Fuck school, fuck ex boyfriends, and fuck everything I've ever believed made me happy. Oh.. I'm sorry. Do I sound pissed off? Well too bad. Because I am. I'm tired of everything... Of the way people talk to me... The way John doesn't even acknowledge my existence... And the way my heart is breaking in a million and one ways.
"Strider..? What the fucks taking so long?"
Karkat... Motherfucking great. Just who I wanted to see. "Sorry Kitkat. But I'm walking home today. I'm not in the mood to ride the bus."
"Not in the mood to ride the bus? What the hell do you mean? You live almost ten miles away from here. How the fuck do you expect to walk home?"
I went to say something along the lines of "I'll figure it out." but my voice betrayed me and I choked on my words. Karkat, being the douche he is, kicks open the bathroom stall door.
"Dave fucking Strider what the hell are yo-" His bright red eyes go wide when he sees me. My phone's in my left hand along with my shades, there's a cafeteria knife in the other, and tears are dripping onto my bloodied thighs.
Yeah... I'm embarrassed as all fuck because my pants are down and my bright red boxers are visible, but I'm more worried about the fact that Karkat just found me like this.
"Sh-shit! Dave!" He grabs my knife and pulls it from my hands. He then runs to the bathroom's main door and locks it so no one will come in before hurrying back to me. "Are you fucking crazy?! What are you doing?!" He says this as he takes toilet paper and covers the cuts I just made and it's obvious that he's scared shitless.
By now, I can't speak and my body is shaking like crazy. He notices this and immediately takes my hands, placing my phone on the ground. "Dave.." I hear concern in his voice and it breaks me. I can't take it any longer. The way everyone acts like I don't exist... like I don't matter... And then they try to make it better when they see me like this. "J-just... leave me al-lone.." I choke.
That's all it takes for him to pull me into a hug. He doesn't leave... He doesn't push me away and say I'm an idiot... He just hugs me. I don't know what else to do so I just hug back tight, crying into his shoulder. I usually wouldn't even allow this troll to touch me... Ever since the day I found out him and John were dating, I hated him. Yet now.. I welcomed his embrace.. Savored it... Because it was the only thing I had now to tell me I wasn't alone.
"I'm not just leaving you here you stupid fuckass.." He brushes one of his grey hands through my hair and I whimper like a child. "I want to help you. Please... Tell me what's going on.." For a moment, I almost start crying again. He sounds so much like John when he acts like this. But I don't cry. Instead, I point to my phone and he understands what I'm so upset about when he grabs it and reads the screen.
There's a message, just a short one, sent to me about an hour ago that reads, "TT: Jake said yes.". My tears began to fall once more as I read the message again and Karkat looked to me with sympathetic eyes. I had never told the nubby horned troll about any of my crushes, but he knew how I felt about my relationship with Dirk and how his friendship with Jake bothered me. "Dave... It's ok.. I'm sure he'll still spend time with you. He won't completely forget about you..." He's rubbing my back now and kissing my head the same way John used to and it kills me. I wish I could love someone who loved me back... I wish I wasn't crying over Dirk... And I wish that the person holding me now was John. But no matter how much I wish... I know I can't change any of this. "I w-want to die.. I d-don't want to be here anymore.." At this, Karkat pulls away from me and yanks out his own cell phone, typing something and then putting it away.
It's not even ten minutes later, that I hear banging on the bathroom door and Karkat opens it to let someone in. I recognize the black hair and bright blue eyes far too quickly and I want to cry more but I can't because he's got his arms around me and he's whispering words of comfort, between the soft kisses he places on my forehead and cheeks. "Dave... Please stop crying.. It's going to be ok. I'm here.."
I finally calm down after about five minutes and John gets to work on wrapping my legs in gauze and bandaging, his eyes darting up to mine every few minutes. He doesn't say anything like "I can't believe you did this." or "You're such an idiot.". He just stays quiet, even when he has Karkat help me stand so he can pull my pants up and close the zipper and button. Once I'm all cleaned up, he looks to me and places a hand on my cheek, caressing it with a thumb. "Don't you ever do this again... Please.."
I nod and pull him into a tight hug, the tears no longer falling. I miss him so much and it kills me to know he's with Karkat now but I know he's still here for me and it's enough to keep me at least a little happy. "J-John.. I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry for everything I said that day. I kn-know I-" "Dave.. No.. Please." I look him straight in the eyes and for a moment I feel like he's going to tell me this doesn't make us friends but instead he kisses my forehead and brushes a hand through my hair. "I know you never meant what you said. And.. I'm sorry. I should've talked to you about how I felt sooner. Maybe then I could've sparred you so many tears.." He grabs my hands and Karkat backs off, going to wait by the bathroom door. I stare, and I'm unsure what's going on. "You'll always be my best bro.. I promise. I don't ever want to lose you so please... Don't ever try hurting yourself again. Even if it's one in the morning... Please call me if you feel like doing this again.."
"I-I'll try..." Is all I can say. "I love you John.."
He smiles a bit and kisses me softly, leaving me breathless. "I know.." And then he places my shades on my eyes and takes me to Karkat, the two of them leading me out of the school and to John's Dad's car.
Mr. Egbert raises an eyebrow when he sees me and John just tells him that the bus left early and I missed it. The man shrugs it off and the three of us get in the back seat, John's hand never leaving mine. The ride isn't long since there's not much traffic, but I'm in heaven the entire time. I never thought I'd feel John's hand on mine again and I didn't want it to end..
Yet... it did.
I was home now, lying on my bed as I covered my ears, trying not to hear Dirk and Jake's voices exchange "I love you."s over the webcam. It hurt so much now.. knowing that I was losing Dirk. It was bad enough that he didn't love me the way I loved him... But it was even worse to know that he was already forgetting me. He didn't even say hi when I walked in our apartment! All he did was go on about how amazingly lucky he was and how perfect Jake was and I hate it!
"Dave! I'm ordering pizza! You want some?!" I stay quiet as I quickly pull off my shirt and get under my blankets, closing my eyes.
"Dave?! Did you hear me?!" I ignore him and in minutes I hear him in my room. "Dave..? You asleep already?" I stay quiet and soon he leaves. I decide I can go without dinner tonight, seeing as I'm not exactly hungry anyway, and soon the tears start falling again when I hear Jake say "You're brother's awfully strange at times." and Dirk just laughs and says "I know.".
I guess I was right... Jake was taking my brother away. But what hurt the most... Was that he didn't care and I soon cried myself to sleep, just as I did yesterday.
