Daijoubu = It's all right
Mou, daijoubu da yo = Everything is fine now
Hisashiburi da no = It's been a long time / Long time no see
Fuzakenna! = Are you kidding me?/ Stop kidding around with me!
Tadaima = I'm back
Konbanwa= Good evening
Yare yare = Well, well!
Ochitsuke = Calm down
Baka kuso gaki = Fucking stupid kid
Chapter 11- Farewell
When Naruto opened his eyes a bright, white light welcomed him. Temporarily blinded, he closed his eyes and put his hand in front of them, growling slightly. Vaguely, he thought that his head hurt.
Am I dead?
Slowly, blinking rapidly, his blue eyes adapted to the blazing light, and he turned his head in order to scan his surroundings.
He was in a hospital bed.
Looking around him, slightly dizzy, he recognized one of the rooms of the hospital of Konoha. The walls were painted in a light blue shade, and there was a discrete banner hanging behind the door. Beside him, on the table, was a beautiful bouquet of pink and blue flowers that were drinking the rays of the sun.
As he was contemplating the flowers, a sudden, horrible thought came to his mind.
Where is Kakashi?
His heart constricted painfully as the images of a battered, dead Kakashi drifted through his mind like needles piercing his nerves. Even though he felt groggy and exhausted, he struggled in the sheets to get out of the bed. Of course, his legs abandoned him and he crashed on the floor, his nose slamming on the hard, white tiles.
"Itte-te-te-te…!" Naruto groaned, massaging his nose.
He got up on his feet and ran to the door, zigzagging on the way. When he got out into the corridor, he couldn't see anyone.
"I have a bad feeling about this …" Naruto whispered, his heart tightening again as fear was crawling up his veins.
Leaning on the wall from time to time, Naruto walked down the corridor, stopping in front of each door to look inside.
Yet he couldn't find him.
His heart…
I know I heard his heart beating just before I…
Naruto was clinging to that idea as hard as he could. He had trouble remembering everything that had happened after Kakashi had freed him from the mangekyô, but that, he remembered clearly.
That was the last sound he had heard, and it was precisely because finally he had heard it that he had let himself go.
He opened another door and growled in frustration when he found out that again, Kakashi wasn't the patient in the bed.
As he kept going, Naruto's fear kept rising.
Was it a hallucination? Or was it merely my own blood pounding in my ears?!
No…No…I can't believe this.
Kakashi can't be dea…
He stopped right in his tracks after opening the ninth door of the corridor.
There, in the bed, a tall man was lying still.
The lower part of his face was covered by a dark mask that ended in the middle of his neck. His bare torso was bandaged, and Naruto could see his chest rising and falling peacefully.
"Sensei!" Naruto breathed out, so relieved he thought he was going to cry.
He rushed towards the bed and laid his cheek on Kakashi's heart.
He closed his eyes as he could finally hear a slow, regular rhythm, and he let out a long sigh.
Kakashi is safe.
He raised his head again, and he had to cling to the bed to avoid falling down on the floor, as the adrenaline left his veins to be replaced by torpor and dizziness. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue that crushed him down, yet he didn't want to leave Kakashi. He didn't want to leave the room, he just wanted to see Kakashi, to watch him sleep and to listen to him breathe.
He had almost lost him forever, and he had realized he wanted to cherish every second spent with that man.
Thus, without fully realizing what he was doing, Naruto climbed on the bed as silently as he could. Slowly, taking as much precaution as he could, he pushed the man's body slightly towards the wall so he could nestle next to him without crushing him by lying down on top of him. As a matter of fact, he found himself with his rear half over the edge of the bed, but he couldn't care less. Right now, there was nothing more important to his eyes than lying as close to Kakashi as he could. He just rested his cheek back on Kakashi's chest, and closed his eyes again. There, he just enjoyed the feeling of Kakashi's scars under his cheek, and the sound of his heart that started lulling him back to sleep. He smelled of hospital and antiseptics, but it still was Kakashi. His heart clenching again at the idea that he had almost lost him, Naruto wrapped an arm around the man's torso and drew himself closer again. He dragged his head slightly up so that he could feel Kakashi's jaw resting in his hair, and he buried his nose into the hollow of his collarbone, trying to catch that familiar scent that always soothed him.
There it is.
Among the cold, clinical scent, Kakashi's smell was there, and Naruto pressed his nose further in his skin so that he could breathe it better. He closed his eyes and let his brain fill with all the memories they shared together. He conjured the laughs, the arguments, the cries and the hugs. He conjured up Kakashi's serious, concentrated face on the battlefield, always keeping his head cool and giving precise orders. He thought about his soft, crinkled smile and about the way he had to ruffle Naruto's hair affectionately.
"Thank you, Kyuubi." Naruto whispered silently, his heart carried out by a strong emotion.
In his mind, the demon fox opened an eye and grunted.
"I have no idea what the hell you are talking about. Now let me sleep, kuso gaki."
Naruto smiled and tried to answer, but he could feel himself fall asleep as his entire body was sagging against Kakashi's. Soon, he was snoring softly, his nose buried in Kakashi's collarbone, his lips squashed against the birth of his pectorals.
Later during the night, Kakashi woke up and groaned, feeling a weight on his chest. He lowered his head, and his eyes widened as they discerned a patch of bright hair shining feebly in the moonlight. His nose suddenly got overwhelmed by Naruto's scent, and his heart flooded with a profound feeling of tenderness.
Naruto has come to nestle against me on his own.
When he realized that half of Naruto's body was hanging over the edge of the bed, he chuckled fondly. He rose slightly on his hands, wincing as his entire body protested. He turned on his side and lied back down so he could face Naruto, and he coiled further back against the wall, grabbing Naruto's shoulders and yanking him against him. He buried the blonde's face in his chest, and soon he felt that the boy was shaking. He frowned and got the sheets off of himself to wrap them tightly around Naruto. When he was done, he tucked Naruto's face back in his chest and swallowed him in his powerful arms, squashing him tight against him.
"Shhh…" He whispered.
He kissed his head through the mask and tangled his fingers into the blonde hair. Naruto whimpered slightly in his chest.
"I…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"
Kakashi closed his eyes and tightened the circle of his arms around Naruto. He adjusted the blonde's head so that his nose was tucked deep into his naked chest, in order to let him smell his scent, and he pressed his face further and further in his strong muscles.
"It's okay, Naruto-chan…I'm here. I'm right here and I've got you in my arms…" He whispered in his ear.
He rubbed soothing circles into the blonde's back, his long hands wandering on the white sheets.
"Shhh…Shhhh….Shhhh…"
He buried his face in the blonde hair and sighed.
"Daijoubu…Mou, daijoubu da yo…Shhh…" he murmured again.
He squeezed him tightly and tenderly for a long time, falling silent, just focusing on hugging the boy as protectively as he could. Then he sighed again and kissed Naruto's hair once more.
"Tadaima…I'm not leaving you again…" he whispered.
Naruto let out a long, deep sigh, and his soft snore rose up again. Kakashi smiled tenderly. He rested his cheek on Naruto's head and took a deep breath. He clang to him, savouring the feeling of the boy's face pressed against his heart. He had definitely thought he was never going to be able to hold him again, and even though he still didn't understand how he had survived, his instinct told him that Naruto had something to do with this. He was certain that Naruto had saved his life somehow.
Arigatou, Naruto.
His thoughts started becoming less and less logical, and while he squeezed Naruto tight to his chest so that nothing could take him away from his arms, he let himself drift back to sleep.
A few days went by during which Kakashi and Naruto slept a lot. Their friends, who had healed faster, often came to visit them, especially Sai who spent the entire day at the hospital, as he wanted to stay with Sakura who was still kept under intense observation. After Naruto had been found in Kakashi's arms on the morning, however, the nurses had made sure he didn't get out of his room in the middle of the night, so they couldn't see each other for several days. As a result, as soon as Kakashi was allowed to go home, the first thing he did before getting out of this place he hated was to go straight to Naruto's room. He knocked softly, and when he didn't get any answer, he opened the door slightly and passed his silver-haired head into the room. The blonde was sleeping soundly, and Kakashi just sat next to him for a moment, wandering his hand on his forehead and into his hair. Then he got up, laid a gentle kiss on his golden hair, made sure he was well tucked in, and got out of the room. Once in the corridor, he started searching for Sakura.
During his convalescence, he had been asking the nurses about her health, and he had been informed that she had been in a pretty bad state. Indeed, in addition to have been fighting hard with Yami Naruto's powerful clones, she had used a huge amount of chakra to heal her friends. As a result, Kakashi had been particularly worried for her, and he wanted to see her before going home. As a nurse walked down the corridor, Kakashi asked her where was Sakura's room. She informed him that she was on the upper floor. Kakashi thanked her and followed her instructions and looked for the room number 306. When he found it, he knocked softly, and Sai came to open the door. When he saw Kakashi, his stoic face lightened and he had a sincere smile.
"Oh, Kakashi-san! So they let you out?"
Kakashi smiled back.
"Hai, just today. How is Sakura? Do you mind if I see her?"
"She's getting better I think. Of course, come in, sensei."
He stepped aside so that Kakashi could enter the room. Sakura groaned in the bed, and she blinked slightly, turning her head towards the door and rubbing her eyes. When she saw Kakashi, her green eyes widened until they became huge balls.
"Kakashi-sensei!"
"Yo, Sakura-chan."
The young woman started fumbling into her sheets, trying to get up so she could throw herself in Kakashi's arms. Understanding her intent, Kakashi rushed forward and stopped her from getting up.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there…You stay right here in that bed, Sakura, allri-OOF!"
He couldn't finish his sentence, as Sakura had flung her arms around Kakashi's waist and crashed her face into his chest as she burst into tears.
"Oh, Kakashi-senseiiiheeeheeeheeeheee…." She wailed in his chest.
Kakashi had a fond smile, and he engulfed her shaking shape into a powerful and protective embrace. He pushed her face further in his chest with his hand tangling in her pink, messy hair, and started rocking her back and forth.
"Shhh…There…There…Easy, my sweet Sakura, easy…"
Sakura's entire body was shaking under loud, most inelegant sobs, and Kakashi rubbed her back soothingly while shushing her tenderly.
"I…I was s-so scared! Wh-when w-we f-found you by th-the river…W-with N-Naruto…I-I th-I thought you w-were…"
Kakashi kissed her hair and crushed her face further in his chest so she couldn't speak.
"Maaaa… It's all right now, Sakura-chan. Naruto and I are both fine. It's over now…Shhh, don't cry anymore, sweetheart. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, all right?"
As he was holding her and rocking her tenderly against his chest, Sai observed him carefully. Very often during the earlier days, Sakura had woken up panicked, calling Kakashi and Naruto's name. Sai, who had never left her side, had done his best to calm her down, but he hadn't known how to actually hug her. He had just held her hand and caressed her hair while shushing her softly, and that already had been extremely new to him. Yet everytime he watched Sakura, he wanted to do something more. He didn't know why, but he wanted to be close to her, he wanted to do something, but he didn't know what. Now that he observed Kakashi, he suddenly understood. So he watched. He watched as a painter, how Kakashi's arms were forming a circle around Sakura's body, how his hand disappeared in her hair while it forced her face down into his broad, muscular chest. He observed how Sakura's head disappeared into his chest, and the angle of Kakashi's jaw as it rested in Sakura's hair. His brain recorded everything and he told himself that one day, him, too, would be able to hold Sakura this way.
After leaving Sakura in Sai's care, Kakashi finally left the hospital and went straight back home. There, he had a long, boiling shower, and he couldn't help letting out a deep sigh as he had been dreaming of that moment since he had woken up in his hospital bed. He let the warmth seep all the way to his bones, and closed his eyes, thinking about his beloved students that were still kept into that white-tiled prison. At least they were now out of danger, and Kakashi sighed again as he wrapped his arms around his strong chest, causing his pectorals to flex and swell under the hot water which rushed into the valley between them.
Soon, his thoughts wandered to Naruto, and he tried to go over the events.
Kakashi had succeeded in getting past Naruto's barrier of hate and anger by confronting him within his own mind and making him remember that no matter what, he was loved, and that he was not responsible for Jiraiya's death. He knew that Yami Naruto was still somewhere within Naruto, and that one day the blonde might have to deal with him again, but for now, Kakashi was confident in the fact that he had succeeded in appeasing the devastating rage that was eating Naruto away. He had made him realize that in fact, that devastating rage was growing exponentially as it was in fact addressed to Naruto himself. The fact that Naruto had saved his life and that he had come to nestle into his arms the other night proved that Naruto had come back to himself. Yet Kakashi knew that the journey was not over. Indeed, after the anger and denial, the last step was the most difficult…
…and it was acceptance.
Kakashi sighed as he poured some shower gel into his palm. He knew that accepting to let someone go was so hard it could take up to an entire life. Kakashi himself had never recovered from the loss of his loved ones, and it was almost ten years ago. Yet, right from the start, he had felt it was his duty to help Naruto through that particularly difficult ordeal, and he had truly feared he would not be able to keep his promise when he had been drifting away back on the river bank. Yet Naruto had saved his life, and Kakashi was determined in accompanying him all the way.
He had to help him say goodbye.
When he was done washing himself, Kakashi got out of the shower, dried himself and put on fresh boxers. He brushed his teeth, shaved himself, and then went to his bedroom where he crashed on his bed. He remained there for a long time, lost in his thoughts, before he eventually fell asleep.
Three days later was a bright, beautiful day.
It was almost too bright for the circumstances. Though the air was chilly, the wind was light and the sky was of the purest blue. It was as though the weather itself had made a mistake, like an actress dressing up superbly and making a magnificient entrance but on the wrong scene. The sun was casting its golden, happy rays on the heavy shoulders of sad, dressed all in black silhouettes gathered around a large, stone coffin, for Konoha was mourning that day.
Naruto was standing on the first row, leaning on a crutch, his back straight, his blue eyes staring at the sculpted coffin that was ready to be put to rest forever under the cold, dark earth. Kakashi was standing close to him, with an arm wrapped around his shoulders to help him stand. On his other side, Sakura, too, was leaning on a crutch, with Sai next to her. Shikamaru was standing behind Naruto, his face solemn and sad.
Naruto couldn't get his eyes off the coffin. It was made of the strongest stone, yet it was carved in beautiful sculptures and decorations. It was an alliance of strength and fantasy, of solemnity and frivolity.
It fitted Jiraiya perfectly.
The man had been a pillar of strength in Naruto's life, yet the carvings reflected Jiraya's colourful personality with so much accuracy. The picture of Jiraiya, framed and laid on top of the coffin, was showing a happy man with long, white hair, and red markings on his face. That picture had been taken within the instant of a bark of laughter, and Naruto could almost see the tears springing out of the wrinkled eyes. It had been ephemeral, yet now it was an instant that had been frozen in time, like the memories Naruto had of his shishou. The man had left him with a simple smile, as though he was just going to see him again on the next day.
Had he known, at the time?
Naruto winced, and he lowered his head to the ground. Beside him, Kakashi turned his head and frowned.
"Naruto?" he asked in a gentle voice.
"I…I'm fine, sensei." Naruto whispered back in a dead voice.
Kakashi observed him for a time, but he didn't answer. Instead, he tightened his arm around him and clutched his shoulder, in order to let him know that he was there. Then Tsunade went forth, and she came to stand beside the coffin. Her long, black dress hugged her voluptuous shapes perfectly, and she looked magnificient. Only her grief-stricken face betrayed her sorrow, for her features were tired and gaunt, her eyes were red, and her hair seemed to have lost a bit of their shining gold shade. She stood for a couple of minutes beside the coffin, not saying anything.
Then at last, she started speaking.
"Forty years ago, as we were training together in the forest, Jiraiya told me that he wanted his funeral to be a party where people would drink, eat and make love on his tomb."
There was a tense silence in the crowd.
"I broke his nose for the first time that day…" Tsunade said with a tender smile, caressing the coffin with a hand full of regrets.
The slight breeze came to taunt the candles that were standing on the coffin, making the flames dance and flicker.
"Yet I understand now how that simple sentence reflected his very soul. The soul of a man who was so desperately dedicated to life, to love and to peace, that his entire life looks like a flawed, comic and colorful pilgrimage, like a parody of himself. He was probably the greatest pervert the shinobi world has ever known, yet he was also its greatest lover and protector. Jiraiya never, ever stopped loving humanity in its entirety. He never gave up his dream that someday, people would understand and love each other."
She had a moment of pause, and Naruto could feel as though his heart was slowly crumbling into his chest. In addition to feel horribly guilty for ignoring Tsunade's genuine pain, he could also feel as though he was completely empty. He had been clinging so hard to his anger, so hard he had almost killed one of his best friends. Yet now that Kakashi had saved him from himself, there seemed to be nothing left. Naruto felt as though his entire being was nothing else but a devastated battleground.
He wanted to cry.
He wanted to cry so hard…
…yet he couldn't shed a tear.
"Although he died at sixty years old, Jiraiya always cherished and preserved the child that lived within his soul. I believe it is precisely because he remained a child at heart that he could see hope and love where we all saw hate and ambition. It was that part of him that had him fight darkness all his life, and that had him laugh in the face of death itself. "
Tsunade bowed her head, and her face contorted under the emotion that flooded her heart.
"Jiraiya was a strong shinobi and a very precious friend. He would have made much a better Hokage than me, because he was the embodiement of what the will of Fire shines to protect: Konoha's youth."
A tear shone on her cheek as it dropped from her tired eye, and she pressed her hand to the cold stone.
"I will miss you, Jiraiya, for the rest of my life."
She took a step back, and nodded towards the group of muscular men who were standing ready to put the coffin into the tomb. As they lifted the heavy stone, Naruto watched the scene as though he was seeing it through the eyes of someone else.
They were carrying Jiraiya's body into the cold, dark earth, for the rest of eternity.
It was happening right in front of his eyes.
And yet he couldn't cry.
Something deep within himself seemed to be blocking his tears. Something within him kept fighting again, even after the anger and the hartred, and Naruto was tired of fighting. He was so tired. He felt his legs shake, and behind him, Shikamaru laid a comforting hand on his back.
"You okay, Naruto?"
Kakashi wrapped his arm tighter around his shoulders and squeezed him against his strong frame.
"Hai…Don't worry about me…"
Kakashi and Shikamaru exchanged a worried glance.
Soon, the ceremony ended, and the crowd started scattering. Tsunade came towards Naruto, and she gave him a warm, sad smile which broke Naruto's heart.
"Baa-chan, I…" he started.
Yet he couldn't finish his sentence, as Tsunade had wrapped him up into a strong embrace, burying her face into his shoulder.
"It's okay, Naruto-chan. We'll get through this together, all right?" she whispered, her voice full of tears.
Naruto couldn't answer. His throat was so tight it hurt.
"You know you can cry sweetheart, don't you? You don't need to look strong. Everybody needs to cry sometimes. Wakatta?"
Naruto winced, and he wrapped his free arm around Tsunade's back, squeezing her tightly against him and resting his chin on her shoulder.
He wanted to scream, to scream so hard his throat would burn. He wanted to cry, at last, he wanted to discharge all his pain while he was surrounded by his friends. Yet, curiously, he didn't know how, which was completely illogical as he had cried his eyes out when he had thought he had killed Kakashi.
Why the Hell can't I cry now?! Have I spent all my tears?
Finally, Tsunade let go of him. She smiled again.
"I'll leave you now. You must need some time alone with Jiraiya. Sai, Shikamaru, help me take Sakura back to her room, will you?" she said with a gentle voice.
Before they left, Sakura stood on her tiptoes and laid a small kiss on Naruto's cheek. Then she bowed her head sadly and turned towards Sai and Shikamaru who helped her walk back towards the hospital.
Soon, Kakashi and Naruto were alone in front of the stone.
None of them said a word for a long time.
Kakashi was just holding Naruto to him, and he could feel that the boy was immensely troubled, but it was a different sort of torment.
He couldn't feel any violence anymore.
No more rage, no more resentment.
Only an immense ocean of pain that Naruto didn't seem to know how to pour.
It felt as though the boy was too exhausted to grieve properly, and Kakashi felt his own heart break in pieces.
"Naruto-chan, would you like me to leave you alone with Jiraiya?" he asked gently.
Naruto shook his head and turned on his heels.
"Take me back to my room, Kakashi-sensei, please."
Kakashi's eyes widened slightly, but then his face saddened.
That's what I thought…You don't know how to say goodbye, right, Naruto?
"Wakatta…" Kakashi whispered.
When they arrived in Naruto's room, Kakashi supported Naruto with one arm, and took the crutch out of his hand with his other arm. He leaned it to the wall, and then he lifted Naruto into his arms to put him back in bed. Yet before laying him down under the sheets, Kakashi buried the blonde's face into his shoulder, closed his eyes and hugged him fiercely. He hugged him for quite a long time, swaying softly from left to right, rocking him in a comforting motion. Then he whispered in his ear.
"When you are ready, Naruto, remember that I am here. I will be there to help you through this. So please, please Naruto…Come to me. Come to me when you are ready."
Naruto didn't say anything, but he breathed deeply in Kakashi's scent, burying his face in the man's hair. Kakashi could feel that the boy's throat was way too tight to utter a single word. Thus, without any other word, he leaned forward and put Naruto into the bed. He tucked him under the sheets, and ruffled his hair slowly, tenderly. Naruto turned towards the wall and curled up on himself. Again, Kakashi was overwhelmed by a strong desire to lie down next to him and hug him until the boy fell asleep.
"Would you like me to stay here with you?" Kakashi asked gently.
"No thank you, I'm fine sensei…Don't worry about me."
Kakashi's face tinted with sorrow at the sound of Naruto's incredibly sad voice, but he respected his will.
"Ma, I'll go check on Sakura-chan then. Just call me if you need anything, wakatta, Naruto-kun?"
Naruto closed his eyes.
"Hai…Thank you, Kakashi-sensei…" he murmured.
Kakashi sighed, and then he turned on his heels and closed the door behind him, leaving Naruto alone with his sorrow.
The blonde almost found it hard to breathe.
One inspiration, then the next…
It was as though he had to make an effort to lift his lungs.
A part of him wished Kakashi had stayed with him to hold him in his arms. That part of him would have given anything, at that particular moment, to be able to bury his face deep into Kakashi's warm chest while the man would hold and shush him as he did so well. Yet he thought he was being egoist. After all, the man had already died for him, he had taken care of him relentlessly for entire months. Naruto thought he should give him a break, let the man rest, and deal with his own problems alone.
But maybe he could help me cry.
Exhausted, drained and immensely sad, Naruto quickly fell into a liberating sleep.
He could feel his head being lifted up and down slowly, slightly, as something swelled under his face. He could hear a soft breathing, and his body was engulfed in a warm, strong embrace. When Naruto opened an eye, he recognized the smell of the body that held him so tight.
"Kakashi-sensei…" he whispered.
He raised his face from Kakashi's chest and looked at him. Kakashi's hair was spread around his head, and it seemed to be made of pure silver, as it as shining beautifully under the sunlight. Without even realizing what he was doing, Naruto reached out and delicately took one of the glimmering strands between his fingers. It was thick and slightly coarse, like the pelt of a wolf. His mind drifting away, Naruto extended his hand further and laid it down on Kakashi's forehead. There, he caressed it very slowly with his thumb. Kakashi's face was peaceful. His long, slender eyes were closed, and his eyelashes were brushing his cheeks, casting a feeble, bluish shadow under his eyelids. Absent-mindedly, Naruto followed the long scar that was deeply carved like a neat brushstroke from his left eye to somewhere under the sheet that was covering the lower part of his face. He vaguely remembered that he had pulled Kakashi's mask down to give him mouth-to-mouth, back on that terrible day, yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't recall what his face looked like. He had been so panicked and exhausted that his absolute priority had been to save his life. Likewise, the first time he had come to Kakashi's hospital room, he had been so relieved to find him alive that he had just collapsed on him, focusing on his smell and falling asleep almost immediately.
Yet now, the curiosity he had held for so many years had come back again.
What does he look like?
Slowly, following the line of the scar, Naruto's thumb started repelling the sheet.
Is he handsome?
Slowly, Kakashi's lower cheek appeared…
The scar is going down so far…
His heart beating, Naruto kept pulling the sheet down…
Where does it stop?
"Mattaku. Do I have perverted you so much that now you want to undress that poor kid?" A strong, hearty voice sounded behind him.
Naruto's heart stopped and dropped like a stone in his chest.
His eyes widened so much that they threatened to pop out of their sockets.
That voice…
Slowly, very slowly, Naruto turned around, almost scared to see who was standing behind him.
That voice is so unique I could recognize it anywhere.
He knew very well who was standing behind him.
His eyes set on a tall, broad-shouldered silhouette drowned in a cascade of magnificient, white hair. The two fatherly, benevolent eyes that were looking at him were stressed out by red strokes that were going down towards a pair of lips that were stretched in a soft, characteristic smile.
A very characteristic smile.
"Hisashiburi da no, Naruto." Jiraiya whispered, leaning against the wall, his muscular arms crossed.
For a moment that seemed to last for years, Naruto remained completely still, as though he had just been striken by thunder. He was looking at that man who had never left his thoughts for three months with an expression of utter amazement, his mouth wide open.
Jiraiya had a small chuckle and opened his arms wide.
"Don't I get a hug or something?"
Before his brain could send any message to the rest of his body, Naruto's legs moved on their own, and he dashed to Jiraiya. He crashed so hard into the man's massive chest that they went right through the door and collapsed into the corridor together.
"OOF!" Jiraiya gasped as his breath got cut by Naruto's incredibly tight embrace around his waist.
Naruto buried his face into Jiraiya's robes, but he couldn't utter a sound. His throat was so tight it hurt him, and his eyes were burning with tears. Jiraiya seemed to feel his emotion, for his expression softened in pain and he wrapped his arms around the boy, as both of them were sitting right in the middle of the corridor. There, he hugged him so tight Naruto disappeared in his muscular embrace.
"Konbanwa, Naruto…", he whispered.
"Ero…sennin…" Naruto answered in a broken murmur.
"Yare yare! You made a hell of a mess down here you know that? Mattaku. That idiot Kakashi worked his ass off so much he almost got himself killed."
"I'm so sorry, Ero-sennin…I'm so sorry for everything I did…I…I just…"
His voice died in his throat, and all he could do was burrow further into Jiraiya's broad chest as the man was patting his hair comfortingly while hugging him in a bone-crushing embrace.
"Theeere, there...Ochitsuke…That's all right, don't you start covering my clothes in snot all right? How am I supposed to seduce the ladies up there if I look like I've just been shoved in a bathtub?"
Before he could help it, Naruto burst out laughing, and Jiraiya followed him, throwing his head backwards and opening his mouth wide in a loud, thundering laugh. They laughed together for several blessed minutes, and then Naruto let out a long sigh.
"This is a dream, right, Ero-sennin?"
"Well…Obviously, Naruto-kun. And knowing your fear of ghosts, I think it's better that I appear to you like this than all gloomy and green, don't you think?"
Naruto didn't answer and Jiraiya had a sigh.
"All right listen here, kid, for I don't have much time. First, I know that Kakashi-kun has already told you that back there, but I want to be certain it sank into that baka head of yours: I did not die because of you, Naruto. I knew that I had only few chances to come back from there alive."
Naruto raised large, sad eyes to his shishou.
"So why, why did you go, Ero-sennin?"
Jiraiya smiled sadly and ruffled his hair.
"Because it was my mission, brat-chan…Tsunade tried to convince me not to do it, but I was the only one capable of undertaking such a mission. Remember what the Hatake kid told you: I did not do it only for you, but also for Konoha and the five nations. You know how much I want to believe in a better future, and I wanted to leave this world while doing something significant to that purpose."
Naruto lowered his head. Kakashi had indeed succeeded in easing the guilt that had been smothering him so much. Yet now, he felt emptier than ever. He felt there was still something creeping in the deepest realms of his heart, and he didn't understand why he felt so bad.
"It's not the same anymore since you're no longer there. I…"
He had to gulp, as his voice had got stuck in his throat.
"I miss you a lot, Ero-sennin." He whispered.
Jiraiya's face saddened again.
"Yare, yare…Get in here, you idiot." He said while pulling Naruto back in his arms.
Naruto took a deep, shuddering breath. Jiraiya still had the same scent as always, a mixture of strong cologne he used to seduce women, and of earth and water.
"Listen, Naruto-chan. I'm here now because I can feel that you keep pushing your feelings down inside of you. You are still afraid to let them out."
Naruto shot his head up again.
"But I did let them out! I nearly killed Kakashi-sensei for crying out loud! I did let them out, so why the hell do I still feel so bad? Why the hell do I feel so empty? Why the hell can't I even cry, Ero-sennin? I feel…I feel like my heart is made of stone suddenly, as though I was incapable of feeling anything anymore…"
"Shhhh, easy, kid, easy…", Jiraiya soothed, caressing his hair.
"Why the hell can't I cry for you whereas I cried for Kakashi-sensei just one week ago? Whereas I cried when I saw your body? I'm tired, Ero-sennin…I just want to…I want to just let the pain out but…But I can't…"
"Naruto. Come here."
Jiraiya pulled Naruto back into him and he remained silent for a short time, just squeezing Naruto tight to him and rocking him gently like a child. Then he started speaking again.
"You cried for Kakashi because you were panicked and terrified. You believed you had lost him, and you realized how important he was for you. You cried when you saw my body because you felt responsible for what had happened to me, and because it was the moment you fully realized that I was not going to come back again. And remember, it is precisely at this moment, when you cried, when you started letting your pain out, that your anger took over you. Now Kakashi has indeed liberated you from that anger, but there's still one step you have to take, and it's not an easy one. Actually, it is the step you have been dreading since it all started. It's the step you have been starting to take when you saw my body, and when you resorted to anger in order to stop the process. The fear of that step is the reason why you are unconsciously doing everything you can to detach yourself from your own emotions. But now, the time has come to continue what you have started, back when you saw my body. The time has come for you to go through with the final step."
"What is that step?" Naruto murmured, afraid to hear the answer.
Jiraiya sighed deeply.
"You have to say goodbye, Naruto-chan."
Naruto felt his heart burn with horrible pain, and he crammed his face into Jiraiya's chest, wrapping his arms tighter around his large waist.
"No…NO…I…I don't want to…I can't let you go, Ero-sennin…I…"
Jiraiya closed his eyes painfully.
"Now, now, listen up kid…You are waking up and I'll have to leave you shortly. I know this is hard, all right? Actually, that is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life. Yet going through your first loss is important for you to accomplish your destiny."
Jiraiya stopped, and Naruto could feel that the man was nervous. Actually, he could feel his warmth fading away ever so slightly.
"Ero-sennin…"
"Let me finish, Naruto. I have so many things to tell you…And yet so little time…God I have so little time…Listen to me. I have such great hopes for you, Naruto. I know that you will become a legend. You will become a man everyone will love and follow. I know that you are the only one who can make my nindou and my dreams linger on. You can build a better world where shinobi will understand and love each other. Where they will use their power not for war, bur for living in harmony together, and in harmony with this beautiful world we are living in, and which we never take enough time to admire."
Naruto could feel that Jiraiya's strong frame was withering away in his arms, and he clung harder to him.
"Don't go…Oh, don't go, please…" he begged.
"I believe you can achieve all of this, Naruto, but to do that, you need to face that pain you are concealing inside of you. And there is no other way than letting me go. You have to say goodbye."
"It's too soon…I'm not ready to lose you… I can't do this alone, Ero-sennin!"
"Naruto, look behind you."
The blonde haired boy disengaged his face from Jiraiya's robes and turned around, his head low. Behind him, he could still see Kakashi sleeping peacefully in the bed.
"That man behind you will follow you until the end of the world. He will support you and help you at all costs. You know that don't you? And he is not the only one. You have got many friends, Naruto-chan, you have become a talented a loved shinobi already, and I'm proud of you. You are not alone anymore, and you will never be alone again. Have faith in your friends, have faith in the Hatake kid….and have faith in Kyuubi. Remember, he saved your life. He will be one of your strongest allies in the future, I am certain of it."
When Naruto turned back towards Jiraiya, he had a strangled gasp.
His shishou was growing paler and paler, as though he was litterally melting in the air.
"Ero-sennin!"
Jiraiya had an appeasing, soft smile, and he rested a hand on Naruto's cheek.
"Daijoubu, Naruto-kun. It's time, now. You are waking up, and I have to go."
"No…No, don't leave me! I don't want to wake up, Ero sennin! I want to stay with you…"
"Naruto-kun…"
"A few more minutes, please!" Naruto implored, clutching Jiraiya's front, feeling that his clothes were already disappearing under his fingers.
"Yare, yare! You have always been such a greedy child, Naruto", Jiraiya laughed.
Before he disappeared, Jiraya pulled Naruto one last time against him and squeezed him as hard as he could, trying to make his love for him cross the boundaries of space and time.
"Don't forget me, Naruto-chan. Don't forget what I taught you, and I will always be with you. I leave you with my dreams, and I know that you will do your best to walk down my path."
Naruto gritted his teeth as he thought his heart was going to explode. He could feel Jiraiya's arms disappear around him. His scent was fading away like his chest, and his voice seemed to become ethereal, as though he was talking to him from a very distant land.
"Don't go…"
He clung to him desperately, all his body tensed and concentrated in the action of keeping that man a little bit longer with him.
"Don't go…"
Just a few more minutes…
Yet Jiraiya was already no more, and at last, as Naruto had come to hug empty air, a lone, single tear rolled on his cheek.
"Farewell, Naruto."
Naruto woke up with a strangled scream, jumping in his bed.
"Don't go, Ero-sennin!"
His cry was only met by darkness and silence, and with a shaking hand, Naruto wiped the tear that had reached the corner of his mouth.
He wrapped his arms tightly around him and rocked himself back and forth for a moment, his heart clenching awfully in his chest.
What was the meaning of this? What was that dream? Had Jiraiya really come to talk to him or had he just been a figment of his own imagination?
His words…His laugh…His smile…
Everything had felt so real…
Suddenly, he felt the impossible urge to get out of this place.
He couldn't stand lying in this bed anymore.
He had to get out.
He had to walk in the night.
He had to think.
Silently, he got up from the bed. His feet met the cold floor, and he started walking towards the door when he stopped. If he tried to get out of the hospital by the main entrance, he was bound to stumble upon a medic nin or a nurse. Worse, he could stumble upon Kakashi himself, as the man used to come regularly, even right in the middle of the night, in order to check on Sakura and him. As a result, he turned on his heels and headed towards the window. Thankfully, his room was situated not too far up from the ground, so he would not be obliged to summon many clones in order to get down. He opened the window, made the kage bunshin signs with his hands, and thanks to seven clones that held each other's hands while hanging down in the air, he could reach the ground without harm. There, the clones disappeared, and Naruto started walking.
His feet carried him without him making the slightlest effort. Soon, he passed the edge of the thick, immense forest of Konoha. The night was chilly, but the sky was clear, and Naruto could guess that the sun would soon rise. Lost in his thoughts, he wandered through the tall trees. Soft grass was scattered on the earth, and great, large ferns were standing along the path, reaching out their leaves to catch the silver light that was drifting through the peaceful trees. Before Naruto, a large branch was bending over the path, like a natural bridge, covered in moss and reddening leaves. As Naruto approached it, a swarm of tiny, beautiful fireflies flied into the air, as though they wanted to imitate the stars shining so far away above the world. Naruto bent in half to walk beneath the wooden arch, and he pursued his journey. The forest was so calm, so peaceful; it was as though Naruto had fallen into a land of dreams and serenity. Naruto breathed deeply into the scent of rain and wood, of moss and earth, and somehow, that smell eased his sorrow a bit. Naruto almost felt as though the thick trees were forming a gigantic embrace, a cocoon of tranquility within which they invited him to come and pour the pain that had been flooding his heart for so long.
His heart heavy, it seemed to Naruto that these past months had been a long, harassing journey, as though he had kept running, running, and running again. The Jiraiya in his dream had been right… He had been running from the atrocious reality, from the impossible truth, for it was absolutely unacceptable.
Jiraiya doesn't exist anymore.
That sole thought was terrifying. For the first time of his young life, Naruto truly experienced death in all its absurdity and brutality.
The path widened until he arrived on the shores of a large lake. The peaceful water was sparkling under the moonlight, and there too, there were fireflies dancing over the shining surface. Standing on a small island of earth that lied in the middle of the lake, there were old, carved columns from an ancient age.
Is that really how everything must end? Does every effort of human kind have to end up in ruins struggling against time? Does every human soul have to disappear and become nothing more than memories and dust?
Naruto truly adored that place, as it was by far one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. The lake was sprinkled with rocks of various sizes, and Naruto had often come here to swim for hours before climbing on one of these sun-heated rocks to fall asleep under the soft summer breeze. Yet now, under the ethereal light of the moon, the lake seemed to be whispering regrets, and ghostly shapes started appearing all around it. There, Naruto saw himself being pushed into the water by a particularly mischievous Jiraya. There, he saw Jiraiya diving head first and challenging Naruto to race with him until they reached the other side. There again, he saw Jiraiya and himself sitting back to back, enjoying the sun and warm breeze, Naruto slowly falling asleep against his master.
Naruto's heart ached so much that he closed his eyes for a short time, before a brief sound of ruffled leaves made him open them again. There, on the other side of the lake, Naruto discovered an extremely rare sight.
A unicorn.
Amazed and temporarily distracted from his depressing thoughts, Naruto hid under a large rock in order to observe the creature better. Both Jiraiya and Kakashi had told him that there were unicorns in the forest of Konoha, but that they were so rare and careful that it was nearly impossible to see one. Yet there it was, standing on its long, gracious legs, her beautiful head high in the air, scanning the area for any potential danger. Her beauty was astonishing under the pale light, and there seemed to be a soft, ethereal halo that emitted from her. Her long horn was shining like a diamond, and her robe was of the purest white. After making sure the area was safe, the beautiful creature strode forward and bent her long neck towards the water. She drank for a long time, and Naruto couldn't keep his eyes off her. After she had drank enough, the unicorn turned on her slender legs and disappeared as fast as she had come, leaving nothing behind her, as though she had only been part of a magical dream.
The world is beautiful, Naruto, yet we never take enough time to stop and watch.
How could the world still be so beautiful? How could this place be so full of life, even at the heart of the night, when Jiraiya lied under several feet of earth and dirt? How could that unicorn be so insolently beautiful when Jiraiya would never see again? How could the fireflies dance with such frivolity and freedom over the peaceful lake when Jiraiya's laugh was now nothing more than silence and memories?
Naruto slowly got out of his hideout, and he started walking again. Jiraiya's words rang again in his mind, and he kept walking through the forest for a long time, thinking.
You will become a man everyone will love and follow. I know that you are the only one who can make my nindou and my dreams linger on. You can build a better world where shinobi will understand and love each other.
Linger on…
Don't forget me, Naruto-chan. Don't forget what I taught you, and I will always be with you. I leave you with my dreams, and I know that you will do your best to walk down my path.
Don't forget me, and I will always be with you…
Were these words real?
Had Jiraiya really said these words to him?
Naruto passed his fingers on the rough peel of a tree as he kept walking along the lake.
Don't forget me, I will always be with you.
Maybe that was indeed the only way to make sure Jiraiya would never disappear, by making sure that his dreams kept living within Naruto. Jiraiya believed in him until his last breath, and he had certainly died thinking that Naruto would take care of the rest of his lifetime mission. Yet for three entire months, Naruto had done nothing but fleeing. First he had tried as hard as he could to hate Kakashi, and now he understood why. Kakashi was the one single person in the world who knew Naruto best. He knew how to read his heart, and Naruto had known right from the beginning that Kakashi had the power to make his heart burst. Then when he had seen Jiraiya's body with his own eyes, when he had realized for the first time that all of this was not a joke and that Jiraiya would indeed never come back again, Naruto had started losing it. He had started falling into that abyss he had been avoiding carefully, the abyss that lead to the acceptance of the unacceptable death of that man he loved like his grandfather. That was when things had started degenerating. That was when he had panicked so much that his anger had exploded, and it had nearly ended up with Kakashi's death.
As his feet kept carrying him under the thick canopy, Naruto realized that he couldn't pretend to be Hokage one day if he kept fleeing this way. He couldn't pretend to be Hokage if he was the one putting his loved ones in danger. And of course, he couldn't pretend to be Hokage if he was not determined to achieve his old masters' last wishes.
I believe you can achieve all of this, Naruto, but to do that, you need to face that pain you are concealing inside of you. And there is no other way than letting me go. You have to say goodbye.
These words had twisted Naruto's heart like a knife, and he had been uncapable of hearing them in their entire meaning. Yet now, he was starting to understand. Even though he would probably never know whether Jiraiya had been nothing but a dream, or whether he had really found a way to come back from the other side to talk to him, Naruto realized that it didn't change anything to the power of the words he had said. It didn't change anything to the fact that he had made Naruto realize that he had to grow up and go on with his own life. Like Jiraiya who was now participating in the cycle of life, nourishing the earth and giving birth to beautiful flowers, Naruto had to linger on. He had so many things to do, so many people to protect.
Sasuke…
With the events of these past months, Naruto realized that he had almost forgotten his old friend. He had almost forgotten that again, he had been uncapable of bringing him back home the last time he had seen him. He had almost forgotten than Sasuke was so lost that he had tried to kill him.
And that was unacceptable.
How could he pretend to be Hokage if he abandoned his friends so easily? If he didn't respect his promises?
He had to stop fleeing.
He had to stop wallowing in self-pity, and he had to be strong for those who needed him. He would have to show the example, one day. He would have to show the way to the others, to show them how to build the world Jiraiya had been dreaming about for sixty years.
And Kakashi is alive.
Somehow, that only thought gave Naruto a strong feeling of comfort and courage. Because he had been running from his pain, he had almost killed Kakashi, and that, too, was unforgiveable. He had to keep living in order to cherish every single second he could spend with that man. Kakashi-sensei had so many things to teach him, to show him, and Naruto could feel that the silver-haired man had also an extraordinary amount of love to offer him. And right now, Naruto knew he needed that love more than anything else. Whatever happened, he knew that Kakashi's arms would always welcome him and hold him tight against his strong chest, that they would always keep him from falling apart.
Kakashi was not the only one left in Naruto's life. Sakura, too, was there for him. Now that he rewinded all the events of these past months into his mind, he realized that Sakura had never been so attentive towards him. He could feel that she had changed, and that she had been deeply concerned for him. The way she had tried to comfort him and assure him that she was there for him back when she was going to show him Jiraiya's body made Naruto curse himself because he had been so ungrateful. And she was not the only one either. Shikamaru, Sai, Ino, Iruka…All his friends had been worried and concerned for him. They had taken him out, they had spent time with him, they had tried to change his mind…
And Tsunade…
Naruto winced when he thought about the moment he had accused her of having killed Jiraiya. The fifth hokage had never answered the accusation, and Naruto knew now that she, too, had been feeling the same guilt that he had felt himself. She, too, had felt responsible for Jiraiya's death, and she had been devastated. Yet she had kept her head high. She had taken the time to cry and grieve, but she had kept ruling the village. She had remained strong for the people she had sworn to lead and protect.
And Naruto hadn't been there for her when she had needed him the most.
He had been so selfish.
He had been focusing on his own pain, and he had completely ignored hers, whereas Jiraiya had been her best friend for over fifty years. In addition to that, he had been completely uncapable of facing his pain.
That had to stop.
In the name of his deep love for Jiraiya, for Kakashi, for Sakura, Tsunade, Shikamaru, Sai, Ino, Lee, Tenten, Neiji, Hinata, Kiba, Choji, Shino, Iruka, in the name of his unconditional love for the entire village of Konoha, he had to make amends for the troubles he had caused, and he had to live on in order to lead the future generations to the new world.
He had to jump into the abyss, and accept Jiraiya's death.
As he came across the ruins of an ancient, small temple whose pointed archs reached out to the canopy like withered hands echoing from the past, he sat on the weathered stone steps of the old, mossy stairs. There, another proof of his ungratefulness came to his mind.
Kyuubi.
The demon fox had been pushing him, fueling his anger and hartred for months. He had been very close to take his soul over. Yet even though Naruto had locked him away, even though he had cast him aside, the demon fox had heard his plea.
And he had answered it.
Trust in Kyuubi. One day, he will be one of your strongest allies. I am certain of it.
Yes…Jiraiya was right. Naruto couldn't explain it, but he started feeling that maybe he had been wrong about Kyuubi, for all these years. Maybe he hadn't seen the forest hidden behind the tree. Kyuubi had saved both Kakashi and him, and yet Naruto had never taken the time to thank him properly. He had just thanked him briefly as he was on the verge of collapsing and drooling on Kakashi, yet he hadn't looked right into his eyes and let him know how grateful he was.
Well, now was the time to make amends for that too.
He leaned his back against one of the pillars, and while a soft breeze ruffled his hair, he closed his eyes to enter his own mind, where Kyuubi was sealed.
"Kyuubi?" he asked shyly, his voice ringing into the wide, dark hall.
He didn't have to wait for a long time before a growled answer came to his ears.
"I'm sleeping, brat."
"If you are sleeping then why do you answer me?" Naruto answered with a soft smile.
Naruto waited for the demon's answer, but Kurama remained silent. Naruto could feel that he was particularly pissed, and he had to control himself not to chuckle. He waited for a couple more minutes, and then resumed speaking. He was determined to let Kyuubi know how grateful he was.
"Kyuubi, last time I was too exhausted to thank you properly for saving Kakashi and me. Seriously, I don't know how I will ever be able to pay you back."
Kurama snorted, determined not to show his true emotions, as himself was still not ready to admit that he had indeed saved both Naruto and Kakashi because he had been deeply touched.
"That's no big deal. I had no choice. I couldn't stand to hear you bawl your eyes out like a freaking banshee, I wanted to shut your mouth once and for all so I could sleep in peace. And I saved my own freaking ass, by the way, not yours."
Naruto smiled tenderly.
"Of course, of course…"
Naruto squinted slightly so he could see behind the gigantic gates. Soon, he could discern the beautiful fox. He was curled up on himself, at the center of the cage, and his large head rested on his impressive paws.
For the first time of his life, Naruto observed the demon fox with a new eye.
Instead of the anger, the hartred and the resentment, for the first time, Naruto heard the heart of that creature that had been sharing his soul all his life and yet whom he barely knew at all. For the first time, he wasn't looking at a monstruous, dangerous beast, but at a grief-stricken, lonely being condemned to live in prison for eternity. For the first time, Naruto heard the pain, the loneliness and the regret. His heart pounding heavily in his chest, he watched the giant fox's shape which seemed to be ploying under the weight of hundreds of years of solitude.
His eyes filled with tears as he realized he had been treating Kyuubi the same way Konoha had treated him.
"I'm so sorry, Kyuubi-chan." Naruto whispered before he could stop himself.
The fox raised his magnificient head and cast him a murderous, proud look.
"How the hell did you dare call me?"
His stare would have been enough to cause the bravest warrior to wet himself and run away as fast as he could, yet Naruto stood his ground. He owed Kyuubi an apology, and he was determined to carve it right into the fox's hardened heart.
"I said I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for misjudging you. I'm sorry for keeping you locked away like a monster. I have been hurting you as much as the villagers hurt me, and for that, I'm deeply sorry."
Kyuubi's eyes reduced to small, blazing slits.
"What the hell are you talking about? Why are you suddenly getting all fluffy with me?"
Naruto took a step closer to the gate.
"I never took the time to see you for who you really are. I never took the time to hear your pain and to listen to your loneliness. Yet you saved both Kakahi's life and mine, and now I see. I see who you truly are. And you are beautiful, Kyuubi-chan."
Kyuubi growled fiercely and started rising on his paws.
"Shut the hell up, and stop calling me Kyuubi-chan. I am not your friend, and I will never be your friend. I am no one's friend. Got it? I saved your fucking ass and the ass of that weird-haired guy because you were stupid enough to try and save him until you died, and I didn't want to die as of yet. So I saved myself. End of story."
Naruto smiled weakly, and his smile irritated Kyuubi even more. He crashed his muzzle against the gates and bared his teeth in his most terrifying growl.
"Wipe that fucking smile off your idiot, shitty face! You humans think you are so superior, don't you?! You think you understand everything, every damn creature, when all you have ever done in this world was to enslave and kill and torture and imprison and destroy! You have never accepted your dependence to nature, and you have always been trying to control it by putting everything you feared into jail! You have no respect for any other race other than yours! You disgust me, all of you! I hate you! Now get the hell out of my sight!"
Naruto's eyes blue eyes filled with sadness as they took in the demonic, blazing orbs that seemed to be clinging desperately to hartred and resentment, but which screamed of a broken and weary soul. That's why he came even closer to the cage, until he could feel Kyuubi's hot, breath on his face.
"That's why you should help me change that."
Kyuubi's anger faded slightly, replaced by surprise, as he didn't expect Naruto to say that.
"What?!"
"I agree with you. The human race is flawed, and they still have a lot to learn about nature. Yet they need something, or someone, to guide them through another way of living, more respectful of nature and of the other races living in the same world. Help me, Kyuubi. Help me change the world. Help me show humans that they need to work with nature instead of against it. Help me show them how to respect it and accept its teachings, how to love it and not use it in their own interest."
His speech was welcomed by a surprised silence from Kyuubi. The demon fox's face had lost all its animosity, and it was now the face of a genuinely confused creature. Yet soon, his anger took over again, and he threw himself against the gates which protested under his weight.
"Fuzakenna! How are you supposed to do that, huh?! You baka kuso gaki! Your head is filled with nothing but dreams, but there's nothing concrete in there! You keep talking, talking and talking, but one day you will just get yourself killed because of your stupidity, and then, if I'm not lucky enough to die, I will be extracted from you again and transferred in yet another prison!" he screamed in such a terrifying voice that the ceiling shook.
"Is that what you are afraid of? Are you afraid that I abandon you one day?"
Kyuubi seemed to be caught "red-pawed".
"I never said that! He protested vehemently, who do you think you are, mattaku?! Do you think I need you to live? Do you think I need you at all? If I could get out of here I would take pleasure in ripping your idiotic head off!"
Naruto grabbed the bars of the gates and dove his eyes right into Kurama's fiery ones.
"I will never, ever abandon you, Kyuubi-ttebayo. I will protect you as you have always protected me. I give you my word about that. And it is I who need you. Help me become Hokage, and I promise you that together, we will put an end to the slavery of bijus. We will take the world to a new era where people will better understand each other, where they will not try to gain power to destroy the other, and where they will respect nature and its creatures. I promise you, Kyuubi, that one day, I will get you out of that cage."
He smiled sincerely.
"And that day, you will realize that I am your friend. That day, I will take all that pain and rage away from your heart, and I will fill it with friendship and love, the same way Kakashi-sensei did for me. This is how I will pay you back for saving Kakashi-sensei's life."
As he was talking, Kurama couldn't get his eyes off him. He couldn't say a word. He couldn't do anything else but watch that small, blonde-haired boy, who slowly transformed into the shape of the only man Kurama had ever loved.
Rikudou-sennin.
Kurama felt his heart clench and he ripped his eyes off the blue ones. He curled up on himself, as far as he could from Naruto, and he seethed in a threatening voice behind which he hid his trouble.
"Just try to hug me or do anything fluffy or lovey-dovey with me, brat, and I'll bite your head off. Go do your dirty things with the Hatake brat. I'm not interested."
Naruto threw his head backwards and had a sincere laugh.
"All right, all right, we'll talk about that later."
He turned around and started walking out of the hall in order to come back to reality.
"First, I have to take the last step."
Kyuubi's ears twitched with curiosity.
"What last step?"
Naruto's features saddened.
"I have to say goodbye. See you later, Kyuubi."
He started running out, but suddenly he stopped and turned around again.
"One day, you have to tell me your true name, you know?"
One day a human will come, and he will know all your names.
Kyuubi's heart made a lurch.
"Piss off." He whispered, hiding his emotion in the darkness.
Naruto smiled fondly and turned on his heels, disappearing from the hall. Envelopped in shadow, two fiery orbs watched him fade away. The cage remained silent for a long time, and then a long sigh rose in the cold air.
"I guess I found him, Father." Kyuubi whispered.
When he recovered his spirits, Naruto was welcomed by a magnificient, golden and pink sky which had transformed the forest into a rich palette of red, yellow and orange shades. He couldn't put words on what he was feeling. It was a mixture of incredible love and determination on the one hand, and immense, inconsolable sadness on the other hand, as though he was about to lose something forever. The young man stood up and walked back to Konoha, barely aware of his surroundings. The village was waking up slowly, and as Naruto was still in his hospital gown, the merchants that were opening their shops looked at him with curiosity. As he was coming near the cemetery, Naruto heard a familiar voice.
"Oy! Naruto-kun! What are you doing out there?"
Extracted from his thoughts, Naruto lifted his head and turned around. It was Yozaku-san, the ice cream merchant. He was a thirty-year-old tall, muscular man, with a blazing mane of red hair and beautiful blue eyes. Like Teuchi and Ayame at Ichiraku's, Naruto knew Yozaku well as he was used to buy him ice-creams for himself as well as for Konohamaru. In addition to that, Yozaku's shop had become a particular step of Ero-sennin's trainings with Naruto. Everytime they would return to Konoha after a hard day of training, Jiraiya would stop at Yozaku's to buy popsicles for Naruto and him. As a matter of fact, Naruto had always suspected Jiraiya to have chosen Yozaku's shop because Yozaku was extremely handsome, and thus his shop was often overrun by swarms of young (and less young) ladies.
Naruto slowly approached Yozaku.
"Ohayou, Yozaku-nii-san…" he breathed out in a dead voice, trying to smile but failing miserably as his heart was crying in his chest.
Yozaku's happy face saddened all at once. Without a word, he turned around the counter and came to enfold Naruto in a powerful, smothering embrace, tucking his face deep in his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry for Jiraiya-sama, Naruto-kun." He whispered as he squeezed the boy extremely tightly until Naruto couldn't see anything.
Naruto clenched his teeth and disengaged from Yozaku's arms slowly. He kept his head low, as he could feel that at last, the tears were coming to his eyes.
"Thank you, Yozaku-nii-san."
"Naruto-kun, what are you doing dressed up like this? Aren't you going to catch a cold? Have you been running away from the hospital again?" Yozaku asked gently, ruffling Naruto's hair.
Naruto sniffed and smiled embarrassedly, but still not looking at Yozaku.
"I'm fine, don't worry. Yes I got out of the hospital because I…I just needed to…You know, I needed to take a walk. I just felt like the walls were going to crush me."
Yozaku sighed.
"All right, I understand then… Do you want to eat something though? Do you want a dango? An amanattou? You look really pale you know…"
Naruto was about to refuse politely when he suddenly thought that indeed, he needed something, but not for eating.
He raised his eyes to Yozaku.
"Can I have popsicles, please?"
The red-haired man's eyes saddened as he understood Naruto's thoughts, and he had a soft, nostalgic smile.
"Of course…"
He returned behind the counter and opened the freezer to catch two apricot ice-lollies that were glued together. He handed them over to Naruto, without a word. His heart heavy, Naruto took the ice-lollies preciously, like a treasure, and his eyes burned awfully. He looked at Yozaku, his lips shaking, and smiled with difficulty.
"Thank you…I will pay for these later, I promise." He said, his voice being nothing more than a broken breath.
Yozaku shook his head.
"No need. It's a gift."
His throat tight, Naruto gave Yozaku a touched smile and nodded gratefully. Without any other word, he turned on his heels and headed towards the cemetery, under Yozaku's sad eyes which followed him until he had disappeared.
When finally, Naruto arrived in front of Jiraiya's tomb, he let himself fall to the ground, clutching the popsicles hard into his hand.
It was as though they were his very last link to Jiraiya.
It was the last thing Jiraiya had given him in his life. The last thing he had offered him with his bright, fatherly smile. He had given him a popsicle, and had left with the other one forever.
Naruto remained there, completely still, frozen in the chilly air.
The entire cemetery was silent, and Jiraiya's name was engraved on the stone into solemn signs which, this time, contrasted so much with his personality. With a shaking hand, Naruto raised his fingers and caressed the carved, rough signs, following Jiraiya's name, feeling as though his heart was stuck in the back of his throat. The introspection he had just gone through in the forest overwhelmed his mind. He thought about his determination, about his resolutions, about his promise to go on with his life for the people he loved, and in honour of Jiraiya's dreams. He thought about Kyuubi, about his promise to heal his hardened heart one day, and to appease his suffering by building a better world.
Yet now, all he could think of was that he missed Jiraiya so much it was unbearable. The words were now empty and powerless before the tears of his heart.
"Ero-sennin…" Naruto whispered, his entire face contorting in pain.
Yet he had made a promise. He had to keep going. Jiraiya had put all his last hopes within him. He had asked him to go on.
Naruto would not fail him again.
A single tear escaped from his blue eye and rolled down his nose as the blonde detached the popsicles, and slowly put one down on the grave. The same way Jiraiya used to give him a popsicle to tell him that he had worked well, and that he could now rest, Naruto felt that this way, he was allowing Jiraiya to rest in peace for eternity.
There, Naruto sighed and started speaking the most difficult words of his life.
"You can go now, Ero-sennin. You have trained me well, and you have made me a better man. You can rest now, and let me take care of the rest. I will not fail you, for you will live in my heart for eternity, and I will be true to your teachings, for the rest of my life."
Another tear sprung out of his eye, and Naruto clutched his popsicle to his heart, as he was trying hard not to collapse under the utmost pain of the last words he was about to say. He took a deep, shaking breath, and finally, eventually, after three months of struggle, he jumped into the abyss.
"Farewell, Ero-sennin." He whispered while, at long last, the tears flowed on his face.
