Chapter 37: Sincere
The carriage ride to Riften had been one of silence between Astrid and Arnbjorn, albeit for completely different reasons than those behind the silence of Zirath during such events. They had little choice but to remain quiet, for they were surrounded by various fellow travelers who would surely find their conversations a bit suspicious. Astrid examined Arnbjorn's face in the pale light of Masser and Secunda, as she briefly adjusted the hood of her robe to allow further cover from possible prying eyes. Unfortunatly, this territory was one she had been well-known in. If rumor had spread like she imagined it would, people in Riften knew her as the girl from the marketplace - the one who murdered her uncle. Needless to say, she felt a bit uncomfortable being so close to her former prison. Prison was exactly right - home was certainly not the word for it.
Her eyes traced the contours of his profile, then his silver mane, and finally they met with his cold blue eyes, glinting in the white illumination from the heavens. She watched as he never turned his gaze away, and without any other traces of emotion, only the slightest smirk fell apon his lips. Without even realizing it, a tiny grin fell on her lips as well. Somehow, that strange sensation of connection began to fill her once more. There was something so exciting, and yet so comforting about being in his presence. Realizing that she was blatantly staring a hole through him at that point, Astrid quickly diverted her attention to the night skies. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, and she couldn't help but feel as if his eyes were still on her.
As she saw the gates of Riften approaching in the distance, she began to think of the man sitting across from her. He was often concerned for her well-being and considerate of her in a way that most weren't, and that gave her a lovely, serene feeling inside. He was also dangerous. She remembered the thief's screams who he'd slain in the Ratway. She remembered his haunting, bestial cries in the dark of night and the terror they invoked. She remembered the blood he'd left behind, and the magnificent way in which it glittered in the light of the twin moons. There was something intoxicating about those memories - about him.
The jostling carriage began to slow until it came to a halt. Nameless, faceless people began to file out of it as the two remained sitting until everyone else had cleared. With a mutual nod between the two, Astrid stood, watching as Arnbjorn stepped down from the wagon, holding his large hand out for her to grab. As she took his hand in her own, the feeling burned her skin like wildfire. It was strangely exhilerating just to touch him in the most innocent of ways.
"It's a few miles away from the city. Just stay close." he instructed, as his voice began to develope an edge to it - something dark and feral.
Astrid stalked silently behind him as they entered the wilderness just outside the safety of the city gates. For such a large Nord, Arnbjorn was remarkably quiet as the two crept through the woods. He was also remarkably agile - a bit too agile for a mere man. It was apparent that he held the curse of Lycanthropy in his veins - only another fact to add to his dangerous allure.
Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks so abruptly that Astrid nearly walked into him. He quickly turned to her, his eyes wide and fierce. "Their cave is up ahead. Wait here." he growled, his voice teetering somewhere between man and beast. Astrid inhaled deeply, realizing that his eyes nearly glowed in the light of the moons. She simply nodded, entranced by his dangerous presence. She watched as he disappeared into the distant shadows, now noting that a faint flicker of light waited for him off in the distance. She began to wonder just why he went off to speak with the client on his own. Perhaps it was a dangerous situation, she mused, right before being startled by the blood-curdling howl of a beast. It was him.
It was only when she heard the frantic cries and screams in the distance, that she realized he wasn't speaking with his client. He was murdering his targets.
The eerie echo of silence filled the air, as Astrid watched in the distance for any signs of Arnbjorn. Before that moment, every howl and cry in the distance caused her body to tingle with profound energy. Every struggling scream and dying wail made her nearly gasp with exhileration. Arnbjorn was dangerous, cunning, and calculated. He was perfect.
Suddenly, she began to hear footsteps on the forest floor. They were no longer light and undetectable, but heavy and forceful. Arnbjorn stepped out from behind a thicket, splashes of white moonlight spilling through the canopy of looming trees and painting his form. Astrid's eyes widened as the thrill of seeing his blood-soaked features poured over her. He reeked of fresh death, and the scent of it only delighted her further.
Mesmerized by the reality of who he was, she simply stepped up to him, her mind and body hanging suspended in a powerful trance of emotions. Unconsciously, her fingertips lightly grazed his cheek, as she felt the warm trickle of blood meet her skin in the cool night air.
As she gazed into his pale eyes, she felt the intensity of his stare. It was too much for her to simply remain silent. "You are real...It's just like I remember..." she spoke, her voice almost wistful as she relished the precious memories he'd given her.
"What is?" he asked, his low voice carrying a tone she'd never heard him speak with before. It was soft and heavy at the same time, thick with the sound of what she could only imagine was longing.
"This...All of this..." she began, her mind trailing back to the farmhouse. "I used to lay awake in bed at night and listen to you. I wondered who or what was calling out, and if that being was ever calling out to me...And I remember the trail of blood you left behind. I remember the way you followed me home that stormy night - hearing your footsteps in the dark, just out of reach. I remember it all." she recalled, realizing that her voice had hushed to match his own.
At the sound of her words, his eyes seemed to nearly burn a hole through her. His beautiful, fearsome eyes. Those eyes were feral and dangerous, and piercing - piercing enough to trigger something she'd forgotten about, if only for a moment. And truthfully, it wasn't his eyes alone, but the way his voice drawled with the heavy accent of desire. It was the sensations now crawling across her body as he began to reach for her and pull her into himself that caused it all to come crashing down.
Moths. Thousands upon thousands filled her mind. The burning pain - the mental collapse. Glass shattered. Shattered, fractured, broken, damaged - just like her. "NO!" she cried out, pushing away from Arnbjorn with such force that she stumbled back and fell to the ground.
"What the?!" she heard his baffled voice say as she laid on her back in defeat, staring blankly at the starry sky through a blanket of hot tears. It all happened so fast that she could barely comprehend it all. She could feel her body shudder and tremble as she hugged her arms tightly to herself, unable to control what was happening inside of her.
"Astrid! Astrid? What's wrong?!" Arnbjorn asked worriedly, kneeling down beside her and placing a large, warm hand on her shoulder. Without thought or reason, Astrid found herself jerking away from his touch.
"Don't...I'm sorry. I can't. I-I tried, but I just can't..." she began to sob, her mind far too lost in the trauma to control herself in any way, shape, or form. The darkness of her past had fully consumed her. The pain was too unbearable.
She closed her eyes tightly, wishing she had been strong enough to stop Reiner. Wishing she'd never allowed herself the same fate as Nona. In that moment, she deeply felt what she'd been hiding from herself the whole time. The severity of what had happened to her had crashed over her like all the tides of the ocean. The pain and violation crawled through her body like a creeping, black snake of disease and decay.
And when the overwhelming torture finally began to relent, she opened her eyes to see him still kneeling there, watching her with an expression so hurt and genuine that she almost didn't believe it was him.
"Tell me...What's wrong?" he asked again, this time his voice uncharacteristically gentle and vulnerable in a way that truly terrified her. It wasn't so much that he was frightening, but that she was in such a vulnerable place herself. It was as if Arnbjorn was literally watching her bleed out in front of his eyes. She felt like a wounded, dying animal with nowhere to go. She could only surrender to her pain in that moment. Nothing more.
"I-I just can't...can't..." she weeped, once again choking on the intensity of her feelings.
"Can't what?" he inquired in that unnervingly gentle manner that told her what a truly terrible state of mind she must've been in to cause him to behave that way.
"I can't...touch you..." she finally admitted, her words now trailing off into a flood of tormented weeping.
Even through the fog of her tears, she could see that his expression fell to one of immense guilt and pity. "Bloody Oblivion...I should've known better...Gods, I'm a stupid son a bitch sometimes..." he berated himself, wiping a hand over his face in defeat.
"What are you talking about?" Astrid muttered, sniffing and wiping at her face in a meager attempt to compose herself. Strangely enough, his unexpected hostility toward himself was enough to distract her from her pain for a brief moment. It was enough to make her curious.
She watched as Arnbjorn averted his eyes from her, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I...uh...should've known you'd not want to...ya know..." he mumbled, the growing shame in his voice apparent. Astrid began to tense, as she began to realise what he was about to say.
"Wait. What do you mean?" Astrid asked, her voice falling hushed in fear.
"Damnit, Astrid..." he sighed in frustration. "I know what he did to you. "
Astrid nearly gasped, her eyes growing wide and wild. "How?! Who told you?!"
"Nobody." he shook his head, unable to look into her eyes.
"Then how?!" she snapped, her voice growing defensive in her veil of shame. "You weren't in there when it happened. You're lying!"
"I didn't have to be..." he sighed again, still kneeling and staring at the forest floor.
"Are you telling me that you heard what he was doing to me?! Is that it?!" Astrid's voice began to rise, as she began feeling more hostile by the second. "That you just stood by and listened to it?!" she yelled, now feeling completely out of control.
"NO!" Arnbjorn gave in to his own feelings, yelling back in exasperation.
"Then how in the Void did you know?! TELL ME!" she seethed, so overcome by her shame and fear that she didn't even care that she was so volatile toward the man she'd developed such strong feelings for.
"I SMELLED IT, DAMNIT!" he yelled, the intensity in his eyes enough to cause her to fall silent with shock. "Son of a bitch..." he muttered, standing to his feet in and taking a few steps away as if to distance himself from her. "I was hunting...about to take one of Reiner's cows. I heard screaming, but I thought it was those milk-drinking thieves coming back again. I just waited like a fool. Things died down - got quiet. I saw him outside, drunk as piss. Then I...smelled your scent...on..." he trailed off, running a trembling hand through his silver locks. "I was an idiot for waiting as long as I did. I should've ripped that gods forsaken door off the hinges and tore that son of a bitch's throat out! But I hesitated like a dumb bastard! I didn't know...until it was too late." he explained, his head low and his back turned to her so that she couldn't see his face.
Astrid sat on her knees, stunned by his admittance. Her heart pounded in her ears and her breath shook with the intensity of the storm inside of her. It was all starting to make sense now. Perfect sense.
"When I killed Reiner... before I followed you into the woods...Were you..." she began.
"Yeah...I was gonna tear him to pieces. Then I saw you come up behind him, holding that broken glass...He deserved to die by your hand - especially after what he did to you." Arnbjorn explained, his face still hidden from her view.
His words were enough to nearly stop her heart. No one had ever considered doing such a thing for her - not her father, not Nona, and not even Delvin. "Are you saying you were going to kill Reiner...for me?" she asked, her breath shaky and her heart on fire with hope.
Arnbjorn finally turned to her, the pain on his face more sincere than anything she'd ever witnessed from another person. "Yes."
