Po, the Harem Master

Part 19: Po in the Dark

by Neoraichu

Po X Various. The story returns to the beginning of the Kung Fu Panda Movies and Legends of Awesomeness, and asked the question, "what if this was written like a Harem Anime?"

WARNING: This is a strange tale, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Junjie smirked as he looked around Master Shifu's quarters. HIS quarters, now that he was in charge of the Jade Palace. He could barely contain his glee. But his peace was disturbed by the appearance of one of his minions in the shadow of the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" he snarled.

"We've been without orders for a while, Master."

"Are you sure no one saw you?"

"Positive, Master."

"Very well, I am now the acting Master of the Jade Palace, just as I planned it."

"Most excellent, Master." The shadowy figure bowed to him.

He laughed and said, "As if there was ever a doubt."

"Now that you've taken over, what should we do with our prisoner?"

"DISPOSE OF HER," he snarled, "She no longer has any value to us!"

The shadowy figure paused before replying, "It shall be done."

"By the time you return from disposing of Tigress, you should be able to walk right in through the front gates of the Jade Palace."

The figure disappeared without further comment.

...

Po awoke in the dark to the sound of Monkey's voice.

"Po?" he asked, "You there, good buddy? I know you got beaten kind of badly, but your injuries didn't look that bad. Get up buddy."

He opened his eyes, but it was still dark. It was then that he remembered he had been blinded by the Golden Lotus Clap from Junjie. From what he knew about that devastating attack, only some one as skilled as Master Shifu had any chance to fix it. So he sat up and turned his head in the direction of Monkey's voice as he said, "Good morning. How long was I out?"

"It's a few hours after sunrise now," he replied, "and Master Junjie has called us all to the Courtyard to make some kind of big 'I've taken over and here's what I'm going to change' sort of speech. He's been kind of cranky, so we better not make him wait any longer than we have to."

Po heard Monkey leaving. He got out of bed, and navigated his way out of his room because he knew the layout well enough to make his way through blind. With some difficulty and a little bumping into things, he navigated the hallways and doorways out to the Courtyard.

"Panda!" snarled Junjie, "Hurry up! I don't like it when I'm being made to wait!"

Judging by the sounds, everyone was outside, including Viper and Fenghuang, and no doubt Scorpion, the one most attending to their needs. He made his way close enough to the group to satisfy Junjie, but not bump into or step on anyone else. But he could not hear the breathing or sweet voice of Tigress anywhere among them.

"I have something simple and straight forward to say to you all: GET THE HELL OUT!"

They all stood shocked as they could not believe what they just heard.

"Are you ALL DEAF?! I said GET THE HELL OUT!"

"What is the meaning of this... this... THIS OUTRAGE?!" hissed Viper.

"HOW ARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!" he snarled back, "I WOULD DESTROY YOU WHERE YOU STAND IF I WASN'T IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD! BUT I SHALL OVERLOOK YOUR DISRESPECTFUL WORDS JUST THIS ONCE!"

Viper was shocked speechless.

"What about our personal stuff?" asked Po.

"It will all be thrown out onto the steps outside the gate by tomorrow morning. You can claim your... junk then. Now begone before I get angry."

"I'm so glad you've been the picture of calm up until now," muttered Po under his breath.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"I said I'll be sure to paint an ink picture for you."

"Whatever," he snarled, "Just leave."

...

Tigress was quickly losing track of how many hours she was bound tightly and watched over by her Clouded Leopard captors. It seemed like one of them had vanished a couple of hours earlier. That was confirmed when she heard them return.

"What did the Master have to say?" asked one.

"How long must we stay in this dark dank cave?" asked another.

Her blood ran cold as the returnee replied, "The Master ordered me to dispose of Tigress. He said we should be able to walk right in the front gates of the Jade Palace by then. The rest of you go on ahead. I shall dispose of the prisoner myself."

"I wanted to play with her first," said the first speaker, "She's so buff and attractive. I'll make her moan in delight and then scream in pain."

"Oh yes," said the second, "I'd love to see what she looks like once we've cut off all her clothes."

"I told you before that I will not allow you to dishonor a prisoner like that, and I meant it. That is why I shall dispose of her by myself, because I shall do the deed honorably."

"Spoil sport," catcalled one. "Buzz kill," ridiculed another.

"Now begone. I'm sure she can hear my words, so I'm giving her some time to say her last prayers before I do the deed. This should only take a couple of hours to do correctly."

She heard the others file out until only the one was left. Even though it was the one who had defended her honor earlier, Tigress knew the kidnapper was just another goon that did as they were told. She could feel the kidnapper's breath on her neck. All she could do was steady herself for the end to come.

And she waited. And waited. And waited. But nothing happened to her other than the sound of soft breathing. Then she heard the sound of a knife as it cut... her ropes?!

"The others should be well out of hearing range by now," said the mysterious voice, "When the Master said to dispose of you, I'm sure he meant for me to kill you, but I'm following his orders to the letter. I'm going to 'dispose' of you by moving you to the back of the cave, and putting a canvas over you. The ropes have been sufficiently weakened that you should be loose in about 2 hours time. I suggest that you flee this area and never return, because my Master may well kill us both if he ever sees you."

Tigress realized the risks her savior was taking on her behalf, and she respected them for it. Of course, she had no intentions of never returning. She would hide out in another cave she knew well for a couple of days, and then sneak back into town once things had settled down.

"I'm so ashamed of the disgraceful behavior of my Master and my fellow students. This was not what I imagined learning under him would be like at all. His bitterness over not getting the Jade Palace before has turned him into a monster that I can no longer be a party to. When things have settled down in a week or so, I shall take the opportunity to slay them all, and then do the honorable thing by taking my own life as well."

Tigress was shocked by what she heard. Moaning into the gag, she desperately tried to tell them that the course of action was not honorable and not necessary, but none of her pleas were understood. She was then lifted from the cot, moved to another place, and felt herself being covered by what she could only assume was a canvas.

"Goodbye, sweet Tigress. I only wish we could have met under... better circumstances." Then the figure disappeared from her hearing and smell.

...

Two days passed as Po managed to hide his blindness. His father and the others just assumed he was being a little clumsier than the norm. He had to leave his own room by his own choice because Master Viper, Fenghuang, and Scorpion all had no where else to live. They were all his responsibility. He simply laid on a mat in the kitchen after the Noodle Shop closed for the night. Even if there was a place for him in his own room, he could never disgrace a lady by wantonly sleeping in the same room with her.

All that time, he was worried sick about the missing Tigress. No one dared to go to the Jade Palace to see what was going on up there. He prayed to all of the gods for her safe return.

But in the middle of each night, Viper came to him and curled up on his stomach. She couldn't tell what was bothering him so much, and she had nightmares about Po being killed again, but this time at the hands of Junjie. When he awoke on the third morning, he felt Fenghuang sleeping beside him, and Scorpion sleeping on his right shoulder. Then he sat bolt upright as he heard a familiar voice asking, "Po? What are you doing?!"

Viper slid off his stomach between his legs as he replied, "Tigress, is that you?"

"Can't you see me in that dark?" she asked. Viper began to wake up as did Scorpion, who fell over his shoulder and onto the floor behind him.

"I can't see in the dark, you know."

"I know," she replied, "and apparently you can't see in the light either. The sun rose almost an hour ago. Just how long have you been blind?"

He could hear Viper and Scorpion gasp. Tigress had tricked him. If he felt the light of the sun on his body, he would have lied or made up some excuse, but now she knew the truth he was trying so hard to hide from the others. He stood and rushed to her voice anyways. Grabbing what he was sure had to be Tigress, he hugged her tightly and rained kisses on her cheeks and neck.

"Stop that," she chided him somewhat playfully, "People will start getting ideas about us."

"I want them to," he confessed, "I want them to know I love you. I want them to know... that I want to marry you more than anyone else!"

Tigress was struck speechless.

"Please please tell me you'll marry me," he begged.

She stammered completely incoherently.

"Please please tell me you that you love me too."

Tigress burst into tears as she choked out, "Yes... I'll marry you. Yes... I love you!" She cried and cried a flood of joyful tears down his broad shoulders and chest.

Fenghuang awoke, she looked at the couple with narrowed eyes, and thought 'Don't you dare think I've given up on Po yet. He'll still be mine.'

"Po," said Mister Ping not quite awake as he entered the kitchen, "what the hell did you do to make a lady cry like that?"

"Proposed marriage," he replied.

"Oh, that would do it," muttered his father.

"Wait," choked Tigress, "I was kidnapped from my own bedroom by Clouded Leopards. Who's in charge of the Jade Palace now?"

"Master Junjie," replied Po.

"They never said their Master's name," she sobbed, "but I know whoever is in charge of the Jade Palace was the one who ordered my kidnapping. He was the one who ordered me to be disposed of."

"Disposed of?!" snarled Po, suddenly angered.

"Yes," she cried, "But one of them was too honorable to kill me. They loosened my bonds so I could escape in a few hours, and hid me under a canvas in the back of the cave they had hid me in. Now they'll kill Master Junjie and the rest of his students by the end of the week, and then kill themselves as well."

"Then we have to take care of that ratfink Junjie ourselves, and TODAY!"

"How can you fight him when you're blind? That's suicide. None of us are strong enough to take on a Master like him."

"I would be if..." began Fenghuang.

"No!" snapped Tigress as she climbed out of her funk, "Not even you!"

"There's no other way," said Po with determination, "I know that none of you can perform the Golden Lotus Clap, so none of you could know how to fix the damage it creates. But the matter is, I'm the Dragon Warrior, and I have to face Junjie."

"There's no way for me to change you mind?"

"No," he replied firmly, "There isn't." He paused before continuing, "Viper, Scorpion, Fenghuang: I'm begging you to STAY HERE. I couldn't live with myself if any of you got hurt, or hurt worse, because of me."

"No," they replied firmly as one.

"I'm a big girl and a member of the Furious Five," said Master Viper, "and I can determine how I'll live, and how I'll die. If I'm going to die, then it's going to be with you, Po!"

"Damn straight, sister!" agreed Fenghuang, "And that goes double for me!"

"You aren't getting away from me that easily!" added Scorpion.

"All right," sniffed Po, "If you all feel so strongly about this, then I can't say no."

"If you die without giving me the best wedding ever," swore Tigress,"I swear I'll never speak to you again in this life or the next!"

"With motivation like that, how can I fail?"

Tigress shut him up with a heartfelt kiss on his lips.

...

Junjie hadn't even started to throw out everyone's stuff when he heard the gate burst open, and the Panda yelling, "WHERE ARE YOU, JUNJIE YOU BASTARD?!"

He called his leopard minions and went to the gate to see everyone gathered there, but he seemed most angry to see Tigress there with them. The leopards were also shocked to see her, but only one drew a knife and lunged at Junjie's back. His response was so swift and so viscous, they couldn't even tell how their arm was arm was broken in both the upper and lower parts, how their jacket and pants were both torn wide open, or why there was bloody gashes on their chest, but one thing did become painfully clear to all: The attacker was a girl. Tigress also knew she was the one who had been defending her honor the whole time she was kidnapped, and the one who made sure Tigress got out of that cave alive. She was left bouncing across the ground towards Po and the others. Po somehow managed to catch her out of the air as soon as she touched his stomach.

"FOR A MASTER, YOU'RE A DISHONORABLE PIECE OF!.."

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK SO DISRESPECTFULLY OF ME, YOU WORTHLESS CUR!" yelled Junjie back, "I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL!"

"Is that so?" asked an oddly familiar voice. All but Po turned to see that Master Chao was standing right behind them. "It's lucky I decided to come back and see how Junjie was doing. His over the top anger had me greatly worried."

Junjie fired off a Golden Lotus Clap of massive scale without even warning his own students first. The wave knocked everyone else over and blinded them, except Po, who somehow managed to resist the wave and remain upright. But he did spin around and managed to put down the injured leopard in the process before turning back to face Junjie.

"Thanks for fixing my eyes!" shouted Po as he suddenly fired back a massive Mongolian Fireball. It happened so fast, even Junjie was shocked. The blast of energy exploded around him before it imploded back onto him. He barely survived because he used EVERY LITTLE BIT OF CHI he had to defend himself, but all of his clothing and personal effects (like his glasses) just vaporized. His fur and tail were also badly burnt.

"Now that I can see and do the Golden Lotus Clap," he said triumphantly, "I'll fix all your blindness and injuries!" He glared at Junjie and added, "I should kill you for what you did to my love!"

"No, my love!" begged Tigress, "Don't become like him! SHOW MERCY! Let him live to face the rest of his life in PRISON!"

He looked softly back to where Tigress fell and said, "Alright, my love, but only because you want it." He walked over to Tigress, helped her up, and fixed her eyes first. Leaning close, he kissed her neck.

"That can wait," she said breathlessly, "Please help the others."

When Chao was cured, he hogtied what was left of Junjie and started doing the same to his students. When he stepped towards the fallen leopard, Po intervened and begged, "Please don't take her. Let us heal her, I beg you."

"Take who?" asked Chao, "I have captured Junjie and all four of his flunkies. What ever are you talking about?"

"Nothing, Master," he replied, "Forgive my miscounting."

"Of course you are forgiven, but study math a little harder, won't you?"

"Absolutely, your awesomeness!"

"It's Master Chao, not 'your awesomeness'. Be sure to study all of the Masters proper names as well."

Po nodded. "I'd love to see you off," he replied, "but I have an injured student to look after."

"As the acting Master of the Jade Palace, I'm sure your duties never end, right?"

Po nodded as Tigress smiled.