Question 1: Break the awkward silence with a joke
"This is such a dumb lesson. But at least it gets us out of this boring ass lecture."
Boq said nothing, but suppressed a sigh. Of all the people in their history class, he would get stuck with Avaric. When Dr Dillamond had announced that they would be in pairs, Boq had of course hoped that he would be paired with Galinda. And despite the fact he was beginning to tire of Nessa's affections, he wouldn't have minded working with her. But Avaric.
"Why don't we just get this over with?" he suggested dully.
"Or, we could not and say we did," Avaric returned.
Boq wasn't opposed to that idea, but he still found himself arguing against it. "It may be an impromptu assignment, but Dr Dillamond will still fail us if we don't do it," he pointed out. "And I'd rather not fail."
Avaric sighed. "Whatever, Munchkin. You want to do it, you can. I'm going outside to have a smoke."
"It's a partner assignment," Boq grumbled, following him, much to Avaric's displeasure. "I can't do it without you."
They headed out of the history building and to a spot at the back where those students who smoked could do so without catching the attention of the staff. The staff all knew the spot existed, but were happy to look the other way.
"You want one?" Avaric offered, holding out his case of cigarettes to Boq.
Boq was startled. "No! Er... no, thanks," he corrected himself, inwardly cringing. He knew he had just cemented his position as a geek. One of the uncool kids. One of the kids Galinda would want nothing to do with... even if she apparently had become friends with Elphaba.
Avaric shrugged, taking one for himself and lighting it. "Whatever. It'll probably stunt your growth, right?"
He laughed at his own joke, and Boq rolled his eyes. A short joke. Hilarious.
"Look, you don't want to do the assignment, fine. But can you at least give me some answer to the questions, so that I can do my bit?"
Avaric rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dork. What's the first question, then?"
Boq pulled his notebook out and turned to the page he had written the questions on, clearing his throat.
"Break the awkward silence with a joke."
Avaric's eyes lit up and he grinned.
"Awesome."
Boq immediately knew he wasn't going to find this joke funny.
Avaric continued. "OK, A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife. The guy says "sure " and shows him a picture of his wife. The deputy looks carefully at the photo and says "I'm sorry, but it looks as though your wife was run over by a carriage." The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!""
He laughed as Boq gaped at him in horror.
"That's not funny!" he managed to get out, and Avaric rolled his eyes as he took another drag on his cigarette.
"Just because you have no sense of humour. What's your joke, then?"
Boq thought about that for a moment.
"Two Whales walk into a bar. The first Whale says to the other, "WOOOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOO." The second Whale says, "Shut up Crian, you're drunk.""
Avaric chucked, despite himself. "Not bad, Munchkin. Not great, but not bad."
Boq couldn't help but grin.
Once Galinda and Nessa were seated at the local campus cafe, The White Shell, and had ordered their coffees, a brief silence fell. Neither girl really spoke often, the common link they had was Elphaba.
"How are you and Bick?" Galinda asked finally.
Nessarose beamed, letting the mispronunciation of Boq's name slide. "Wonderful, thank you. He's just lovely. I can't thank you enough for encouraging him to ask me to the OzDust."
Galinda smiled faintly, feeling a little awkward. After all, she knew why Boq had asked Nessa out. She was just glad it had worked out.
"Well, should we get started?" Nessa suggested, and Galinda agreed.
They opened their notebooks, and Galinda read the first question silently.
"Ok, so we have to tell a joke. Do you want to go first?"
Nessa hesitated. "I don't really know any jokes..."
Galinda smiled sweetly at her. "You must know some jokes, Nessa. How about I go first?" she offered, and Nessa agreed.
Galinda didn't know that many jokes, but there was one that one of Fiyero's friends had told them at the OzDust the night before.
"An Ant and a Centipede are holding a party. The Ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The Centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" After like, half an hour, he's still not back. The Ant wonders, "What's taking him so long?" and decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside. The Ant asks, "What's taking you so long?" The Centipede replies, "I'm still putting on my shoes.""
Nessa laughed. "I like that one."
"Now, you say one," Galinda urged her.
Nessa hesitated, then nodded.
"Well... there is one joke I know," she said slowly. "If you saw nine Elephants walking down the street with red socks and one Elephant walking down the street with green socks, what would this prove?"
Galinda shook her head with a slight smile. "I don't know. What?"
"That nine out of ten Elephants wear red socks."
Galinda paused for a moment and then giggled slightly. "That's... that's funny."
Nessa smiled and blushed slightly. "Thanks. How do you suppose Fiyero and Elphaba are doing?"
Galinda sighed. "Oh who knows. I wish they could get along. I suppose it could be a good thing, them working together. Maybe once they get to know each other, they'll become friends. It would be much easier that way. I hate having them fighting all the time, my best friend and my boyfriend."
"Elphaba doesn't get along with many people," Nessa said, almost apologising for her sister.
"Don't worry, I'm sure they're fine," Galinda said confidently. Although she wasn't that sure.
Elphaba and Fiyero had started off their "partnership" with, as per their custom, an argument.
Elphaba had suggested they go to the library, but Fiyero refused to step foot inside the building. He suggested his suite, which Elphaba shot down with a simple "No, for so many reasons." Elphaba suggested outside, but Fiyero wanted a spot "less open".
"Because Oz forbid you be seen with the green girl, right?" Elphaba snapped at him.
Fiyero glared at her, but didn't deny it.
"Come on, I know a spot," he finally said, mysteriously and led her away.
"How do you 'know a spot'? You've been here for like a week," Elphaba demanded.
She followed him nonetheless, although she couldn't say why.
He led the way to a building Elphaba hadn't been in before and into a small room. Elphaba was amazed to see the room filled with clothes, shoes and accessories.
"Um... what is this? A secret door to Galinda's closet?"
Fiyero snorted with laughter. "It's the costume room for the school's drama department."
Elphaba raised an eyebrow. "How have you been here so little time and already know the costume room; and I've been here a semester and I didn't know we had a drama department?!"
"If you get out of the library occasionally, you learn there are other buildings," Fiyero replied and she glared at him.
"Ok, you know what, Tiggular? Can we just be civil for one hour and do this assignment?" she demanded.
Fiyero shrugged and sat himself down in an armchair. "Fine, whatever. What's the first question?"
Elphaba sighed tiredly as she found a seat on a bunch of pillows that were in a corner.
"Didn't you write them down?"
"No," Fiyero replied obviously. "I knew you would."
Elphaba rolled her eyes.
"We have to tell each other a joke," she said flatly.
Fiyero raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
She nodded with a sigh.
"Do you even know any jokes?" Fiyero asked. "Because that would imply you had a sense of humour, and I am yet to see any evidence to support that."
"I don't think that 'Maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant go', is not a joke or anything worthy of the term 'humour'," Elphaba said, narrowing her eyes at him.
Fiyero had the decency to look sheepish.
"Well, then tell me a joke, Miss Thropp," he said, leaning back in the chair expectantly.
Elphaba lay down against the pillows with a sigh and said nothing for a few moments.
"One day a man was walking down the street and he saw a man with a giant peach for a head. The guy went up to him and said, "Um excuse me, you have a giant peach for a head. What's with that?" The guy with the peach for a head said, "Well, one day I was approached by a witch, who offered to grant me three wishes. First, I told him I wanted to be a rich man, and suddenly some guy handed me a briefcase that was full of money, and now I'm a millionaire. For my second wish, I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world to fall in love with me. That's how I met my wife. For my third wish, I asked for a giant peach for a head."
There was a moment's silence, and then Fiyero laughed.
"That is the worst joke I have ever heard. But I loved it. I'm so stealing that one."
Elphaba managed a small smile. "You tell me a better one, then," she challenged.
Fiyero shrugged easily, sat up straight and looked at her with a grin.
"Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. He got to eight and on the ninth berry he burst out laughing and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
Fiyero wasn't sure how that joke would go, Galinda would have hated it.
But Elphaba laughed, and Fiyero's grin spread. It was the first time he'd heard her laugh- a genuine, not sarcastic laugh any way, and it was a beautiful sound.
Maybe this class wouldn't be a complete waste of time, after all.
AN. Elphaba's joke is one that Matthew Perry told on the Ellen show.
