I know. You guys are probably mad that it took so long, but I was just not feeling this chapter. Summer break is coming up so chapters might pick up pace. Enjoy and review!

Hermione

Not even Ron's silly demeanor or stupid, yet funny jokes made me feel better. I didn't laugh at his jokes and his clumsiness or anything he did…nothing. There was nothing left that could help.

Or so I thought.

Finally. I found my release. Weeks passed. Months.

One night, Ron and I had decided to go out partying. He seemed kind of bored and even a bit lame, but when I tasted the drinks I had been recommended, well, I couldn't stop. I drank all night. That's when I forgot. That's when I forgot how awful everything was. That's when I forgot all of my issues. When I was completely drunk out of my mind. And I loved the feeling of forgetting.

Ron wasn't too happy about this new…I wouldn't call it addiction but he often referred to it as one. It was my way to cope. Everyone had their different ways and this was mine. It became a daily routine. Wake, shower, drink, sleep, and repeat. My friends began to get worried, but I told them they worried over nothing. I was fine. That's what I told them, and that's what I believed for a while. Of course, I began to sleep more often and shower less. I rarely left our house unless I was out getting more alcohol, or Ron decided we needed a date. That didn't happen often, though. In four months, we'd gone on three dates. He didn't like how I acted. I didn't care.

My life was great. If I ever got sad, I'd have another drink. It was a simple solution I had overlooked for years. Of course…Ron was getting stressed everyday. My habit was draining our bank account. He didn't get paid very much, and I didn't have a job. He often suggested I should go talk to someone about this habit. He called it a problem, though. I don't find it a problem. It's just a habit. Not a problem. A bad habit, I will admit, but it was nowhere near a problem. I was just trying to relax.

Ron often told me I needed to wake up, and face the facts, but I didn't think anything was wrong. These times usually turned into an argument, which lead to me leaving the house and getting drunk. I once went out and didn't return until the next morning. I had stayed in a motel. I didn't think it would have been safe for me to come home in the state I was, so I got a room and stayed there. I had a massive hangover in the morning, so I got a drink before going back home. As I opened the door Ron started to yell at me.

"Where have you been?" He shouted, storming over to me. "I was worried sick about you! I thought you had died Hermione!"

I just rolled my eyes and pushed him away slightly. "I'm fine. Alive." I shrugged and went to sit on the couch.

"Obviously you aren't okay!" He yelled. "You were out all night, doing Merlin knows what!" He sat next to me.

"I was drinking. What do you want from me? You want me to go shag someone?" I shook my head and moved away.

Ron pulled me back and I groaned in protest. "I want you to stop this. Hermione, you're an alcoholic. It's getting too far. You aren't my wife anymore. You aren't the Hermione I married."

I sighed and pulled away from him once more. "If you wanted her, then maybe you shouldn't have gotten me pregnant." I laid on the couch and curled into a ball.

That was the first time either of us had mentioned it since it happened. I could feel him tense up next to me.

"Hermione," he said slowly. "I'm sorry you lost the baby, but you're losing yourself now."

I looked back at him and frowned. I didn't know he felt that way. "Look, there's nothing you can do to stop me. I feel happier this way," I replied, softly.

I wanted to apologize, but I knew if I did, he would've won the argument and would've probably tried to get me better. I didn't want to change, though. I was happy the way I was and there was nothing anyone could say to make me feel differently. Not even Ron.

"Hermione…please don't act this way…" he whispered. I just shook my head in reply.

We didn't talk much for the rest of the day. After lunch, Ron left and I was home alone. I didn't do much but read and have a few drinks. That was how I normally spent my time. I was my same old self, but now I always had a drink. It seemed like I was the only person out of my friends and family who wasn't worried. I kept telling them there was nothing to worry about, but none of them believed me. I was healthy, and I did things I was supposed to. It's not as if I did crack all the time.

Ron stayed out for some time before returning home and making us dinner. That responsibility normally fell on him as I could easily burn myself while cooking. We never had any fancy dinners. Ron wasn't that skilled. I bet that if he'd let me cook, I would've made top-notch dinners every night, instead of simple something pan-fried and then vegetables. I could give him some credit, though. Before any of this, he couldn't cook to save his damned life. At least we got a meal.

Like every night, we ate in silence. I would then leave him to clean up while I drank and read. It was a routine we had, and neither of us complained. I suppose he was just happy that I ate. It was probably a job the entire family put on Ron. Something that gave everyone a peace of mind. I felt healthy no matter what. I wouldn't have lost my eating habits, even with Ron not there. I knew that I had to eat to stay alive.

Once Ron finished cleaning, he came to sit beside me, a rarity after dinner now. He'd usually go to his study or get ready for bed and read the paper in our bed. He never sat with me. I didn't look up. I just kept my attention on my book. When he cleared his throat, that's when I looked up.

"Yes?" I said, closing my book slowly.

"Ginny is coming over to spend time with you tomorrow," he said, almost robotically.

"Okay. Whatever," I mumbled and opened my book back up, hoping he would leave me alone.

"Can you try not to drink tomorrow?"

"No." I could feel him getting mad at my response.

"Why?"

"If I don't drink, I won't be happy." I shrugged.

"I'm sure you will."

"No I won't."

"How can you be sure?"

"I just am."

"But it's been so long since you've been sober. Just one day. Please?"

"I said no, Ronald."

"You're hurting yourself!" He snapped at me. I looked up at him sharply.

"You don't know anything. Just let me do what I want." I sighed and stood up, setting my book aside.

"I just want you to be healthy."

"And I am."

"Not mentally."

"How would you know?"

"Can't we just work this out?"

I shook my head and walked out. If this was how my conversations with Ginny would be, I wasn't sure I could stand spending a day with the girl. I loved Ginny. She was my best friend, well one of them. We would always spend time together, even though our likes were exactly the same, but between her family and Harry, sometimes we just needed to have girl time. I pitied the girl sometimes. She had only brothers and her mother was almost constantly busy. She was certainly raised to be the tom-boyish girl she is. But that's what I liked about her. She was…different from me. She was more into physical things, so she would pull me away from books to go out and do things.

But ever since I got my habit, we'd drifted apart. I'd drifted apart from everyone, even my husband. I hated how all of my relationships had turned out, and it was all my fault and my stupid habit's fault. I didn't know what to do.

I headed up to our room and got changed into my pajamas before laying in bed, pulling the blankets tightly around myself. Making a shield, so if Ron tried to interfere, there would have to be force involved.

I mentally prepared myself for the day ahead of me as I showered. I was to spend the entire day with Ginny Potter. Her poor children…Harry was probably going to fuck up some how. This day was going to be physically draining. I hadn't left the house for more than half an hour since my habit started, months ago. Ron was probably happy to be able to shove me out of the house and have it to himself for the rest of the day.

I stepped out of the shower and started to get dressed. As I dressed, I'd decided that I'd need a drink before I left. Ginny was probably not going to let me drink the entire day, but if I got somewhere and they were willing to give me alcohol, I'd take it. But, knowing her, she'd probably stay away from all placed with alcohol, just to keep me clean for the day. Joke's on her. Once I was ready, I had poured myself a drink and sat down, waiting for her to arrive.

I had finished my drink and had started another by the time Ginny got there. The look on her face was a little upset when she saw the drink in my hand. I finished it off before setting down the glass and standing up.

"Let's go." I gave her a smile, going to get my purse.

"No more drinking, okay?" Ginny sighed.