After breakfast I helped Yuzu wash the dishes humming songs together, I almost I had forgotten how critical every second was that Tousirou was still unconscious. Almost.
Every second of my life would mean nothing if I lost him...I could never play soccer again or do my school work. You're probably thinking I'm over reacting but when you lose someone who compliments you so much on those things, you just can't do it once they're gone.
After the dishes were done I retreated back to Toushirou's side. Only this time Yuzu was at my side. I looked at Yuzu and back at Toushirou, something broke and I screamed, immediately bringing my hands up to my eyes catching the tears. I knew that Ichigo and Dad would come running in thinking I was in danger but at this point I didn't care.
Toushirou was unconscious and I didn't know if he would ever wake up again. I may never talk to him again and I never got to say goodbye or I'm sorry. I'd never see him looking at me with that confused face again. I felt Yuzu's arms wrap around me. I could barely see anything for the tears in my eyes and my hands in front of my face, but I could see Yuzu hugging me from the side.
Then everything disappeared there was no Yuzu, no floor, no broken heart. The tears stopped and I took my hands down from my face. I was alone in a abyss of darkness. Nothing surrounding me, it was like I was the only thing in existence. I stood up hoping I could balance on nothing.
As soon as I did the tears started falling again...I was alone, confused, and still without Toushirou. I knew why I was so upset about losing him but if I admitted it, it would only hurt that much more. Just another thing I never would get to say to him.
I bowed my head looking at the endless blackness below my feet...watching the tears forever fall on. Arms embraced me once again this time from behind, I thought I was fading back to sanity but I dismissed the thought when I saw the almost transparent fore-arms resting on the top of my chest.
And the voice almost silent, whispering in my ear, "You know I hate when you cry." Immediately I started struggling to turn around, "Toushirou!"
All I got was a, "Shhhhh." I stopped struggling and gently rested my hand on his elbow. It was silent for a while before another whisper echoed in my ear, "I may die someday...protecting you, but it's not anytime soon. I'll wake up this time just not now. You shouldn't waste your time sitting next to me. Go out and play soccer or something, just don't waste your life on me. I jolted suddenly angry with him, "It's my life I can do as I please! And what do you mean you won't wake up now! Why won't you wake up so everybody doesn't have to worry!"
His grip tightened on me, "I don't have the energy or strength to pull myself together at this point. I need time to gather my thoughts and emotions and piece myself back together. Right now it took all the energy I had to pull you into this empty space. I'm only by your side at this moment because I borrowed your spiritual pressure to materialize myself."
Tears were still falling from my eyes and going through his arms. "Why?...Why did you save me? I still have an after life ahead of me you're gone if you die...Forever. You won't exist if you die."
I could feel him smile into the side of my head, pressing his ceek to the side of my head to show affection. I didn't how much affection it showed though and I thought I never would, "Look I appreciate that you're thinking of me when you say that but you don't realise that if you died you be in so much more danger than you are now. You would never see Yuzu again and there's always that possibility that Aizen will come back and get you. You would be putting everyone around you in pain especially your family. And you know that if you died and I preformed a konso you'd lose your memory right? You wouldn't know who I was or who your family is. You'd have to fend for yourself not realising how much spiritual pressure you have until you have someone you want to protect no matter what the cost. Whether that person is a sibiling, a friend, or a romantic interest they would be the only thing on your mind. Even if you met a friend or family member in the Soul Society you wouldn't pay us any attention. We'd all be so happy to see you again and you be so confused as to why all these strange people knew your name and why they were acting like they knew you. Nobody your friends with now or even remotely close to would ever have the same relationship with you as they do now. I can't just let you go like that, your my best friend, and it would be all my fault if I hadn't saved you. If you had died and forgotten me I would eventually be led to death anyway because I couldn't live with that...knowing that you would never remember me or any of your friends and family...knowing that I had let you go, that it was my fault...That's why I had to save you. Because even if I died saving you, it'd be better off than living a life without you. You understand?"
I nodded, silently crying, understanding all of it but one thing. Why was I so important to him? We were best friends yes but...I know about Kusaka and Toushirou lived his life without him. Kusaka was his best friend and he still moved on. He said it was because he had to...because it was effecting the people around him. So why couldn't he do it with me...why couldn't he move on from me. I didn't know if he could read my mind but it certainly seemed like it when he answered my thoughts,
"It's because Kusaka was the first best friend I had. I lost him and I moved on because I knew that I would get stronger so I wouldn't lose another friend. I can't lose another friend I would break down...I wouldn't be able to operate or think straight. If I lost one more person I would kill myself. It would drive me over the edge. And I know you're thinking what about Momo? She was in a coma and you thought you were going to lose her too. But it's not the same...I knew deep in my heart that it wasn't my fault even though I constantly blamed myself for it. If she had died I would've been depressed yes, but I would've gone after Aizen not myself. It was his fault not mine, and I knew that. I knew that she wasn't going to die because of my own stupid mistakes. Besides she's awake now and although she won't speak to me I'm happy because she's happy."
I turned my face slightly towards his still unable to see him, "But isn't the same? If I had died I would still technically be living and if I found someone in the Rukongai to protect wouldn't you think I was happy with them? So even if you had let me go you could move on because I was happy right?"
"It's not the same I wouldn't be happy because you'd be...You wouldn't be happy with me...Momo she's a sister to me I'm happy when she's happy and I'm mad when somebody upsets her. It's generally the same with you but even if you were happy, I couldn't stand to see you with someone else...Because even though I would still have you, alive I mean, I wouldn't have you at all..."
I was really confused at what he was saying. He wasn't making any sense at all. He interrupted my thoughts once more, "I'll explain later right now I need to rest. I've used up all my energy talking to you. I'm sorry, tell everybody that although I'm in critical condition I'm gonna be okay."
"Wait no! Don't go!" I knew I sounded stupid but I honestly didn't want hin to leave me. "I have to you've got worried family members waiting for you...I can't keep you to myself. Besides where we are now is my inner world...I need to rest so Hyourinmaru will come back so that I won't be transparent in my strongest state. Goodbye."
And was gone, I had lost the warmth that had surrounded my body and calmed me down. Though I had stopped crying. I took in a deep breath closing my eyes as I did. When I opened them again I was staring blurry eyed into my brother's eyes. I yelped in suprise jolting up and hitting my forehead against his. "Ow..ow..owwwww" I paused and looked back up at him anger burning through me, "What the hell were you doing so close?"
Yuzu's soft voice giggled somewhere behind me, "I told you Ichi-nii not to get so close..."
Then I heard my father's laughter near the door, "My son has learned his lesson...and if he hasn't why don't I teach it to him!"
I rolled my eyes when Ichigo growled, "There's no need." Great this was just great now wasn't it? And it was because while everyone was laughing Toushirou rolled over to face away from us. I thought it was because we were too loud and as he said before he needed to rest. Ichigo however smiled and his eyebrow twitched, "Lazy ass...Won't wake up cause he's freaking tired."
We all laughed for hours more enjoying the time we had as a family. And for the first time I was happy that Toushirou was the in critical condition instead of me. I needed to thank him for thinking that far ahead when he saved me.
Okay guys sorry for the long wait I've had a lot on my mind and on top of that I'm freaking lazy. Like Ichigo said "Lazy ass" hehe I'll try to update more often since I don't have as much on my mind but I can't make any promises. See you later, hoped you liked this chapter because I loved writing it. Tell me what you think.
