Chapter Six: Reaching out to you
Japanese glossary
Mattaku : I can't believe this / damn
Nani/Nandato: what?
Ohayô: good morning
Okaeri: welcome home
Tadaima: I'm home
Ichi, ni, san, yon, go: One two three four five
Arigatou: thank you
"Naruto."
"Leave me alone ttebayo!"
"Naruto…"
"I..No! I have to…I have to keep going…"
"Naruto, you're going the wrong way", Kakashi said softly, reaching out his arm, trying to make the blonde stop.
He had to say something, anything to stop the boy from walking towards it.
Yet Naruto kept going, staggering, his body cutting a dark silhouette against the fantastic, magnificent light cast by the orb, making the outline of his body blurred, as though it was already halfway from disappearing completely.
It was the only source of light and warmth shining and repelling the thick shadows that seemed to be crawling from all around them, reaching out their clawed, distorted hands to Naruto who kept falling on his knees.
"No…I'm certain this is the right way…I…There's no other way ttebayo."
He stood up again with difficulty, and resumed his walk.
He was getting closer and closer to the throbbing orb which was releasing powerful flames dancing in the darkness like fiery snakes.
The sight was hypnotizing, tantalizing.
"Yes, there's another way, Naruto, and you know it" Kakashi said again.
Another step forward.
Kakashi was frozen.
He didn't dare lunging forward, for he knew it could result in the boy jumping into the orb where he would be swallowed forever.
"Naruto, look at me."
The boy whimpered but didn't turn back.
He kept staggering, completely hypnotized by the orb whose beautiful, orange light seemed to be licking his face greedily, ready to absorb him.
"Naruto, please, look at me!"
Still no reaction.
The orb was just a few meters from Naruto, and Kakashi's heart was on the verge of bursting.
In sheer desperation, he shouted on top of his lungs.
"That thing will never bring Jiraiya back, Naruto!"
The name had the expected effect.
Naruto turned vividly on his feet, his terrorized eyes tinting with pure anger, the orb flaring up behind him.
"Don't you ever say his name ttebayo!"
He had stopped.
He was standing firm on his feet, glaring holes into Kakashi, but he had stopped.
That might be the last chance the silver-haired jounin would ever have to save his precious blonde.
Licking his lips, his heart beating, his mind racing, Kakashi chose his words with extreme, absolute caution.
"Naruto, this is the wrong way, I know it and so do you."
"Oh really?! And where am I supposed to go, huh? Do you know what lies over there Kakashi ttebayo?! Do you know?!" Naruto screamed, pointing in the opposite direction.
Kakashi's face saddened.
"Yes, Naruto I know what lies over there…"
He took a deep breath.
"And yet that is the right way."
Naruto coiled back, gasping, his angry face turning into one of pure horror.
"No…! I don't believe you ttebayo!"
Kakashi took another step forward, slowly, but Naruto fell back again.
"Don't come nearer!" he shouted.
Kakashi rose both his hands in surrender.
His heart was beating furiously against his ribcage.
Just a few more steps backwards and Naruto would be lost forever.
"Naruto! You know what that damn think is going to do to you, don't you?!"
"I don't know what the hell you are talking about ttebayo!"
"That orb is going to swallow you whole and take your very soul! It will bring nothing but death and destruction! Is that what you want?!"
Naruto shook his head and took it into his hands, trying to shut himself away from Kakashi's words.
"I…I don't want anything! I…I just want to get as far as I can from that freaking hole!"
"Naruto-kun, I know it looks scary and dark and insurmountable, but believe me, I know it very well."
"YOU'RE LYING!" Naruto screamed, making another step backwards.
Desperate, not knowing what else he could do to prove to Naruto that he was not lying, Kakashi made something he had never done before.
He crooked an index on the bridge of his nose and pulled his mask down, making Naruto gasp.
There, bare faced, both of his eyes uncovered, Kakashi opened his arms wide and looked at Naruto with all the sincerity he could muster, all his features screaming his love and despair.
"There, Naruto-kun, look at me. This is who I am. I am not hiding anything from you. Anything. I'm not lying to you."
Naruto didn't say a word, he seemed completely stunned by the sight of his longtime friend and sensei's true face.
Kakashi kept going.
"I am your friend, remember? I would give my life for you, without any hesitation. Have I ever given you any single reason not to trust me? Ever?!"
The blonde didn't say anything. His entire body was shaking, and his wrists were clenching and unclenching. He seemed on the verge of snapping.
Slowly, Kakashi made a tiny step towards him, his arms still open, both of his eyes diving into the cerulean ones.
"We are a family, remember?! What on Earth can possibly make you think I, Hatake Kakashi, would do anything to hurt you, Naruto-kun? After all we have been through together, how the Hell can you think that for one, freaking second?!" Kakashi said passionately, his nose crinkled in a growl, his eyes fierce, his teeth bore, revealing his slightly sharp canines.
Naruto's anger seemed to fade out a bit, replaced by an immense sorrow. He closed his mouth and his lips started trembling, while a single tear streamed down his face.
Kakashi made another, small step.
He was getting closer.
"I…I don't want…I don't want to fall!"Naruto said with a small, broken voice, tears streaming down his whiskered cheeks.
He looked so vulnerable, so lost, his wide blue eyes screaming silently for help.
"It's going to be all right, Naruto-kun…Everyone goes through it someday…"
Another step…
Slowly, gently, he started reaching out his arms to the blonde…
"Come, Naruto, come here in my arms, please…don't do this…" he begged.
Naruto escaped a sob. His foot slid slightly backwards.
The malevolent aura of the orb was alienating. It looked like a gigantic eye, waiting for his prey to throw itself into its depths, extraordinary flames flaring up and swirling like an eternal, demonic storm.
Kakashi knew he had to pour his entire soul into his words.
"I can't lose you, Naruto. I love you. Please. Please don't do this."
The blonde lowered his head and escaped a sob.
That's when Kakashi took action.
He leaped forward and grabbed Naruto's wrist, yanking him away from the orb and pulling him into his embrace. Naruto gasped and fought in Kakashi's arms, pounding his chest with his fists while Kakashi was dragging him further away from the demonic light.
"No! Let go of me! LET GO OF ME!"
"Shhhh, Naruto….Naruto-kun, listen to me!" Kakashi said, clinging to Naruto, trying to imprison him into his arms.
"I don't want to listen to you! Leave me alone ttebayo!"
He growled and tried to claw his way out of Kakashi's swallowing embrace but the silver-haired jounin succeeded in wrapping one of his arms around the blonde's shoulders, blocking his arms at his sides. Then he grabbed the back of his head and forced his face down into his chest. While his nose and lips got squashed into Kakashi's strong pectorals, Naruto felt that he was losing control. He let out another muffled scream into Kakashi's chest, trying to push him away, but the man held him tighter and crashed his bare lips on Naruto's ear.
"Shhhh…It's over…It's over, Naruto…Shhhh…I'm here, it's okay…"
He maintained his face crushed into his chest with his hand coiling into his hair, and that was when Naruto let out a long, harrowing sob.
"I'm scaaared…"
His knees gave out and Kakashi prevented him from falling, holding him completely against him, covering his hair with kisses.
"Oh I know, I know Naruto-kun, I know you're scared, but I'm right here with you. I'm protecting you."
"It's…It's cold…Over there…I…It's dark, and it's…cold…" Naruto gasped, his voice muffled in Kakashi's shirt.
Kakashi let go of his head to wrap both of his arms around him, enfolding him into a protective, warm embrace, keeping his face buried into his chest to prevent him from seeing the orb behind them.
"Here, do you feel my warmth? Do you hear my heart beating in my chest? Do you feel my arms tight around you? I will be your torch, Naruto, I will be the one bringing you light in the darkness and warmth in the cold."
He kissed Naruto's temple and squeezed him tighter while the blonde's body was shivering. Then he took his face into his hands and raised it towards him.
"I know the way, Naruto-kun, I know it very well. I will guide you through it, all the way down. I promise."
Slowly, without ever letting go of Naruto's scared, watery eyes, Kakashi took a step backwards, bringing Naruto with him.
"It's going to be okay, Naruto."Kakashi said, smoothing the golden hair.
Another step backwards.
Naruto's eyes were wide, and his hands were clutching Kakashi's shirt.
They were getting further and further away from the orb.
Kakashi kept shushing, whispering, reassuring Naruto, wiping his face tenderly with his knuckles and his thumbs, kissing his forehead with his bare lips.
He started taking longer steps, still bringing Naruto with him, as though they were dancing in the darkness, sliding progressively away from the demonic aura whose heat and light were starting to fade out.
"Shhh, that's it, Naruto-kun. Stay with me. I'm here."
The light was almost gone now, and Naruto seemed to wake up from a trance. He let out a strangled gasp and tried to turn away from Kakashi but the man wrapped his arms around his head and engulfed his face into his chest once more.
"Naruto, Naruto! It's okay! Shhh, stay with me, don't turn back, it's over. Shhh."
"I…I…I can't, Kakashi…I can't do this…"
Kakashi tightened his arms around him a little bit more.
"Of course you can, Naruto. And you won't be alone, remember? I'll be there, all the way." he soothed tenderly.
He waited for a little moment for Naruto to calm down in his chest, then he resumed walking backwards, but this time without faltering his embrace.
He could feel the howling, screaming abyss behind him coming nearer.
Cold air was starting to strike his face, and he engulfed Naruto deeper into his arms to protect him against it.
"Shhhh…" he kept whispering into the blonde's ear while Naruto was whimpering softly in his arms.
And soon they had arrived.
The void was right behind them.
It was hideous, immense, and bottomless, as though it was the mouth of a pit that kept on going endlessly, tearing through the very fabric of all realities, and leading to absolute oblivion and nothingness.
Again, Kakashi took Naruto's head into his hands and he rested their foreheads together. He took a deep breath.
"Naruto, I know it's going to be hard. I know it's going to hurt a lot. Yet it is the only way, and I will never, you hear me Naruto, never ever let go of you for a second. You can cling on to me, bury your face in my chest, dig your nails in my skin. I will hold you all the way down, and together, we will find the light again. Wakatta?"
The blonde gulped but nodded his head, closing his eyes.
Kakashi kissed his forehead and tucked his face back into his chest. There he wrapped his arms closely around Naruto's shoulders and rested his chin on top of his hair. There, he squeezed him tightly and whispered.
"All right…Are you ready?"
"Hai…"Naruto answered, burying his nose between Kakashi's pectorals and clutching his shirt.
"Then off we go…"
And slowly, like a bird spreading his wings, Kakashi let himself fall backwards, clutching Naruto to him, until both of them disappeared into the void.
Kakashi opened his eyes. He could feel something soft and warm in his arms, something he was clutching so hard that his arms were aching. He loosened his embrace a little and lowered his head towards his chest.
He could see a patch of pink hair that smelled of flowers and candies.
Sakura.
The young woman was curled up against him, her nose buried into the connection between his shoulder and his neck. She was breathing softly, letting out a little whistling noise, and Kakashi smiled fondly. His heart filling with love and tenderness, he lowered his mask and buried his nose into Sakura's soft hair. He breathed deeply while squeezing her tight against him, ignoring the pain in his arms. He remained in this position for a little while, and then he sighed and laid his head backwards, caressing Sakura's hair absent-mindedly, remembering his dream.
Well the message had been quite clear. He had to convince Naruto to face his own pain before Kyuubi swallowed him whole.
But how?
Kakashi winced. He had hoped that a night of rest would help him find a solution, yet it didn't.
His mind drifted to the blonde, and he frowned when he thought about how Naruto seemed to have lost some weight again. The blonde really seemed to be withering away at a steady pace and Kakashi felt more and more worried about him. Yet the more he worried, the more he urged himself to find a solution, and it prevented him from thinking efficiently.
Sakura whimpered a little into his neck, and her hands clutched Kakashi's shirt a little more, making the silver-haired man snap out of his thoughts. He rubbed soothing circles into the young woman's back and cradled her head, pushing her face further into his neck.
"Shhh…" he whispered softly.
He closed his eyes and laid his cheek against the pink hair, and he sighed again while rocking Sakura slightly from left to right.
He focused, and told himself that he had to keep his head cool. He had to think things through, calmly, as he used to do, by isolating problems one by one. For now, there was just no obvious way to approach Naruto. So why not focus on more urgent things, such as trying to feed him correctly?
He raised his eyes and looked outside the window. The sun wasn't up yet, but the sky was starting to lighten, golden light caressing the blue, sleepy clouds. He glanced at the clock which indicated five o'clock.
Kakashi sighed and made his decision. He lowered his head towards Sakura and laid a long, loving kiss in her hair, before pulling his mask back up and shifting slowly in order to get out of the bed with her still in his arms, without waking her.
That was tricky.
After a few acrobatics, Kakashi succeeded in rising on his feet, carrying Sakura, who whimpered and opened an eye.
"Mm...Kashi?"
Kakashi smiled softly and rocked her in his arms like a baby, diving his mismatched eyes into the slightly unfocused emerald ones.
"Yo, sleepyhead." He breathed out tenderly with a gentle smile.
Sakura looked around, still half asleep.
"Wh...Where..."
Kakashi brought her face in his shoulder by shifting his forearm up her back.
"Shh, it's okay. The night is not over for you, you can still sleep."
"Mm..." She said wrapping her arms around Kakashi's neck and burying her face further into the crook of his shoulder.
He cast the sheets aside to lay the sleepy Sakura into his bed, before bringing the covers back on her body. Yet Sakura's eyes opened again and she clutched Kakashi's shirt.
"Kakashi, I have to go. I..."
Kakashi tucked a pink strand behind her ear.
"Shh,shh,shh, what sweetie?"
"I have to…the cat…"
"Nani?" Kakashi asked.
"Yes...the cat…he fell into the well…I have to get him out or he'll drown!" Sakura said, her green eyes wide with worry.
Kakashi understood the powerful message hidden behind the dream. He kissed her forehead and pushed her gently back into the bed with his hands on her shoulders.
"Maa, maa, leave it to me, Sakura-chan. I will fetch the cat and get him out of the well."
"How?"
Kakashi thought for a fraction of second. No more lies. Even if Sakura wouldn't remember that conversation, he would never ever lie to her again.
"Ma, I have no idea right now, but hey, I used to be your sensei, right? I will find a way."
Even though I prefer dogs, Kakashi told himself.
Sakura' eyes started falling again, yet her hand was still clutching Kakashi's shirt. He caressed her head slowly, tenderly.
"Shhh...Go to sleep, Sakura-chan. Leave all this to me. Just sleep. Don't worry. Shhh..." He cooed softly, caressing her until the green eyes closed and the head fell into his long hand. He stroked her face again for a few minutes, then gently retrieved his hand and got up.
As discretely as he could, he took a shower, brushed his teeth and dressed up in his usual uniform.
Then he spent two hours in the kitchen.
It had been a long time since the last time had cooked with so much devotion. As he was rolling the onigiri and cooking the noodles, he shook his head several times.
What the Hell are you doing? Naruto is indeed in love with food, but he is never going to eat if it comes from you.
Yet something deep within Kakashi pushed him to go on. He just had to do something, anything. He couldn't physically show Naruto how much he loved him as the boy would most certainly use ninjutsu again to escape his arms or simply crash his fist on his nose. He couldn't tell him either, as the boy would tell him to go fuck himself at the first word Kakashi would utter.
It seemed trivial, but cooking Naruto's lunch for the boy was the only thing he could do without too much damage, in addition to the fact that he needed to be sure Naruto had something decent to eat and drink.
He won't eat it. He won't even touch it.
Kakashi's mind filled with thousands of reasons why Naruto would certainly not even deign to even look at what Kakashi had brought him. However his heart was sending contradictory messages. In addition to the fact that he couldn't stand the idea of just sitting there doing nothing while the boy was starving himself, he just followed the powerful intuition that was starting to build up deep within him. Indeed, as he was pouring all his love for the blonde into the cutting of the vegetables, into the boiling of the noodles, into the rolling of the onigiri, he couldn't help but hoping Naruto would just come to a point where he would be too tired, too hungry and too thirsty to cling on to his anger.
And when he comes to that, he might be glad to find some comfort in a meal that had been heartily prepared just for him.
When he was done, Kakashi wrapped everything into a large wicker basket, which he laid down in the entrance hall. It was about eight o'clock, and the sun was up, casting its rays into his bedroom. Quietly, he went to close the curtains to make sure the light wouldn't wake Sakura. Then he approached the bed again and smiled fondly at the sight of the young woman having her face hidden into her knuckles, her knees brought up to her chest.
At this precise moment, Kakashi had hard time believing that beautiful, vulnerable creature was actually the strongest woman in the village after Tsunade whom she would soon surpass. For a minute there he was taunted by the urge to take a picture of her because she was just too cute. Yet he didn't have any camera, and the thought of a very pissed off Sakura made him shiver. So instead, he engraved her image into his memory, and then he leaned forward and pulled down his mask to rest his lips on the pale, soft cheek in a chaste, loving kiss. Sakura whimpered a little in her sleep and Kakashi ran his long hand into her hair, kneading her skull.
Then he straightened up and went to his desk where he grabbed a piece of scroll and a pen. There, he wrote:
"Ohayô, my pretty little flower. I am out watching over Naruto. Make yourself at home. Again, I promise you I will do everything in my power to get things right. Trust me. And I want you to keep coming to me if you need to talk, that's an order. I want to be there for you, always, and we have to stick together through this.
Jaa na!"
He signed with his name and let the paper on the bedside table before he turned on his heels, grabbed the basket and left his apartment in silence, closing the door behind him.
He watched over Naruto all morning, and then around midday, he let out a sigh and got down from his tree, carrying the basket on his arm. He took a deep breath, knowing that the blonde was probably going to insult him, yet he bravely started walking towards him.
He stopped a few meters from the blonde and wove his hand, crinkling his eye in his famous, soft smile.
"Yooo!"
Naruto, who had been completely wrapped up in his work, shot his head up and started at the sight of Kakashi right behind him. He jerked backwards with such violence he tripped on the bucket he was using to water the cultures and fell hard on his bottom. Kakashi almost rushed forward to help him but he restrained himself at the last minute. Instead, he scratched the back of his head with a sheepish laugh.
"Haahahaa, ma, I'm sorry Naruto-kun, I didn't want to scare you."
"What the fuck are you doing here?!"
"Maaa, maaa, I don't want to bother you. It's just that I have noticed that you are working very hard and yet it doesn't seem to me that you drink and eat enough. So…"
"Mind your own business. I have my ramen here see? That's well enough."
"Maaa! You know what I am going to tell you, Naruto-kun…"
"Don't Naruto-kun me. And piss off, I have no advice to take from you." Naruto growled, boring a hole into Kakashi, all his body rigid and firmly planted into the ground.
"Naruto, you're working very hard and your body needs something way more decent than instant ramen. And I don't see anything looking like a gourd…which means that you are far from hydrating yourself enough."
"Fuck you."
Kakashi sighed. Damn, that was going to take time.
"Naruto…You might hate me but whether you like it or not, you remain my friend, I care about you, and I will not have you starve to death or get completely dehydrated just because you are being a stubborn ass who doesn't want to take decent breaks."
"I don't give a shit about your states of mind. I don't need your food or your water or your pity or anything else from you. Now get the hell out of my sight before I get really angry." Naruto snarled, baring his teeth a little.
"Maaa, maa, all right. See, I'm just leaving this here, Kakashi cooed gently, laying the basket down on the ground, and raising his other hand in surrender. All right I'm going now. Jaa na!"
He poofed away and hid behind a bush where he could still see him.
He observed him hopefully, eagerly…
The blonde never stopped for a moment, and he kept working again and again…
Slowly, the sun started to lower in the horizon, casting fiery rays in the golden hair…
…but to Kakashi's disappointment, Naruto never touched the basket, and at the end of the day, he just left it there without looking back.
Kakashi sighed and ran a hand into his hair.
Ma, what did you expect, you freaking konoyarou?"
He hopped down the tree and, his shoulders low, went to recover the abandoned basket before going to camp on Naruto's roof once more, preparing himself for the night. As he started feeling hungry, he began to pick some food from inside the basket, and soon he found himself eating the entire meal, his heart heavy and sad.
He was seriously starting to miss Naruto.
He missed the blonde's boisterous laugh, his incredible, sometimes exhausting energy. He missed the boy's eyes proudly raised upon the man he considered as his friend and lifetime sensei, he missed leaving on mission with him and spending the night laying on his back, teaching Naruto to recognize the stars. Hell, he even missed yelling at the blonde when the latter was running straight to battle without thinking, making Kakashi's heart freeze.
While he was sipping the cold tea into the flask, Kakashi chuckled sadly, thinking about the infuriating habit Naruto had to laugh at Kakashi when the man was lecturing him, just scratching the back of his head sheepishly and promising he wouldn't do it again. Needless to say, that was the only promise Naruto was absolutely unable to keep.
In one word, Kakashi missed Naruto's friendship.
His heart became colder each day as he felt that Naruto was drifting away from him, and without even realizing it, Kakashi wrapped his arms around his chest while raising his eyes to the bright moon whose silver light was flowing through his hair, like an ethereal hand trying to soothe his sorrow.
He remained in that position for a while, before frowning and clutching his fists.
He didn't care how much time it would take him. He didn't care how hard he would have to try. Kakashi had to keep going. He had to keep showing Naruto that he was still there, watching over him. In rain, snow, shine or hurricane, Kakashi wanted Naruto to feel that he was never, ever far.
And the more he thought about it, the more he started convincing himself that it might be the best way to get to Naruto's heart. Kakashi knew Naruto as though he was his little brother, and even though the boy was indeed unpredictable for sure, the silver-haired man had learned to read his mind and heart most of the time. And after all these years, he had found out that there was something that Naruto loved particularly, even though he would never admit it to anyone.
He loved feeling that someone was taking care of him.
Indeed the blonde had grown up alone, and he had fought all his life for people to only look at him, let alone give him a tiny bit of affection. It was a wound that was engraved deep within his heart and that would never fade away, despite Naruto's incredible capacity to love the very same people who had hurt him so much.
Kakashi had already noticed several times how much Naruto loved when he was taken care of. In fact, his need for attention could sometimes lead to hilarious situations, especially when he was sick and trying to wheedle a particularly pissed off Doctor Sakura. Kakashi had often observed them two with an amused smile, while Naruto was pretending he was sad and suffering just so Sakura would take care of him and show him some tenderness. Yet the pink haired woman was not stupid and it often ended up with a punch on top of Naruto's head when the blonde tried to flee before the terrifying syringes Sakura seemed to keep pulling out of her pockets, making him whine even more.
Actually, Kakashi had always wondered whether it was partly because of that need to feel that someone was caring for him that Naruto had never ever made any effort to change his diet, in spite of Kakashi's many lectures. More than once, he had noticed the blonde's little smile while Kakashi was, again, crossing his arms disapprovingly in the blonde's kitchen, telling him that he was a ninja and that he absolutely had to change his diet. He suspected Naruto to keep infuriating him just to make sure the jounin would come visit him. And most of all, Kakashi would never forget the evening where he had been waiting for the blonde to come home from a mission in Kirigakure where he had been specifically requested by the daimyô. As Kakashi had himself been away at that time, he hadn't been able to keep an eye on Naruto, and when the boy had come back, he had found Kakashi sitting in his kitchen, behind an entire barrel of vegetables.
And the man had said something very specific.
"Okaeri, Naruto"
Kakashi would never forget how the blue eyes had watered at once, and how the tears had started falling on his cheeks. Before Kakashi had time to say anything, the blonde had flung himself around his neck, squeezing him tight and burying his face into the silver hair that was falling down his neck.
"Tadaima…" Naruto had whispered, before bursting into tears.
Feeling the intensity of Naruto's loneliness, Kakashi's heart had shattered to pieces. He had taken him in his lap and slowly rocked him back and forth, comforting him, telling him he was there and that everything was okay, making sure he was conveying all the love and tenderness he humanely could in that embrace.
Maybe that was since that time that Kakashi had noticed that even though the blonde was a very cuddly boy who didn't hesitate to engulf anyone into a big crushing hug, he seemed to be fond of hugging Kakashi in particular. He had often noticed how his presence seemed to soothe Naruto's incredible energy, and how the mere fact of holding him into his arms was easing his boisterous behavior. Naruto loved to nestle into Kakashi's chest, hiding his nose right between his pectorals or pushing it into the hollow of the older man's collarbone, like an affectionate cat yearning for the warmth and smell of a human. The resemblance was all the more obvious because of Naruto's so particular whisker marks. Kakashi himself had grown fond of enveloping Naruto deep into his arms, shutting him away from the world and keeping him held close and tight to his chest, just as he had done with Sakura the night before. It gave him the impression that he was still in charge despite his students having grown up so much, that he still had the timeless power to protect them against the world.
I won't give up. I swear I won't give up, Kakashi thought to himself, his heart warming up again at the new wave of determination that flooded him.
He summoned Pakkun to fill in for him until the morning again.
"What the hell are you doing, anyway?" Pakkun asked his master.
"Ma, I'm trying to get the cat out of the well." Kakashi replied simply.
"What?! What cat?!" Pakkun said, his eyes huge, his tail wriggling around, but Kakashi had already poofed away.
The silver-haired man went back home to take a shower and prepare another meal for Naruto. He had decided that he would do it every single day. The fact that Kyuubi hadn't taken Naruto yet meant that the blonde was still there somewhere, and that deep down, he could still be touched by the same things. Kakashi hoped that his perseverance in trying to take care of Naruto the best he could would slowly, gently penetrate Naruto's heart and help him lower his defenses so that Kakashi could break through.
That night when he got back home, Sakura was gone of course, but she had left him a note beside the one he had written.
"Sensei, thank you so much for last night. Thank you for listening and for letting me cover your shirt with snot and saliva (sorry about that…), it truly meant a lot to me, and it did me a lot of good. I'm lucky to have such a friend as you. Please, come to me as well if you want to talk about Naruto. You are right, we have to support each other through this. We are not just a team, we are a family.
I love you very much, Kakashi, see you soon.
Your Sakura."
Kakashi closed his eyes and pressed the little paper to his chest, smiling softly, before tucking it behind Team Seven's photograph. Then he had a shower, and after preparing the meal with as much love as the first one, he went to bed in order to sleep for a few hours before going back to relay Pakkun.
And thus the days kept going, following that new routine. Every day, Kakashi would poof right beside Naruto, put the basket down and leave almost immediately. Shortly after giving his mission to Kakashi, Tsunade summoned Naruto's friends in her office. There, she explained to them that Kakashi was working on a plan to help Naruto grieve properly. She told them that the man was never letting Naruto out of his sight, and that although they should remain available for the blonde, they should not invade him too much and let him come back to them in time.
Standing close to the door, Iruka smiled softly when he heard about Kakashi's action. The man had listened to him, and Naruto was now in good hands. Thus even though Iruka was worried about his blonde, he thought it was wiser to let Kakashi work with him as he intended to, and he decided to observe Naruto from afar. That is how when Iruka was not at the academy, he would go see how the blonde was doing. One day, he arrived just at the moment where Kakashi deposited the basket next to him before leaving under Naruto's particularly flowery insults. Hidden behind a tree, Iruka scanned the area rapidly, and realized that Kakashi's chakra wasn't gone, and his heart warmed for the silver-haired jounin.
God, the man was so devoted to Naruto.
Kakashi knew Naruto so well he knew exactly how lonely the boy had always felt. Iruka had done his best throughout Naruto's childhood, making the blonde forget his loneliness for a few, cherished moments, and along the years, Kakashi had grown so fond of the blonde that he, too, had started relaying Iruka in that role. At first, Iruka had felt possessive towards Naruto and he had often been jealous at the sight of the blonde's eyes marveled and impressed before the tall, mysterious ninja. Yet along the years, Kakashi and Iruka had implicitly learned to share their love for the blonde, and Kakashi had always respected the times where Iruka took Naruto to Ichiraku's, knowing that this was their own, symbolic moment. On the other hand, Iruka had been compelled to admit that Kakashi was doing a wonderful job by never being far from the blonde, by protecting him and loving him even if he was more discrete in his displays of affection than Iruka who always paid for Naruto's meals and often hugged him right in the middle of a crowded street, crying his eyes out and bawling how proud he was of him.
Actually, Iruka thought that Naruto was the reason Kakashi and he had become closer friends through the years. They had often met to talk about the blonde, while having a walk in the park or a drink in town - though Iruka never succeeded in seeing Kakashi's face of course. Kakashi would tell Iruka about Naruto's behavior during missions, and both men would often laugh fondly at his exasperating antics. On the other hand, Iruka would give Kakashi a lot of insights of the blonde's psychology, giving him advice as to how he should deal with him in difficult situations, even though Kakashi had eventually come to surpass Iruka in the tricky discipline of the Naruto Reading. More than once, he had felt as though they were two men alternatively watching over their younger brother, and he had come to love that feeling. He knew that if one day he disappeared, Kakashi would always be there to take care of Naruto.
He had snapped out of his thoughts when he had heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Yo, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka had turned around and blushed as he had realized that his cheeks were covered in tears.
"Oh, Kakashi-san…I didn't hear you…"
"Obviously", Kakashi smiled, handing a tissue over to Iruka.
"Thank you…I'm sorry, I'm just too emotional" Iruka said, taking the tissue and tapping it over his eyes.
"It's okay." Kakashi whispered gently, soothingly.
He went to stand beside Iruka.
"What's wrong, Iruka-sensei?" he asked.
The brunette, understanding the complicity and gratefulness that was hiding behind the innocent question, raised watery eyes to his silver-haired friend and smiled.
"It's nothing…It's just that…Well, you know, I love him so much…"
He suddenly burst into tears, turning away from Kakashi.
"I…I'm sorry…"
Kakashi hesitated a little.
Awkwardly, he reached out a hand to pat Iruka's shoulder, but then he felt like a cold-hearted bastard. He was not about to forget the comfort Iruka had brought him, so he swallowed his modesty and slid his arm around Iruka's shoulders, yanking the chuunin against him, so that Iruka's lips found themselves bumping into the man's collarbone. As Kakashi's arms were gently wrapping themselves around him, blocking his hands, against his chest, Iruka gasped.
"You don't have to do this, Kakashi-san."
"Maa…Shut up and relax. It's okay. I have been told that this was something people did to comfort each other." Kakashi answered, laying his cheek into Iruka's hair, tightening his embrace a little so that Iruka's face was pushed into the hollow of his shoulder. The brunette could feel the silver hair of Kakashi's neck falling gently on his temple, and he closed his eyes, smelling his reassuring scent of wood and rain, enjoying the warmth, his tears pouring down from his eyes again.
"I…You're doing such a wonderful job, Kakashi…And Naruto is so hard with you… I mean…Thank you…"Iruka said, his shuddering voice muffled into the strong shoulder.
He let out a little hiccup. Kakashi rubbed soothing circles into his back and swayed them gently from left to right.
"Ma…I guess I'm doing what we both have always done, ne, Iruka-san?" Kakashi answered softly.
He held him for a while longer, his eyes fixed upon the blonde who was now digging to plant a new line of potatoes. His promise to Sakura came back to his mind, and he smiled softly.
Mattaku, it seems like I'm growing used to have people crying in my arms.
He squeezed Iruka a little tighter against his chest, and brought up a hand to rest under his ponytail, pushing his face further into his shoulder.
"It's going to be okay, Iruka. I promise. We will get our Naruto back, trust me." He said, repeating the words he had told Sakura.
They remained embraced for long minutes, then Iruka disengaged himself from Kakashi's arms and wiped his eyes.
"I…I have to go back to the academy. God, I must look horrible, the kids are going to laugh at me!"
Kakashi chuckled and patted his shoulder amiably.
"Ma, I think they like you too much for that. All right, I'll go back to my tree then, I was right in the middle of a particularly hot scene involving a cucumber…", he said, getting his famous porn companion out of his pocket.
Iruka's tanned face turned to dark red.
"God, some things never change, right?" he chuckled, embarrassed, before turning on his heels and going back to the academy. Then he stopped and turned towards Kakashi again.
"Thank you, Kakashi." He said sincerely.
"Anytime", Kakashi answered with his crinkling smile.
Iruka walked away waving his hand to Kakashi. The silver-haired man wove back, smiling softly, but then he stuffed the book back in his pocket and went back up his tree where he sat with a very serious expression on his face, never getting his eyes off Naruto.
The blonde never, ever touched the basket.
After two weeks, seeing that the boy was looking paler each day despite the burning sun, Kakashi ended up feeling extremely anxious, and he started putting up plans into his head to catch Naruto and hypnotize him with his Sharingan in order to feed him by force…
…until one day.
Ah...My back is killing me..." Naruto thought, wincing, straightening his back and trying to stretch his painful spine after having spent hours cleaning the river in the northeast of Konoha. He fell on his rear, sighing and wiping his forehead. Saying he was tired was euphemistic. His entire body was aching, his muscles were tense and he wanted to collapse on his bed and sleep. It was the first time he would accept to do so many missions for the village, which he usually found boring. Yet now he felt the need to actually spend each and every one of his days digging, planting, cleaning, ploughing, watering... Sometimes he would spend some hours training, but he tried to avoid it the best he could with that kind of maintenance missions.
Training made him think of Jiraiya, and that was unacceptable.
That kind of low-rank missions was perfect. If he didn't use his chakra too much, he managed to actually exhaust himself to the point his mind became blank and unable to think, to the point he would just go home to eat, have a shower and crash into his bed to sleep through the night without dreaming, only to get up on the next morning and start all over again. And at this moment, he felt like he had done a pretty good job exhausting himself. He fell on his back and closed his eyes, sighing deeply and letting the hard sun burn his face. He was almost falling asleep when a shadow came to hide the sun and a voice came to his ears.
"Yo!"
Naruto's eyes shot open. A masked face with rebel, spiky silver hair was hovering over his face. Naruto's heart clenched painfully like every single time he saw Kakashi, and again, he felt the abyss he was so desperately trying to ignore open up into his chest, growling and screaming. Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth, he shut the howling away, and again, he let the anger and resentment flood his veins like a drug easing the pain.
"What do you want?" He asked, harshly.
"Well, as usual, I was passing by and I thought I would bring you something to eat and drink."
Naruto sighed.
"You are one hell of a stubborn guy, aren't you?" He answered with a surprisingly soft voice which contrasted with his harsh eyes and which took Kakashi a little aback.
Yet the man pulled himself together and he giggled.
"Well, I have learned from the best..." He answered, fighting the itching urge to ruffle the blonde hair as he used to do so often.
Naruto raised his head, and as their eyes met, they stopped slightly, just looking at each other.
In Naruto's blue eyes, Kakashi felt the depths of the devastating pain the blonde was trying so hard to bury within himself, and again he was overwhelmed by the need to wrap him inside his arms and squeeze him until his bones broke, just as he had done in his dream. On the other hand, Naruto saw in Kakashi's eye so much kindness, tenderness and love that he felt as though his heart was transpierced by a particularly sharp, giant needle, and he looked away, missing the sad glow that passed briefly through Kakashi's eye.
"Ma...I'll leave now. Ja na, Naruto..." Kakashi breathed out with a hint of sorrow, before disappearing again.
Naruto didn't say a thing. He kept looking at his knees, his head and shoulders low and heavy. He remained in that position for a moment, before he turned his head towards the little wicker basket Kakashi had left beside him.
It was just a simple basket.
It was totally ordinary and slightly worn out, and it was just standing there, in the dead leaves.
It was just standing there, so simply, so innocently.
And as he watched that simple basket, Naruto felt his heart fill with so many contradictory emotions that he didn't dare look into them.
For the first time since the day Kakashi had started coming to see him, he reached out a hand to the basket, slowly, gently, as though he was afraid that the thing would suddenly erupt in flames and burn him down to ashes. Slowly, gently, his hand coiled around the mantle, and he took the basket in his lap.
Inside, there was a rather large box, carefully wrapped up in a dark cloth which seemed to be one of Kakashi's shirts, and a flask full of tea. His heart pounding heavily into his chest, Naruto opened the box and found it was organized in compartments.
In these compartments, there were onigiri, hot soup, and a small portion of vegetables.
At the sight of the vegetables, Naruto couldn't help the soft, sincere smile that slowly stretched his lips. That was so characteristic of Kakashi. That was the very essence of that discrete, evasive yet so attentive and thoughtful man that was Kakashi. Even though the man sometimes appeared rather aloof and bored, he was always, always around to take care of the people he loved. Hell, the basket itself was a metaphor of the man: it looked discrete and insignificant, but inside, it held treasuries of attention and tenderness. He even suspected Kakashi had made the meal himself, just for him, and knowing that Kakashi wasn't really used to cook anything, it touched him beyond reason.
And at this precise moment, Naruto felt the immensity of the love Kakashi still had for him, despite all the fierce opposition Naruto was showing. Even with the insults, the screams, the growls, the harsh words, even though Naruto had done his best to crush the man's heart, he was still there, watching over him.
Trying to make him eat vegetables.
Naruto felt the tears prickle his eyes and he sniffed slightly. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around the basket and held it softly against his chest, bowing his head.
Kakashi, why the hell do you make it so difficult for me to hate you, ttebayo? Naruto wondered deep, deep within his heart.
Of course, he didn't know that the man in question was standing on a branch nearby, observing him. As Kakashi saw the soft smile lighten Naruto's lips, he felt his heart fill with hope. He observed his cherished blonde fondly, carefully, and his eyes tinted with sorrow when he saw the blonde bow his head and hold the basket to his wounded heart, like an abandoned child who had found a dirty teddy bear. Kakashi had to bite his hand hard in order to prevent himself from jumping down the tree and run to Naruto. He wanted to tackle him down, pull the protesting boy into his arms and crush his face fiercely into his chest.
"Oh, Naruto-kun, he would say, wrapping both his arms tight around his protégé, tangling his hands into his hair, smothering him into his chest, I'm here… I'm here, I'm here, I'm here…Shhh…"
He would hold and shush him for hours, not caring if the two of them were tangled together and sitting right in the middle of the forest. He would just focus on holding Naruto as tight as he could.
Yet again, he didn't do anything. However this time, he knew it was the right thing to do. Naruto was not ready yet, and he had to be patient.
Naruto kept holding the basket to him for a while longer, but then slowly, progressively, he could feel the abyss swallow him up again, as though the ground was collapsing under him. He felt nauseous and dizzy, and he made a brusque movement backwards, letting go of the basket.
No…, he thought, trying to repel the darkness that was overwhelming his heart, clutching his shirt over his aching chest, trying to catch his breath that seemed to be eluding him.
You're angry at Kakashi, remember? He is just trying to buy your trust back, throwing you food like a dog. Don't let yourself be fooled. That man will bring you nothing but more suffering.
Oh, come on, it's Kakashi-sensei we are talking about.
Precisely. The man fooled you once by making you believe he was your friend while plotting with Tsunade to have Jiraiya do the dirty work while your back was turned.
Maybe…Maybe you're wrong about the whole thing…
No. That's what Kakashi wants you to think. Don't let your guard down. Ever.
The thoughts kept contradict themselves in his mind, and as Naruto was already physically exhausted, he decided he didn't have the strength to think anymore. He was hungry, thirsty sad and lonely, and thus he decided to shut his brain and heart away, as he had been doing for almost a month now. He just ate and drank eagerly, putting aside the conflicting voices within him.
Then he stood up and headed back to his apartment, and this time he took the basket with him. Before going home, however, he hesitated before changing his course and going to Kakashi's apartment. There, he seemed to ponder in front of the door, but then he shook his head and just laid the basket on the threshold and left towards his home. Before following him, Kakashi got the basket inside is apartment, without noticing that something was missing.
When Naruto got to bed, Kakashi was again sitting on the roof of his home, like a guardian angel, waiting for the boy to fall asleep. As he felt Naruto's chakra settle down in the characteristic pattern of sleep, Kakashi sighed and decided to stay for a few more hours, admiring the sight of the sleepy village under the magnificent sky, soothed by the gentle, silver light of the moon. The village always seemed to be getting bigger. On the northeast, Kakashi could see the new houses and neighborhoods that were being built as more and more merchants and foreigners were coming to Konoha to settle down. The village was indeed peaceful and flourishing, and thus it attracted a lot of people.
Two hours later, Kakashi was dreaming softly, letting the wind flow through his beautiful hair and handsome, bare face, as he had pulled down his mask to be able to feel the slightly chilly caress on his skin. At this moment, he felt a disturbance in Naruto's chakra. He frowned and bowed his head towards the roof, listening carefully. He thought he heard slight, tiny whimpers. Lifting his forehead protector, Kakashi uncovered his Sharingan and looked through the tiles, diving into Naruto's room. There, he could make out Naruto's silhouette fidgeting into his bed. Pulling his mask back up, he decided to go take a look.
Silently, he slid through the open window and landed like a cat into Naruto's room. There he came close to the bed, and his heart clenched at the sight of Naruto turning restlessly in his sheets, his forehead drenched in sweat, his face contorted in angst.
"No…Ero-sennin…Don't…Don't go…"
Kakashi sat very silently on the bed, and he laid a hand on Naruto's forehead, wiping the sweat with tenderness.
"Shhh…" he soothed, his face colored with sorrow and compassion.
The boy kept squirming in the bed, whimpering softly as though he was fighting in his dream.
"Oodama…Rasengan…Don't…Don't you touch him you bastard…"
"Shhh-shhh-shhh…I'm here…" Kakashi whispered again.
He caressed him gently and started disentangling him from his sheets in order to make him more comfortable, not resisting in pressing the whiskered face briefly into his neck as he was re-arranging the pillows under his head. Then, as he was slowly lifting his leg, thanking all the gods that might be watching for making Naruto such a heavy sleeper, he found something familiar under it. It was a dark piece of cloth, rolled into a ball. When Kakashi picked it up, his heart made a lurch.
It was the shirt he had used to envelop Naruto's meal.
His shirt.
What the Hell was it doing in Naruto's bed?
Having an intuition, Kakashi lifted the shirt to his nose and smelled it.
It was still covered with his own scent, and he wondered…
While Naruto was still squirming, Kakashi gently put the cloth under his nose.
The reaction was immediate.
Naruto grabbed the cloth and pressed it desperately to his nose, burying his face within it.
"K…Kakashi-sensei…" he let out in a small sob, crushing the cloth to his face.
"Mattaku…" Kakashi breathed out, heartbroken.
Naruto was sleeping with his shirt because he needed to smell his scent.
Iruka had been right. Naruto still loved him, and he needed him desperately.
Kakashi's heart was torn between immense relief and unfathomable sadness at the sight of the blonde so miserable, curling up on himself and pressing his face in a poor piece of cloth just to feel as though Kakashi was there with him.
All his body was aching, itching to climb up into the bed and hold him.
Kakashi damn it, control yourself!
God it was so difficult.
You're a shinobi for heaven's sake, you have survived way trickier situations!
The blonde let out another hiccup, his face contorted in pain.
Oh…Naruto…
It was just too hard. He couldn't humanely stand here doing nothing.
I just want to hold him in my arms…
After all, Naruto could sleep through a meteor shower…
Just for an hour…
There was little risk that he would wake up, really…Ne?
Yes…Just an hour…
Kakashi took off his vest and shoes and gently, slowly, he climbed on the bed with Naruto, lying down on his side. There, he wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and brought his back against his strong chest. There, he held him tight and laid his chin on the blonde's shoulder.
"Shhh…I'm here, Naruto-kun…I've got you in my arms now, it's okay…Shhh…" he whispered into his ear, laying a little kiss into the blonde hair before resting his chin back on the younger man's shoulder and wrapping his legs around his body, bringing him further into his embrace. He held him for a long moment, shushing him softly until progressively, Naruto calmed down and breathed softly, his nose still buried into Kakashi's shirt. Kakashi rested his hand over Naruto's heart and tightened his arms around him, before closing his eyes and focusing on Naruto's breathing.
…
It was the morning light that woke him up.
He opened his eyes slowly, blinking a little, wondering where he was.
Feeling a hot breath against his chest coming from a head that was buried in his arms, Kakashi thought for a moment he had fallen asleep again with Sakura cuddled up into him.
Yet when he lowered his eyes, expecting to see pink hair, his heart missed a beat.
The hair was not pink.
Kakashi's heart started beating faster.
Oh boy.
Naruto's arms and legs were wrapped so tightly around Kakashi that the man couldn't make a move.
If he wakes up and finds himself in my arms, he's going to blow up the entire village.
He winced behind his mask and with all the precaution he was capable of, he started wriggling, blushing slightly at the feeling of his tall body withering against the younger, firm one.
Mattaku. I read porn in public and now I'm blushing like a little girl.
He raised his head to the ceiling, mouthing silent prayers to all the divines he could name, putting his hands behind his back to try to loosen the grip of Naruto's arms around his waist. Yet of course it was a grip of extraordinary strength, and Kakashi bit his lip, realizing that there was no way he could escape without opening Naruto's arms with a damn crane.
So he tried another method. He put his hands on Naruto's shoulders and started pushing so that he could wither out of the embrace by sliding towards the head of the bed.
Yes but if he did that, there was a point where Naruto's face would be pressed against his…
By all the fucking holy mother of…
Yet Kakashi didn't have time to picture the scene much longer. In his sleep, Naruto felt that he was being slightly pulled away from Kakashi's warm body, and he whimpered before literally crashing his face back into the jounin's chest, squeezing his waist even stronger which resulted in efficiently cutting off Kakashi's air. He was going to resort to conjuring up a clone in order to help him out when Naruto whispered something.
"Don't leave me…"
Kakashi froze, wondering whether the boy was still asleep.
"I'm scared of…The hole…I'm scared…Kakashi-sensei…"
Mattaku…
Kakashi's heart melt for good and he couldn't help wrapping both his arms around Naruto's head, swallowing his face into his pectorals, squeezing him tight and close.
"Oh, Naruto-kun…Shhh, don't be afraid, I'm here. I will protect you…"he whispered while caressing the blonde's hair, remembering his dream and wondering if Naruto was dreaming about the same thing.
He rested his chin on top of the blonde hair so that Naruto's head disappeared, engulfed into his arms. He held him tightly for a moment, before feeling that his chakra was getting agitated.
Oh boy, he was waking up.
Kakashi was stuck. If he tried to escape now, Naruto would feel it and he would wake up at once, and that would be a disaster.
Kakashi swore silently, desperate.
Just an hour, my ass…How could you fall asleep you fucking, useless, fluffy…
Kakashi didn't have time to finish insulting himself.
Naruto let out a long sigh and squirmed into his arms, disengaging his face from Kakashi's chest by laying a hand on his hard pectorals.
Kakashi's entire body went rigid, and he held his breath.
Oh boy, he is awake.
Naruto blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes.
Kakashi was completely paralyzed.
Naruto stared at that chest, into which he seemed to have spent the night, and he frowned.
It was a man, muscled chest, covered with a black cloth, and it smelled very familiar.
Then slowly, very slowly, he raised his eyes…
…until he found himself nose to nose with a very embarrassed Kakashi.
They looked at each other for a moment…
…and Kakashi couldn't think of doing anything else than grinning sheepishly while rising his fingers in his characteristic greeting gesture.
"Yooo, he cooed joyfully, I guess I got lost again haha, I thought I was going home but instead I wound up in your bed, weird huh? Did you sleep well?"
Naruto was so shocked Kakashi thought he was going to faint. His eyes became as large as small planets and he opened his mouth, coiling back from the silver-haired jounin.
"WHAATHEZZZKJS?" he started screaming incoherently as he had just woken up, but so loud Kakashi feared the entire village would hear.
Kakashi didn't think twice. He lunged forward and took Naruto's face into his hands, forcing him to look at him. There he activated his Sharingan and started spinning it around in a complex pattern.
"Repeat after me, Naruto. This is a dream."
Naruto didn't say anything, his eyes wide, staring at the red, spinning eye.
"Say it, Naruto. This is only a dream."
Naruto's eyes started closing again.
"This is only a dream…"
Kakashi kept holding his face.
"I will count until five, and when I tell you to wake up, you will forget that I was there. All right, Naruto?" he said gently.
Naruto's eyes closed but he didn't answer. Kakashi shook him a little.
"Naruto, when I tell you to wake up after I have counted until five, you will forget that I was there. Say it." he repeated.
"When…you tell me to…wake up after…five…I will forget that…that you were there…"
"Good…Okay I'm counting…Iiichi…"
He let go of Naruto's face and rapidly hopped down the bed.
"Niiiii…."
He put on his sandals.
"Saaan…"
He grabbed his vest and put it over his shoulders.
"Yooooon…"
He went to the window and jumped on the roof above where he laid down, dangling his head upside down so that he could see Naruto's bedroom.
"Go. Wake up, Naruto!"
Naruto blinked a few times in a daze, his mouth still open in a rather comic expression, while behind him, a patch of rebel silver hair disappeared from sight.
After the episode of Naruto holding the basket to him, Kakashi could feel that very slowly, the blonde's heart was opening up again to him, like a shy flower. Furthermore, the sight of Naruto being calmed down by his smell confirmed to him that he was indeed on the right way to regain Naruto's trust. He decided to be even more cautious, as he felt he was coming closer and closer to Naruto's heart. He knew that only one mistake would be enough to have him start all over again, and he kept admonishing himself for having nearly screwed everything up by allowing Naruto to wake up right into his arms. That had been way too close.
One day that Naruto was cutting wood in the forest, Kakashi, as usual, came to see him in order to give him tea and food. When he arrived, greeting Naruto with his usual, nonchalant "yo", his heart made a little jolt when he actually saw the ghost of a smile in Naruto's features, as the young man waved a hand to him, exhausted.
"Hello, Kakashi-sensei'.
The greeting was polite and formal, yet it was present. Kakashi thought that their relationship had improved drastically since that famous fight they had over a month ago. After all, on the first day Kakashi had come to Naruto to bring him supplies, the latter had almost thrown them back to his face.
"So, how is it going?" Kakashi inquired amiably.
Naruto fell on his rear with a long sigh. He was bare chested, and the sweat on his skin was catching the bright light, highlighting his muscles like touches of gold enhancing the tanned palette of his skin. Vaguely, something in Kakashi's mind stirred at the sight, and he thought that Naruto had become a handsome young man.
"Well…I'm completely harassed, Naruto answered, closing his eyes and raising his whiskered face to the sun.
"Here, have a break." Kakashi said, laying the basket down on the ground next to Naruto.
The Copy Ninja didn't know whether it was because Naruto was particularly exhausted that he was nearly unable to think, but he raised his blue eyes to Kakashi and in them, Kakashi thought he saw gratitude.
"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei…" he said, taking the basket in his lap.
Kakashi couldn't explain it, but he could feel that something in Naruto had changed. He didn't feel the fierce, violent aggressiveness the blonde had showed up at the start. Even though he could still feel the latent sorrow that was still threatening to spill over and crush Naruto's heart, the blonde looked more like himself.
That was when Kakashi decided to take another risk.
As Naruto was unwrapping what Kakashi had brought him, the silver-haired man slowly sat down next to the boy, looking away innocently.
Naruto didn't react.
Kakashi unconsciously let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. This was a very significant improvement. He felt as though he had succeeded in entering the fortress without waking Naruto's anger. For a long moment, he said nothing, just enjoying the fact to be able to sit there close to his cherished young friend while the young man was eating and drinking, closing his eyes with satisfaction, until the basket was empty.
The scene repeated itself the day after.
And the day after.
Until one day, Naruto asked Kakashi whether the man wanted to share his meal with him. At the question, Kakashi forced his face to remain impassive while his heart was jumping against his ribs.
"No, thank you Naruto-kun, I'm not hungry."
"Oh come on, shut up and eat this, ttebayo!" Naruto said while handing an onigiri over to him.
Ttebayo.
Kakashi almost cried at the little word. The last time it had appeared, it was back in Tsunade's office, when Naruto had asked her to give him something to do so he could think about something else. It was just as though that little word was a boat fighting on an agitated ocean, reappearing over the waves after being temporarily swallowed by the storm.
He was so moved that he could say anything for a moment and he just looked at Naruto, his throat tight, his heart beating fast. The blonde seemed to misinterpret his silence as he smirked a little.
"Yeah, yeah I know, I won't try to see your face. Here, I'm looking the other way. Happy?"
He turned his head away from Kakashi, still handing him the onigiri. Kakashi's heart melt, and he took the ball of rice into his hand.
"Ma, all right, arigatou, Naruto-kun."
As summer turned to autumn, our two friends started talking again. After long weeks of fighting against himself, of trying to untangle his own feelings, Naruto had to admit he was a little bit lost. Kakashi's presence was still making his heart ache, but it also had a soothing, calming effect. Moreover, Naruto couldn't help but feeling deeply touched by Kakashi's undying attention. The man was never far, and somehow, Naruto had come to think it was a very comforting thought. He was not alone, someone was watching over him at all times.
Progressively, he had started talking to his friends again. He had even let Iruka take him to Ichiraku's, as they used to do so often before it had all happened. However, he appreciated the fact that none of them ever talked about Jiraiya, as he knew he was not ready yet to face the atrocious hole that was tearing his chest apart.
Something in his heart had kept telling him that he had indeed been so wrong about Kakashi. That the man had never betrayed him, and the fact that Kakashi had remained by his side right from the start, standing his ground and persevering through Naruto's rejection contributed to persuading him of that fact. Slowly, he remembered how much he loved Kakashi, and how cold his life had become without him. He had thought that shutting Kakashi away from his life would help him bear the pain, but he had been terribly wrong, and he was only starting to realize it. The same went for Sai, Sakura, Iruka and all his friends. He was starting to realize how much he missed them all.
Hell, he was even starting to feel compassion for Tsunade.
That is how one day, he found himself on the brink of the abyss.
Both of the men had been taking some rest in Konoha's forest, sitting by the river. Kakashi had been telling Naruto about how he had once played a particularly mean prank on Gai. Indeed, the boisterous ninja had challenged Kakashi again, urging him to choose how they would compete. Kakashi had started by telling him to fuck off, but as usual, Gai had insisted for such a long time that Kakashi had finally given up.
"And that's when I had an idea…" Kakashi said, smiling behind his mask.
"What, what did you do?" Naruto asked, his blue eyes wide and sparkling in the slightly chilly sun, looking like an excited child.
"Ma…Actually I'm not proud of myself, it was not very nice." Kakashi scratched his head.
"Oh come on, spill it already!"
"Weeeell…I challenged him to a battle of blink."
"What?!"
"Hai…You know, the first one who blinks loses, that kind of stuff."
Naruto giggled.
"Are you serious?!"
"Oh yes I am."
"Hahahaha, and what happened?!" Naruto asked, eager to know.
"Well…The battle started…But I cast a genjutsu on him."
"Ehhh?! You fucking cheater ttebayo!" Naruto flared up.
"Yes, I know, I know. Anyway, I made him believe that I was still there right in front of him but it was an illusion. And of course my illusion didn't blink once. Guess how long Gai remained there, not blinking?"
"Mmmh…I don't know, two hours?"
"Two days."Kakashi said, lowering his head and playing absent mindedly with a twig.
"Nannnndatooo?!"
"Yep…He ended up in hospital, with an army of nurses forcing him down his bed while healing his eyes whose cornea had suffered real bad, and that bloody idiot kept screaming that the challenge was not over and that he had to go back and that nothing could stand in the way of his eternal youth, even though his eyes were as red as tomatoes. As you can imagine, I was rather ashamed of myself. Yet at the time, I hadn't realized how far that idiot could go just to beat me at one of his stupid challenges."
"But…How is that possible?! I mean…How can you not blink for two freaking days?!"
"Well I think Gai used his chakra to keep his eyelids from falling. You can't imagine how resourceful that man is, he can be truly surprising. He can pull out the most intelligent strategies just to do something completely stupid."
"Hahaha, you're such a bastard ttebayo!"
Naruto jerked his head backwards and let out such a sincere, heartfelt laugh that Kakashi thought it was by far the most beautiful laugh he had ever heard. For the first time in long weeks of hard feelings and heavy atmosphere, Naruto's face was bright and happy again. His white teeth were shining in the light, and he was clutching his sides with his hands, all his body shaking with gasps of mirth. The sight was so beautiful and heartwarming that Kakashi couldn't fight the bubbles of love that seemed to burst in every one of his cells, and he just let himself be carried away by Naruto's laugh. He started by chuckling softly, and progressively, his chuckle turned into a frank, hearty laugh.
For a long time, their happy gasps and hiccups resonated throughout the forest that had dressed with a dazzling mantle of red, orange and gold, its leaves falling softly from the branches that had seen them come to life just a few months ago.
Then Naruto stopped laughing, and a very strange glow passed in his blue eyes.
Kakashi's laugh slowly died down as well, and he discretely observed the boy.
Naruto had become still, staring at the water that was flowing by.
For a long moment, they remained silent, before Naruto spoke again.
"Kakashi…"
Something in the way Naruto whispered his name made Kakashi's entire being flood with an incredible mixture of deep sadness and absolute tenderness.
It was a whisper that came from the utmost depths of Naruto's heart, a breath that held so much pain that it could only be carried out in a broken murmur, so soft and discrete it was almost covered by the song of the water nearby.
"Yes, Naruto-kun?" Kakashi answered with his most tender voice.
Naruto's hands were clutching the flask, his entire body was tense.
"I…I wanted to tell you that…"
That was it, Kakashi thought.
He had finally arrived at the end of the long, tortuous way.
He had succeeded in reaching Naruto's heart, and he was standing right at the threshold, while Naruto was on the other side of the door, his hand clutching the doorknob.
Kakashi remained absolutely still, ready to enfold Naruto deep into his arms and hold him tight and close as the boy would, at last, release the immense pain he had been fighting back for almost two months.
Yet Naruto didn't say anything. Kakashi's heart clenched when he saw his blue eyes fill up with tears.
The blonde raised his face to the sky and bit his lips, and Kakashi knew he was trying hard not to cry.
Kakashi held out a hand and rested it on Naruto's shoulder.
He was opening his mouth to tell the blonde that it was okay to let it out.
He was just a few minutes away from finally reaching his goal.
Yet that's the moment an ANBU agent chose to appear right before them.
With only four words, he shattered the spell to pieces, and with it, the fruit of Kakashi's patient efforts.
"The body was found."
