Chapter 32

Kahlan slowly opened her eyes, her mind a murky sea of muddled thoughts and fractured images that made no sense to her. She attempted to focus her vision, her head pounding relentlessly. Her groan turned into a fierce growl as she attempted to move only to find herself unable to.

She gritted her teeth, twisting her wrists against the thick ropes that kept her bound tight. Looking down to assess herself, she found she was dressed in only her corset and skirt, her ankles bound tightly with rope as well.

A bandage was wrapped securely around her forearm from where the Seeker's sword had sliced her arm. Numerous agiel burns marked her arms and chest, a thin layer of aum already covering them, but she cared little about it at that moment. Her only concern was getting out of here and getting to Demos.

Turning her attention to her surroundings, she found herself in a cave, a small fire burning brightly before her providing her warmth. Casting a glance outside the mouth of the cave, she could tell it was already dark outside, the sound of chirping crickets filling the air.

With a hiss of pain, she fought against the ropes that restrained her, trying to break free from whoever it was that had captured her. Her entire body hurt, but at least the headache wasn't nearly as severe as it had once been.

Looking down at her wounded arm, she saw blood seeping through the bandages, quickly beginning to soak it. An image of the Seeker's face as he had shoved her away causing her to fall, his blade slicing her arm, the anguish that had filled his eyes after suddenly filled her mind.

He had captured her, brought her here.

"Don't fight it," came a voice from the dark shadows of the cave, so gentle and kind she couldn't help but suddenly obey his order. "The wound in your arm is very deep. You need a healer."

"I need to be let go," she snapped, her tone harsh and unforgiving of the kindness he had obviously already shown to her.

"I'm sorry, Kahlan, but I can't do that," Richard softly said shifting close to the glowing light of the fire and finally allowing her to see his face as he added more wood.

After the fight with the Sisters of the Agiel, Richard had taken her to a place where he could care for her, hopefully allowing her to safely rest without any more Mord'Sith attacks. After tending to her numerous wounds, he had tried to sleep for a little while, but was unable to.

Images of their fight, his rage…her falling, the feel of the sword slicing through her arm kept parading through his mind over and over again, reminding him of who he was inside, the man that he would never be able to escape.

He had been sitting in the dark shadows watching her for hours, praying that she would wake and wondering how in the world he was ever going to be able to save her now that the spell had taken over. Having to tie her up with the ropes she loathed so much had broken his heart, leaving him with an aching hope that she would forgive him someday for it.

Kahlan stared at him with those eyes so very dark it sent shivers through him, leaving him desperate to see those bright sapphire orbs looking at him with longing again. Now, those beautiful depths were black and filled with hatred and rage directed at him.

"Richard, please let me go. I'm not going to try to fight you again," she told him, her voice so sultry and seductive it was like a beautiful melody to his ears in its attempts to lull him into trusting her once more.

"I can't, Kahlan," he shook his head, his heart hammering.

He sighed heavily as he got to his feet, mostly from the fierce ache that weighed his heart down, but also from the exhaustion that clung to him like a second skin. Picking up his pack, he got up with a soft groan and made his way over to her, his broken ribs a cold reminder of what had happened.

His chest tightened with anguish as Kahlan backed up away from him, pressing herself fully against the rock wall behind her. Settling down in front of her, he pulled the supplies from his pack, doing his best to keep the pain he felt inside from reflecting on his face, but he knew it was there in his eyes. He could feel the tears rising again as she pulled away from his hold on her arm.

"I need to redress your wound," he told her, his voice firm as he took her arm again, keeping his attention on her wound instead of her face.

She ground her teeth as she watched him untie the bloody bandage from her arm, blood seeping from the large gash and getting on his hands as he worked. It throbbed mercilessly, but she wasn't about to admit it to him.

Richard's heart clenched painfully in his chest as he examined the wound again, the wound that he had given her. Tears burned in his eyes at what he had done to his Kahlan. He had never meant to hurt her, his rage getting the best of him once again. He didn't deserve to have her, to carry the sword. She needed to be as far away from him as possible.

She watched intently as he cleaned the wound, his touch so tender and attentive. His hands were large, the strength he possessed obvious in his grip on her despite how gently he was holding her arm. His fingers were rough from the sword he carried, but felt electric against her skin in a way she couldn't quite understand.

She gazed at him as he took care of her, studying his every distinct curve. His face was still as stone, his perfect features sculpted and handsome as her gaze followed the angle of his jaw and the rough stubble that lined it. His chestnut eyes spoke of the hurt that dwelled so deep inside of him, the secret heavy burdens of his heart that he didn't dare speak of, things too painful or terrifying to give voice to.

Her eyes settled on the curve of his lips and something inside of her caused her stomach to tighten with unexpected heat as memories of where his mouth had been on her body began to fight its way to the surface. Flashes of fiery passion made with him, of shared breaths and erotic moans drifted through her thoughts, suddenly warming her to her core.

He had ravished her with such fervor that it had made her head spin, such intense urgency and demand to be with her it took her breath away. It had been like he couldn't hold in his burning need for her a moment longer and yet there had been such a gentle expression of love behind his every caress, every stroke and kiss. An utter devotion and reverence that it had brought tears to her eyes in the midst of the sensual intimacy they shared.

"Richard…" she whispered as she stared at him, unblinking, her breathing becoming ragged.

Richard looked up, realizing how close her beautiful face was to his and suddenly losing the ability to breathe, to think. He was startled to see her blue eyes gazing back at him instead of the black detached orbs; recognition…awareness…longing all seeming to unexpectedly swim there in those depths he loved.

She bit her bottom lip, causing hot arousal to burn in his veins as he fought back the overwhelming urge to kiss her. Her breath was pulsating softly against his face as he lost himself in her eyes, his resolve beginning to crumble, the air around them charged with their mutual hunger.

"Kahlan," he whispered, his thumb gently brushing unconsciously back and forth against the soft smooth skin of her arm as he stared into her eyes.

He felt his insides begin to tremble, her nearness, the desire burning in her eyes for him beginning to subtly ease the ache that was devouring his heart. Spirits, he need her so badly, needed her to be alright. He couldn't survive in this life without her.

The life he lived, he lived for her.

"Richard…please…" she murmured as she slowly leaned forward, her face lightly caressing his. "Help me…"

She brushed her nose against his cheek, breathing deeply and absorbing his scent, forever imprinting it in her mind. Sounds, touches, images of making love with him continued to assault her, fighting to awaken her identity within her despite the powerful spell holding her firmly in its grasp.

The musky smell of sweat and making love with him in the Spirit House flooded her thoughts as she whispered kisses along his cheekbone. The sound of her name being torn from his lips as he climaxed within her, the gasping pants and breathless moans they had shared suddenly filled her ears once more as memories pounded away at the spell that had seized her mind.

Finding his mouth, Kahlan brushed her lips tentatively, softly against his. She felt his breath hitch as their lips touched, something electric shooting through her to her very core. She could feel his desire, his entire body straining with the overwhelming need for her that was burning hotly beneath his skin, begging so desperately to be realized, to be consummated with her all over again.

Tilting his head, he captured her lips again, kissing her fiercely with a sudden passion that he could no longer ignore, no longer hold back. He ached for her like nothing he'd ever known before as his hand slipped up into her hair, keeping her close to him as he kissed her breathless.

Pulling back for air, he pressed his forehead against hers, drawing his teeth over his bottom lip and savoring the taste of her on his tongue as desire consumed his senses. Kissing her was like warm sunlight and honey, awakening such a fierce hunger deep within.

"Please, untie me Richard," she softly pleaded, pausing to nuzzle his nose with hers. "I'm scared of the rope."

His hand slid from her hair to cup her face, his thumb caressing her cheekbone as he gazed into her eyes. "I know and I'm so sorry, but I can't, Kahlan," he replied, the anguish he carried filling his voice.

"I'm so scared, Richard," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling. "Please, if you love me, you'll release me."

"Kahlan…I…I can't…" he choked back tears. "Kahlan, I do love you, but…Spirits, I just…I can't."

She suddenly pulled back in rage, a sneer filling her face as her eyes turned black once more. "I should have slit your throat when I had the chance," she hissed like a deadly viper.

Stunned, Richard sank back on his heels, his heart falling again as he watched his Kahlan slip under the control of the spell once more. He swallowed past the painful thick knot of tears lodged in his throat as he took her arm into his hands once more.

He worked in silence as he cleaned her wound, more than angry with himself for giving into his ever-burning need for her. She wasn't herself now, his Kahlan, no matter how much he wished it, no matter how desperate he was to save her.

Guilt swam in his soul for the deep gash he had caused her, wishing more than anything he'd just let her stab him with her dagger, taking him to Demos. Then, she wouldn't have been hurt, wouldn't be covered in agiel burns.

"Why are you taking care of me when you know that as soon as I get free I'm going to take you to my master?"

"Because I love you," he replied, his attention on the wound instead of her face. He couldn't bear to look into the eyes that were no longer hers. "I'll never stop loving you or fighting to save you."

He held her arm up a little, winding the strip of material around the wound. Even though she refused to admit it, he could tell that she was in a lot of pain, more so now from the wound he had given her than just the headaches. He knew firsthand how battered and broken she had to feel from the agiel attacks alone.

He would have preferred the headaches over this, instead of being the reason she was bleeding and in pain. Besides, if she still had the headaches, then she was still Kahlan fighting the spell instead of him having to fight his possessed Confessor.

"You know I don't love you," she coldly said, watching his face for a reaction. "I feel absolutely nothing for you. You mean nothing to me but a way to please my master."

Richard kept his face impassive despite the fierce pain that her words caused him, a piece of his heart being carved out. He finished tying the bandage around her forearm before placing his things back into his pack.

She watched him intently as he moved to get to his feet. She instinctively leaned forward, her bound wrists seizing his shirt and keeping him there with her. "Did you hear me?" she asked, trying to get some sort of reaction out of him, anything to keep him close to her. She didn't know why it was so important to her for him to be near her.

"Yes, I heard you," he softly replied, fighting back the overwhelming need to grab her and shake her, to force the spell from her body, to kiss her hard and devour her whole. "And it changes nothing. My love is not based on whether you love me in return or not. My love for you..it just…is. It's my reason for existing, for breathing…for getting up every morning."

"And what if I die? What then?"

Richard looked down at her fingers fisting his shirt, remembering how those very fingers had so sensually removed his clothes from his body not that long ago, the feel of her hands on his skin driving him wild. Looking up into the inky soulless eyes staring back at him now, he found himself feeling so lonely, so in need of his best friend, his lover.

But she was no longer that woman now.

"You did die on me," he calmly reminded her despite the firestorm teeming inside of him. "Twice. I thought I was going to lose my mind when I lost you. The pain that seared inside of me was so intense I never thought I'd ever be able to breathe again. I never want to go through that ever again, Kahlan."

She stared at him for a long moment, seeing the truth of his words reflected there in his dark brown orbs. She slowly released her hold on his shirt, her fingers slipping free only to be captured by his hand. He brought it up to his mouth, softly brushing his lips against her knuckles.

"I will never give up on you, Kahlan," he adamantly told her. "I will fight for you until my final breath."

"Let me go…please…" she tried again, her voice suddenly soft and sweet.

"I can't," he shook his head. "I love you too much to untie you and let you go."

Her black orbs turned to liquid flames of fire, her body trembling with rage. "You tie me up like I'm some sort of animal," she seethed. "You call that love?"

Releasing a ragged breath, Richard picked up his pack and moved back to the other side of the fire, needing to put distance between them. He couldn't bear being so close to her and not untie the ropes, hold her close against him and love her.

He was exhausted, his ribs aching with every breath he drew. He needed Zedd to heal his broken ribs, to save Kahlan for him. Unfortunately, his grandfather was with the Aku by now. Trying to get Kahlan back to Zedd was going to be next to impossible.

As much as he hated to admit it, Kahlan was right. The only way to end this was to go to the People's Palace and stop Demos. The thought of her being there in his brother's presence again only enraged him all the more.

"You don't love me at all," she yelled at him, intruding into his thoughts. "You're just like my father. You're going to use me to get what you want."

Richard bit his bottom lip, swallowing back the response that danced on his tongue. He wanted so desperately to tell her that she was wrong, that he loved her with every fiber of his being, that he'd been waiting for what felt like forever for her to come into his life, but it was pointless. Her mind was gone, controlled now by Demos. Arguing with her would only antagonize her more and lead to more hurt.

"You need to sleep," he wearily said. "You've been through two Mord'Sith attacks and lost a lot of blood. You need to recover your strength."

"Don't pretend that you care about me just to gain my trust," she hissed. "You never have cared about me. All you care about is yourself and the pleasure you can take from me."

Ignoring her, Richard drew his sword, the recognizable ring of its release echoing softly through the cave and silencing any further verbal attacks from her. Leaning back against the cave wall with a grimace, he rested his weapon across his lap as he closed his eyes.

"I love you, Kahlan," he softly told her.

He didn't bother waiting for a reply that he knew in his hurting heart would never come as sleep slowly began to claim him. He prayed that his real Kahlan would follow him there in his dreams, comforting him now in the only way that she possibly could.

She watched him with a hard indifferent stare as he settled back and closed his eyes, refusing to respond to her. She felt nothing for this man sitting across from her, nothing at all. He was a means to an end, a way to please her master. Nothing more.

She struggled against the ropes that bound her, but it was no use. He had made sure that she wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon unless he decided it. She growled low under her breath, silently fuming and racking her brain for a way out of this.

She had to get free so she could capture the Seeker and bring him to her master. Until then, she was a failure.

Her mind was muddled, her thoughts and memories still fragmented and quickly vanishing. Looking down at the ropes that bound her, she couldn't help the wild panic that suddenly surged through her as images of her father grabbing her and binding her with rope, locking her in a closet roared to the surface.

She began to breathe hard, hyperventilating as she wrenched her wrists this way and that in an effort to get free from the horrifying memories that only seemed to cause her more pain. Tears leaked from her eyes as she fought to control her fear, but it was difficult with the rough fibers of the rope digging into her wrists and reminding her of a childhood she'd sooner forget.

Richard swallowed hard, his body growing tense with the sounds of her panicked hiccoughing gasps as she fought against the horrors of the rope that bound her. Each one of her terror-filled sobs, her murmured pleas to untie her carved out another piece of his heart.

He didn't want to do this to her, hated himself for hurting her like this. Spirits, if he had his way he'd be making love to her right now, holding her in his arms, but she wasn't his Kahlan any longer.

Kahlan finally forced herself to focus on the man sleeping across from her, watching as shadows created by the fire danced across his handsome face as he slept. There was something about him that seemed to calm her very soul the longer she watched him, creating a warm sense of peace to slowly drift over her.

Her heart beat began to slow again, her breathing evening out as she watched him sleep, his breathing beginning to even out. The pain he carried in his heart was reflected on his face even in his sleep. She felt a strange overwhelming need to go to him, to comfort him somehow.

But just then the headache suddenly intensified, causing her to grit her teeth against the blinding pain that threatened to drag her away. Pressing her head back against the cave wall, she swiftly lost herself into the welcoming arms of oblivion.