Okay, so here's the muchly anticipated chapter of when Tessa tells Daryl everything . . . "everything". So yeah, its pretty explosive and I hope to Hell ya guys like it :)
Just to clear up confusion, I did draw a lot of inspiration from the song "Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan. It is by Bob Dylan and I do reference HIS version of the song throughout the chapter purely for chronologically sake. I, personally, prefer the Magnet & Gemma Hayes version, however, their version of the song was not out when Daryl and Tessa were going through this, so I had, of course to use Bob Dylan. If you do want to listen to the song to get the feel I did for the chapter, then I severely urge you to listen to the Magnet & Gemma Hayes version over Bob Dylan because that's the version I used because to me, the Bob Dylan version is too cheery for this cheery. The other one is much more slowed down and mellow. Just clearing some stuff up :)
Read, review and enjoy!
- Nagiana
PS - Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, I expect them to get back to their original length next chapter.
Favorite Line(s):
"If what ya gonna tell me next is that Ethan's not even ma son after I grew to fuckin' love him with all my heart, then ya mine-as-well shoot me now 'cause all I'm gonna do is walk in those woods and do it myself, I swear to God I will, Tessa!"
"Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed.
Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed.
Whatever colors you have in your mind.
I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed.
Stay lady stay, stay with your man awhile.
Until the break of day, let me see you make 'em smile."
- Lay Lady Lay by Magnet & Gemma Hates (cover of a Bob Dylan song by the same name)
"Hey deddy – the tracks lead over this way!"
Daryl looked up at Ethan's words. He was kneeling on the ground about a meter or two away from him and Daryl couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows in confusion as he nodded towards him. "Are those tha tracks ya've been trackin' since tha creek?" He asked and Ethan nodded as Daryl got to his feet and moved to join his son. "Tha's hard to believe . . . why would she have wandered this far away?" Ethan shrugged but nodded to a break in the trees not far off from where they were standing.
"Beats me, but whatever the reason, they look like they lead through that break in the trees there. Beyond that, it looks to be a meadow of some sort." Daryl nodded as he held up his crossbow at the ready.
"Well alrighty then, looks like we're goin' through those trees next! Get ya bow ready – God only knows what we're gonna face out there." Ethan nodded and quickly readied his bow as they made a slow way through trees. It did indeed empty out into a meadow but they weren't completely alone in the meadow. A huge abandoned house not at all like the house they depicted in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies, sat right smack dab in the middle.
"Is it abandoned?" Ethan asked, and Daryl shrugged.
"It looks to be. Come on, let's check it out. She could be inside." Ethan nodded as Daryl led the way to the house. It was absolutely quiet in the meadow, no birds, no insects, no nothing sounded anything – not even the wind blew through the trees and the tall grass, ruffling the strands and the leaves on the branches. The two Dixons would be lying if they said it didn't creep them out just a little bit. Nothing good ever came out of anything being so damn quiet.
The house had obviously been barricaded but the front door broke open easily when Daryl kicked it open, crossbow immediately at the ready. They stepped in the house slowly and cautiously, their senses attuned to pick up anything and everything. If there was anything alive in that house, they would know it as soon as it made the slightest bit of movement.
"Ya want me to check the upstairs?" Ethan asked him, his voice quiet, and Daryl shook his head.
"Nah, not right now. I don't trust those stairs and if there's anythin' up there, I don' want ya to have to face it alone," He shot him a grin. "Tess would never forgive me if I allowed ya to get even tha tiniest splinter!" He teased and Ethan shot him a look as they continued down the creaky hallway on their journey making sure the house was completely safe. By the looks of the destruction and overall weatherbeatenness of the inside as well as the barrenness of the rooms, Daryl would say that the house had been abandoned for a long time . . . possibly even before the walkers came.
"There's a can of freshly opened sardines over here . . ." Daryl told him when they entered what looked like the kitchen and Ethan nodded before gesturing to a closed to doorway across the room, his bow pointed at it.
"Was that door open when we came in here?" He asked, and Daryl shot him a look as he slowly inched to it, his crossbow at the ready. Ethan fell in step behind him, covering his father as Daryl reached out and took ahold of the thin plyboard side. When he opened it, the only thing behind it was a half stocked pantry. Daryl sighed and allowed his crossbow to fall lankly to his side as he turned to leave. Ethan's hand caught him in the chest, however, and he pointed down to the floor. Daryl followed his gaze and his eyes widened.
"Jackpot . . ." He murmured as he stooped down to observe the small bedding lay out on the floor of the pantry. It seemed exactly Sophia's size for there would have been no way in Hell that a regular sized adult could have squeezed himself or herself into such a small space. It had to have been a child – it had to have been Sophia!
He glanced at Ethan and gestured to the front door. "Ya take tha front door and I'll take tha backdoor. Circle tha property and meet me 'round back. Keep ya eyes peeled for any crawlspaces tha' she could have gotten into." He told him and Ethan nodded before he turned around and retraced his steps back through the house to the front door. Daryl turned in a slow circle, wanting to make sure he missed nothing else in the house and it was then that his eyes landed on it.
It was a necklace – polished to a shine and made of expertly cut black soapstone. It hung on a woven clothe chain and when he picked it up, it was clear it was of genuine Cherokee make – not a Wal-Mart brand rip-off. His eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. They were a long way away from any Cherokee reservation, the closest one being the one on the other side of Atlanta – the one that Tessa and Ethan had originally came from. What the Hell was this little piece of history doing in such a rundown, abandoned shithole like this?
He gave up wondering about it and pocketed it without giving it too much thought. He already had something to do. He had to find Sophia, not wonder about the authenticity of a necklace. He moved out the backdoor and stepped outside right when Ethan was rounding the corner. The youngest Dixon shrugged in defeat and Daryl swore under his breath before shouting out 'Sophia!' Ethan did it too as they craned their heads to see inside the surrounding tree line and it was then that Daryl's eyes caught sight of the lone white flower blooming not far away from them in a bed of thorn bushes. He made his quick way over to it, Ethan on his heels and when he reached it, he bent down in front of it, his eyebrows furrowing in slight interest.
"It's a Cherokee Rose . . ." Ethan spoke in slight interest and Daryl nodded.
"Yeah, what's it doin' here?" He glanced behind him. "Ya know tha story behind this, don' ya?" Ethan nodded.
"Kinda. It has something to do with the Trail of Tears and mothers losing their children, right? Momma told it to me one day when I was young but . . . I wasn't listening." Daryl nodded.
"Yeah, it has to do with a Cherokee fable tha' claims these flowers sprang up from tha tears of Cherokee mothers when they would lose their children along tha Trail of Tears. I mean, tha's not all of it but ya'll have to get ya momma to tell it to ya again someday. She should know it - after all, she was the one I heard it from in tha first place!" They stood there and observed it for a moment before Daryl leaned forward and gently plucked it.
"What do ya plan on doing with that?" Ethan couldn't help but ask in interest, and Daryl chewed on the inside of his lip as he turned around and headed back into the house.
"I'm gonna give a mother hope."
"Hey . . ."
Tessa jerked around when she heard the quiet voice coming up behind her and smiled when she saw that it was only Daryl. She was up on the hill by the crumbling chimney, sitting on the ground with her back to the ancient brick. "You guys are back, already? Any luck?" He shrugged as he moved to join her.
"Yes and no. We didn' find Sophia but we did find beddin' in a pantry of an abandoned house. It fit her body size," He told her and she nodded and looked away, her face resuming its pensive look that it had carried before he came up to join her. He chewed on the corner of his thumbnail for a moment before heaving a sigh. "I gotta talk to ya . . ." He finally spoke and Tessa snapped her eyes onto him and nodded.
"Yeah, I got to talk to you too. You go first, though – I doubt you can top mine!" She chuckled and Daryl shared her laugh as he nodded to her.
"Turn around. It's a surprise." Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, she did as she was told and turned slightly at the waist so that her back was to him. Daryl lifted his hips up slightly and pulled the necklace out of his front jeans pocket. His arm curved around her waist, pulling her back to him as he brought the necklace into her view. Her look of confusion was joined by a look of interest.
"What is it?" Tessa asked as she took the pendant in her hand. It was made of what appeared to be polished black soapstone and be carved in the shape of a bear . . . a bear and her cub. Her eyes softened as Daryl placed a chaste kiss on her neck.
"When me and Ethan were lookin' for Sophia today, I came across this in tha house we were lookin' through – tha house where we found tha beddin' in. It looks Cherokee and I thought ya . . . ya know . . . might want it . . ." He told her somewhat awkwardly, and Tessa grinned as she ran a loving finger over the polished surface. "Maybe ya . . . ya know, could wear it with tha one ya already have – tha one tha' used to be ya grandma's."
"There's an old Cherokee myth having to do with a bear, you know? Actually, there are many, but . . . there's one that is especially appropriate," She told him and when he nodded, she grinned and shrugged as she turned around slightly and handed it back to him. "Help me put it on, will ya?" Daryl nodded as he took it from her and she moved her hair out of the way. "I don't remember it all because my grandmother told me it when I was a child a long, long time ago, but what I do remember is that it encompassed a beautiful woman mourning the death of her child because it had been so cruelly taken from her. The Gods took pity on her and changed her into one of the first black bears. Then, as a sign of love and sorrow, they brought her child back to life in the form of a bear cub - her bear cub. I'm mean, I'm not nearly doing the story justice, I know, but ever since then, the Cherokee have utilized the bear as a symbol of motherhood because of how diligently and lovingly the bear raises her cub into adulthood," She turned around and turned a soft eye onto him, her hand moving to slid up his chest to cup his neck. "I love it, Daryl," She shook her head. "And whatever I tell you – however you choose to react to it, know that I love you and I always will!"
The words seemed to make his blood run cold instead of warm him inside out like they should have. He had wanted her to hear her tell him she loved him for the longest time, however, the accompanying words shot that feeling all to Hell. "What do you have to tell me?" He asked her, his voice coming out quiet and far away, like a child's who was about to be told his parents were getting a divorce or one of them had just died of very unfortunate circumstances.
Tessa stayed quiet for a moment, gathering her thoughts before she began. When she did – when she finally told him what Merle had done to her in the barn – their barn – with his druggie friend, she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. She felt the subtle tightening of his arms around her but didn't know whether that was because of his sorrow that he hadn't been there to protect her when she needed him most, or because he was shocked at what she was telling him. It was Merle, after all, and although their relationship was by no means harmonious, Daryl still held an almost blind love and loyalty for his brother.
"So tha's really why ya left me, ain' it? It wasn' really his temperament tha' made ya finally leave, but . . . but what he and Dennis did to ya?" She nodded and he swallowed hard. "Tha's . . . tha's what caused ya depression too, ain' it? Why ya . . ." He glanced away and swallowed hard before turning his eyes back onto hers. His eyes were wet when he turned them onto her and she had to admit, it was the first time Tessa had ever seen tears in his eyes. "Why ya couldn' touch me until tha night ya left . . ." She nodded and it was then that he let her go and got to his feet. He took a few steps away, his back to her and she could tell that he was fighting hard to control the whirlwind of emotions flying around inside him like a hurricane. There wasn't just anger, she realized, but betrayal, confusion and agony as well.
"But . . . that's not all . . ." She told him and the look of shocked disbelief he turned onto her then made her heart beat faster.
"T-There's more?" He demanded, his eyes becoming slightly enraged. "Now what are ya goin' to tell me? Tha'-tha' ya thought, for one fuckin' minute, tha' Ethan was Merle's son and not mine?"
She swallowed hard, her eyes averting to the ground at his words and the look of horror that appeared on his face and in his eyes then really did make her heart pound. Her eyes widened as she quickly got to her feet and moved over to him. He expertly sidestepped her, though, his eyes unable to break with hers. "Daryl, please don't -!"
"Are ya shittin' me, Tess?" He asked her, his voice trembling with barely held back rage. His eyes bubbled with tears and his jaw hardened. It was all in rage, though . . . rage and agony. His shook his head. "If what ya gonna tell me next is tha' Ethan's not even ma son after I grew to fuckin' love him with all ma heart, then ya mine-as-well shoot me now 'cause all I'm gonna do is walk in those woods and do it myself, I swear to God, Tessa Nightrun!"
Tears appeared in her eyes as well as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "He is yours, so I don't want any more talk of suicide, Daryl Dixon!" She told him with a finality that momentarily shocked him as she spat out his last name with particular venom. She had always hated it when they would get into a fight and he would call her by her full name. She had no idea why, she just did.
"How do ya know?" She heaved a heavy sigh and looked away. She didn't answer him for a moment and his teeth gritted. "How tha fuck do ya know?" He repeated to her, his anger close to brimming over and she rolled her eyes.
"Jenner, okay?" She snapped back at him, her eyes starting to flicker with angry electricity and this time, he did recoil.
"W-what - Jenner? How?" Tessa nodded.
"All while Ethan was growing up, I always . . . I always felt that he was yours, Daryl! Deeply, maternally, I knew he was conceived with you the night that I left, not in the barn with Merle. So, when we were at the CDC, I saw my chance. Jenner was a scientist – he had the facilities available to get it done. While you were in the shower, I went down to him and he agreed to do a paternity test on you and Ethan. The test came back positive – you are Ethan's father, Daryl! Not Merle, but you!"
"How did he -?"
"The blood," She interrupted him. "The blood that he took from you two when we first entered; he used whatever he had left of that," She moved over to him then, slowly, as if approaching a frightened horse ready to bolt, and her hand gently smoothed over his chest. His eyes darted down to the new pendant hanging around her neck before moving back up to hers. "I thought . . . I thought this news you would welcome! Now you know, with one hundred percent certainty, that Ethan is your son!" She shook her head as a lone tear streak down her cheek. "You know I wouldn't lie to you about something like this! Not this!"
Daryl's eyes searched hers then, digging deep for any sign that she was lying to him, and immediately relaxed when he didn't. They were wide and honest and he let out a defeated groan then as he looped his arms around her waist and brought her roughly into him. His face buried in her neck as sobs wracked through his body. He begged for her forgiveness – for not being there when she needed him most and she gave it, readily – anything to keep him from becoming angry and storming off.
Her arms wrapped around his neck and she held him as for once, he allowed his walls down. And when his tears seemed to dry up and he collected himself, he broke apart from her. It was then, as she stood there, unmoving, she watched him as he cracked - as he spilled open and his demons flew out with a single tear from a weary but enraged eye.
"Tha next time I see Merle . . . I'm bringin' ya his head!"
"Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed
Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed . . ."
She knew she was going against her heart - that what she was about to do would wound him more than anything his father, mother or brother could ever have done to him as a child, but she just had to go. It wasn't that she didn't love him - because she did! She just . . .
Tessa stood in front of the window across from Daryl's bed, watching through the blackness of the deep Southern night as the fat raindrops pelted against the windowpane and the glass. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest as she turned her head to look back at the tiny diamond gold engagement sitting on the worn wooden nightstand by his bed - the bed where he slept in a peaceful slumber. There was a clear spot beside him - in his arms - that was clear where she had been sleeping before she decided this was what she was going to do. His scarred chest was bare, as was the rest of his body, for they had made love not long ago for the first time since her assault in the barn, throwing their clothing into the darkest corners of the room in their haste to be connected, hot flesh, to hot flesh. Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay" played softly over the radio and even then, it still played. She found it would always be her favorite song . . .
Tessa smiled a small smile as a tear leaked out from underneath her closed eyelid and slid down her cheek, leaving a watery trail in its wake that shimmered in the light of the moon that managed to squeeze its way into the room through the fat raindrops. She slowly gathered her clothes from the floor and dressed just as slowly. She then shrugged on his leather jacket even though it was plenty warm out, not because she was cold, but because she selfishly wanted something of Daryl's to remember him by . . . something that smelled like him.
Daryl Dixon . . . redneck, white trash hick - borderline racist . . . the only man she ever loved and she bet she ever would.
"Stay, lady, stay, stay with your man awhile
Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he's standing in front of you . . ."
The stanza she came in on in the song almost made her buckle down and sob. At first glance, she found her entire body screaming at her not to leave him - to stay with him for a while. However, once she dug deeper, she realized that her mind . . . oh God, she felt like her mind was in shambles! She knew if she stayed there any longer, with those leering, all-knowing smirks and sneers that Merle would send her whenever Daryl wasn't looking, that she would only get worse, and to her, that would hurt Daryl infinitely more than her leaving him.
She loved him too much to allow him to just sit by and watch her slowly wither and die while she couldn't summon the courage to tell him why. She wasn't strong enough to be with him anymore - she couldn't give him what he wanted. She couldn't marry him - she couldn't give him the children he wanted so badly . . . not with Merle there.
"I'm so sorry Daryl, but I cannot stay here and carry on any longer! I love you . . . so fucking much!" She whispered to no one in particular, her voice heavy with unshed tears as she kissed him gently on the cheek before slipping quickly and quietly out the doorway before he could awake.
He didn't.
