Po, the Harem Master

Part 22: Po and the Flight of Fancy

by Neoraichu

Po X Various. The story returns to the beginning of the Kung Fu Panda Movies and Legends of Awesomeness, and asked the question, "what if this was written like a Harem Anime?"

WARNING: This is a strange tale, so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Po had hardly finished dressing Fenghuang before Scorpion started disrobing her. After all, she couldn't be dressed AND have her bandages removed. It wasn't like she was complaining. The slings were coming off hopefully for the last time along with the splints Grand Master Oogway set on her seemingly a lifetime ago. Once freed, she was more than happy to stretch her wings and test them out. In fact, her first official act with them was to wrap them about Po's shoulders so she could plant a surprise attack kiss on his unprepared lips.

'He never stops falling for that,' thought Scorpion idly, 'Maybe it's on purpose?'

And is if on cue, Tigress walked in on them, and she separated the two of them without having to say a single sound. She looked into Po's eyes, then Fenghuang's eyes, turned and then stalked out.

"I think she's starting to accept that you and I are a couple," said Fenghuang quietly as she watched Tigress leaving the room. If Tigress heard her, she didn't acknowledge that she did.

"Heeeeeey," said Po, "Let's just get you redressed again..."

"My breast feathers are ruffled again."

"But you can just..."

"But I'm asking you to help me with them," cooed the owl as she leaned into him, "You wouldn't leave a woman in distress, would you?"

"Uh..."

"Oh, could you just get this over with?" moaned Scorpion, "We haven't got all day, you know."

So Po pretended the ceiling was so interesting as he smoothed her breasts feathers (while she all but purred like a satisfied cat). Scorpion almost suspected that the owl was hamming up the whole thing just to get a reaction from the panda. She just let it painfully drag on for minutes before Scorpion just gave out a huge sigh that ruined the moment.

Then Fenghuang allowed Po to dress her again even though she was quite capable of dressing herself at that point. "Po, darling," she cooed as he tried to walk out, "My wings are still just a bit sensitive. Just one more time... PLEASE?" Po could never say no to sincere sounding pleas.

"Alright," said Scorpion, "We should get you outside so you can fully test and work out your wings. I'm sure Master Crane would love to keep an eye on you while you're flying."

"I'm sure," she cooed while still looking at Po. He seemed to be rather distracted by her eyes.

"Then we'll pluck all your feathers and stuff them into a pillow."

"I'm sure."

"And then you can happily marry Shining Eagle."

"I'm sure."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"

"What?" asked Fenghuang and Po as they suddenly turned and paid attention to Scorpion.

"I said, 'We should get you outside so you can fully test and work out your wings. I'm sure Master Crane would love to keep an eye on you while you're flying'."

"A splendid idea," cooed the owl, "I'm sure my darling Po would love to watch me as I return to the glorious skies."

"Uh... yeah... sure..."

"After all, you did say you wanted to be an owl in your next life."

He nodded.

"And Grand Master Oogway himself said we shared a special bond that would help us later, right?"

He nodded again. Actually, he didn't think she was paying attention when the Grand Master had told him that little thing.

"Well how can you fight destiny? How can you reverse the gale of fate?"

He shrugged. She smirked as if she had won something before leading them outdoors. Owls and Eagles remained separated in the Courtyard as they watched her leave the Student Barracks. It seemed like neither group was thrilled to see her.

She didn't care what they thought about her. With her old cockiness, she just walked out between the two groups, stretched her wings out, and test flapped them.

Po was looking at something other than her. He saw Master Crane standing and having a talk with Mei Ling (the leopard).

"Hey Master Crane!" shouted Po as he waved him over.

"What do you need?" asked Crane as he came over. Mei Ling followed along.

"Could you be a pal, and keep an eye on Fenghuang while she tries her wings. I just have a feeling that she's gonna fly higher than it's safe to. Someone has to make sure she gets safely back to the ground if she over does it."

"Sure Po," he said agreeably.

It was good timing, because the aforementioned owl was hopping into the air in short bursts as she increased the speed and power of her test flaps.

"I feel wonderful," she said energetically.

She hopped up and glided half way across the Courtyard.

"Let's not get carried away!" said Po as she landed.

She turned and said back, "Oh, you care about me so much. I hardly understand what I did to deserve all of this. But I'm not a fledgling anymore. I already know how to fly. It's not any harder than it was the first time I fell out... *cough* I mean, flew out of the nest."

"Stop stalling!" called an eagle.

"Let's get this over with!" called an owl.

"Hey!" called Po, "She just got her wings out of the splints and slings! Give her a little mercy at the very least!"

"Like she showed mercy to Shining Eagle?!" called another eagle accusingly.

"That's the past and it can't be changed!" called Po, "Grand Master Oogway forgave her of all her crimes! Just let it go!"

Fenghuang positively glowed as she listened to her darling Po defending her. She ran to the edge of the Courtyard and hopped up onto the wall. Looking over and smiling at Po, she leaped into the open air beyond where they couldn't see her anymore.

"Crane!" shouted Po, "GO!"

Master Crane shot over the wall in pursuit of Fenghuang, but he was greatly relieved when the two of them came flying up together riding an updraft. He was reminded of the first time he saw her flying when he was climbing the steps to the Jade Palace with his shoulder bag. The one with Quiong Qu hiding in the bottom at the time. The bag the owl shouldered and carried most of the way up the steps for him. He remembered just how awesome she looked in flight.

They turned, flew in a circle, and then dipped out of sight again. By now, Shining Eagle and Master Eagle had appeared to watch their performance. They spoke together, but Po couldn't catch what they were saying from where he was. He was too worried about Fenghuang to go over and ask them.

The two of them were out of sight for too long. He ran over to the Palace Gates to see if they had managed to glide down to the village, but he couldn't see them there either. His worst fears came to pass when he saw the crane fly around the side of the spire the Palace was built on with the owl upon his back.

"FENGHUANG?!" he called in dismay and concern. He plucked her off his back and held her against his chest with both arms. She was unconscious.

"A freak side-draft blew her into the cliff face," he said, "I don't think it was hard enough to break anything. She'll probably come around any minute."

But Po was too busy rushing her back to the infirmary to pay attention. He and Scorpion would find that out for themselves. The eagles and owls were both following Po with their eyes. Crane was following behind along with Mei Ling.

...

Fenghuang awoke to see Po, Scorpion, Crane and Mei Ling all looking over her anxiously.

"I told you not to overdo it!" said an overwrought Po.

"It was a freak weather condition," said Crane in advance, "Could happen to any flier."

"Yes," said Fenghuang, "but I could have turned away from the cliff if my wings were strong enough. Darling Po was right. I did overdo it."

About then, Shining Eagle and Master Eagle stepped up to the doorway.

"There will be no duels today," said Po with the full authority and tone of a Master of the Jade Palace.

"I understand," said Shining Eagle.

"I shall send the other eagles home," said Master Eagle.

"What about you, father?"

"I shall stay here with my daughter. She is my responsibility."

"DAD..."

"I know parents can be embarrassing," said Po softly, "We don't have any more room in the Student Barracks, so I'll make sure the two of you get the best room..."

"No," said Shining Eagle, "My place is in the Student Barracks with the rest of you. It's just a short flight to the village. You're a Master and deserve better than a simple room, Dad."

"I was going to let him use Master room," offered Po.

"No," said Master Eagle, "You are the Master of the Jade Palace. That room is yours by right. I could not act so dishonorably by using that room myself. The Inn in the Village will be more than adequate. I'd happily sleep on the floor if that let me be closer to my daughter."

"DAD," said Shining Eagle.

"Are you positive about that, Master Eagle?" asked Po.

"Please, don't call me that anymore," he replied, "I've retired from Kung Fu in order to be the father that Shining Eagle deserves. She's also the only one I spend time with Kung Fu anymore. That's why I no longer wear the Hood of Honor."

Po couldn't help but notice how Shining Eagle looked down at the floor as he spoke. He would have to ask her about it later.

"Well," he said brightly, "I'm sure we have space to share lunch with us."

"Po make some of the most delicious noddle soup I've ever tasted," said Shining Eagle.

"The Master of the Jade Palace cooks?" asked Master Eagle.

"Acting Master," reminded Shining Eagle, "I'm sure they'll hire a professional chef when he has been given the official recognition ceremony and established his office here. He came from humble means, Dad. And he's doing it for his friends and students."

That seemed to cut off the outburst Shining Eagle sensed was just about to come from her father.

"Look," said Po as he looked over his shoulder, "Fenghuang needs her rest right now. Let's move this somewhere else, okay?"

They nodded.

...

Fenghuang awoke to the stare of Po, but he was much older looking. He had a mustache and beard so long, they dragged on the floor. He was standing at her bedside.

"How long was I out?" she asked.

"82 years."

"HOW LONG?!" she asked horrified.

"You've been unconscious for 82 years."

"Wait," she said as she looked at her horribly bloated belly, "What's wrong with me?"

"Oh, you've been pregnant for 81 years."

"WHAT?! When did that happen?!"

"Funny thing that," he said softly, "After you fell asleep, two dragons appeared and said you would sleep for 82 years, be pregnant for 81 years, and give birth to the Greatest Kung Fu Master of ALL TIME."

"Seriously?"

"Does this look like my jokey face to you?"

"Uh... No?"

"Ah!" he said as he looked between her legs past her swollen belly, "The baby is coming now!"

She could see her belly possessed by spasms even though she oddly couldn't feel it. Po dipped down from her sight, and then stood up holding an adult panda who looked just like the adult version of Po she used to know.

"Look," he said softly, "He has your eyes."

...

Fenghuang awoke with a screech that drew the attention of Scorpion.

"What is it?" she asked, "Are you in agony?"

"HUH?! WHAT?!" asked the owl as she looked about in a panic. She looked at her stomach and gently patted it with her wings. She was not horribly pregnant, and was greatly relieved about it.

"Stomach ache, huh?"

"Maybe a little indigestion," she lied, "Sorry to make you worry so."

"Don't worry about it," replied Scorpion, "I've been there."

But when Po and Tigress rushed into the room, she couldn't look them in the eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked Po on the verge of panic.

"Stomach issues," said Scorpion, "I'm preparing some medicine for that right now."

"I'm sorry to make you all..."

She couldn't finish her sentence because she was cut off by Po's bear hug. "I'm just so glad that you're all right," he said firmly, "I was so worried when Crane returned here carrying you on his back." The owl was so happy that she didn't even mention the slight tenderness of her wings.

Tigress stepped up and separated the two again.

"As long as you're there," said Scorpion, "Give her this medicine. I know it tastes bad, but make sure she drinks every last drop."

He held the cup to her beak as she swallowed it all down. 'I guess this is what I deserve for not telling them about my nightmares,' thought the owl to herself.

"Oh," he said as an afterthought, "I got Master Eagle a nice room down at the inn. He'll stay around until you're ready to honor your duel with Shining Eagle. I guess that means she'll being staying in the Student Barracks until then as well."

'Great,' she thought, 'I still need an edge against Tigress if I'm going to be the number one wife here.'

Without warning, she tried to pull Tigress into a kiss with her. Tigress managed to turn her head enough to make a kiss on the lips into a kiss on the cheek, but not before Fenghuang made it a large, sucking kiss.

"Fenghuang?!" asked Tigress, "What has gotten into you?!"

"Well since you're obviously going to be the number one wife," she cooed into Tigress' ear, "It's only natural that we should be the best of friends too." She could see the wide eyed, gaping mouthed stare that she was getting from Po, just as she planned it.

"But what makes you even think..."

"Oh, I've seen you and Viper kissing," she replied evenly, "So I figure if Viper's trying so hard to be chummy, why shouldn't I try as hard myself?"

"That's not the..."

"After all, we'll be sharing Po's love for many years. We'll probably be sharing the responsibility for all of our babies as well."

Po and Tigress suddenly blushed. Just as the owl planned it. She felt that they were putty in her talons.