Chapter Two: Kakashi's Two Mistakes
Naruto thought he was ready.
How wrong he had been.
The words sank into his heart with the violence of a piercing spear, as the joyful, beaming face of his master filled his mind, contrasting terribly with the abominable words, making them surreal, nightmarish.
Jiraiya fell...
His great, thunderous laughter, filled his ears as ghostly echoes of yet another happy moment they had shared together, his booming voice and his eternal love for life itself. Jiraiya didn't belong to death. His entire being was so full of an extraordinary life that death couldn't lay her hands upon him. Naruto had never, ever thought of the day Jiraiya would die because something deep in his heart always told him that Jiraiya just couldn't possibly die.
Jiraiya fell...
His enormous heart which had covered him with love and affection, which had accepted him as though he had been his own grandson, that heart which had been so proud of him, always... Naruto couldn't believe that that heart had actually stopped beating. He couldn't believe that that strong, brave and bottomless heart was now laying still somewhere, in the abyss of some cold and dark place. He couldn't believe that heart who had carried him for so many years was now silent and closed.
Jiraiya fell...
The memories of the beautiful, crazy, booming aura, like an enormous sun shining forever, warming the coldest parts of this difficult, sad world, filled Naruto's heart again, and the blonde-haired boy clung desperately to them...Yet they were already drifting through his fingers like sand flowing in the wind, carried away by the absurd, unacceptable reality.
He would never experience all that again.
Because Jiraiya fell.
« No... », he breathed, closing his eyes, clutching his heart as though it was going to implode right within his chest.
He felt nauseous. Like if his brain was absolutely refusing to absorb and accept the signals Naruto's ears were sending.
"No...".
Tears were threatening to come right up to his eyes, but he swallowed them. No. It cannot be. No...Not Jiraiya...Not yet. Please.
As Naruto was desperately fighting with himself, refusing to accept the horrible truth, Kakashi was observing him carefully. His heart broke at the sight of the immense, incredible despair that suddenly filled his former student's eyes. He had never, ever seen such a torment into the beautiful, cerulean eyes, and Kakashi knew that from now on, Naruto would never be the same anymore. The blonde haired boy had a step backwards. Kakashi could tell he was feeling dull and dizzy, and the silver-haired man had to conjure all his will to prevent himself from lunging forward to catch the boy into his arms and engulf his devastated face deep into his chest where he would hide him forever.
Yet he didn't do anything.
Out of shinobi modesty, his arms remained pinned at his sides, whereas they were itching to reach out and wrap around the young man, his hands were dying to tangle into the blonde hair, his chest was yearning for the feeling of Naruto's face buried into it, and his lips were longing to say so many futile things to him, such as "Shhh, I'm here...I'm sorry Naruto...You can lean on me. Shhh...I'm here, I'm here, I'm here...".
He didn't do anything.
And Naruto kept sinking.
"When." he breathed out, his eyes still closed.
"Yesterday." Tsunade whispered with a dead, blank voice.
"Where."
"Amegakure..."
"How."
Tsunade hesitated.
"He went there to gather information about the head of Akatsuki. He was discovered..."
The blonde lowered his head for a moment, in complete silence.
She let him go alone.
At every heart beat... At every breath...He could feel the storm raging inside him intensify dramatically. The huge waves of pain were crashing against his ribs, tearing his organs, torturing his mind. It was just too much, too much to bear. He couldn't think anymore. His head was dizzy, dull and heavy. He thought he was going to collapse.
She let him go alone.
His hand clutched his shirt while his entire face contorted in pain. He felt as though his heart was being slowly ripped out of his chest and stabbed with a thousand of tiny, sharp needles. The tears started coming up to his eyes, and he fought hard to swallow them. The pain was immense. He had never, ever felt such a thing, and he thought he was going to go mad. This was too hard. He had to cling to something. He couldn't stand that pain anymore.
She let him go alone.
That was when the sorrow got slowly replaced by another powerful, terrible, destructing feeling.
Anger.
Everyone in the room was casting worried looks to each other, waiting for his reaction. Naruto had never been confronted with the loss of a loved one, at least consciously, and no one, not even Iruka and Kakashi who knew him particularly well, knew how he was going to react.
When they got the answer, they all felt their heart stop.
Naruto's fists clenched further into the fabric covering his wounded heart, and slowly raised his eyes towards Tsunade.
At the sight of the look into his eyes, Kakashi shivered.
His eyes were no longer blue, but boiling red.
Never. Never had he seen such a dark, heinous glow within Naruto's kind, cheerful eyes. The blonde was casting a murderous glare at Tsunade who did her best to keep her head straight despite the formidable strength of those eyes that were piercing her heart like a silent, but blood-curling scream of rage.
"You. Let him. Go. Alone." Naruto growled, his teeth clenched together.
Tsunade didn't say a thing.
Of course he was right. Jiraiya's death was her fault, and that was precisely why she had just spent an entire night crying alone in her office before finding the courage to summon the others and tell them what happened. Yet even though she sincerely thought Naruto's words were true, they were crushing her heart like a merciless hand of steel. And more than his hate, it was the sight of the terrible pain that was overwhelming his entire shaking frame that truly destroyed Tsunade.
Naruto's accusation was met by a heavy silence.
Sai and Sakura exchanged a worried glance.
Kakashi didn't move a toe.
He cast a rapid look at Yamato, knowing that the ANBU captain was already preparing himself, as he too was feeling that the situation was going to degenerate.
"Why the hell did you let him go alone, Tsunade ? " Naruto whispered, his eyes full of anger.
Tsunade flinched at the use of her name. No more obâ-chan. It was just Tsunade, the woman who had sent his beloved master right to his death. Naruto's voice was tinted with cold fury, and the blonde hokage started worrying at the sight of the boy's nails growing as well as his teeth.
"He would never have let you go alone."
Kakashi had never seen Naruto so deadly serious.
He noticed that he had even lost the use of his famous verbal tic.
A bead of sweat streamed down the side of his face.
He knew that was going to happen.
"You killed him." Naruto spat venomously.
That was when Kakashi made his first, heavy mistake.
" Naruto, stop this." Kakashi said firmly, thinking that he had to intervene to control Naruto's anger and avoid what they were now all dreading.
Shikamaru cast a surprised and somewhat horrified look at Kakashi.
Kakashi sensei, what the hell are you doing? He thought to himself.
The blonde turned his eyes to his sensei, and Kakashi's heart froze at the cold, betrayed glance Naruto gave him.
Within one second, Kakashi suddenly understood what horrible impact his words had just had upon Naruto...
...because the dreaded, boiling mantle suddenly appeared around Naruto's body.
The blonde fell to his hands, his teeth clenched, his eyes as dangerous as those of a wild, blood-thirsty beast. He planted his red, baleful eyes into the grey, worried one.
"Stop this?" He repeated with an offended, hurt tone.
Kakashi, you bloody idiot, Kakashi thought as his heart filled with ice under the heavy, wounded stare of that boy he loved so deeply.
"I can't believe you, of all people, just said that to me, sensei. How dare you?" Naruto whispered.
"Naruto..."
It was too late.
"After all these years you keep treating me like a child, Kakashi sensei, Naruto seethed, insisting on the last word. I have just lost a man I loved with all my heart, and yet you find nothing better than telling me to shut the hell up. How dare you?"
"Naruto, I...", Kakashi stammered, regretting his words so much he could have plunged a katana across his stomach right here, right now.
"Don't bother, sensei, I get it. I have no say in the matter. My shishou was just slaughtered alone without anyone to help him, and yet I still have to shut it because what I feel or think is so futile, right, contrary to the legendary Hatake Kakashi's supreme intelligence? Naruto sneered viciously. There is still no room in that god forsaken shinobi world for actual feelings, right?"
The blonde was starting to shake, and the demonic mantle was bubbling furiously. Everyone in the room was frozen in horror and didn't dare move a toe.
"Naruto, I'm so…" Kakashi said, opening his arms to Naruto, and making a move towards him.
"Don't you fucking touch me! Naruto yelled, jerking back from Kakashi's arms. How dare you? How dare you call yourself my friend? After all these years, after all we lived together, I thought you had come to see me differently! I thought you had some respect for me! But in truth, I am still the stupid, loud and annoying boy, right, Kakashi?. And that's probably what I will remain to your eyes, right sensei? Or should I say to everyone's eyes? Because that's what you all think about me right? RIGHT, MINNA?" he exclaimed, casting a murderous glance to everyone in the room, like a cornered animal.
Kakashi's eyes widened. This wasn't like the Naruto he knew, who was confident in the love his friends had for him. That Naruto was much darker, and these words came right from a shattered, broken heart which made his demons come right up to the surface with a violence he had never displayed before. He cursed himself, thinking that he had just contributed in shoving the knife of Jiraiya's death deeper within his former student's heart.
Yet Naruto didn't stop there.
The pain and anger were twisting his thoughts, and suddenly his eyes widened with utmost horror.
He stared at Kakashi, Kyuubi's mantle still bubbling around him, and slowly raised an accusatory finger towards his sliver haired friend.
"Wait…You knew about this Kakashi, didn't you?" Naruto seethed with a low, dangerous voice.
Kakashi's heart missed a beat.
"What? Naruto what are you talking about?"
Naruto had a dark, bitter laugh, a laugh no one in the room had ever heard coming from that shiny, always happy boy. Shikamaru and Sakura exchanged a worried glance, both thinking that they were watching their joyful friend suddenly turn into a pile of anger, hate and resentment.
"I should have known ttebayo…Of course you knew about this and you kept me busy while he was getting slaughtered far away and alone, right, Kakashi?"
"Naruto that is absolutely..."
"How could you do this to me? How could you do this to me, Kakashi?"
Naruto's entire body started shaking with anger as his voice was increasing progressively.
Oh God he's getting paranoid. Mendokusai, Shikamaru thought, biting his lips, preparing himself to use his kage binding jutsu to restrain that Naruto he didn't recognize anymore.
Kakashi raised a hand to Naruto in another attempt to calm him down.
"Naruto that's not true, I didn't know about this…."
He was interrupted when the first tail sprung right from the mantle, making Tsunade gasp.
"You are the Hokage's right arm, how the hell could you not know about this?! So you contribute to sending my shishou right to his death and then you expect me to shut the fuck up?!" Naruto bellowed with an impressive, terrifying voice.
"Yamato!", Tsunade exclaimed, rising from her seat.
"Wakatta!" Yamato said, joining his hands together.
"Naruto, listen to me. You are not thinking clearly", Kakashi said, feeling he was walking on the edge of a very sharp cliff, trying to reach Naruto who was dangerously dangling over the abyss.
That was Kakashi's second mistake.
The second tail sprung out of the mantle and the ground started shaking as Naruto's face was distorted with rage.
"QUIT FUCKING AROUND WITH ME! QUIT LYING TO ME! QUIT TREATING ME LIKE A STUPID CHILD, KAKASHI!"
"Fukasaku, Tsunade said firmly to the old toad sennin go back to Mount Myôboku and take some rest, things are going to get messy here."
"We're losing him!" Shikamaru shouted.
"Naruto!" Sakura cried out, lunging forward.
"Sakura, no!" Sai exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Sakura's frame. Without even realizing what he was doing, he turned her towards him and pulled her face into his chest, squeezing her shoulders and shielding her view with his torso. Sakura tried to disengage from Sai's arms but the dark-haired man held her tighter. Then Naruto, who was sinking deeper and deeper in the transformation, let out a terrifying, feral roar, and a blast of chakra exploded in the room. Sai turned towards the wall, coiled one of his hands into Sakura's hair to maintain her face into his chest, and rounded his shoulders to protect her from the blast.
In another shallow roar, the third tail sprung out of the mantle, and in an impressive whirl of chakra, the roof of the office flew right in the sky, torn apart from the building.
" Naruto!" Kakashi shouted, his entire frame frozen in horror at the sight of Naruto's skin being ripped from his flesh, as the young man was howling in a mixture of pain and rage.
The blonde was almost out of reach now. Kakashi turned towards Yamato.
"Tenzô! Do it!" he screamed
"Oh God, Naruto!" Iruka cried out.
"Mattaku!" Shikamaru swore, protecting his face with his arms.
The fourth tail came out, ripping the walls apart, and Kakashi quickly enveloped everyone in his wires, preventing them from being taken in the air with the rumble, while concentrating his own chakra in his feet to stay attached to the ground. Down at the bottom of the tower, the villagers that had come to wonder what was the cause of the screams scattered, terrified, at the fall of the torn pieces of the Hokage's office.
"Fûinjutsu!" Yamato roared.
Twelve wooden pillars rose from the floor and encased the kyuubified Naruto, who rose on his hinder legs, thundering and seething, biting and clawing at the barrier. Seeing that Yamato had hard time maintaining the sealing technique, Shikamaru reacted. He joined his hands and at once, his shadow extended and went through the wooden pillars, catching Naruto, smashing him on the ground and immobilizing him.
"Kage mane no jutsu...Seiko!"
Kakashi couldn't bear the sight of Naruto being maintained on the ground with violence, like an animal trapped by poachers, struggling desperately. They didn't have the choice, but he didn't deserve that. Making sure everyone was safe and did not risk to fall from the tower, he released his wires and lunged towards Naruto, well determined to take him into his arms this time and hold him tight against his chest while the blonde calmed down and recovered his normal state.
Yet Iruka was faster.
"Suiton: Suisei no Yoroi!" he shouted, sliding through the pillars. His body covered with a layer of water to avoid direct contact with Naruto's scorching skin, and he pulled Naruto into a tight embrace from behind, wrapping his legs around his waist and his arms around his torso.
"Shhh, Naruto, it's me, Iruka..." he soothed while Naruto kept seething and howling into his arms.
Naruto kept struggling like a lion, but Iruka, Shikamaru and Yamato held on tight.
"Naru-chan, calm down. Shhhh, please...Calm down...Shhhh..." Iruka said, covering his howls, embracing him tighter in his arms.
He kept rocking him as slowly, progressively, Naruto's howls started to calm down.
"Shhh, it's over..."
One by one, the tails disappeared...
"Shhh..."
...the bubbling mantle faded out...
"That's it, Naru, come back...Shhh..."
...the claws and the fangs receded...
"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here..."
...and the blue eyes appeared again.
After a long time, Naruto was lying back into Iruka's chest as the man kept rocking him and shushing him.
As Kakashi watched them, he couldn't help but feeling his heart being gnawed by envy and jealousy.
He would have given anything at this precise moment to be the one holding Naruto to his chest, shushing him and whispering sweet nothings to his ear.
He should have done it right from the beginning.
He had been so stupid.
Again, he had made the mistake of abiding to the rules of remaining impassive in front of the Hokage, instead of just letting his heart speak and open his arms to Naruto at one of the worst moments of his young life. Plus, he had been so clumsy in his attempts to prevent Kyuubi from getting out that he had caused exactly the opposite. Not only had Naruto been deeply hurt by Kakashi's words, but more, he was now persuaded that Kakashi had betrayed him by keeping him away from Jiraiya while the latter was being sent to his certain death.
God I have screwed up, Kakashi said, pinching his nose between his fingers.
Tsunade came to kneel besides the boy and started reconstructing the skin that had burned right on his flesh, leaving him flayed and bloody. Fortunately for him, he was unconscious.
"Sakura, come here and help me", she breathed out, her eyes full of tears.
Sakura disengaged herself from Sai's arms who had been clutching her to his chest during the entire crisis. Shikamaru and Yamato released their techniques, wiping their foreheads and letting out a long sigh.
When after a long time, Sakura and Tsunade had succeeded in recovering Naruto's entire skin, they proceeded to a checkup of his vital organs.
"Daijôbu, he is out of danger now.", Tsunade whispered, while smoothing Naruto's hair like a mother, thinking deep inside that from now on, Naruto would probably hate her so much she would never be able to do that again.
"I will take him to the hospital", Sakura said.
"No, it's unnecessary. Iruka, carry him to his home and stay with him until he wakes up. He mustn't stay alone with this."
"Wakatt..." Iruka started, lifting Naruto up in his arms.
"Tsunade-sama." Kakashi intervened.
"Nanda, Kakashi?"
Tsunade turned towards the silver haired jounin along with Iruka who had Naruto cradled against his chest. Kakashi let out a sigh and bowed his head.
"Please...Let me be the one to take care of him. I have made a terrible mistake. He needed me and all I did was reprimand him..." Kakashi said, closing his eyes with guilt.
Tsunade reached out her arm and patted Kakashi's shoulder.
"It's all right, Kakashi. It's over now, we were lucky Yamato was there."
"Shikashi...Please, Godaime, Iruka-sensei, let me take him." Kakashi pleaded, reaching out his arms towards the unconscious Naruto.
Iruka and Tsunade looked at each other, puzzled. Kakashi insisted.
"I just want to show him that I'm here for him. I want to show him this was all a misunderstanding...I..I don't want him to hate me."
Kakashi looked so desperate, that it shattered Iruka's heart, so much that the young sensei took the initiative. He knew Kakashi quite well, and he could tell from the look in his eye how much he felt guilty with what had just happened. He himself had been a little surprised when Kakashi had reprimanded Naruto while the blonde-haired boy certainly expected comfort and support from him, his sensei, the man he looked up to and admired the most with Jiraiya. He took a step forward and laid Naruto into Kakashi's open arms.
"Wakatta, Kakashi, take care of him..."
Kakashi cradled Naruto to his chest and held him tight, closing his eyes.
"I will, thank you, Iruka-sensei…" the silver haired jounin whispered, before disappearing in a poof of smoke with Naruto in his arms.
