Hey there!
Just want to start by saying, ¨Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, and following along with the story. Sorry for the delay in the updates, but starting today, they´ll by bi-weekly. I ask that you bear with me while my wonderful betas correct all my mishaps. I´ll keep everything going, so I don´t keep you all waiting, but will repost them when their done. If you see a mistake, just over look it! :)
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, NOR ITS WONDERFUL CHARACTERS. I ALSO DO NOT LIVE A BDSM LIFESTYLE. DON´T TRY THIS STUFF AT HOME!
With out further ado, on with the story! See you at the end!
Krazi
xoxo
Chapter Three
Revenge is a Dish.. Best Served Cold..
BPOV
I was on my third Apple Martini and I was beginning to feel quite inebriated from the alcohol. Pacing back and forth along my terrace, I was too worked up to worry about the fact that I hadn´t eaten.
The hustle and bustle of Manhattan nightlife usually served to calm me after a long day, but tonight it only added to my growing agitation.
I picked up the phone for what seemed like the millionth time to call Alice, but didn´t want to hear her say, ¨I told you so.¨
I was being a coward and avoiding the one person I needed the most.
Not able to put it off any longer, I dialed the familiar number and waited. The moment I heard Alice´s voice, I knew that everything would be okay.
Despite the relief I felt at finding out before I made the mistake of sleeping with him, I still cried as I told Alice about tonight.
She advised me to continue on as if nothing happened.
What!
In the morning she would tie up some loose ends and promised me she would to catch the red eye out of Sea-Tac tomorrow night.
Knowing my best friend in the whole wide world would be here in the next twenty-four hours gave me the strength I needed to make it through the night and part of the next day.
Instead of calling, Jacob sent me a text just as I was crawling into bed.
B- Hey Babe.. The meeting ran long and I´m beat so I just wanted to let you know I missed you before I call it a night. Sweet Dreams Bells. Luv You-J
How fucking romantic, he´s tired from ramming his diseased cock into some filthy whore, but look on the bright side I shrug to myself, he missed me and wishedme sweet dreams.
Un-fucking-believable...
I actually throw up in my mouth a little.
Here I have be dating this sorry ass fucker for the last seven months and our wedding is two months away and he´s already cheating on me.
There´s no telling how many floozies he has or how many times he´s been with them. All those supposed meetings. Meetings my ass.. bastard.
This is some real Jerry Springer shit, if I must say so myself...
And trust me I must...
I push back the bile in my throat and typed a response.
J-No problem..I´m sure your tired from your meeting call me when can.. -Isabella
That´s right biotch... you get the whole name.
You cheating bastard...
Now I´m pissed and to fucking wound up to go to sleep.
As I sip on my fourth and final Martini of the night, I look over at my poor dog curled up on his side of the bed.
That´s right bitches you heard me correctly, he sleeps on his side of the bed. Who the hell else is gonna sleep there?
He´s currently peeking at me through one eye decked out in his little Ralph Lauren pajamas that Alice gave him.
What!
My fucking dog wears pajamas, get over it that shit already. As a matter of fact he has his own little closet and a chest of drawers too.
¨Mojo...¨ I sniffed slightly slurring my words. ¨That´s why I love you and Edward. You guys would never hurt me.¨ I would rather have a thousand fantasy relationships than to feel this fucking vulnerable ever again. ¨From now on it´s just you, me and fantasy Edward.¨ I informed him wiping the traitorous tears from my eyes.
I am sooo fucking pathetic. And that´s not just the alcohol talking.
His clever response was to roll over onto his back with all four paws in the air and go to sleep.
How classic even the damn dog is ignoring me...
So to wile away the time I grab one of my favorite BDSM DVDs and a remote controlled bullet to work off some steam.
Three orgasms later I fall into a post coital coma and dream of green eyes, floggers and killer orgasms.
The next morning I woke up panting with a swollen clit and soaked panties, yet again.
My day should only just get better from here...
After a much needed run through Central Park, I decide to work from home today, since I don´t have any meetings scheduled.
While settling in for long soak in the tub, I called Angela to let her know I wouldn´t be in and to call my cell should she need me. I also had her to call Eric, my personal yoga instructor to set up three appointments for Alice and I this week.
We plan to get our yoga on...
¨Ahhh...¨ I finally moan in relief as the lighted air stream of my Jacuzzi Air Bathtub soothed my aching muscles. I swear I could orgasm at just the thought of entering my bathroom, besides the kitchen- it´s my favorite room in the condo.
Instead of the regular jacuzzi jets, it had an air flow system and a Chromatherapy lighting system capable of 256 colors that was to die for. My shower head and shower jets were also contained LED lighting and depending on the temperature of the water, it flowed soft blue, to red when the temperature increased. It was just something so sensual and arousing, bathing in only the soft lighting of my bathtub or shower. It was well worth the investment.
The day passed in a blur of soap operas, Blue Bell butter pecan ice cream, very little work and a lot of wallowing in self misery. Before I knew it Alice was coming through the front door.
I really don´t know what came over me, but as soon as I was in her strong embrace I broke down and cried like a baby. Really for someone so little... the girl had one helluva grip.. Of course this did nothing but piss my best friend and fierce protector off seeing me this way. One way or another she would have Jacob Black´s balls.
As diseased as they may be...
¨Ali I just feel so stupid... why would he do this to me? I know... I know I didn´t love him but it still hurts... bad.¨ I sobbed into her chest soaking her Juicy Cotoure sweater with my constant flow of tears.
¨It´s okay sweetie. I´m here now, and I´ve got you. I promise I won´t let him get away with hurting you.¨ She said rubbing soothing circles in the center of my back.
My voice was small and almost childlike as I asked, ¨Ali if something virtually meaningless hurts this much, then what happens when I really fall in love? That kind of pain would kill me. I..I.. I´m always go..go..going to be alone!¨ I no longer tried to hold back and let the sobs rip through my body.
It felt somewhat cleansing to let the emotions that I´d been holding in for so long come out. It felt even better to do it in the safety of Alice´s strong arms. Just like always, I knew she would make everything better.
¨Shh.. Bella it´s okay, I´ve got you. You are never going to be alone. I told you are were always meant for my brother,¨ she held me back at arms length to look me in the eyes, wanting me to see the to the truth of what she was saying.
¨We are going to be real sisters now you´ll see. Edward needs you just as much as you need him.¨ She cooed placing feather like kiss on my forehead.
I did´t have the strength to argue, because if I was being truthful, I wanted that more than anyone. Ever since I was sixteen I´ve dreamed of nothing else but- being the wife of Edward Cullen and one day the mother of his children.
I know stupid right, but like I said, I was only sixteen.
Sadly though, that would never happen. I´ve spent years creating the perfect fantasy relationship between Edward and I. It would kill me for the reality not to be the same and then there´s my little BDSM problem.
How could I drag him into something I´m not even sure of myself.
Wait a minute.
Why am I wasting time thinking about this, last I´d heard he had some gorgeous and sophisticated blond bombshell of a girlfriend in Seattle. Leaving no room for a brainiac plain Jane like me. I´m sooo not his type.
I sighed. Usually, it wasn´t wise to bet against Alice, but this was one time I´d be willing to call her bluff. She couldn´t be more wrong about us.
Alice interrupted my internal musings to discuss our plan. Which I must say gave me a bit of a start at first. I was beginning to think she had been a bit heavy on the sauce on the plane ride to New York.
"Okay Bella, I spent a lot of time thinking last night and this is what I´ve come up with. I also ran it by Jazz and he agrees with me that this is the best way to proceed. You´ll go through with the wedding as if nothing´s happened. And...¨ I cut her off before she could get out another word.
¨Hold the fucking phone! Pixie girl say what? I am not marrying that diseased carrying son of a bitch. Are you crazy?¨ I scoffed at the ridiculousness of her suggestion. ¨Alice I can´t believe that you would suggest such a thing. I thought you were my best friend. Why aren´t you on my side? Don´t you believe me?¨ I asked as a fresh round of tears begin to fall.
I felt like somebody had punched me in the gut. I pulled away from Alice and curled into myself sobbing uncontrollably.
Without Alice, I really was alone.
¨Get a fucking grip Bella! How dare you accuse me of betraying you. Don´t make me kick your ass for being stupid. If you would just shut the fuck up and listen I can finish telling you my plan.¨ I should be afraid... I should be very afraid. Alice had never talked to me that way. That just made my cry harder.
¨Now are you done having brain farts and ready to listen... or are you gonna continue to be a dumb bitch?¨ Alice hissed narrowing her eyes at me.
Whoa.. what´s with the name calling. I forgot how scary the pixie could be. It´s like watching one of those horror movies where the friendly scarecrow is now chasing you with a pitchfork.
I shake my head to dispel the horror movie thoughts of Alice chasing me with a pitch fork and ask her to continue. She may actually be on to something, so perhaps I should get my head out of my ass and listen.
She headed to the kitchen to retrieve two pints of Blue Bell ice cream from the freezer along with two spoons.
Oh well, you know what they say ´revenge is a dish best served cold´...
¨Okay Bells, this is what I propose. Like I´ve already suggested we go through with the wedding as planned, but we hire a private investigator to follow him starting last week,¨ as I listened I realized that she had put a lot of thought and planning into this quest for revenge.
¨What´s the PI for? I told you what I saw. I already know that he´s cheating.¨ I pouted clearly more affected by this whole ordeal than I was letting on.
¨Duh! We need solid proof. Ms. Smarty Pants attorney. That´s the only thing that will hold up in court, though I doubt once we´re through with him, it will even get that far. When I´m done, he´ll have no problem settling quietly out of court.¨ Alice said with a faraway look in her eyes.
¨Proof... court.. Alice could you please explain to me what the hell you are talking about?¨ I questioned. I didn´t have the slightest clue as to what she was talking about. This fucked up situation is killing my damn braincells.
Alice let out a sigh of mock exasperation. ¨Bella... Bella... Bella... sweetie this is why you need to move to Seattle so I can take care of you. You´re so naïve when it comes to life. Without me to guide you, the real world will eat you up and swallow you whole.¨
I didn´t know if I should be offended by Alice´s lack of faith in my ability to take care of myself. I mean, I knew I was still a little green around the gills when it came to life experiences.
But was I really that bad?
Alice must have sense my discomfort and inner turmoil. Reaching for the ice cream, she placed it on the coffee table and pull me in to her warm embrace.
Speaking in a soothing voice, Alice continued, ¨Don´t get me wrong Bella, you´ve more that established yourself professionally, but when it comes to matters of the heart or anything outside of the courtroom you´re such a pushover. I know that you don´t like to think about it, but you´re a wealthy bitch and people want to exploit and take advantage of that. I suggest we have Mr. Wandering Dick sign a prenuptial agreement.¨
Was she serious?
No, she couldn´t be.
I mean Jake had his own money... I guess. He was vice-president of a very large and successful finance company.
Was I really that easy of a target?
I was officially more confused now than when this whole mess started.
The real world was so fucking hard. I graduated Suma Cum Laude from Harvard for God´s sake, but there was no fucking class that taught me how to deal with this real life bullshit.
If I´d known this, I wouldn´t have rushed my education and I would´ve taken my time growing up.
Who am I fucking kidding... I was born a middle aged woman...
Once again attuned to my inner ramblings, Alice continued pleading her case.
And what an interesting case it was.
¨I say we go for ten million. I figure that will reimburse the cost of the wedding and suffice for a little pain and Jimmy Choo money. Leave it to Alice to think of fucking designer shoes at a time like this. You get an annulment and it´s like it never happened. Also it would be the perfect time to seriously consider relocating to Seattle. What do you think Bells?¨ Alice seemed to say all of this on one long breath.
To say I was shocked would be a serious understatement.
¨Wait a minute how will I get out with an annulment and where does ten million dollars fit in? Jake will expect me to consummate the marriage on our wedding night, or on our honeymoon at least.¨ I said with a very visible shudder.
The thought of that slime ball with his hands on me made my skin crawl.
¨Don´t worry sweetie, that will never happen. I assure you that he won´t be able to resist cheating. He´s a dog after all and they always go sniffing around for a bone. Leave it to me and I promise you that Mr. Black won´t know what hit him. I will go as far as to guarantee he´s going to fucking screw up at your wedding reception. No pun intended. So... not only will you not consummate this farce of a marriage, but you´ll be spending your honeymoon in Seattle with me.¨ Alice spoke with a wicked gleam in her eyes.
Being an attorney, and a sworn officer of the court, I didn´t want to hear another word. Whatever else Alice had planned was far better left unsaid. Alice just giggled evilly and said that Jasper had said the same thing.
I knew that I had to be very specific, yet subtle in the demands of the pre-nup if I wanted this to work. I got out a legal pad and Alice and I began to work on iron clad clauses that would trap Jacob and set me free.
For instance, I know that the Blacks were said to come from new money, but let´s face it. I had a financial portfolio that would rival Donald Trump´s. I was not about to let Jacob get away with having change for the subway. I didn´t graduate at the top of my class in law school for nothing. I had to protect myself.
If I didn´t know anything else... I knew the law. With this iron clad document, Jacob wouldn´t have a leg to stand on. Once the standard pre-nup lingo was in place, we jumped into the special clauses, amendments and all the little extras I wanted to add.
Thankfully there was no preset guidelines these documents had to follow. I was allowed to make as many amendments and special clauses that I wished, as long as both parties were amiable and signed on the dotted line.
The only thing I hated was disclosing my financial net worth. Thankfully, my last trust fund won´t be accessible for another two years, so I don´t have to include it. This agreement will not only serve to protect my assets but it will also protect myass-sets.
If you know what I mean...
In undergrad, I dated this douche bag named James McGowan. He was a real asshat. It turns out he was possessive and a bit of stalker as well. We dated for about five months before I caught him with is pants around his ankles and some red head bobbing up and down on his dick. Her hands were tied behind her back with her panties and he was her fucking her mouth none to gently.
Eww.. talk about nasty... I wanted to pour bleach on my brain to get rid of that disgusting memory.
I guess when he told me that he didn´t mind waiting.. it was code for he didn´t mind fucking someone else while he waited. If I was dinner, then she must have been the appetizer.
I broke things off and actually felt more relieved than hurt for the easy way out, but James was having none of that. He insisted it was a one time thing and he deserved a second chance.
Yeah right fucktard... do I look like I have jackass tattooed on my forehead..
There wasn´t a snowballs chance in hell that we were ever getting back together. After the endless unanswered phone calls and him always randomly popping up where ever I was. Alice convinced me to file a restraining order. She said I could never be too careful and it was better to be safe than sorry. Thankfully James seem to fall the face of the earth, making all right with the world again.
Fuck can I get a break...
Jacob and I had talked about this and he knew exactly how I felt about cheating. He assured me that he understood and never had to worry about he doing that to me. I guess he was referring to the tying her up part.
What a load of bullshit...
My favorite one of amendment clauses stated..
Clause A- In the event that infidelity takes place and is proven beyond reasonable doubt, the marital contract between the above listed individuals will be rendered null and void, being dissolved immediately without dispute.
Upon the dissolution of said union a sum of ten million dollars is to be awarded to the wronged party.
The sum is to be awarded in full upon dissolution of the marital union.
Failure to comply will result in the seizure and liquidation of any and all valuables, assets, stocks and/or bonds of the accused party until the above monetary retribution has been paid in full.
I grinned down at the legal pad, surprised at how the document comforted me. I looked over to see Alice staring down at it with a scary ass smirk on her face. This look I knew all to well. If you were smart, you didn´t fuck with Mary Alice Cullen.
I knew that this was just the beginning and she had more tricks up her sleeve. I was actually a little afraid for Jake. A very little.. I decided since Alice had free reign as the wedding planner, the less I knew the better. I was suddenly looking forward to my upcoming nuptials.
Not long after that Alice and I began our nightly rituals of preparing for bed. I could honestly say I felt a lot more at ease having Alice here.
She was right, I did need her to take care of me, but then again she always did. This time would be no different.
We crawled into bed with Mojo safely snuggled in between us, with plans for shopping and pampering on the agenda for tomorrow.
¨Alice are you asleep?¨ I whispered in the darkness.
¨Not yet, Bells. What´s up?¨
Reaching for her hand, needing that familiar connection I said, ¨Thanks for always looking out for, I probably don´t say it often enough, but I just need you to know how important you are to me. I love you so much Ali.¨ I sniffled get a little emotional at my words.
Pulling me into her arms, Mojo growled and readjusted himself, angered by the sudden invasion of his personal space. Alice laid my head on her shoulder and lightly kissed my forehead.
¨That´s what Mama Bears are for,¨ she chuckled then grew serious. ¨I´ll always look out for you Bella. Your more than just my best friend. Your my little sister and it´s my job to protect you. Now go to sleep we´ve got a busy day tomorrow.¨ She whispered subtly bringing an end to the discussion.
The weeks flew by and just as promised the whole thing- wedding, prenup, catching Jacob- all went off without a hitch. I don´t know if Alice had anything to do with the woman that I caught Jake with during the reception or if she was one of his flings.. it´s the latter... or so I´m trying to convince myself. I just silently thanked the wedding gods for saving me from a disastrous wedding night.
I´m also glad that Ali had Jazz posing as a videographer, specifically hired to follow me during the entire reception. The look on Jake´s face when I caught him balls deep in the busty blond was priceless. You know how the say, ¨a picture is worth a thousand words.¨ Well this video is worth ten million.
Flashback...
I was speaking with my mother when Alice whispered quietly in my ear, ¨Bells it´s time.¨ I had no idea what she was talking about. We´d cut the cake, had our first dance, tossed the garter and bouquet. What the hell else was there.
Still not getting the hint. I sighed, no longer able to hide my irritation. My feet were killing me, my face hurt from the fucking perma-grin I had plastered on it, and Alice informed me on yesterday that Edward would be in Switzerland for the next six weeks. Yeah.. not my fucking day.
I huffed in exasperation, looking around the crowded Four Seasons ballroom in search of my MIA groom. In the weeks following my discovery I had played my role of the doting fiancee to the hilt. From the outside looking in I was the fucking Mary Poppins of fiancees, absolutely no one could question my devotion... not even Jacob.
It was even worth the hand job I gave him in persuasion of signing the pre-nup. Before you go there.. I know.. trust me... I know what your thinking. That´s why I immediately washed my hand with bleach and called my physician claiming I was going overseas in the morning and was in dire need of a tetanus shot. Hey don´t knock it ´money talks and bullshit walks...´
The more I searched the room for Jacob, the more irritated I became. Where the fuck was he... and just like that it hit me. That motherfucker was up to no good. I turned slowly giving Alice my best bitch brow, as if to say,¨I know he´s not.¨
She in turn matched my bitch brow and took it one step farther by crossing her arms in a, ¨oh yes he is¨ manner. I discreetly followed Alice to the location of the small secluded meeting room that the PI had texted her. And let´s just say that what I saw made me fucking giddier than a kid on Christmas.
I childishly did a fist pump and holler whispered ´yes´, when I saw Jacob with his tuxedo pants around his ankles, pumping his dick like a jack hammer into the busty blond bimbo. Oddly it didn´t seem to phase this chick that she had an audience complete with a fucking video camera and all.
Hey all I could think was, ¨do you bitch... do you...¨ I ain´t mad at all..
Jacob lifted his head staring into my my eyes, just as I grabbed Jazz´s microphone.
I gave him an evil grin as I spoke in my best game show voice, ¨I´ll take ´busted´ for 10 million Alex!¨ I turned on my heel and headed for the door, only to pause with my hand on the handle. Opening the door slowly, I took one last look at my husband and said, ¨busted motherfucker.. enjoy your honeymoon. Oh and by the way.. feel free to take her along with you.¨ I threw my head back in his direction indicating that I was referring to the blond.
Isabella Black walked into that meeting room... but Isabella Swan walked out 10 million dollars richer...
Like I said... ´Revenge is a dish best served cold´...
Opting to take the high road and night embarrass my family I agreed to keep the façade of a blushing bride throughout the reception. As agreed upon I remained until it was deemed traditionally appropriate for the happy couple to leave.
Jake would be going his way and I would be heading to Seattle with Jasper and Alice. None being the wiser to our little wedding debacle.
Jasper being an attorney as well was a Godsend. In the time it took for me to say my goodbyes and change for the airport; he´d already downloaded the video to my laptop, emailed a copy along with the numerous incriminating photos to my attorney, and had a courier waiting in the lobby with the annulment papers for me to sign.
I rewarded Felix with a handsome little bonus for the curbside service. Thanks to said bonus Felix would be taking care of everything including securing my retribution payment. Jake was not to try and contact me at all as was stipulated in the agreement. And just like that with a single flourish of my $400 Mont Blac pen for me this farce of a marriage was over. After all I was calling the shots now.
I had him by the balls and he knew it.
Alice and I agreed that I would disclose all my findings to my parents when I returned from the make believe honeymoon.
This was perfect because they wouldn´t be expecting me to call. I would have two months to began planning my new life and relocation to Seattle. Having already decided to leave the firm before the wedding, I would only need to return to New York and tie up some rather loose ends.
I agreed with Alice, once the news of my failed marriage got out. I would not want to deal with all the media attention.
I didn´t play the victim well.
Esme, Alice´s mother worked with several different charities, so instead of burning my wedding dress like I´d originally planned. I decided to give it to charity- to be auctioned.
Hey! It´s for a worthy cause...
Esme and Carlisle, was another reason I was looking forward to going to Seattle. They were like a second set of parents to me. Where as Renee was the perfect socialite, in my life she served in more of the capacity of a good girlfriend that mother. I would never want to hurt Renee´s feelings, but Esme was more of a mom to me than she would ever be.
I went to her first with all of my problems, she was a socialite too. Though unlike Renee, Esme´s family always came first and she was great at multitasking.
Alice and I had a hard time convincing her to not come to New York and I quoteopen a can of whip ass¨ on Jacob.
Gangsta EsMom fucking rocked...
But after much coaxing and convincing from Alice and I she agreed to stay in Seattle. We simply invented an excuse as to why they couldn´t come. Well Alice did. I can´t tell a convincing lie to save my life. Only after hearing I would be spending Christmas and New Years with them this year, did Esme seem pacified.
I didn´t want any unnecessary worry or fuss, so I made her promise not to tell the rest of the family until I got there. Em and Carlisle were always a bit overprotective and I didn´t want them blowing a gasket. Better to tell them after the fact.
As I shifted Mojo in my lap in the plush first class leather seat, I debated internally whether or not to ask Alice any questions about Edward. I was nervous for more than one reason.
The biggest being my wanting to find a dominant. Okay so... I meant to say I wanted Edward to dominate me.
Deep down I wanted to talk to Alice about my desires, it´s not like we kept secrets from each another. I just didn´t want to see the look of disapproval and disgust that my confession surely would be met with.
I was also apprehensive about asking, because I was afraid he was still seeing someone. I know he was out of the country right now, but who knows who he has waiting for him to come home.
At least he isn´t married... yet...
Maybe if he was still seeing someone it wasn´t that serious.
Keep telling yourself that...
Who am I kidding, Edward is one of the top pediatric neurologist in the country, not to mention a damn good catch.
There was no way he was sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting to be reunited with me.
A girl can dream... Can´t she...
Why would he be interested in the likes of me. I was a plain Jane brainiac with a fucked up mentality- I had a desire to be handcuffed and whipped.
Oh and the best part being at the moment I was still legally married to that douche bag called Jacob Black.
I sighed rather forlornly.
Could my life be anymore fucked up...
¨Hey Bells, what´s wrong?¨ Alice looked at me with worry and concern etching her brow.
¨I don´t know. I knew going into this that the whole marriage thing was a fraud, but I just... I just... I can´t help but feel this slight ache of betrayal. The fact that Jake is probably out fucking god knows who right now... well.. it still bothers me.¨ I confessed blushing with embarrassment. ¨Ali... is something wrong with me?¨ I was slowly slipping into a funk that was going to ruin my trip if I wasn´t careful.
Then Jacob would really win.
¨Oh sweetie,¨ she cooed. ¨It´s normal to feel that way, because unlike that arrogant piece of shit, you my dear have a heart. A very beautiful, loving and pure heart. Listen Bells, you´re a good person. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, so we can better appreciate the good things.¨ She reasoned.
¨Lord knows I´ve had my share of bad, so could he bring on the good now.. please.¨ I said in a condescending tone.
I needed a subject change, anything do distract myself from these depressing thoughts.
¨Enough about me and my drama. Tell me about Emmett and Edward. What have they been up to lately? Are the seeing anyone seriously?¨ I really could care less about Alice´s teddy bear of a big brother Emmett, but I thought I´d be diplomatic and throw him in too. Don´t wanna make it too obvious I´m on a quest for knowledge about Edward.
Who the hell am I kidding... This is Alice after all...
¨Isabella Swan, don´t think for one minute your fooling me,¨ she started with a wink. ¨But I´ll humor you and start with the person your least interested in... Emmett.¨
I could see that mischievous twinkle in her eye and I knew that I wasn´t fooling Alice... not one bit.
Of course, when have I ever been able to pull the wool over her eyes, or anyone else´s for that matter.
¨Yeah... yeah... pixie. Just answer the damn question.¨ I said with a smirk.
¨Well, what can I say Emmett is still Emmett,¨ she began. ¨One of the number one wide receivers in the NFL. His team is also going to the play-offs this year. He´s got a good shot at being MVP. Of course he´s still a big goof ball. I don´t think he´s ever gonna grow up.¨ The love Alice held for her brother was clearly evident in the tone of her voice and the twinkle in her eye when she spoke of him.
Remembering all the ribbings I received from Emmett over the years, I couldn´t help but voice my thoughts.
¨Honestly Alice I hope he never grows up. Emmett is the big brother I always wished I´d had. Even though he has no brain mouth filter and picks on me constantly. Those gorgeous blue eyes, cute little dimples and sweet baby face more than makes up for it, making him just that much more lovable. Even if he is a mammoth of a man, he has a heart of gold.¨ I chuckled remembering all the fun times we shared and all the trouble we got into following Emmett´s lead.
¨Yeah, I wouldn´t change anything about the big oaf either. Well maybe one thing.¨ She mussed.
¨Oh yeah. What´s that?¨ I asked.
¨I just wished he´d met Rosalie a lot sooner. Instead of subjecting us to his harem of skeezers over the past few years.¨ She said absentmindedly. As if this fact should have been obvious to Emmett.
¨Who´s Rosalie? And why am I just hearing about her?¨ I asked chastising her playfully.
¨Bella for a top notch attorney, you can be so obtuse sometimes. I swear, the harder I try, the farther you get out of the loop. I´ve talked non-stop about Rose since she and Em got together.¨ Exasperation clearly the dominant emotion ringing out in her shrill voice.
The light bulb finally went off and recognition struck me, ¨oh Rosalie and Rose are the same person. My bad dog. I´m just a bit slow these days. I´ve just got a helluva lot on my plate at the moment. Sorry.¨ I said sheepishly, taking my lower lip between my teeth.
I suddenly had the urge to cry.
I have no idea why.
My not making the connection between Rosalie and Rose was a stupid reason to be upset.
My eyes glazed over with my unshed tears and I suddenly had an urgent need to stare out the window.
Knowing me better than I know myself. Alice immediately picked up on my change of mood.
¨Heyyyyy... Belly Boop, what´s the matter?¨ She cooed softly stroking my hair.
I let out a snotty chuckle, it had been so long since I heard that stupid nickname.
¨Nothing Ali,¨ I replied unconvincingly, unable to keep back the silent tears that now flowed freely down my cheeks.
¨Hey Jazzy,¨ Alice whispered, while taking Mojo from my lap. ¨Could you come and get Mojo for a sec?¨ She asked disturbing my poor dog from his slumber.
Mojo didn´t take to kindly to strangers. He was a momma´s boy. Thankfully he and Jasper shared an unspoken calm between them. Trust me he was none to happy about the disturbance... unspoken calm or not.
He´s so damn quiet, I actually forgot Jasper was flying with us. He´s often seen, but not heard. He would probably make a good samurai warrior. I chuckled a bit to myself at the strange thought.
Having the freedom to do so now, I pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my cheek on them so I could look out the window. Out into the black abyss, which was a reflection of my dark and dreary life.
¨Come here Belly,¨ raising the armrest Alice pulled me until I was laying comfortably in her lap. ¨Somethings been off with you B. I know you better than you know yourself and I know your keeping something from me. I´ve noticed the change in you for awhile, but I was trying to give you a chance to come to me.¨ She confessed while gently stroking my hair.
I laid there for a minute, just relishing in the familiar comfort of Alice´s soothing touch.
She always took care of me, from day one.
That little pixie was my family.
I let out a sigh, as if the weight of the world was perched on my shoulders, and did what I do best.
I feigned ignorance.
¨Ali you know what´s wrong. This Jacob thing has really got me freaking out is all.¨ I half lied and half told the truth.
True the Jake situation was freaking me out, but not the way I was trying to make it seem.
It was just another conformation to me that something was wrong with me.
I needed something different.
I wasn´t satisfied with the way my life was going.
In all honesty, what I needed Jake could never have provided for me. I felt no thrill, no rush of moisture between my legs. Even though we made a out countless number of times. It just wasn´t there.
There was no spark.
I find myself getting more worked up at the prospect of Edward dominating me, than any possible sexual relationship with Jacob.
I was up to a sickening three orgasms a night, not including my morning pick me up.
What does that say about me... Exactly what I already knew... something was definitely wrong...
¨Bella feed that line of bull to someone who doesn´t know you, cause baby what your selling I ain´t buying. I have gradually watched you become more and more of an introverted recluse in last couple of months and now I wanna know why?¨ Alice pressed not buying into my convoluted bullshit.
Why did she have to be so fucking perceptive. I knew I couldn´t keep this from her for much longer, especially since it was not just affecting me on the inside, but the outside as well.
Then again, this is not a conversation I wanna add to the mile high club gossip. That said I knew I had to give her something. Not necessarily the complete story, but enough to pacify her until we were safely back on the ground.
Taking the time to choose my words carefully, I mentally stumbled through a plausible excuse for my ever changing demeanor and the downward spiral my life had begun to take.
¨Alice... I really don´t know what to tell you. I can´t even explain it to myself. I just know that my relationship with Jacob confirmed a lot of my fears. It put things in perspective that I´ve been trying to deny.¨ I responded truthfully.
¨What things Bella? Talk to me. I don´t understand. We always talk about everything, but I feel like your suddenly pulling away. Is it that bad, you can´t talk to me about it.¨ Alice pleaded. Her voice sounded strained with the pain and concern she had for me.
It broke my heart to hear the pain echoing in her voice.
She was right.
There´d never a time I didn´t come to her if I had a problem or vice versa. I just couldn´t handle being rejected after I confessed what the problem was. I was sure rejection would be all I would get- if I revealed my true desires.
After all, it was frowned upon by many ´vanilla´ people.
I was afraid without Alice´s support I would truly be on my own.
I was determined to remain miserable, if it meant we could keep our relationship intact. She was my rock and I couldn´t live without her love and support.
I wouldn´t let this.. this... whatever it is come between us.
¨I´m so sorry,¨ I whispered. ¨It´s not a conversation we can have here. Just know that it´s nothing you´ve done, nor is it any type of illness. Well maybe mental illness, but the jury´s still out on that one. The truth is that I´m different and I´m afraid you won´t love me the same. And I couldn´t live with disappointing you.¨ I breathed a tiny sigh of relief opening the door for some type of discussion at least.
¨Different! Bella are you gay?¨ Alice squeaked a little to loudly for the prying ears of the other passenger.
I snapped my head up from her lap, ¨Hell no! You fucking village idiot. What the hell made you think that! You watch to much fucking Jerry Springer. What´s next? I´m a ´lesbo´ secretly in love with you?¨ I whisper yelled disregarding the stares of the passengers within earshot of our conversation.
¨Well you said you were different?¨ She responded as if it were the most natural reason for my change.
¨Sorry to disappoint you twat face, but I´m strictly ridin´ dickly. Sooo not happening sister.¨ I informed her with a sour expression.
¨And how the hell would you know that, since your still a platinum V-card holder. You know... never leave home with out it.¨ Alice joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
¨Ha ha.. your so fucking funny.¨ I said heavy on the sarcasm.
¨Then Belly talk to me. I assume from what little (emphasis on little) you´ve told me, that this has something to do with sex. Why can´t you just tell me what the problem is. You never know I may be able to help you and if not, I certainly would never turn my back on you for something so insignificant.¨ Alice´s tone dripped nothing but the strong sincerity of her words.
¨I.. I.. I don´t know how to explain it Ali. The more I try to fight it or deny it, the more it plagues me. And I´m fairly certain that Miss Prim and Proper Cullen doesn´t know much about this.¨ I said sarcastically.
No matter how much I wanted to, I was still struggling with how exactly to come clean with Alice.
I could deliver opening or closing arguments to charm the pants off of any jury, but I couldn´t form a coherent sentence to tell my best friend I how much longed to be a submissive.
Which just confirms I´m inadequacy and how fucked up I really am... I blame Renee...
¨Look a here Miss Smart Ass... First of all, you´d be surprised what Miss Prim and Proper Cullen- as you so eloquently put it- gets into. Second of all, I am so tired of this cryptic ass conversation. Either you tell me what the fuck is going on or I´ll tie you up and beat that beautiful ass of your till it´s nice and pink.¨ Alice huffed clearly I had worn her patience thin.
No sooner had the words left Alice´s mouth, I immediately went into a trance. Not that I necessarily wanted Alice to be the one to do it... eww awkward... but the thought of being tied up and beaten had my girlie parts tingling.
Somewhere tucked away in the back of my mind my conscience was screaming at me to snap out of it.
I was not doing a good job at hiding my feelings.
Try as I might I couldn´t come back. I wanted what Alice threatened and so much more.
My breathing accelerated and I squeezed my thighs together longing for any type of friction.
Would it be wrong of me to step away to the bathroom...
To get myself off...
Don´t answer that...
I shook my head quickly trying with everything in me to dispel the erotic thoughts that now plagued my mind- ropes... whips... floggers... crops... handcuffs... chains...
Oh my...
Is it hot in here... Or is it just me...
Oh my God... I have lost my fucking mind... Where is Calgon... I need to be taken the fuck away...
Although it was a slight echo and seemingly light years away, Alice´s voice broke through my madness.
¨Belly... Belly... Helloooo...¨ Alice tried to no avail to get my attention.
I wanted to answer but... I … I … I was having an out of body experience...
Leaning into my ear, she whispered in a stop-fucking-embarrassing-me tone, ¨snap the fuck out of it bitch. Do you want chicken or some fucking pasta.¨
¨Huh? Umm... chicken. Sorry, I guess I was daydreaming.¨ I admitted gnawing nervously on my bottom lip.
It´s official... I´m a fucking jackass...
When the my dinner was settled and the stewardess was out of earshot, I thought I´d take another stab at apologizing.
¨Um Al... I have no idea what happened just now. I´m sorry. I feel like such a fucking freak. I hate not being able to control this situation.¨ I spewed out in defeat.
¨Hmm.. maybe once we get you to Seattle, we can work on finding you someone to ¨control¨ your situation.¨ Alice replied with a knowing smirk on her face. She even made air quotes with her fingers when she said control.
What the fuck was that about...
¨What are you talking about Alice? And if it involves a shrink, you can forget it. I am not spending eons of dollars to tell some nosey ass therapist my problems. That´s what I´ve got you for. The best part being your free.¨ I warned in a teasing tone.
¨Oh dear Belly Boop, I wasn´t talking about a therapist. And like you said, this is not the place for this conversation. Eat up and well talk more once we get you settled in.¨ She said with an all knowing and menacing look about her.
What just happened?
Alice just let this go and she said she wasn`t talking about a therapist. This does not look good.
Alice never let´s anything go.
Did I give away too much? Did she figure out what my problem is.
What the fuck does she mean ´someone to control my situation´.
Fuck... Are we there yet... This is gonna be a long ass fucking flight...
I thought I´d never hear those magic words, until I was disturbed from my mental stewing by the flight attendants announcement.
¨We´re currently making our final descent into to Seattle Sea-Tac Airport. The captain has once again turned on the fasten your seatbelt sign. Please return to your seats, fasten your seat belts. All tray tables and seat backs should be returned to their upright position.
Flight attendants will be coming throughout the cabin to collect any trash items that you may have. Please take care when opening the over head bins, for items may have shifted during the flight. We hope you enjoyed your flight and look forward to servicing you again in the near future. As always, from your New York based crew, thank you for flying Delta... We Love to Fly and it Shows.¨
As I try not to noticeably squirm in my seat, I´m having mixed emotions about getting off this plane.
On one hand, I know that Carlisle and Esme will be waiting to pounce on us at the airport and then on the other, I have Alice waiting to ambush me with god knows what. She´s had plenty of time during the flight to concoct a plan for my salvation.
I openly shudder.
I nearly jump out of my seat, as Alice´s shrill voice breaks through the quiet of the first class cabin.
¨Oh my god Belly! I can´t believe your here! I mean your finally here and your gonna live with me in Seattle. I´ve missed seeing you everyday. I know I´ve got Rose, but she´s not my Belly Boop! We should plan to go to lunch with Rose tomorrow,¨ she squealed wrapping me in a bone crushing hug.
She made this little announcement all on one breath.
Why am I not surprised...
¨Hey... easy there Al. I´m happy to be here too. Just don´t crush my sternum before I get to see Esme and Carlisle.¨ I choked and sputtered.
¨Sorry...¨ She said looking sheepishly at me through her thick lashes. ¨I just can´t help it. I´ve waited almost five years for this.¨ I could see her eyes glazing over. I knew that my being here meant a lot to Alice.
Honestly, I was ecstatic about moving to Seattle. I really did miss seeing Alice all the time and being closer to Esme and Carlisle is an added bonus. Oh.. and let´s not forget Charlie´s right up the highway. I´ll be with my family and finally have everything thing I always wanted.
Well not everything... I still don´t have Edward...
I take a minute to mentally recite my mantra... I am not moving here to be with Edward... I repeat... I am not moving here to be with Edward.
Yeah... Good luck with good luck convincing yourself of that...
Well, what did you think? I hope that you enjoyed it and that you´ll continue to hang in there with me. Well leave me a little written love! See you in two weeks!
Laterzzz:)
Krazi
xoxoxo
