Po, the Harem Master

Part 10: Po and the Last Day of Oogway

by Neoraichu

Po X Various. The story returns to the beginning of the Kung Fu Panda Movies and Legends of Awesomeness, and asked the question, "what if this was written like a Harem Anime?"

WARNING: This is a strange tale, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Po had to think about what Tigress had said to him after his day of training. Her words had completely taken him by surprise. He hadn't taken Tigress to be the romantic type at all. Certainly not the aggressive one when it came to expressing feelings, either. Her passionate confession was almost more than he could have dreamed of.

He lay on his cot as Scorpion worked his acupuncture points with her claws. She was so adept at making him feel better after a hard days training. If he didn't have to make a noodle dinner for all the Kung Fu Masters and guests, he might have fallen asleep.

But while Master Tigress of the Furious Five was all that and a side of noodles, she was not without competitors for the companionship and love of the Dragon Warrior. Some of her rivals were quite skilled, and possibly quite determined to get things their own way.

There was Master Viper of the Furious Five. However, her affections were more subtle, and Po had not even noticed them so far. But still she was quite fond of Po, and she was also grateful for all the things Po had done for her. Po was the only one who let Viper sleep with him on his stomach when she was cold, having nightmares, or worried sick. What neither Po nor Tigress knew was that the snake's affections were divided between them at the moment, and she could not decide who she really loved more than the other.

Then there was Master Fenghuang. The owl was quite used to getting what she wanted, and not afraid to say what was on her mind. Po also felt compelled to be with her because of tending to her injuries, so she got quite a lot of time with the Dragon Warrior. She was also apparently lacking in issues about her body or her modesty, because once she was comfortable, she decided she was just going to go around for a while in nothing but a loincloth and bandages. He could tell when he visited her in her cot just after he finished training. Po also shied away from her to keep out of her reach, because of her calling him a sicko and then saying that he wanting to take advantage of her as she was: Two things he hadn't even considered until she accused him of it. While Oogway forgave her and allowed her to stay at the Palace, it still seemed like Po was her only true friend in the world.

That also seemed to hold true for Quiong Qi. Most others were to intimidated by her reputation as the Scorpion to ever let her get close to them. Master Oogway might have if things had not been so busy. Even her tearful confession that she had blown up Ping' Noodle Cart would not turn Po against her, as he felt that she was truly sorry for what happened. He trusted her enough to ride on his head, and crawl about his body as he slept, which was more than anyone else was willing to let her do. Her only problem seemed to be that Po was not taking her for anything more than a good friend and a bit of a healer with her useful knowledge of acupuncture, acupressure, and various poisons/antidotes. But he would always remember how she had come to his defense when they fought against Fenghuang back in the Bamboo Forest trying to save Tigress and the Princess from the powerful owl master.

"I'm done treating you," said Quiong Qi at last, and Po sat up.

"You're the best," sighed Po.

"Only because you believe that I can," she replied, "You're the only one whose willing to give me that kind of chance."

"But Master Oogway..."

"Only because you believed in me first." Po smiled at her as she crawled onto his shoulder, and she said quietly into his ear, "and I want you to know that you're my best friend in the whole world. No one had ever been kinder or more fair to me than you have."

"And I like you a lot, too."

Tigress poked her head into the room as she blinked, but now she was getting used to seeing all manner of woman doing things with Po by now. "Grand Master Oogway has called everyone to the courtyard," she said quickly.

"But I have to start making dinner..."

"No," said Tigress firmly, "That must wait. You may come as well, Scorpion."

"I shall," she replied.

Scorpion crawled onto Po's head as he followed Tigress out to the courtyard to see everyone standing in a circle around Oogway, and even the Ladies of the Shade were present.

"Po," he said to him, "Step forward. I have an announcement especially for you, but please leave Scorpion behind. Nothing personal."

Scorpion nodded as she hopped off Po, and he stepped up before Oogway.

"Master Tigress," he said as he turned to her, "Come forward as well."

Tigress moved up next to Po.

"My time in this world is over," he said softly, "and now I'll shall become one with the Universe. I leave you with my last words and my last commands."

Po and Tigress stared open mouthed, but said nothing.

"Dragon Warrior," he said, "Po. I grant you the right to claim the Dragon Scroll and read it."

If Po wasn't so sad about Oogway leaving, he might have danced with joy at the news.

"Master Tigress," he continued, "I grant you stewardship of the Jade Palace until Master Shifu has finally found his inner peace, and is ready to take full responsibility for continuing the legend of the Jade Palace. It's not that you aren't worthy, mind you, but I know in your heart that is not a responsibility that you ever really wanted. If Shifu should die or retire from Kung Fu, then the Jade Palace shall fall to you."

"I understand," she replied, "and I'm willing to accept all the responsibilities that it entails."

"I'm sure you will make me proud. Now I want you to both step back," he said, and then announced, "Please step forward, Fenghuang."

"Yes Master," she said softly as she advanced.

"You have finally overcome your own arrogance and pride. These things have held you back all of these years. Now you can be what you truly can be. I want you to know I've always been proud of you and everything you've achieved. It wasn't the learning of the Impossible Moves that impressed me the most, but how you were determined to learn them NO MATTER HOW HARD IT WAS."

She leaned against him, and he put his arm around her. Tears began to leak from her eyes because she had heard him say the thing she had craved the most her entire life in Kung Fu as she cried, "No! I'm crying again! There's no crying in Kung Fu!" She cried hard again, and he gave her time to work it out of her system.

"Come back a moment, Po," he said. When Po stepped up, he put the owl into his arms as he said, "Take good care of her always. You will always have a special bond that you share, and it will help you both in the future."

Fenghuang closed her eyes as Po stepped back with her.

"A moment of your time?" asked Oogway of Quiong Qi.

Scorpion stepped forward as he looked down on her, and he offered her his hand. She paused a second before she scrambled up to his shoulder. "You have the power over life and death," he said, "and it's up to you whether you use that power to heal or kill. You can relieve mass suffering and pain, or cause it. I believe that you will make the right decision."

"Thank you, Master," she said as she kissed Oogway on the cheek. She scrabbled down his arm to rejoin the others.

"Now Monkey, Mantis and Crane," he continued, "Please step forward."

They stepped up.

"Monkey," he said, "I want you to keep up the spirits of everyone around you with your gift of humor. When people are happy, then they can know peace and confidence. Some people think of you as a clown and a showoff, but I know you will always be true to your inner self."

"Thank you, Master," said Monkey.

"Now Mantis, never let anyone insult you because of your size. With your sense of honor and courage, you will always be a titan among Kung Fu Masters. I never did manage to figure out just how you can eat so much. Just stick to your friends like you stick to your training... Oh, and try to be more careful about the dates you take and the women you give your heart to. You should really be more... selective."

"Thank you, Master," said Mantis.

"Now Crane, don't let anyone belittle you because of your skinny legs or the backwards knees. That's just how you were built. You have the gift of flight, after all, and you can always leave the ones who will tease you on the ground far below you. Some day, you will find someone who's willing to accept you for who you are... peculiarities and all. Until that day, all of you keep up with your Kung Fu. It will never let you down."

"Thank you, Master," said Crane.

The three of them stepped back.

"Come forward, Master Viper," he said as she slithered forward. He leaned down to her and said quietly, "Love is not limited by numbers. It's only limited by the size of one's metaphorical heart. Just don't try to play one love against another, because it never works out in the end. But you should be honest and open about your love. I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. Unrequited love is the most painful love of all... oh, and if Tigress or Shifu cannot lead the Jade Palace for any reason, then the responsibilities shall fall to you."

"Thank you, Master," said Viper as she reared up to kiss him on the cheek, "and one other little question..."

"Yes?" asked Oogway.

"Are you really a woman?" asked Viper close to Oogway's ear and very quietly.

"I am," whispered Oogway, "but don't make that general knowledge, shall we?"

"My lips are sealed, Grand Master."

Oogway smiled at Viper's perceptiveness.

"You said to be open," whispered Viper as she rested her head on the tortoise's shell, "So I want you to know I love you too."

"I know," came the reply, "I know. I have loved you as well."

"Darn it, I just know I'm going to cry now," as closed her eyes and tears began to leak out.

"That's fine. Kung Fu Masters can cry."

Viper crawled around Oogway's neck for one last hug goodbye. Then she slithered down, and back to the others. Tigress gave her a hanky to wipe her eyes with, and she just smiled back at the tiger.

He turned to the Ladies of the Shade, and said, "I have not known you for long, and I know that you have no connections with me, but I must tell you that you are all basically good at heart. You could be just as successful if you limit yourselves to strictly legitimate activities. There's no need for you to use, exploit, or profit at the expense of others."

The Ladies looked at each other, and then bowed as one to Grand Master Oogway. Of all the Ladies there, only Voiceless came forward to hug Oogway goodbye. Oogway bent over and hugged her back. "You can live without a voice," he told her, "but you cannot live without heart. There is much heart to spare within you."

She ran back to Song as tears streamed down her cheeks, and hugged Song firmly. Song hugged her back, sniffling a bit herself with a drop or two in the corners of her own eyes.

"If any of you should happen to see Shifu, tell him I believe in him, and I know he'll do the right thing in the end. Tell him I believe he can finally know peace."

"We will," said Po and the Furious Five as one.

"Tai Lung and Shifu will return to the Jade Palace soon enough. You must be prepared when that day comes upon you."

Oogway began to glow as the transformation into a small storm of Peach Blossom petals began. In a matter of seconds, all that was left was the petals blowing in the wind.

...

Master Shifu and Tai Lung looked down upon the Jade Palace from the nearby mountain. He could see the glow, and the scattering of the Peach Blossom petals from the courtyard even from the distance that they were standing at.

"It seems that Master Oogway is now one with the Universe," he said, "It's almost time for you to claim that which is rightfully yours."

"I shall be prepared, Master," replied Tai Lung, "I shall be ready to deal with the fake Dragon Warrior. The Dragon Scroll and its rightful secrets shall soon be mine."

"And I shall make sure that you are ready, my faithful student."

Shifu wondered how Po and Fenghuang were doing. He suspected they survived the fall into the gorge, but could not tell Tai Lung for fear he would have climbed down and made sure they were both in fact dead. It wasn't his goal to kill them, just to make sure that Tai Lung got his due in the world.

...

Mei Ling was feeling almost cocky. Not only had she escaped the Jade Palace by sneaking around both the Ladies of the Shade and the Mongolian Fist Demon, she managed to get away with one of Shifu's most prized treasures: The Dragon Chalice. She had no intentions of something petty like selling it for silver or gold, but she intended to use it as a bargaining chip against him at a later date. It was clever of her to hide the chalice on the very grounds of the Jade Palace in the last place she felt anyone would ever even look for it: Deep in Master Shifu's own closet. She knew Shifu well enough to know he would look there even if he was around, because she knew that his closet was a mess, and there was corners in the back he had not seen in years. All she had to do was sneak back in and claim it once she had a need for it.

She felt confident enough to use her stolen silver to get a room at the inn for a few days, and then she got a large bottle of rice wine so she could drink herself into a stupor as she remembered all the good times she shared with Master Shifu. 'Why did I have to fall in love with such a stuck up goody-goody?' she thought to herself, 'I was willing to steal just for him! My skills could have made him as rich as me! I could see the love he had for me in his eyes! But no, I was never above his stuffy sense of honor! I could never replace his love of Kung Fu!'

Once she drank enough, she fell into a troubled sleep where her dreams about Shifu would torment her once again.

...

After Oogway became one with the Universe, Po made a fine noodle dinner for everyone. There just wasn't enough from for everyone to use the dining hall, so the Ladies of the Shade just are from their own guest room instead. Po brought in a large folding table so they would have someone to rest their bowls, utensils, and drinking cups. That earned him a hug and a smile from Voiceless.

When Po was gone, Song addressed Su as she asked, "Could the Grand Master be right about us? About us getting by with legitimate performances?"

"All I've ever known was stealing," replied Su, "Everything else was just a cover for my stealing. I don't know if I can so easily give up that life."

"I'm sure we can if we're just willing to give it a try."

"Alright, Song. I suppose we can try."

"Say," said Dance, "Isn't Po's cooking about the best thing you've ever had?"

The other Ladies nodded in agreement.

"Maybe if the Dragon Warrior thing doesn't work out, he can always be the head cook for our Village," she said wistfully, "We could certainly use more men around there."

"It would be nice to have a man to cook, clean and babysit for us" mused Su aloud, "I'm sure he'd make a good wife... I mean, mate for one of the Ladies of the Shade."

The others giggled at Su's choice of words.

"In any event, it's almost time for us to go home. I think we should depart as soon as the sun rises."

The others nodded in agreement. Voiceless tugged at Song's sleeve as she signed something to her. It was good that Song was good at reading her 'air writing'.

"Voiceless wants to depart a bit later. I thinks she wants to say goodbye to the Dragon Warrior before we leave," interpreted Song.

"Very well," said Su, "I guess we can do that much for Voiceless."

Voiceless smiled.

Later that night, Po awoke to Viper at his cot side. He knew that Scorpion was asleep under his cot in her own little bed tonight. "Bad dreams?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, "The dream where Tai Lung kills you. They make me so upset."

He lifted the covers and said, "Come on up. I've always got room."

She crawled under the covers, curled up on his stomach, but then stuck her head back near his face as she said, "There's something else bothering me..."

"Tell me," he said.

"It's just that... Well, I mean I..." she said in a faltering voice, "The Grand Master said I should..."

"You miss the Grand Master, don't you? If you want to cry..."

"No!" she said sharply, "I do miss Oogway so much, but that's not it... I want to... I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!" Viper suddenly lunged ahead as she kissed him firmly on the lips. It took him completely off guard. She shared her feeling with Po as the Grand Master suggested, and now she just had to tell Tigress how she felt about her. That could wait until tomorrow.

The outburst woke up Scorpion, but she pretended she was still asleep.