Topic #3
CM Punk's UFC Debut


Dean Ambrose waved hello to the camera in the first second of this, sitting in the middle of the bed. One could probably see his WWE SmackDown-branded World Championship sitting around in the background of the room.

"Welcome back, everyone," Dean said, "to another episode of Shootin' The Shit. So today, we're back again for another little riff on current events goin' on within the week."

Behind Ambrose, Chloe could be seen in the near-background of the room, reclining on the bed with a cigarette in hand, just chillin'.

Ambrose started, slightly tapping on the edge of the bed with a half-open right hand. "So... you guys know about CM Punk, right? … The guy with tattoos all over, doesn't drink, doesn't dope... has the beard of a hobo now? ... If you don't, then in case you're wondering... after a final WWE appearance having him chokeslammed through a table and then just plain leaving, he took his talents to, of all places, the UFC, which is almost a polar opposite in a buncha' ways."

Dean leans back a little as he continues. "Where people like Batista, Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley can thrive in the squared-circle, but in the Octagon, they can get wrecked just as hard as almost everyone else in there. Also, there's a lot of weight limits, so there's no Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather kinds of fights. That and there's no worries about being too small for the company to consider you one of the most legitimate threats to a title; just look at Conor McGregor – someone I think we talked about last time, last month."

Before speaking on, Dean briefly looked back at his co-host in , almost as if he wants to know if she wanted to speak on a little bit of this. She simply shrugged in silence, wanting to peacefully smoke.

At this point, it was probably just left to Ambrose alone to discuss the topic of this episode; he was most definitely the most experienced person in the room, being a wrestler himself.

"So, um," he slightly stuttered as he went on, "on the subject of Punk – haven't decided how fitting that name is after he bailed on WWE – after two years of hype, appearances in video games before his first match, and Eva Marie-style delays on his fights, the 'Straight-Edge Ultimate Fighter' – probably only quoted by Punk himself and/or his wife – entered the Octagon for his first-ever UFC fight, against some guy named... Mikey Gall, was it?"

"It's Mickey Gall." Chloe corrected him.

And Ambrose nodded briefly. "Yeahyeahyeah, whatever, some guy I don't really give a shit about – I don't really watch UFC. Anyways, last night, Punk got into the cage with that guy. So what happened next? ...Heeee got choked out. In two minutes. Chloe and I both watched it, and it really hit the shitter at that point."

"It was hella fucked, just wanna put it out there." The blue-haired juvenile commented.

"Yyyeah. So right after that, people online came to us wanting our thoughts." Ambrose mentioned. "Honestly, we weren't watching just to see him suffer, we just wanted to see how he could handle himself in one of the most legitimate fighting sports around. Real fighting, I mean, not that whole weird E-Sports Street Fighter shit. Surprisingly, he went down harder than we predicted. Then again, if I recall, Brock Lesnar had a couple fights in the UFC where he got rocked to shit pretty quickly, so I can't really blame Punk for goin' down so hard."

Chloe nodded, puffing smoke out into the air. "Preach, brotha..."

Back to Ambrose, "What I can say for Punk at this point is... at least he's still a pretty hard-to-top guy on the microphone... probably the best idea at this point is to go back to square one, train harder, keep your head in check, and hope for the best next time. ...if there is a next time, which I think I can say for the both of us that it's quite possible that next time is somewhere down the line, instead of him crawling back to WWE, which I kinda don't want him to. Just come back if you feel like it, or maybe stop by Ring of Honor or New Japan if you still hate us, man. Your choice. And that's pretty much it for this episode, but, uh..."

Ambrose then leaned back a little further, looking back at Chloe one more time. "Yo, Chlo, you got any extra advice before we sign off?"

She looked towards the camera, slightly unprepared to answer. "Uh... don't get choked out next time?"

"Good enough." Ambrose was trying to hold his chuckles as he leaned towards the camera to stop the recording.


Almost month-long periods between chapters that are at most somewhere within 1 thousand words are probably what you can expect from a story like this, which is pretty much a part-time thing while I work on Tournament of Fate (at the time this chapter is let out). Be sure to favorite and/or follow this story if you wanna see more, and suggest any ideas in the review box if you have any.

Until next time.