Revan leaned back, as she heard her father's words echo through her mind. "Remember, that even when all seems lost. When it seems that you are in your darkest hour, and all the universe is trying to stop you. When it seems as if the very Force itself is your foe, and that you have no hope, there is no such thing as fate. Visions, even those granted to the great Jedi Masters by the Force are not the only way things can happen.
"And nightmares are just dreams, Revan. No matter how real they may seem at the time, you mustn't think that it is what will come to pass. We always have the power to change our fate. Though for most it is too difficult a chance to actually seize.
"But, if you have the determination, anything is possible. You can change the fate of the galaxy, if you work hard enough at it. And, if one can change the fate of everything they know, then they can easily change their own fate. If they will simply put their entire being into it."
"And Revan, I want you to promise me that when you do fall in love, let no force stand between you and pursuing the one you love. Only do not avoid it if they are sworn to another. Only then, deny yourself love. Do not let those who do not understand love because they have never felt it tell you it is wrong.
"Do not feel guilty if you love another. If there are reasons that it cannot happen between you and the one you love at one time, pursue it when the option is available later. Do not live a life of misery because of what another has told you is right and wrong when it comes to love."
She sighed, as the words rang through her head. Bastila looked up from a datapad she'd been reading and asked, "What's wrong, Rev?"
"Just thinking about some stuff my dad told me, back in the day."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Nothing important. Just some advice he gave me. The last year of his life, he was concerned with passing all of his wisdom onto me. Almost like he knew what was going to happen, and was trying to prepare me for it." Revan replied, smiling sadly.
"Did it help at all?"
"Not really. He still died, and I still was sold into slavery. But I've always found it strange when I think of how he had acted that day. We'd dealt with a few bandits in the past. Mom and dad had never shown fear. As I was told to run and hide, they were both terrified.
"I always that something was off with them that day. Dad... he was so concerned with getting me as far away from the house as possible. But... I only had the nerves to hide in the back yard. Maybe if I'd done what he wanted nothing would have happened to me."
"You can't blame yourself for something that happened to you as a child. There was no way that you could have seen what was coming. And if you'd gone further you might have been just killed by a different group of mandalorians." Bastila said, placing a hand on Revan's shoulder.
"I know." Revan sighed. "But, I still can't make sense of it. How could everything happen exactly the way it did is the question that still keeps me awake some nights. None of it makes sense to me. That attack was nothing like previous raids on Deralia. And all the mandalorians did was ravage the planet. They didn't take anything except a few slaves."
"Maybe you aren't supposed to make sense of that day, Rev. Maybe it was simply supposed to be an event that shaped much of your life."
"There isn't much point in spending time thinking about it. I know there are better things for me to spend my time on, but it keeps coming back to me. How... strange dad was acting. It always felt to me like he knew something was coming."
"How could he have known that something was coming? He wasn't Force Sensitive."
"I don't know. And you should go back to studying that. Force Theory is very important for you to understand if you ever want to be able to improvise attacks in the heat of battle."
Bastila nodded, and asked, "Did you really study all of this years ago?"
"Before Kreia would let me use the Force at all, she made me recite that entire damn book from memory. It may seem tedious and boring now, but it pays off in the long run."
"You have all of... this... floating around in your head?" Bastila asked, astonishment clear in her voice.
"Down to every last bit of punctuation. Obviously you're a bit older so I can't make you do that, but I do recommend it. Improvisation requires understanding the rules of what you're trying to improvise."
"And it's not something you can just give a brief summary of."
"Unfortunately not. Going through each and every bit of the theory is the only way to make sure that you understand it fully. A summary might be lacking in key details. Details that could mean the difference between life and death."
-=0=-
That night, Revan stared at the ceiling above her bed. The resting quarters on the Ebon Hawk were better than she had anticipated. Not much, but they had actual beds. But still fear coursed through her veins. Memories of her vision the night before still plagued her mind.
And the words of her father echoed through her mind over and over again, as if they were a counter point to the darkness of her vision. Each time she closed her eyes, Revan saw the look of horror in Bastila's eyes. The pleading for mercy, and the longing to be remembered. As if recognition would save her.
As Revan contemplated the vision more and more, it seemed to her that in it she and Bastila had been together. And something wasn't quite right within the Knight. It was almost as if the Knight had lost all control of herself, and was nothing more than a puppet of an unseen force. One that had complete control of her body and voice.
The corpse of Bastila stared up at Revan, condemning the Jedi. Revan would force away that image every time it ran through her mind. Every time it went through her she felt a deep sense of loathing for herself. As if she were the only one responsible for Bastila's fate in the dream.
As Revan stared at the ceiling, afraid to close her eyes, Bastila said,"You need to get some rest."
"I can't. Not tonight. Not on this ship."
"It's because of your nightmare last night? The one that you refuse to talk about?"
"Don't worry about me, Bastila. I'll be fine. But you need to get some rest. Your training is only going to get more intense as we get closer and closer to the point where I'll have no choice but go to war. Even if the Council is so opposed that I will have to forever abandon the Order."
"Do you really think that's going to happen?"
"I don't know if it will, but right now that isn't what's important. Get some rest, you're going to need it." Revan replied.
Bastila just sighed, and turned away. When she was done Revan sighed, and whispered to herself, "I should get some sleep too."
-=0=-
Revan looked around her. She was in the command center of a mandalorian vessel. She looked around, and saw only a single foe before her. A single vibrosword in his hand. He looked her in the eye, and removed his helmet.
He laughed, and said, "So we meet face to face at last. The girl from Deralia who was sold to Vi'stan. You look so much stronger than your parents were when I cut them down. This will be a glorious battle, for both of us."
Revan glared at him, and said, "This is no battle, Marthan. This is your execution." drawing her twin blades. As they ignited, a red glow filled the faintly lit room.
He looked at her, an arrogant smirk on his face, and said, "You are still nothing more than a child. I broke you once when I slew your parents. You haven't recovered, even after all these years."
Revan glared at him, the air around her starting to crackle with electricity. The temperature of the room began to rise behind her, and drop in front of her.
The Jedi stepped forward, and whispered, "You do not deserve to mention them, animal. At the end of this day, there shall be not even a single atom left of you. The Force itself shall be torn in the place where you fall because of what I'm going to do to you."
He laughed, then said with an arrogant smirk, "No, it won't. You try to strike me down, and you will not be able to raise your blades against me. After all, what would you be without me, Tremaine?"
Revan was quiet for a moment, then said, "Not an orphan. Mentally stable. I'd be a lot more capable of sleeping through the night instead of waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares. I probably wouldn't be a killer. That'd be nice. Marthan. This
"I guess we could say that what I'd be without you, mandalorian, is normal. There is nothing, and no one, in this galaxy that would stop me from turning back time if it meant I could still have my parents alive. If I could make so your raid on Deralia never happened.
"But we both know time travel is impossible. So, I'll settle with the next best thing. Cutting down the man who destroyed everything I have ever loved."
He sighed, and said, "But I can destroy the only one you love currently, Revan." stepping to the side he reveal a sedated Bastila. He placed a blade to her throat, and said, "It was most difficult to relocate Ms. Shan without you becoming aware. But, we were able. Now, either surrender your weapons to me, harmlessly, or she dies."
Revan looked at Bastila, then at Marthan. Her blood boiled as she looked him in the eyes.
She stared, furiously, into his cold eyes. She saw the intent to kill within those gray eyes, and threw the lightsabers on the ground.
She looked at him, and whispered too softly for him to hear, "You underestimate my power. I do not need blades to end an animal such as you."
As she finished speaking, Revan lashed out with the Force. Ropes of invisible energy extended from the Jedi Knight into Marthan, and rapidly crushed his throat, lungs, heart, brain, and eyes.
He fell, lifeless to the ground. As he collapsed, Revan ran over to Bastila and released her from the chains. The Padawan looked up and said, "Revan, you shouldn't have come here. This ship... is a trap."
"No shit." Revan replied, helping her up.
"There's a pressure plate I'm standing on, Rev. If I move, this entire ship will self destruct. It's..."
"tuned to your weight. I figured as much, Bas. He wouldn't have been so confident if there was any way to safely get you out of here. Well... for both of us to get out of here."
"What are you thinking of doing, Rev?"
"I can get you out of here... but not go with you. You'll live... I won't."
"Revan, can you think of another way? A plan that would save both of us?"
"There isn't time. Mando's are going to be coming into here soon. We have to get one of us out fast. And, there is no way that you can convince me to live by sacrificing you."
"I'm not going to let you kill yourself to save me, Revan! The Republic fleet needs you to lead them. If you die, the Republic will follow."
"If you die, I'll follow just as quickly."
Bastila took a deep breath, then said, "I guess we'll just die together, then."
"NO! I am not going to let you die because of my actions!" Revan shouted.
Bastila stepped forward, and said, "This is your own fault. You should have lived. But you were too worried about me."
"Of course I'm more worried about you than I am about myself!" Revan replied, as if it were simple.
Bastila smiled, and said, "That's sweet." as the heat of the ship exploding consumed them both.
-=0=-
Revan woke, and couldn't stop shaking. She tried to move, but was paralyzed where she lay. She tried to stop shaking, but couldn't. A second later, Bastila was sitting beside her, and asked, "Revan, what's wrong?"
"Another... nightmare... felt too real... like a vision." Revan managed to say, before she was able to somewhat slow her shaking.
Bastila placed a hand on Revan's shoulder, and said, "What happened in this nightmare that has you so terrified?"
Revan took a deep breath, and then said, "We... died. You were dead because I insisted on taking my vengeance on that mandalorian son of a bitch who killed my parents. You died... and it was all my fault. No one to blame but me, and a never-ending quest for revenge.
"It ended with us dying, a massive explosion utterly destroying the both of us. I think I tried to shield you from it somewhat... but there was so little time. I couldn't do anything meaningful.
"I was powerless, the mandalorians outsmarted me. Used my only weakness against me. By seemingly giving me what I'd wanted, they beat me."
Bastila wrapped an arm around Revan's shoulder, and said, "Just think of it as the Force telling you that if you are not careful, there will be serious consequences. Showing you that you need to be cautious when entering into this war."
"I know that's what it means... but I'm still terrified that what if it wasn't the Force trying to guide me. What if it was the Force showing me what is to come to pass."
Bastila did not respond, but instead turned away. As if she weren't sure what to say. As she remained silent, Revan remembered the words of her father, "We always have the power to change our fate."
Revan sighed, and said, "I'm sorry for waking you, Bas. I'll be fine. Even if that was a sign of things to come, nothing is truly written in stone until it has come to pass. I could always do something to change our fate should that be a vision of what one future might be."
Bastila nodded, and said, "You need to find a way to make these nightmares stop. You not sleeping is bad, not just for you and me losing sleep, but everyone who'll be relying on you to lead the Republic and save them as well."
"I know." Revan sighed, "But, in these nightmares it seems like the only one I'm concerned about is you." turning away from Bastila, "Sleep well, Bas."
Bastila sighed, as she felt Revan completely block the bond. The Padawan could barely even feel its existence through the Knight's barricade.
-=0=-
The next morning-cycle on the Ebon Hawk, Revan walked into the bridge. Sitting in the pilot's seat, was Razol. He looked up at her with confusion. She sat down in the co-pilot's chair, a single small fresh wound on her left arm. It looked to be self inflicted.
Cautiously he asked, "What happened to your arm?"
"Don't worry about it."
"I kindof want to know why a Jedi on my ship is cutting herself on my ship. And with a regular metal blade, not your sabre."
"I barely know you, Razol. And you work for the Exchange. I can't trust you."
"Then why are you coming up here where I am? I've been giving you and your student plenty of space to not cause any trouble."
Revan sighed, and said, "Because I need to keep distance from her."
Razol looked out at the stars through the window, and said, "You love her and are terrified that she'll die. Not for any fault of her own, but because you fucked up. Trying to get her out of your head."
Revan just stared at the stars, and said, "Say another word, Razol, and it'll be your last. I'm just in here because Bastila won't come up to this part of the ship. I want perfect silence, we clear?"
He nodded, as she stared out into the space. Her mind seeming to go a thousand miles away. She stared at the stars, and he stared at her wound.
After a few minutes it lost his interest, and he returned to making sure the ship was on its proper heading for Dantooine. After guaranteeing they wouldn't end up off by a few hundred thousand kilometers due to their angle being off by a couple of millimeters, the man stood up, and said, "Enjoy your silent bridge. I'm off to make sure my cargo is fine."
-=0=-
Bastila blinked open her eyes and saw that Revan's bed was empty. The next things she noticed was try as she might, she couldn't feel the bond. It was just... gone. She started to panic, and the first thought that ran through her mind was, 'Did Revan get killed while I was asleep and I didn't notice it because of the block she put on the bond?'
After dismissing that fear because they were in hyperspace, she exited the room, and started to looking for Revan.
She looked around the central chamber, where Revan had previously made sure the younger woman had been keeping up with her assigned studies. Revan had also been reading something of her own. Though what it was the Knight had refused to talk about.
Bastila looked around, and saw Razol walk towards the cargo hold. Suspicion of their escort rising up once more in the back of the Padawan's mind she followed him. Once he reached the always locked door of the cargo hold he quickly put in a code that opened the door.
He slipped inside the door while it was still partially open, and ordered it shut before it went all the way open. Rising suspicions, and concern for Revan's safety compelled Bastila to walk up to the door, and enter the code that Razol had.
When she finished, and the door started to open, he came around the corner, blaster in hand. He placed it right on Bastila's forehead, and said, "You really shouldn't have done that kiddo. Now I'm going to have to put you down. That code is a secret only I knew before you had to go and copy it!"
Bastila felt the Force flow through her before she even realized what she was doing. She slammed Razol into the wall, and growled, "Where is Revan?"
The smuggler groaned in pain, and said, "Your pal is up in the bridge. Said she needs to keep her distance from you."
Bastila glared, and slammed the man into another wall, and said, "Never threaten my again, Razol. Should you try anything I will stop you, and I will end you."
He muttered something unintelligible, the pain apparently too much for him to even form a coherent sentence. Bastila shook her head, and walked up to the bridge. But before she could even make three steps, she was met with a furious looking Revan. The Knight pushed her aside, and eased Razol's pain.
Once that was done, Revan growled, "Bastila, return to your bunk immediately, and do not leave them without my permission again until we arrive on Dantooine."
The Padawan nodded, surprise clear in her eyes. She couldn't feel the bond even while close enough to touch Revan. The only way she could feel Revan's rage through the Force was the senses honed by her Jedi training.
She silently walked away, confused as to Revan's sudden shift in attitude. Once back at her bunk, she pulled out the datapad was having her read through, and tossed it onto the sterile bunk on her left.
-=0=-
Revan glared at Razol, and said, "What the fuck were you doing drawing a blaster on Bastila?"
"She was apparently watching me, and used the password to the cargo bay."
"I've known that since day one." Revan replied, "Two, four, six, eight is not exactly that hard a password to break."
"Why did you heal my wounds if you knew I pulled a gun on your pal?"
"Because I don't want to be stuck on a ship where it's just me and Bastila."
He nodded, still clutching his side from the impact with the wall. "Any chance you could actually fix this up, instead of just numbing the pain?"
"No. Consider it your punishment for pulling a gun on my student." Revan replied walking away.
-=0=-
That night, Bastila asked, "Revan, why can't I feel the presence of the bond anymore."
"Don't worry about it." Revan replied.
"I can't help but worry about it. What did you do, Rev?"
"Don't call me that."
"What's wrong?"
"You just need to focus on learning what I can teach you, Bastila. That datapad won't do you any good on the bunk gathering dust."
Bastila just nodded, and took it back. She looked at Revan, hurt and confused. Revan had already turned her back, and said, "Get some rest. You won't learn from it properly late at night. Your mind won't be fully alert."
-=0=-
Two more days passed, with Revan rarely letting Bastila leave the bunk. Three times a day the night left a platter of food Bastila could reach, and five times a day she sent Bastila to the restroom for fifteen minutes.
Two days Revan spent most of in the bridge, staring at the stars. Running through every possible scenario that could happen once she left for war. Dozens she went through in those two days. Each one ending with the death of Bastila.
Each one, terrifying Revan more and more. No matter what, she couldn't get Bastila off her mind. The thought terrified her. After a while, on the third day, she took a deep breath, and left the bridge early.
She walked stoically into the quarters she and Bastila shared. She sat down on the bunk opposite her student, still reading the book.
Then, Revan said, "Bastila. I'm going to war once we return to Dantooine. And once it's over, I won't be coming back to Dantooine."
"Why the sudden desire to have nothing to do with me?" Bastila asked, looking at Revan with confusion.
Revan looked away from her and said, "You'd be an unnecessary distraction. The nature of our bond will always make me feel a need to protect you. But, if I can weaken the bond and then sever it without suffering negative consequences it would be for the best."
"Is this because of what happened with Razol yesterday, or because of your nightmares?"
"The visions. I don't want anything to happen to you. And that desire to see you safe is not beneficial to my potential as someone who will be fighting a war. I won't be able to help if my concern is with someone who would be millions of kilometers away."
"You could just try being less paranoid about me getting hurt. There's no need to completely cut all contact."
"There's no time to curb my paranoia, Shan. The most expedient option for dealing with your safety is to sever any and all contact. Ensure that no distractions will have negative side effects for trillions."
Bastila took a deep breath, and said, "Revan. You're being crazy. Severing a Force bond, even one that neither individual has been in any proximity for decades is still a dangerous task. Weakness of the bond doesn't make it perfectly safe to break."
"My decision is final. This is for the best." Revan said, "You can go about your day as you see fit, so long as it involves staying away from me. If you have no desire to continue along the training regiment I assigned you that is your right. As of this moment I am no longer your teacher. I am no longer your mentor. I am no longer your friend. We are just acquaintances. Is that clear, Shan?"
"It's clearly foolishness brought on by a spurt of extra paranoia on your part!" Bastila replied.
"I asked you a question, not to question my decision, Padawan." Revan growled, "Are we clear about the status of our relationship, Padawan Shan?"
Bastila glared at Revan, when Razol nervously stepped into the room, and said, "We'll be landing on Dantooine in fifteen minutes." and left after finishing that sentence.
Revan sighed with relief, and said, "Are we clear that after we land in fifteen minutes we will never meet again, Padawan?"
Bastila took a deep breath, and said, "You're thinking that Meetra was right all along. That you do have feelings for me, and instead of just dealing with it like a normal person you're going to burn our friendship to the ground. Then salting where it once stood."
Revan glared at Bastila, and said, "Child, this is not for you to question. This is how things are, and you will just have to accept that."
"I'm not a bloody child, Revan. You need to get your head out of your ass and realize that just because you might have an inappropriate fondness of me doesn't mean that you- my only friend- should just walk away. People have had to deal with this kind of shit for millenia and were just fine! You can move past anything inappropriate and have a healthy bloody friendship!"
Revan shook her head, and said, "Goodbye, Bastila. Hopefully your next teacher will be better than your first."
The Padawan stood silently in the room as Revan walked away, then said, "So, after everything we've been through together, a few nightmares are going to send you running? I thought you weren't a coward, Revan."
The Knight shook her head, and said, "That attitude may have gone fine with me. But any other Jedi will have your hide for it. Learn to have a spine, and when to just show respect."
Bastila took a deep breath, then said, "Meetra told me what you said before entering that mandalorian camp on Cathar."
Revan simply laughed, and said, "I didn't say anything before entering that camp outside of a plan. Meetra wouldn't have told you that."
-=0=-
Revan walked out of the ship, and Bastila followed a few minutes later. The Knight marched into the Council Chambers, and said, "Masters... my return to Deralia has me... unsettled. I do not feel that I can properly train Bastila at this moment. I require time alone to collect my thoughts. However; the training of young Jedi is paramount to the continuation of the Jedi Order.
"That is why I am requesting that she be transferred to another for continued tutelage. Someone who can better see to her training than I currently can. "
Vandar sighed, and said, "Very well, Knight Revan. We had worried this would be the case. Would you like a shuttle back to Coruscant?"
Revan closed her eyes, pursed her lips, and said, "Yes, Master Vandar."
"Gather what you need, Knight Revan. Your shuttle will leave whenever you are ready."
-=0=-
An hour later Revan and Urz walked onto the shuttle. A single bag was all the Knight had grabbed. She walked into her quarters, the hound sitting loyally at the foot of her bed. He looked up at his master, and his ears drooped sadly as the ship's engine's roared to life, and they felt it lift off.
She pet him gently, and said, "I'm gonna miss her too, Urz. But it's for the best."
-=0=-
Meetra looked at the message from Bastila, then said, "Revan you fucking idiot."
A nearby Apprentice looked at her with confusion, but walked away with his head low when Meetra motioned for him to go away.
-=0=-
Revan looked down at the datapad, and saw a message from Meetra. It read, "Revan. Really? Fucking really? You're really just going to walk away from the woman you love because of some fucking nightmares? I'm really fucking disappointed in you. I thought that you'd found someone who would help you settle down. Forever bury the pain of what happened on Deralia.
"But noooooo you had to go and fucking bury any chances of that ever happening because you're afraid! Will this happen again if you meet someone who you fall for? I mean, I doubt it will. It seemed pretty clear from the get-go that for you, Bastila was the one. You're a goddamn idiot! :-(
"And, Revan, don't just ignore this message or reply with some sarcastic remark. Talk to me, or I'll just assume you're going to war alone."
Revan sighed, and replied to Meetra's message. "I'm not going to war yet, Meetra. As for Bastila, it had to be done. It is my duty to sacrifice my own personal happiness for the good of trillions. And, you can look at this as a positive for you. Maybe once this mess of a war is over, you and I could be a thing."
-=0=-
Meetra looked at Revan's message, and wanted to slap the younger woman upside the head so hard that it spun clean off. She quickly typed in a response, and sat down. Feeling like it was a long night ahead of her.
-=0=-
Meetra's response was, "Really, Revan? You think that'll work on me? You know I love you, and if you loved me the same way I'd be ecstatic. But, we both know that you don't now, and you never will. You see me as a sister. And it does hurt a little.
"But, Revan, what hurts even more is seeing you do something like this. I know that it wouldn't work out between us. Especially if you tried to force it to forget Bastila. And the thought of me and you has started to really leave my mind.
"I want you to be happy, Rev. Truly happy. And, I thought with Bastila you'd be able to find that. Once she got a bit older so there wasn't anything creepy about it. And now... you've really fucked up. Maybe if you apologize now she'll be open again.
"But... you just broke her heart. Revan... you have to apologize. Now. Send her a message and apologize. Obviously whatever story you told the Council will force you to be away for a few months. But... you might be able to salvage your relationship with Bastila."
Revan finished the message, and just shook her head. She'd hoped Meetra would still be holding onto hope so that it wasn't an issue. But of course the Knight would have no such luck.
She stared at the ceiling, and said, "It had to be done. I'm not going back on this decision."
-=0=-
A/N: Well, here's the latest chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Sorry about the delay. Real life kept getting in the way of me writing. :-(
Anyways, thank you for reading, and please leave a review to let me know what you thought of the chapter.
