12 – Awakening
The silent group of mourners swathed in black stood outside town, their heads bowed. At the head of the group, the D'ni preacher, flanked by Atrus and Catherine. Behind them, Jane and Yeesha, the former with her arm around the latter's shoulders. Behind them, Jordan, Rachel, Maddy and Brittany. Behind them, a small group consisting of Irvan, Tamara and Tamon of the D'ni, Anya of the Serenians, and Nelah of the Rivenese, as well as a few other people. They were silent as the preacher completed his address, and remained silent for several respectful moments. Finally, Atrus raised his head.
"Thank you all," he said gravely. "Please, if you can, join us for a light meal at the Writer's Guild hall."
The crowd raised their heads, and a dull murmur of conversation started up as the crowd broke ranks and slowly began to trickle back towards the glittering city. Atrus and Catherine remained, staring down at the two graves. Atrus eventually broke the silence.
"I am so sorry, my love."
"There's nothing to be sorry about, Atrus."
"But there is. Perhaps if I'd been more… willing… to mend things with Sirrus, this wouldn't have happened."
"You were right to be sceptical, my love." Catherine touched Atrus' arm lightly. "If anyone is to blame here, it's me. I should never have pressed you to reopen the links, to re-establish ties… I was too short-sighted to see past them, time and time again."
"No," replied Atrus, "it was natural to want to mend things with them. We both need to share in the blame here, and move on… for our sakes, and Yeesha's."
Catherine nodded. "You're right, of course… but it'll be hard. For everyone."
In the bustle of the Releeshahn city, nobody in the group noticed Jane slip away and dart over to the common library. In the few days since Sirrus' death, she had been in a constant state of mental turmoil, and didn't feel comfortable confiding in anyone – not her parents, not Maddy, Brittany, Atrus or Catherine, not even Yeesha – for fear of being judged for it. This morning, as they stood on the hill outside the city, she had realised where she could go to escape this, and who she could tell.
The library was filled with a few D'ni going about their daily business, but nobody paid Jane any mind as she located the book linking to Tomahna. It was, like the other commonly-used books, nestled in a corner of the library on its own stand, open to the glowing last page. She stepped through the panel, breathing the warm afternoon desert air for a few seconds before moving into Atrus' study, opening the book sitting on the stand behind the desk and linking through again.
She met nobody as she passed through the stone forest, and the Memory Chamber was as silent and empty as ever, the doors once again standing open. She made her way slowly up the stairs to the stone bed, slowly turned the handle to lower the flat stone above the bed, then lay down and looked up, breathing slowly and deeply.
The transition into Dream was not nearly as unpleasant as the last times she had visited, and before she knew it she was floating in darkness yet again.
We meet again, my friend, rang out the deep, soothing voice of the guide. You are troubled.
"Yes," replied Jane quietly, feeling much more at ease than she had for several days now.
You are unhappy with your decision to condemn the intruder to death. It was, as ever, not a question. Jane nodded, unsure if the guide could actually see her. I sympathise.
"I was hoping, um…"
That I could help you move past it. Jane swallowed and nodded again. I can only try and help you see that you made the right decision.
"Could I have… saved him? Saved them both?"
I am afraid not. You could not have saved him, whatever you did. Not once the fungus started to die.
"Why not?"
The intruder – Sirrus – used his machines to force himself into Dream. He had no guide; he was only protected from being crushed by anchoring himself to her. He was forcing the fungus to work in ways it normally does not, and twisting the rules of dreaming to his own end. But when he tried to block the transfer, and the fungus started to die, his machines did not know how to respond. His machine allowed him to force memories in and out of Dream, but they relied entirely on the fungus, and when the fungus started to die, his machines could no longer locate him. He had no choice but to cling to Yeesha and hope that the fungus became strong enough to complete the transfer. Yeesha, on the other hand, was safe in Dream, with my brother protecting her. Once you released her from Sirrus, my brother was able to immediately send her back to Serenia. But Sirrus, having no guide to help him return, was doomed.
"But… what if I hadn't done anything? What if I'd let him hang on to her?"
Then, eventually, the fungus would have died. I would have been forced to return you to Serenia, but Sirrus and Yeesha would have remained here, tethered to each other. And if you remain here for too long, it becomes dangerous – your waking mind will begin to decay if left for too long. Serenians spend only fifteen minutes at a time here before we send them back, but if the fungus died we would likely not be able to, and Sirrus' machines would not have been able to retrieve him. Even if, somehow, the fungus was resurrected and the connection reopened, their waking minds would have incurred irreversible damage in the interim.
"Wait… so… would Sirrus' plan have worked, then?"
Not in exactly the way he planned. I cannot speak for the part about tricking his parents into believing he was Yeesha – that has nothing to do with Dream, of course. But if he remained as Yeesha for several years, it would not have been healthy for his own body. His machines kept the body alive, of course, but they did nothing for the mind. He would have returned here, years later, and found himself likely unable to return to his own body.
"Do you think… do you think I did the right thing?"
Yes. And furthermore, the fact that you are so conflicted about this speaks volumes about you. Many people wouldn't have thought twice about letting him die, but you recognised that you should avoid doing so if possible. You only let him die because, as I have said, you had no other choice. That is admirable.
"But do you think he deserved to die?"
It is not my place to judge the crimes of others. Many would say yes. You, as I have said, clearly disagree.
Jane hesitated briefly. "If he hadn't tried to stop the transfer…"
The transfer is a quick process, replied the guide. It would more than likely have completed before the fungus started to die.
"So…"
So, more than likely, he would have lived. She would have lived. And I suspect that the third one, the one called Achenar, would also have lived. So, in a way, Sirrus condemned himself to death.
Jane considered this silently, and she felt comfortable. She doubted that the memory of the event would ever leave her completely, but she did feel better.
"Thanks." She smiled slightly.
You are welcome.
"Another thing… the way the Serenians talk about death."
When someone close to you dies, said the guide, the sadness you feel is not specifically because they are dead. You are sad because you will not be able to see them, speak with them again. But the Serenians have found a way around that, and so, to them, death is not something to mourn.
"Aren't they scared of it, though?"
No. The reason you fear death is the same reason you fear darkness. You do not fear the thing itself, you fear the unknown. You fear the thing because you fear what it hides. You fear death because you do not know what is beyond. But the Serenians know what lies beyond death – at least, what lies beyond death for them. So they do not fear it.
Jane was silent, pondering the deep philosophy behind this. The silence stretched on, absolute and stifling, but not uncomfortable. After a few minutes, the guide spoke again.
Much as it is nice to forget about time when you come here, we must, as I said, still observe it. It is time for me to return you to Serenia. I hope I have been of help -
"You really have, thanks -"
- and I will be more than happy to assist you again next time you wish to come here. Farewell, Traveller.
The darkness contracted and rushed around Jane once again as she rose into the blinding light and back into her body. She sat up, almost comfortable with the sensation of dreaming now, stretching her legs. She felt very much as though a weight had been lifted from her mind. Feeling much happier than she had in some time, she set off in the direction of the forest.
A/N: So, yeah, it's been a while. I thought I'd better finish this story off rather than leave it hanging, so there'll be one more chapter after this one (hopefully in a few days).
