Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right. I never stopped to think of you. I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win. You are the antidotes that gets me by. Something strong like a drug that gets me high. What I really meant to say is that I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold.
- Crossfade
Cold
It has been months... Six. Whole. Months. since Umiko has left the Den. Everything felt so numb to Soma, time had passed in a blur with her gone. She had just disappeared from his life in a blink of an eye and he had no power to stop it. This whole thing felt like time was repeating itself, but why did he feel more like shit than he did when Shio left?
Soma kicked his coffee table over from his seat on the couch as his frustrations got the best of him. What was worse than his uncontrollable rage was his guilt. His last moments with her and he pushed her away with those cruel words. Damn... why did he have to be so cold?
He took a sip from the can soda he got from the Floor's snack area and then stared up at his ceiling. Why did he have to be such a monster that day? He had always lost control of his composure whenever he was around her, but never like that before. Soma never meant for her to see the screw up side of him that he kept locked away so deep inside, but it somehow got the best of him that day.
He had never thought the day would come when she would leave, he always thought she would be close by that he took her for granted. But now that she was gone, he felt a void inside of him... so empty. Everything just felt so messed up. He had yelled at her to get out of his sight that day, but he never meant like this. He never really wanted her to go. There was so many things that she should have known. The things he should have told her, but he would always push her away.
"(Sigh) I guess for me there's just no hope... I should never have been so cold." Soma said aloud to himself. A knock came on his door, but he refused to acknowledge it. Use to Soma's recent distant act, Lindow had let himself in. He had known Soma had taken their Unit Leader's transfer hard, Soma was lost without her. Lindow saw the rut Soma was falling into, enough was enough. The guy was only hurting himself, and as his friend and comrade Lindow wouldn't have it.
"Soma, you've been secluding yourself from the team for far too long. The others are worried about you."
"Have I? Time has just been a blur to me." Soma said to Lindow, not even looking at him. "Everything seems so fake since she's been gone."
"Yes, I miss that snarkie Rookie too. But this is reality, she's gone."
"But it isn't fair, Lindow. She was suppose to be here to have my back, and I would protect her from all things she couldn't protect herself from."
"Did that include from yourself?"
"Are you going to keep shoving it in my face?!" Soma growled at Lindow, looking at him from the corner of his eyes. "I messed up with all the things I've said and done to her, if I could take it all away I would!"
"Don't get angry at me, Soma. I warned you not to take her for granted."
"Damn you, shut up." Soma sneered at him, finally turning his head to look at Lindow.
"No I will not. Nobody told you what to think, nobody told you what to say. You chose what direction to turn, and you chose to runaway from her. You made your own ending Soma, live with it." Lindow shot back at him, not in the mood to deal with Soma's attitude. He was a bit harsh, but it had to be done.
"... I feel so lost without Umiko... I find myself wondering what she's doing, imagining where she is... and I don't know why."
"Do you really? Or are you just denying it?"
"What are you implying?" Soma's eyes slanted at Lindow. He knew where this was going and he didn't like it.
"It's okay to having feelings for her, Soma."
"Drop it, Lindow."
"Soma, how can you be in so much denial? You've tried to go against yourself for so long that it's starting to affect you, Soma. For God's sake, you're drinking 'First Love Juice.'"
"!" Soma looked down to realize that he was indeed holding a can of the legendary juice. He hated the stuff, the only person he knew that liked it was... Umiko. In annoyance, Soma threw the can at the wall where it dented and leaked its remaining liquid on the floor like a murder crime. He made the can bled out just like he always did to Umiko inside, he looked away from the accusing stain the juice made. "That's impossible... I love Shio."
"Yes, but you're 'in love' with Umiko."
"Shut up, what the hell do you know?! My heart only belongs to Shio, there's no room for another! How could I possibly be in love with that pestering, over protective, nosy, clinging, wisecracking, reckless excuse for a woman."
"I think you've already just answer that yourself." Lindow said, crossing his arms with his I-know-something-you-don't grin.
"Are you deaf?! I said my heart belongs to Shio!"
"Then why are you so upset that she's gone?"
"... Because... she's special to me."
"Special enough for me to have to drag you out of her empty room after you found out she was gone and yet not special enough to have a place in your heart? I fail to see the logic in this Soma. You eventually pulled yourself together after Shio left for the most part, but with Umiko we can barely get you out of your room for anything other than missions and it's already been six months."
"Don't jump to conclusions, Lindow! You don't know anything about me!"
"I know that you still go into Umiko's room when you think no one is around!" Lindow shot back at him.
"!"
"It reminds you of her, so you always find yourself coming back to that room. It even still smells like her. She does have a place in your heart, but she has a place too close to your core that you fear she'll break it. You love her Soma, accept it."
"... Is it possible... for one's heart to change?"
"I don't think your heart has change at all. You've always shown signs of feelings toward her the moment you met her. She's had a place in your heart all along."
"I wonder... where she is?"
"She's an ocean enbetween us, but that's not very far." Lindow answer him a little sarcastically, trying to cheer him up. Lindow was just glad that Soma made peace with himself. "She's actually working for your uncle now."
"Garland?! That one eyed bastard?!" Soma growled in outrage, rising to his feet. "So that's why the Doc has been so quiet about this!"
Walking pass Lindow, Soma stormed out of his room.
"Whoa, wait! Where are you going?"
"To get some answers from the old man."
*** The Director's Office at the equivalent time ***
Dr. Sakaki sat in his office with Tsubaki at his side as he engaged in a web cam meeting with the Director of the newest Fenrir Branch, Director Garland of the Finland Branch, Dr. Sakaki was not in the mood to deal with him right now and the Den was still in an outrage at his forceful removal of their beloved First Unit Leader. The man already took the Den's Trickster Shooter, was he going to rub it in now.
"Director Garland, this is a little unexpected." Dr. Sakaki said, hiding his vexation and annoyance behind his usual fox grin. "I'm surprised you'd be calling back so soon after you already got what you wanted from us."
"Hmph, Doctor. Don't get so upset." Garland lightly chuckled at Dr. Sakaki. "I needed to take your prize Gods Eater for the better cause."
"I see... and what cause would that be?"
"You know it's the cause of securing man kinds place in this world."
"And it's for the good of man kind to experiment on our God Eaters like guinea pigs?" Tsubaki asked him in irritation.
"Merely a necessary sacrifice for the greater good."
"And how has your experiment been coming along?" Dr. Sakaki hated to admit it but the Stargazer inside of him was slightly curious about drastic measures Garland decided to take. Could Garland have possibly succeeded where he had failed?
"Better than I anticipated." Garland grinned, crossing his fingers to rest his chin on them. "In fact, I wanted you to see the progress we've made. Perhaps with the assessment from another Director will get HQ to approve of expanding the results to other Branches. Why don't you fly over here? Finland weather is great at this time of the year."
"Interesting proposal. However, I can't just up and leave my Branch."
"I can assure you it'll be worth the trip." Garland insisted. "Why not bring some Gods Eater escorts with you, I'm sure the members of the Den would enjoy seeing the progress Umiko's made."
"..." Dr. Sakaki was backed into a corner now, Umiko's name was a taboo around the Den now a days. Every time her name was spoken around the Den a gloomy cloud would come over everyone in the hearing vicinity. The female embodiment of Loki was deeply missed, and most wondered how she was doing. For him to decline now would bring down the wrath of the whole Den, it was bad enough that Tsubaki's professional eyes pleaded with him to accept for Umiko's sake. "(Sigh) Alright, let's see what you've been up to."
"Excellent. Finland Branch will be looking forward to your visit. Does three days from now sound good?"
"Fine by me, gives me time to select who I'm going to take to go with me."
"I'd suggest you bring one of your best New-Type Gods Eater so that we can compare the... results." Garland chuckled out before signing off the screen. Dr. Sakaki sighed, slouching down into his office chair.
"Looks like I'll be gone for a while, Tsubaki. Can you take charge while I'm gone."
"As always." Tsubaki complied. "May I suggest you take Alisa along with you. She is one of the best New-Types we have in the Den, it would show off the Far East Branch's pride."
"Well that's one taken care of, but what am I going to do about the other Gods Eater?" Dr. Sakaki sighed, running his hand through his hair.
Just then, Soma slammed through the door. His irises were more slit than usually, he must have found out about where Umiko was transferred.
"Hey, Doc. I need to have a word with you." Soma said, marching his way into the office.
"Have you forgotten yourself, Soma? You can't just show such insubordination by storming in here without permission." Tsubaki scolded at him.
"Sorry..." Soma apologized to her, but continued on to Dr. Sakaki's desk were he slammed his hands down on it. "When were you going to tell me that Umiko was in the clutches of that bastard?"
"Now, Soma. Is that any way to talk about family?" Dr. Sakaki lectured to him with squished-shut eyes and his trademark grin.
"Family? That S.O.B.'s just as bad as my old man was." Soma huffed. "That one eyed cyclopes is one to be reckoned with."
"Easy, Soma. Director Garland has been doing an outstanding job in the Fenrir community and has yet to violate any of the regulations for HQ to see your words as valid."
"Pfft, I know that guy. The only one he looks out for is himself. The bastard's a wolf in an authoritative coat, and you handed Umiko over to him on a silver platter?!"
"I had nothing to do with that! Garland went over my head and got permission from HQ, it couldn't be helped." Dr. Sakaki was starting to get irritated by all these Schicksals getting on his back, it must run in the family. "(Sigh) Look... I'm heading to Finland to observe the progress of Garland's... Evolution Project. I was planning to bring Alisa along as one of the Far East Branch's representatives, but I need another Gods Eater. Why don't you come along too? It'll be a great opportunity to see how Umiko's doing."
"..."
"I know you miss her, this is your chance to see her again... or at least what's left of her."
"?!" Soma's eyes dilated for a second before they slanted back down in rage. "What do you mean by that?"
"I'm not going to lie Soma, Garland is using Umiko as a test subject. Even began the procedure before he even left the Den. If his experiments went as plan she might be a little... different than before."
"You mean she's been turn into a Lab rat?!" Soma growled, furious that after all she had given up for Fenrir she'd just be used as a machine instead of the person she was.
"Unfortunately, Soma, that's how Fenrir runs things outside our Den. Fenrir owns their God Eaters like contracts, anything they say goes. We try to keep you all out of that dark side of Fenrir, so far we've done a good job." Tsubaki explained.
"The choice is yours, Soma. You can stay here and wonder about Umiko or come with me and see how she's doing, you decide." Dr. Sakaki said, closing his argument he waited for Soma's answer.
"... I'll go where you go."
