A/N: Thank you for your undying patience. I thought I knew where this story was going until I realized that I didn't. And then I had waaay too many ideas. But I think I'm back on track. Thanks for sticking with me. Also, yes, I decided to retroactively put actual chapter names on all the chapters. It feels more personable that way.
Roxas trailed behind slowly, trying to consolidate his thoughts together into something that resembled logic. He'd texted Axel that he could explain everything. But really? What was his explanation then? She was my fake girlfriend, not my real girlfriend. Nothing to worry about! Yeah. Perfect. Real believable.
And let's just say— by some sort of miracle bestowed on a very undeserving Roxas— that Axel does believe him. Then what? Why did you have a fake girlfriend, Roxas? Ohhh I don't know, not because I was ashamed of you or of homosexuality or anything like that. Never. Oh he was so fucked. He had an explanation. He just didn't have an explanation for the explanation. At least, not one that wouldn't make him sound like a cowardly prick.
He could feel dread churning in his chest. He couldn't decide whether he even wanted Axel to be behind that door or not. It would mean that at least Axel wanted to see him. And that Axel was here. And safe. And not chain smoking away his lungs into something resembling dried jerky or hitchhiking in some godforsaken place where he could get killed or—damn it. He could feel his heartbeat quickening, fighting against the suffocating sluggish churning in his chest. He wanted Axel to be there.
And now he couldn't quite smother the hope brimming somewhere inside of him. It's like the cockroach of emotions. You feed it a single crumb—one tiny hopeful thought—and it comes skittering out and suddenly there's a whole infestation of little seedy hope babies crawling all over you. Maybe you and Axel can get back together! Shut up. Your friends will take you back and forgive you! Shut up. Everything will be okay! SHUT UP.
He looked up, realizing Sora was already unlocking the door, and here he'd been, having a pretend conversation with imaginary cockroaches that were crawling over his body and whispering nice things to him. So. Y'know. At least he still had his sanity.
Yeah, he was perfectly lucid. Definitely mentally capable of having one of the most important conversations of his life. What could possibly go wrong?
"Sora!"
"Yo." Two voices said simultaneously.
That. That could go wrong.
"Gosh, Roxas, we haven't seen you in a hot minute," Kairi said, tucking a stray strand of red hair behind her ear.
Roxas stared at the red lock of hair numbly then suddenly smacked his own arm.
"Euh." Kairi responded, caught off guard by the arbitrary self-inflicted violence. "You okay?"
"Sorry. Uh. There was a—" Not a cockroach. "Mosquito." Good. Don't let them know about the crazy. You're not crazy. We're not cra— "Shut up!"
Kairi and Riku exchanged a look.
Did he say that out loud? Well. At least his new psychosis was good at keeping things interesting.
Kairi shifted her weight forward in her seat, trying to catch Sora's eyes—as if to ask is this the new normal? Or how do we act around your basket case brother? Roxas looked amusedly between the two of them.
"He was probably talking to you, Kai. Who the hell says 'in a hot minute'?" Riku suggested.
Well. It was a good guess. And an even better save. He mentally thanked Riku.
"I do! And I'll have a bone to pick with you in a hot second if you poke fun at my speech again."
"Bone to pick? Hot second? …Poke fun? What are you?"
"Sora? You won't stand for this, will you? It's bullying!" She exclaimed dramatically, holding a hand to her forehead a feigned damsel-in-distress pose.
"Actually, I'm pretty content with sitting," Sora said, crossing his arms behind his head and smiling lopsidedly at his bickering friends from across the room.
"Lame," Kairi groaned.
"Hey, that's current. Welcome back to the present," Riku quipped.
Kairi reared up on her feet and pounced at Riku, holding him captive in a headlock and giving him a noogie.
"Kairi! Cut it out! The hair! Watch the hair. Kairi!"
She rocked back on her heels, cocking her head. "Sorry, I just wanted to test out my being in the present—you know, where women can be seen and heard. And where we can give out butt whoopings just like guys can. Well, when it's deserved, of course," she responded, batting her eyelashes and smiling sweetly. Say what you want about Kairi, she could lay on the sass a mile thick.
Riku looked between Roxas and Sora. "Do you see what I have to deal with?"
"Okay, Riku's complaining is not the point. He's just sore about getting lip from a girl. We're here to see you guys! Sora, Roxas. Roxas, Sora. Our favorite brother duo!" Kairi chirped.
"Sore about getting lip from a girl. Kairi, what planet are you from?" Riku asked incredulously.
"Riku, I already gave you a knuckle sandwich. Do you really want seconds?"
"A knuckle sandwich. My god."
"Alright, I'm breaking this one up," Sora interjected quickly. He got up from his armchair and plopped himself between his two best friends. "It's only entertaining for so long."
Kairi and Riku sighed, each of their heads lolling slightly onto Sora's two shoulders. The spitting image of three peas in a pod.
"Cute," Roxas said, his head propped on his hand after being the spectator to their the-three-best-of-friends dynamic. Not that he really minded—it was a nice distraction from the strange things brewing in his head as of late. And crawling on his arms. But that's beside the point.
Kairi twirled a piece of hair absent-mindedly, her mouth working ever so slightly as she stared at Roxas. "So. Roxas. There's something different about you."
The crazy? Wow, Kairi, how politically incorrect of you.
"I mean, obviously you're getting older. But there's something else. I can't quite put my finger on it," Kairi said, cocking her head and eyeing him with scrutiny.
Roxas thought for a second. Well. He guessed now was as good of a time as any.
"That I'm gay?"
Riku sputtered into a laugh. He stopped after a moment, looking around at Sora and Kairi with—what was that? Roxas couldn't quite place the look he was giving them.
Kairi cracked a smile despite herself and then elbowed Sora. They all broke into a laugh.
"Sorry, sorry—it's not funny. It's really not. It's just—" Kairi giggled again, then immediately clapped her hands over her mouth, looking apologetic.
Roxas stared at all of them individually. He replayed the moment in his mind. He did say 'I'm gay' right? And not mime Broadway or mmm lime sorbet or something that could possibly be construed as funny?
"Kairi, you owe me five bucks," Riku said as he caught his breath, crossing his arms behind his head.
"Drat," Kairi sighed, patting around in her pockets. "I really thought it would take until college."
"She says drat. Come on, Kairi. Drat? You know, I really think she's an extra-terrestrial. Come to think of it, I don't know anyone with natural red hair like that either. It's pretty suspect," Riku responded, reaching over and plucking at a stray red plume of hair.
"Axel has red hair like that," Roxas remarked without thinking. "Hey wait a second—are you saying you guys placed a bet on if I would turn out gay?" Roxas asked incredulously. "What the hell?"
"Not if. When," Riku said, poking the air with his finger definitively. He looked over at Kairi with side eyes and rubbed his fingers together in a mocking 'money' motion. He smiled. "I put my money on high school."
"Oh that makes it better," Roxas replied, rolling his eyes. For some reason, he wasn't even mad.
"Hey wait a second, who's Axel?" Kairi piped up, stressing his name with extra-long vowels for romantic emphasis. "He sounds cute."
"Axel—is that the redhead you were 'swapping spit' with?" Sora said, leaning forward, his parental voice returning.
"He did say that this so called 'Axel' had red hair like Kairi's. Very suspect."
"Hey, hey. May I remind you that your first response to my coming out was that you all laughed at me?" Roxas laughed. "And not just a little. Like, a lot. Simultaneously. I mean, my own brother." He crossed his arms.
"Yeah, you really look hurt," Riku said sarcastically. He began smoothing his silvery locks down, looking slightly paranoid that Kairi's attack had left it sticking up in random places.
Roxas sighed. "More than you know, actually." He scratched the back of his head with embarrassment at the sudden change in conversational tone. He stared at a corner of the wall soberly, trying not to look at Kairi's red, red hair.
"Riku," Kairi whined. "You broke him."
"No, sorry." Roxas forced himself to look back at them. "I—ah— Axel isn't in the picture anymore. I don't even know what or whose picture he is in, for that matter. He kinda just disappeared. You know, like they say about the conductor of the so-called ghost train." He wrinkled his forehead as the words came out of his mouth.
Ghost Train. Ghost Train.
"Oh shit. I think I know where Axel is."
