Po, the Harem Master

Part 7: Shifu, the Owl and the Leopard

by Neoraichu

Po X Various. The story returns to the beginning of the Kung Fu Panda Movies and Legends of Awesomeness, and asked the question, "what if this was written like a Harem Anime?"

WARNING: This is a strange tale, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Po was getting up in the morning preparing for training when he noticed that he had a visitor standing in his doorway. An ancient tortoise leaning on a staff.

"Master Oogway?!" he asked.

"Yes," he replied, "I'm sorry to interrupt your training, but an emergency mission has come up that only the Dragon Warrior can take care of."

"Really? Am I ready for this?"

"I wouldn't send you on a mission if I didn't feel you were ready for it."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," he mused.

"I cannot tell you exactly where you need to go," admitted the Grand Master, "Just the route you need to take. You will know when you are there."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then point me and shoot, Master. I'm loaded and ready to go... after breakfast... and packing a few things... and..."

"I understand," came the reply, "Just come to the Hall of Heroes when you are ready to go."

Po nodded.

He paused, "Oh, and please don't say anything about this to the Furious Five or Scorpion. This is a mission you must do on your own."

Po nodded again.

...

Master Shifu was taking his time coming back to the Jade Palace after making sure that Tai Lung was still securely locked away. It was already the second day of his journey that was soon going to pass into night. He even paused to make a camp on top of a little hill where he could sleep under the open sky and watch the stars. Unpacking a few things, he made tea and ate some Doufu bread to keep himself in good shape. By the time it was dark, the fire was crackling nicely.

"Well well," said a voice from the darkness, "Fancy meeting you out here, Master Shifu."

"Why don't you come into the light," he asked back, "Fenghuang?"

The owl strode rather confidently into the camp, taking a seat on the rock across the fire from him.

"Would you like some tea or Doufu bread?"

"Oh, please. I like my tea with just a few drops of honey, if you don't mind."

"Very well," he replied as he set about to pour her tea, "So what brings you to see me? I already have an idea what that might be."

"Well, if you are thinking, 'Destroy Shifu to get back at Oogway', then you would be right."

"I thought so, but let's enjoy our tea and bread first."

"Do you want this to be your last meal?"

"It will do."

Shifu brought a wooden plate of bread along with a cup of tea which he graciously bestowed upon Fenghuang.

"Thank you," she replied as she tore into the bread with her beak.

Minutes passed as the two ate.

"You know you're going to die, don't you?" she asked as she finished her bread.

"It seems likely," he replied, "but I think I can make your win come with a heavy price."

"Do you have any last requests?"

"Just tell the Furious Five that I shall miss them."

"Not Grand Master Oogway?"

"I know full well you won't get anywhere near him. I'm sure the Furious Five will relay the message to him for me."

"I see. By the way, drinking your tea slowly won't help. It's not like anyone's coming to save you."

"But I'm not drinking any more slowly than I normally do."

"Very well."

He finished his bread, then his tea, and mused, "Perhaps we should move north about 100 yards. I don't want to mess up my belonging with any stray blasts."

"Even when you're about to die, you're still concerned with neatness?"

"Yes," he replied, "Yes I am."

"Well, I suppose it's nice to be consistent."

He nodded as he walked north, and the owl followed. Master Shifu noticed that they were going to fight each other near a gorge. He could hear a river running through the bottom of it. When he got about 10 yards from the edge, he stopped to turn and face her. By shifting into a defensive stance, he signaled that he was ready to begin.

Stepping aside, he narrowly avoided her first volley of primary feather blades that she had thrown at him as she had thrown her right wing forward at him.

"You're still spry, I see," she observed as she flew up into the air.

"I keep myself in shape."

"Let's see you avoid a Mongolian Fireball!" she shouted as she launched one at him. He stepped aside again, but the fireball as so large and so hot, he couldn't get away without being a little singed on the edges. The grass he was just standing on was burning even though it wasn't all that dry to begin with. Between the darkness and her speed, it was all but impossible for him to see her even though there was a small fire burning next to him. But with her owl eyes, she could all but see him plain as day.

But he did something that the owl was not expecting. He stuck his hands into the fire, and when he pulled back, his hands were sheathed in flame without getting burnt. It was called the Flaming Fists of Fury Technique, and something he never actually had to use in a battle. Shifting back to his defense stance, he waited as he stared into the dark.

"Fighting fire with fire?" she asked from the dark, "Clever, but ultimately futile. There's no way that little thing can match the peerless power of the Mongolian Fireball."

But he wasn't going to try to counter the Mongolian Fireball, but only cast a small fireball of his own in the direction she just spoke from. As he covered his eyes with one hand, the fireball he just threw exploded and released a bright burst of light. For a second, he could see Fenghuang as she covered her eyes with one of her wings. He plucked a rock from the ground and cast it at her, bouncing the rock off her wing where the primary flight bones met.

"Nice try!" she shouted, "But I can still fly and I can still destroy you without breaking a sweat!"

"Then how about a THUNDERING WIND HAMMER?!" shouted someone nearby. She managed to dodge the attack with only losing a few tail feathers in the process. The owl looked down to see that the Panda had just emerged from a grove of bamboo trees.

"What are you doing here, Panda?" asked Shifu.

"Master Oogway sent me out! Important mission stuff!" he called back, "He said I'd know what I'm supposed to do as soon as I see it!"

"How the HELL did you just do a THUNDERING WIND HAMMER?!" she cried in dismay as she turned to face the new attacker.

"What can I say," he replied smugly, "I'm gifted."

"That part still eludes even me," grumbled Shifu.

Fenghuang was so dismayed at the sight that she didn't even notice someone leap up behind her, grab her wings, and simply snapped the main bones from the shoulders. He then grabbed her as they started to fall, and threw he down hard ahead of him. She landed, bounced, and found herself at the edge of the gorge.

"TAI LUNG?!" called Shifu in dismay.

"Yes Master," he replied as he landed next to him, "I told you we would be together again before you knew it. Now what's all this about that big fat Panda over there? He must be something special if he can do the Thundering Wind Hammer."

"It's just a fluke!" he snarled back, "It doesn't prove anything!"

But Po ran over to Fenghuang. Even though she was a Kung Fu Master in her own right, he could still hear her softly crying her pain. He touched a few of her acupressure points to make her feel less pain, and then used her own sash to tie down her wings to they couldn't get any more injured.

"Well don't they make a cute couple," mused Tai Lung, "Too bad she won't need any of that stuff when she gets to the next life!"

"STOP IT!" called Po, "She beaten! She can't fight anymore! Let's just take her back to the Palace where Grand Master Oogway can decide what to do with her!"

"Are you buying this crap?" asked Tai Lung to Shifu, "If Oogway just obliterated her all those years ago, she wouldn't be around to cause trouble now. It would even be just that we KILL HER NOW!"

Master Shifu paused to think, but the matter was taken out of his hands. The ground under the owl gave way as she fell into the gorge, and Po leaped after her. He caught the owl as they fell, and turned so that she was on top of him.

"We're going to die when we strike that huge boulder," she said calmly.

"I don't think so," he called, "It's THUNDERING WIND HAMMER TIME!" The blast of energy was not only strong enough to obliterate the boulder, but left a crater large enough to be flooded by the nearby river as well. The two of them fell into the sudden pool with a large splash.

Shifu and Tai Lung walked to the edge as Tai Lung said, "Amazing. They're both goners, and we didn't even have to lift a finger to do it."

"Yes," said Shifu, "Now Oogway has no choice but to make YOU the Dragon Warrior. The secrets of the Dragon Scroll shall soon be yours."

"Once I'm the Dragon Warrior, I'll reward you for all you years of loyalty to me, my Master."

"I don't need rewards..."

"I know all that!" interrupted Tai Lung, "But I want to show you my gratitude anyways!"

"I... thank you."

The two of them turned to go back to camp. The tea was still warm, and there was some Doufu bread left as well. Shifu was sure that he could go for something other than smelly prison gruel.

...

Po dragged himself from the water, then laid Fenghuang on her back next to him.

"Why did you risk your life to save mine?" she asked, "I was planning to destroy you just to piss off that Oogway."

"Because the Dragon Warrior is about justice, not killing people just to keep myself safe."

"And how did you pull of the Thundering Wind Hammer with no training at all?!"

"To be honest, I have no idea."

"You have to be a MIMIC!"

"A whanow?"

"A mimic! Someone who can learn almost any Kung Fu Technique by seeing it done ONCE!"

"Putting it that way, that does sound pretty awesome!"

She looked around and said, "Great, you saved me just so I can die in this gorge."

"No, I swear I'll save you," he replied as he turned his back to her and stooped down a bit, "I'll have to just carry you out of the gorge on my back. The gorge opens up downstream into the Valley of Peace, and then it's not too far back to the Jade Palace."

"So Oogway can just slap me in that old inescapable prison?"

"We'll worry about that bridge when we get there."

She stepped up to his back, he put his hands under her knees, and she lifted her up onto his back.

"You should rest," he suggested.

"No," she replied, "I'm an owl and we do best at night! Besides... you need my eyes to navigate the rocks and eddies in the darkness down here."

"Well, that is a valid point."

He spent all night carrying the owl back to the Village at the base of the Jade Palace. As the two of them walked, she talked about her excessive pride and how it got her into trouble. She talked about her ego, that wouldn't let her admit she wasn't the best that ever lived at Kung Fu. There was even a talk about how she mastered the Impossible Techniques just to impress Master Oogway. Even when she was fighting against him, she confessed that she was really trying to impress him. When he collapsed at the base of the stairs going up the the Palace, someone stepped out from the shadows to meet him: Grand Master Oogway.

"Grand Master!" said Po, "Have you been here all night?"

"Come to gloat over a broken owl?!" she asked as she looked up, "Come to slap me into your inescapable cell so I can never fly free again?!"

"No," he replied, "I'm here to see that you get fixed up. Now that Shifu and Tai Lung have run off somewhere together, I guess I need to do a little more around here."

That was not the answer that Fenghuang was expecting. He rolled the owl off Po's back, touched a few pressure points to ease her pain, and then untied and laid her wings out on the ground.

"I suppose Tai Lung can be a little rough at times," mused the Master as he set her wings in splints made from the materials around them. He then touched her wings as his hands glowed with Chi, and she winced in pain for a second. After that, he folded up her wings again and tied them down with her own sash. "You should be right as rain in a week or so," he replied, "Now be a good Dragon Warrior and fetch a few of the larger villagers. We have to carry her all the way up the stairs to her new room at the Jade Palace, after all."

"WHAT?!" she asked in dismay.

Po ran off to get help.

"That's right," he mused, "The Dragon Warrior believes in you now, and as long as he's willing to take responsibility for you, I'm willing to let you stay free."

"How do you know I won't fight you as soon as I'm fit?" she asked.

"Even if you do, I know in your heart it won't be for the same reasons. Po has the power to change the hearts of others. He can make bad people into good people. Even ones like you. You just have to let Po help you, and see the error of your ways."

"Why do I feel like crying?!" she asked of no one in particular, "I never want to cry!" There was water gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Because you feel sorry, and you're not used to feeling sorry for anything you've ever done. I guess Po has that effect on people too," he mused back, "but I'm old and slow. I better start the climb to the Jade Palace now. We shall see each other again at the Palace." He slowly turned and left.

When Po came back with the others, Fenghuang was crying her eyes out. After watching the villagers carry the owl up the stairs, they put her in an open guest room. Po removed the sash holding her wings so he could replace them with more proper and extensive slings, and then he could put her sash back around her waist for her. He left her lying in her own cot, contemplating the changes in her fate that she just experienced.

He stepped out into the hallway, and almost ran smack into Oogway.

"I know Shifu is good at heart," said the Grand Master, "but he is about to make some grave mistakes he just might regret for the rest of his life very soon. I know you've already learned the Thundering Wind Hammer, the Mongolian Fireball, and the Wuxi Finger Hold, but you still aren't quite ready to battle Tai Lung. I leave that part up to Master Tigress and Master Viper. I must meditate under the peach tree. My time left in this world is short, and I'm not sure I'll live to see the day that Master Shifu is finally at peace with himself."

"What about Tai Lung?" asked Po.

"When the time is right, you will know what must be done."

"I hope so."

"I believe that you will do the right thing, Dragon Warrior. That is why the Universe choose you to be the Dragon Warrior in the first place."