Po, the Harem Master

Part 20: Po, Master of the Jade Palace

by Neoraichu

Po X Various. The story returns to the beginning of the Kung Fu Panda Movies and Legends of Awesomeness, and asked the question, "what if this was written like a Harem Anime?"

WARNING: This is a strange tale, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

After suffering such a vicious attack at the hands of Junjie, the mysterious defender of Tigress' honor remained unconscious for more than a day even though they tried every medicine that could think of. Everyone checked on her from time to time, Scorpion and Po most of all. When her eyes fluttered opened, Po, Tigress, Scorpion and Master Crane were all present.

"Please," asked Tigress, "What is the name of the one who risked so much to protect me?"

She looked into Tigress' eyes, and said weakly, "Mei Ling."

"MEI LING?!" asked Crane in dismay, "CAN THIS BE YOU?!"

"Just how many Mei Lings are there?" muttered Scorpion.

"You know her?" asked Tigress.

"Before I was a Kung Fu Master," he began slowly, "I was a janitor at the Lee Da Kung Fu Academy. My dream was to learn Kung Fu, but I lacked the courage and confidence to apply. But one person believed in me. She saw my potential from the way I did my janitor chores: Mei Ling. I only even tried because she believed in me, but when the others mocked my light weight and skinny legs, I gave up again. They gave me a broom and had me sweep up the teeth of all those who failed the entrance exam before me. But I accidentally entered the test area, and I found that my work and personal secret training let me evade and block the wooden warriors' attacks! I was shocked and amazed, but when I saw Mei Ling's confident smile, I KNEW I COULD GET THE FLAG AND PASS THE TEST! Because of her, I'm the Kung Fu Master you see today."

Mei Ling smiled her confident smile at Crane as she said, "I always believed in you. I always knew you could make it if you just believed in yourself."

"How did you wind up with Junjie?" asked Tigress, "How did you not even recognize Mei Ling before?"

"She really changed her clothes since the Academy," offered Crane.

"I graduated from the Academy with the highest grades," Mei Ling answered, "But I still felt I could go even higher. The teachers at the Academy were great, but I knew there was much better available. With the right tutor, I would be well on my way to being a Master in my own right. I wanted to travel the world learning Kung Fu, settled down one day, and open my very own Academy of Kung Fu. A place where people like Master Crane would be encouraged to be everything they could be."

"How noble," sighed Tigress.

"My heart was just about going to burst from my chest when I heard that Master Junjie of the Sacred Onyx Council was looking for apprentices. It was the happiest day in my whole life when he accepted me as his student. For some reason, the fact that the other four students were also Clouded Leopards didn't seem to be important at all."

They all nodded.

"But my dream quickly turned into a nightmare," she continued, "I found out I wasn't his apprentice as much as I was his lackey. The other four were more than happy to do any dirty task he set to them. Because I was honorable, Junjie held me back from the really dirty tasks. Rumors of what they did in his name still fill my nightmares. If I didn't insist I was part of your kidnapping, I know they would have raped you and done all measure of horrible things to you, Master Tigress. Junjie did not care one whit what they did as long as they never questioned his orders or failed to carry out one of his tasks."

The others looked horrified as her tale unfolded.

"What they said to your face was nothing compared to what they said out of your hearing range," she said, "and that's when I decided I couldn't live like this any more. My heart is sick, and my soul is slowly withering away. When Master Junjie ordered me to dispose of Tigress, I knew I had to save her at all costs. She had to be their LAST VICTIM. The only honorable path open to me was to slay them all, and then take my own life for my crimes and my sins."

Po took her good hand in his own hands and said, "NO! There's always another way to set things right! You're free from Junjie now! It's your life to live as you chose to!"

"You don't understand, Po," said Tigress softly, "When you're all alone in the darkness, then all you ever expect to see is the darkness. At the orphanage, I was alone and scared in my own dark room, so I never saw anything but fear, loneliness, and more darkness. I don't know what sort of miscreant I might have become if Master Shifu hadn't taken me under his arm."

"No," said Po, "I believe with all my heart that even if you never saw Shifu or learned one little thing about Kung Fu, you still would have grown up into a noble and honorable young woman. People like you can rise above your troubles and shine like a beacon to everyone around you."

Tigress choked a little when she tried to respond to Po, so she said nothing.

"And Mei Ling," he said as he looked back into her eyes, "You can rise above the quagmire of darkness that Master Junjie tried to drag you down into. The fact you risked so much for Tigress proves that there is a shining light in your heart that's just crying out to be seen by everyone around you!"

"Wow," said Crane quietly, "I'd swear that's something Grand Master Oogway would have said."

"Can I stay here and train with you?" she asked ever so quietly.

"As the acting Master of the Jade Palace..." he said with a dramatic pause.

"Oh just spill it already!" snapped Tigress.

"I hereby proclaim..."

"I could have treated 5 patients faster than this," grumbled Scorpion.

"that the Clouded Leopard known as Mei Ling..."

"I think I'm gonna molt," grumbled Crane.

"can stay and train at the Jade Palace as long as she wants to stay here!"

"Thank you so much," she replied as she fought to keep from crying. Drops of water collected in the corner of her eyes.

"The theater is now closed," grumbled Scorpion, "I'm going to give her a pain medicine that's going to put her back to sleep for at least 8 hours, as soon as I get some food into her stomach, she relieves herself, and you know... that other stuff."

"But she'll fully recover, right?" asked Po.

"Of course!" said Scorpion, "Why does everyone treat me like this is the first day I've done medicine?"

"THAT'S AWESOME!" he declared as he kissed Mei Ling's forehead. When he turned to Scorpion to list all the things her could make to feed Mei Ling, Tigress stepped up and softly kissed her on the forehead as well.

"I'm just so glad you'll recover," she whispered into Mei Ling's ear.

"I'm so glad that the person I risked all to save turned out to be... as special and great as you."

Tigress blushed. "I'll see you later around dinnertime," she said softly.

"Count on it."

Tigress turned as she hugged Po unexpectedly from behind. Mei Ling watched quietly as Po stiffened, glanced back over his shoulder, and then mellowed out again. She could tell they were in love with each other.

But then Master Crane stepped in between as he said, "Hey Mei Ling. Hope you get better real soon."

"Thanks," she said as she put her hand on the base of his wing. He put his other wing over her hand. "So what's the deal with the lovebirds over there?"

"The who-whats?" he asked naively.

"Oh, it's nothing important."

"'Kay."

"Would you move over, feather-butt?" asked Scorpion from the floor below, "It's time for someone to take their medicine, and if you aren't out of my way in 3 seconds, it's going to be you."

"Just come by later," she said softly, "So we can catch up, alright?"

"Sure," he sighed as he stepped aside.

She hopped up to the side of the cot as she announced, "Well, you all better leave unless you want to see Mei Ling take her medicine by the most efficient means possible."

"Efficient means?" asked Tigress, then she gasped as she started pushing everyone out of the room ahead of her. Master Crane was already leaving under his own power.

"What's the matter?" asked Po, "What's the most efficient means?"

"She's going to give her that medicine..." she said slowly, paused and finished, "rectally."

"Wreck-a-what-ally?"

"In the ass," growled Tigress softly, "She taking it in the ass..."

He blinked and said, "oh... oh... Oh... OH... OH MY..." By then, Tigress had pushed him out the door just as he gave a wide-eyes stare to Mei Ling and Scorpion. Scorpion was just starting to undo the trousers of her patient.

"I'm sorry it has to be taken like this," she said softly, "I'll make sure it doesn't hurt. It's already been oiled for ease of..." The rest of the sentence could not be heard.

Then Po heard a gasp just loud enough to carry to their ears outside. He then turned to see that Master Viper had just passed Master Crane in the hallway and was about to pass them.

"Don't go in there," warned Po, "Scorpion is... doing... things... to Mei Ling..."

"Mei Ling?" asked Viper, "When did she get back? What is she doing here? Why is Scorpion..."

"This might be hard to believe," interrupted Tigress, "but the leopard to saved me from Junjie and his flunkies is also named Mei Ling."

"Oh," she said as he eyes opened a little wider, "So I take it she's come around?"

"At least until the medicine takes effect."

"Well, I need to speak to Tigress about something important," she said awkwardly.

"Well spit it out," said Tigress.

"I can't," she said, "Not here."

Tigress glanced up at Po, then returned her gaze to say, "Alright, my room in 5 minutes."

Viper nodded as she slithered away.

...

Viper sat coiled at the end of Tigress' cot. Her entire body was trembling. She had never been so worried before in her whole life. If Tigress rejected her heart now, her life as she knew it would be over. She couldn't bear to live another minute in the Jade Palace if Tigress didn't share her feelings, or worse, hated her for how she really felt about Tigress. The room was dark, because both snakes and tigers were well adapted to seeing in low light, although tigers were somewhat better.

"Master Viper?" asked Tigress as she came in, "What's wrong? You look so upset."

Viper lowered her head. Tigress walked over and sat beside her.

"If there's something you need, something you're worried about, or any other matter of concern," she said softly, "You can tell me any time."

She began to choke as she said, "Well... it's like this... I mean to say... there's this certain... I have these... I just want..."

"Is it you're sterility?" asked Tigress, "I won't think any less..."

"No," said Viper, "It's just that..."

"Your injury?" she asked, "It's certainly not bad enough to..."

"No," she answered as she forced herself to look into Tigress' eyes, "I just have to tell you... Grand Master Oogway said I should be honest... that all these years we've trained together... I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Tigress smiled, turned to face her from the waist, and opened her arms. Viper lashed ahead and wrapped herself about Tigress' torso. "What makes you think I haven't felt the same about you?" she asked as she petted Viper's coils.

"Because..." she choked, "The first night we met, I was cold, lonely and scared. It was the first time I was ever away from my parents. I asked you and Monkey if I could sleep with you, but you both acted so horrified at the idea. I thought you both hated me because I was just another snake. So I swore I'd never ask again. I would never seek comfort with another no matter how much it hurt me. Not until Po came along. He wasn't scared of me. I didn't gross him out. He thought I was awesome. When I was cold or suffering from nightmares, he never turned me away. He let me coil on his stomach like he trusted me with his own life."

"I'm so sorry," replied Tigress, "but I was still just a scared little kid myself. I never shared a cot with anyone because I was used to being alone. Actually, I did want to have you sleep with me. I did want to have your company and friendship, but I was too scared to accept your offer. It was never you who was in the wrong, it was ME!" Tigress began to shudder, choke and sob herself as she said, "and I love you too!"

The two began to cry on each other, softly at first, but growing quickly into a flood of tears and sobbing.

"I just want you to know," cried Tigress, "is that if you ever need comfort for any reason, you can crawl under my sheets or into my sleeping bag without even asking first, because I'll never turn you away."

"Thank you," choked Viper, "Thank you so much!"

"That's what friends... NO, that's what people in love do!"

Viper reared her head and planted a heartfelt kiss right on Tigress' lips. They both closed their eyes and just lived for the moment. Then the two separated and smiled at each other.

"Oh," sighed Viper, "If I only had..."

"No," said Tigress as she hushed her with a finger over her lips, "That cannot be changed now. We can just make sure the what we do today, and what we must do so that tomorrow lives up to our dreams. I'm just glad that you were finally able to tell me how you felt. I may not look it, but I'm quite shy inside. Coming to you and confessing how I felt most likely never would have happened."

"But what happens when you're married to Po?"

"Oh, that won't change our relationship, or your relationship with him. Who know, you might just wind up with a pair of stomachs to sleep on," said Tigress as she smiled.

"Oh, if I could sleep between you two, I'm sure the heat of your love would make sure I was never cold or uncomfortable ever again."

Tigress actually chuckled. Viper couldn't remember if she had ever heard Tigress chuckle from her belly like that.

"You know, since Po is the Master of the Jade Palace, he has sufficient means to take me as his co-wife and concubine," suggested Viper slyly.

Tigress paused to look at Viper, and then said, "I suppose he does at that, but we would certainly have to ask his permission first."

"I dare say we ask him at breakfast tomorrow morning."

Tigress smirked as she said, "Sure. Why not." The two continued to hug and cuddle until dinner. They knew they would be just too excited if they just blurt out their proposition at the dinner table.

...

Tigress smirked at Po as she on the others waited on Po to serve them noodles. "Isn't it beneath the dignity of the honorable acting Master of the Jade Palace to serve his underlings?"

"Hey, I manage the day to day affairs of the place, so I get to tell myself what I can and cannot do, right?" replied Po as he carried in a pair of noodle bowls on each arm and two more stacked on his head.

"But still we need much work on your ceremonial duties relating to the Jade Palace and the honors of Kung Fu. There are many Kung Fu Masters of higher standing then you, and every last one of them will expect that you treat them right no matter what the occasion or festival it might be."

"I'm probably just as gifted with ceremony as I am with Kung Fu."

"Even a mimic cannot learn a ceremony by just seeing it once."

"Oh..."

"I can hardly believe I'm about to suggest this," began Tigress seriously, "but since you've been promoted to acting Master of the Jade Palace, and we're running out of room in the Student Baracks,.. I think it's time you moved into Master Shifu's room just off from the Room of Warriors."

Po just blinked a moment, and then finally said, "Seriously?!"

She nodded. Then she added slyly, "Of course, once we're married, that will be my room as well."

Fenhuang gave Tigress such a dirty look, and it was lucky Tigress was only looking into Po's eyes when she said that aloud. But Viper, who was between Tigress and Po, looked back at Tigress with such large, pleading eyes. She smiled and nodded.

Viper turned to look Po in the eyes as she begged, "Po, I am begging you. Please take me as your co-wife and concubine!"

Everyone but Viper and Tigress were stunned.

"I can do that?" asked Po.

"Well if you have the means, you can have as many wives as you want to."

"Really?"

Viper nodded.

Fenghuang suddenly smiled as she walked around behind Po, rubbed his back with her head, and cooed, "You know, taking me as a co-wife and concubine would make sure that none of your other wives would ever be left unsupported. If anyone knows how to make some gold coin, it's me. And you get all of this awesomely beautiful owl, *cough* his words, not mine *cough* at no cost. I can't think of a better win-win situation that the one you get with me."

But Scorpion wasn't going to sit by and do nothing. She scrabbled up on Po's head and offered, "Money is NOTHING without good health. With my acupressure and my knowledge of medicine, you'll be fit and in shape the day you turn 100 years old. I bet you'll even conceive a child the day before you die."

Po and Tigress both blushed really badly at the last part of Scorpion's claim.

"Ladies... Ladies?" she stammered, "Oy flaven..." He then passed out into a bowl of noodles. Scorpion, of course, landed on her feet rather smoothly. He was joined a few seconds later as Tigress fainted dead away onto the floor behind her.

Fenghuang looked at Viper and Scorpion, and cooed, "I'm perfectly willing to share Po with all of you and my sweet little Tigress." They both looked back and smiled.

"There's ONLY one thing left between us and happiness," hissed Viper, "and that's TAI LUNG."

"Technically two things if Master Shifu has in fact turned on us," muttered Crane.

Mei Ling cuddled Crane's wing as she purred, "You never cease to amaze me."