In case
You change your mind, I'll be waiting here
In case
You just want to come home
In case

"Hey, just checking in…how are you doing today?" I blushed; ever since I told Haley about losing the baby, she's been checking in every day to make sure I haven't fallen off the deep end yet.

"It's been a good day. Store was busy so that kept my mind off of things. Some one actually came in and invited me to a party too, but I'm not gonna go. Just going to make it an early night."

"Nooo…you need to get out and have fun. Seriously, I'll go with you."

"Hales, it's ok…really I don't want to go. And you have Bella to look after."

"Is this about not having a guy there? Cause you can totally borrow Nathan for the night…"

"Hahaha, thank you but no. I would just feel weird without Lucas." My tone changed and Haley picked up on it, but let me continue talking. "Everything feels weird without him. I can't sleep through the night because I know that he's not right next to me. The house is too quiet. I keep buying all of his favorite foods at the supermarket, just in case he comes home. I missed how his arms fit perfectly around my waist. And most of all…I miss the way he said I love you." I have no more tears left to cry. I look down at my wrist at the watch he gave me for my birthday with my special engraving, and all I feel is longing. Longing for his love and affection; longing for the sense of home and warmth I got whenever he was around.

"I know Tig, that's why maybe you should go to this party…get your mind off of him for the night…be a normal 18 year old with no worries. Everything will be fine, I promise."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I trust you, so if you think it will help I'll go…cause I'm in desperate need of help these days."

"Go…and just text in with me through out the night, just so I know that you are doing ok. Despite everything that is going on, you will always have a family right here who cares about you and your happiness."

"I care about you guys too…I'll talk to you later…gotta get ready."

"Ok, just be safe."

"I will." I hung up the phone and got ready. Regardless of all the encouragement Haley gave me, I was still skeptical about going to this party.

There was no desire to dress up and make myself look presentable. I quickly threw on some clothes and walked out the door. I knew that I was drinking, so I did not want to drive…hence why I was walking. From the GPS on my phone, it didn't seem far and I didn't mind the fresh air. When I got there the party was in full swing. The entire living room was shoulder to shoulder, so I made my way over to the kitchen to make myself a drink. After scanning the room, I realized that I did not even recognize one person at this party so I just stayed where I was and continued to drink. Every time some one came around offering shots, I took one. It was safe to say that by 11 o'clock, I was a bit tipsy. It was time to go at that point; I made my way around the kitchen to try and grab some water to sober up. The minute I pulled my head out of the fridge, I felt some one tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, it was my worst nightmare.

"Uhhh, hi."

"Hi…can we go talk some where quiet?"

"Sure, let me just make another drink." I was going to need something very strong to get through this conversation. I made said drink and we made our way outside. I knew better to keep a distance between the two of us, so he sat down on the very last step on the porch and I was a few feet away leaning against the railing, looking out into the stars.

"What do you want Julian?"

"Where's Lucas?"

"None of your business."

"Fair enough…I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. Sorry for screwing you over by sleeping with Peyton. The biggest thing I'm sorry for? Playing with and breaking your heart so much."

"Where did this come from?' I was intrigued…I think it was the alcohol taking over.

"I don't know…I guess the events of the last year made me reevaluate my life and made me realize that I made some huge mistakes and in turn hurt some great, amazing people along the way."

"Last year changed all of us…forced us to grow up…"

"I know…that's why I vowed to change my life around this year."

"That's good to hear…" I can't believe the next words are coming out of my mouth, again, I think it was the alcohol. "How's Peyton?"

"We really don't talk that much anymore. Last I heard she was in Georgia, living with Jake and Jenny."

"She must be really happy then."

"Ya, I guess." A silence fell between us. "Do you think if I didn't screw up that we would have been together forever?"

"I don't know…maybe. I thought I loved you and wanted that….but you messing up, opened up my eyes to a brand new world and taught me what love truly is. But I guess, you and I would have adapted and found love in new ways." Before I knew it, his lips were on mine. Our lips continued to kiss and his hands were all tangled in my hair. This is what I wanted right? At least a year ago I did. But now…all I want is Lucas. I want Lucas to be kissing me like this under the moonlight. I want Lucas to be telling me that we would be together forever. My brain finally caught onto what was going on…"What the hell was that?"

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"What I want is in Tree Hill…I've got to go." I practically ran down the steps and towards my house. That kiss definitely sobered me up quickly. I slowed down and started walking when I was about a block away from my house. I texted Haley telling her that I was home and safe. But before I put the phone away, I made a phone call. "Hey, it's me…sorry it's so late…I'm sure you were sleeping…but I need to talk to you…I made a huge mistake…and unforgivable one. I need to see you…I miss you so much that my heart hurts. I'll drop everything and come live with you, I'll do anything for you. I just don't want to live without you anymore. I'm on my way to Tree Hill so we can talk all of this out in person. I love you Lucas Scott, always have and always will.