner took his dying breath.

"You're right..." she spoke, her voice breathy and full of that strange hunger for power.

"I know what happened to you, sister. I've been observing the inner-workings of men nearly all of my days. I know what he did to you. I know he left a mark. I can see it." Zirath continued, causing Astrid to draw in a shaky breath from merely speaking the horrific truth. Against her own will, her eyes began to glaze over with tears. It was as if Zirath had instantly spotted her deepest pain and penetrated it, causing it to release. "I know it is a deep, festering sickness that lives inside of you. When one leaves a mark so deep, it never truly fades. Of course, now it is your turn. Sister, you can take that mark and bend it to your will. You are one of the divine actors now. Now it's time for you to leave a mark. Tonight, we will create a spectacular masterpiece together. The power is yours..." Zirath smiled, his face appearing dark and sinister in the light of the fire he beheld. "What do you say, sister?"

A cunning smile crept across her features, as she reached toward his fire, her fingertips feeling the welcoming warmth of his flames. "I'd want nothing more..."