Since I had a ten hour drive today, I decided to do something more than just sleep and listen to music. Hope you enjoy.

"Do you want to hurt them?" I walked slowly past Ms. Pillsbury's office, I could see Santana in there. Her eyes were downcast, her arms over her chest. "Do you want to stay in this school?"

"Honestly, no." Santana was angry but she was trying not to show it. "This is bullshit, I didn't do anything. You know that." Santana sat down in the chair, it seemed like she'd been in that exact spot more than once. Ms. Pillsbury didn't look like she was entirely convinced, but she didn't look upset.

"This is serious-."

"And you don't think I know that?" Santana tapped her fingers against the armrest. I went over to the water fountain so I wouldn't look like I was eavesdropping. "Please don't call the cops, I thought we were friends."

"Santana, I'm an adult, you're still a kid, we aren't friends, but I do care about you." Ms. Pillsbury pulled out a notepad and grabbed a pen, she looked at Santana for a moment before moving on. "Where are you staying?" I felt really bad about listening in now, but there was no one in the hallway, and they could hardly see me.

"Around." Santana said with a shrug.

"Santana…"

"Don't put me through this." I didn't think she'd ever sound this desperate and afraid, not in front of someone else. "Please." Ms. Pillsbury didn't push her, not any further. "Can I go now?" Santana didn't wait, she just grabbed her jacket and rushed out of her office. I figured she'd just walk down the hallway and leave without another word. But she stopped suddenly, and I could hear her footsteps heading right for me. "What'd you hear?" I turned around slowly, I didn't want her to be upset.

"Nothing I just…" I closed my water bottle and put it in the side of my backpack. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah, yeah." Santana looked down, wheels were turning in her head. She had so much going on inside and I could barely scratch the surface. "I fucked up." Santana shoved her hands into her pockets. "Do you have practice after school?"

"No, but my dad wants me home." I told her, truthfully I just wanted to see if Santana would come over to my house instead. "You could come over to my house." Santana didn't feel comfortable, I could tell by her expression. "We could work in the library after school."

"Is it really okay if I come over? You should ask your dads first." Anyone was always welcome at my house, no matter what. Santana pulled up her hood and turned her back to Brett Miller, the captain of the hockey team as he approached.

"Santana." Brett said. "How'd your little meeting go?" Santana tried to ignore him, but she couldn't, he was getting to her without even trying.

"Fuck off Brett I'm not in the mood." Santana snapped at him.

"It's not a big deal." Brett said with a laugh, he tried to pat Santana's shoulder playfully, but Santana didn't take it that way. She grabbed him by the collar and slammed him against the lockers nearby, she wanted to hit him, I could tell, but instead she let him fix his shirt and walk away.

People saw, but no one said anything. For once, all eyes were on me, people wondered why Santana was even talking to me, but they didn't say a word about it. "See why I'm worried about going over to your house."

"But you won't hurt me."

"Why do you sound so sure about that?" Santana's question was genuine, she really wanted to know, but we didn't have time to get into it. For some reason, we always seemed to run out of time.

"I just know you won't." Santana squinted her eyes a little before she smiled. "I'll meet you at your locker after school."

"Okay." Santana nodded. "Stay out of trouble." She joked with her signature smirk before jogging off down the hall. I couldn't help but smile, I felt like I was getting a part of Santana back, a small part but that almost seemed to be enough.

I waited at her locker, I'd been here for five minutes already, but I wasn't getting impatient. Actually I think I was nervous, I'd told my dads that someone was coming over, but I didn't say it was Santana. I wasn't lying, but I wasn't exactly telling the truth. I couldn't figure out why. My dads didn't know much about Santana, they don't know what she's like now, at most they'd just wonder why Kurt wasn't hanging around too.

I couldn't think about it, it was really easy to be around Santana if I didn't overthink it. Santana approached, looking calm, cool, and collected as she did so. "Wanna get outta here?" She started walking before I did, so I trekked after her, a look of determination on my face. She was acting differently than earlier, but it was almost better because I didn't have to be on my toes.

Not when she was this quiet.

We got into her car, and she threw our bags in the back. "You okay?" I asked her, just to test the waters.

"I'm fine." She said, I told her where to turn and she looked around almost like she was in awe. Like she hadn't been on this side of town in a really long time. "Actually can I stop somewhere for some coffee?"

"Of course, I don't mind." Santana turned into a Starbucks that was just a few blocks away from my house. She ordered a coffee, well actually she put so much sugar in it that I couldn't really call it that. She noticed that I was watching her drink it, and she set it down. "You have a serious sweet tooth."

"I can't help it." She smiled and pulled into my driveway. She grabbed our bags and we headed for my front door. Her eyes were glued to the ground, up until I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. I walked in first and led her towards the kitchen.

"You can stop looking so scared, they aren't home." Santana set our bags down and tried not to look so embarrassed even though I knew she was. "I can tell that something is wrong." That caught her attention, quickly.

"Nothing's wrong." She said it almost as if she meant it.

"Look we don't have to do this-."

"I have to." She said. "Even if I didn't want to do it…I have to." She sat down in a chair and twirled her thumbs. "So I have to do this math worksheet, can you help me?"

"Yeah, let's go up to my room." I grabbed my bag this time, feeling like Santana was trying to hard to be nice when she really didn't have to do anything. I sat down on my bed first and Santana joined, pulling out her worksheet and handing it to me. "Do you want me to do it for you?" I joked.

"That'd be nice but…I wasn't expecting it." Santana pulled out a pencil. As it turned out, when Santana put her mind to it, she was a really great worker. She was sweet and easy to be around, she joked and made me feel comfortable. Now I was back to all the questions I had before. When we were young we were friends, what the hell changed? "Something's on your mind." I had my laptop on my lap, Santana was leaning back supported by only her elbow, and I suddenly felt like there was no air in my room. "What are you thinking about?"

"You." I told her honestly. She sat up more and frowned.

"What about me?"

"You've changed…a lot." I whispered the last part, because I really didn't want her to hear me say it.

"I didn't want to, it just happened." Her voice was so full of regret that it made me close my laptop so that there was nothing distracting either one of us. "At school today I know you overheard me when I was talking to Ms. Pillsbury." She clenched her jaw before she looked at me and chuckled bitterly. "I fucked up so badly."

"You'll be okay." I said even though I wasn't so sure.

"That prick Brett snitched on me, they did a surprise drug test on the hockey team and he pointed his straight to me when they found something in his system." Santana ran her fingers through her hair. "They might let it go…they might not. If they do then I'm out for good."

"I'm sorry, I can't-."

"I'm just scared." There it was, she was opening up so quickly that I didn't even know what to say. Her eyes were so warm right now, so wrecked with emotion that I thought maybe I shouldn't say anything after all. "Mostly of myself."

"What?" I blurted out like the absolute idiot that I am. That snapped Santana out of whatever sort of confession induced state she was in and she laughed like we had just been joking around the whole time.

"Do you remember when you broke your finger in fourth grade?" I was so surprised that my mouth just hung open for a solid ten seconds.

"You remember that?"

"Of course I do, I mean…it was kinda my fault." I scooted closer to her just so I could nudge her. "Ow!" She said with a playful laugh. "I didn't mean for it to happen. Four square is a very dangerous game." Her eyes were full of life, like the memories were awakening something inside her.

"I cried so hard that night, I thought I'd never be able to write again. My dads had to stay in my room for a week because I had these really awful nightmares." I explained to her. "Do you remember what happened the next day?"

"No, what happened?"

"You gave me your Gushers at lunch, saying it would help me feel better." Santana and I both shared a laugh.

"Did it?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "You were kinda adorable back then."

"Only kinda?" Santana put her worksheet back in her backpack and zipped it up. "So there's a…thing on Friday."

"A thing?"

"Yeah, a thing." Santana smiled again, her eyes glued to mine for a change. "I'm thinking we could go, you know like in return for helping me. Like is that how I can repay you?" I was still worried about her need to remain even with me, and the fact that she didn't trust kindness at face value, but I was interested in her offer.

"I don't know."

"Well I'd tell you to think about it but then you're just agonize over it all night and then tell me you were going anyway, so just say yes." Santana was so confident in her statement that she seemed to just assume that I was going anyway. "So it's at this guy's house, some kids from school will be there too. It'll be fun, like crazy too probably."

"Crazy." I said quietly thinking it over for myself. "I don't really drink…I mean I haven't…ever." Santana smiled, it was her cocky smirk, now it became like second nature for me to read her like this. I couldn't help it, I didn't want to stop.

"No pressure." Santana didn't stop looking at me, like she wanted to say something else, but she didn't, not until her phone buzzed and she looked at a text. Her face told it all, the half smile, her eyes lighting up.

"Who is it?" Santana didn't respond to the text, instead she turned her attention to me. "You're smiling."

"It's no one." She knew I didn't believe her. "Brittany Pierce, do you know her?"

"Yeah, I know her. She actually takes dance lessons at the same studio as me. Only she does hip-hop instead." Santana nodded like she already knew that, so I decided to ask the real question. "I saw you talking to her yesterday."

"So what's the real question here?"

"Are you two friends?"

"I guess." Santana thought it over for a moment. "I mean not many people give me a chance. She does, even though I'm not worth the time."

"Why do you think you're not worth it?" That caught her off guard, I guess she wasn't used to anyone caring or actually listening to what she had to say.

"What kind of bullshit question is that?" Okay so now she was angry, it was sudden and it took me by surprise. She held up her hand, horizontally so that I could see that she couldn't hold it up without it shaking rapidly. "I stopped using Sunday right before the school started cracking down, even when I try to do the right then I still end up fucked up, you know?"

"What can I do? How do I help you?" Santana was shaking her head before I even opened my mouth.

"I shouldn't have…" Santana stood up and grabbed her backpack. "I shouldn't have said anything. You're just my tutor I didn't mean to…I should just keep my mouth shut."

"Yeah but that would make for a really awkward tutoring session." I decided to keep things light, that's where she felt more comfortable after all.

"Thanks for…" She suddenly became very nervous, and frankly I felt bad for ever even thinking that I could get her to open up, because even if I did, opening up seemed to break her down. "So the party, you'll go with me right?"

"Yes, but only because you're practically begging."

"Shut up." She said with a small smile, her dimple showing this time. "Maybe I should go home." It took a lot for me not to say that her apartment was not a home.

"You can stay over here, if you want, any time." Santana didn't respond, she seemed awestruck by the offer. "No pressure."

"Yeah…maybe some other time. Sure." She backtracked towards the down, her smile never leaving her face. "So I'll see you Friday, I'll pick you up at like ten thirty."

"Won't I see you in school tomorrow?"

"Um, I'll probably be a mess by then so…not likely. But I'll be okay by Friday, promise." Something about the way she smiled let me know that she was working me over. And I let her, I totally let her lie and fake smile and get away with everything. I was getting myself into trouble and I knew it, but nothing on this earth could ever bring me to care.

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