Tobias
My part in this mission went well. Zeke, Shauna, and Hana got inoculated, as well as Christina's family. However, when the memory serum never went off in Chicago, we knew we succeeded. (Supposedly, Caleb exploded the Weapons Lab security and turned on memory serum in the Bureau.) I never ended up giving the memory serum to Evelyn or Marcus, but I did give it to Peter...sort of. He thinks - well right now, he is so discombobulated, I'm not sure he can think - I gave him memory serum, as requested, but I lied and gave him a mixture of inoculant and serum. That will cloud his brain for the next 24 hours. As he would say: Once a Stiff, always a Stiff.
I'm not even that sure why I acted selfless towards him, when he deserves to forget the world after things he has done in his past. Something about the boy I saw in the fringe, after the Bureau erased his memory of his father died; forgetting your sorrow is worse than living with it, and it is cowardice. I may not believe in factions anymore, but I still believe in Dauntless' motto. Therefore, I think that Peter's request to forget his sins is bullshit. So even if right now he doesn't remember his own name, tomorrow he will remember stabbing Edward with a butterknife. On the way back to the compound to see Tris, Caleb, and everybody else I'm worried sick about Tris. I need to see her, to know she is okay. If everything went as planned, Caleb is dead by now. (And I can't lie to say that I am sorry for him.)
The van arrives back in the compound and I walk out. But that walk turns into a jog. And then before I can even realize it, I'm in a full out sprint. Where am I even going? I ask myself, Who cares. I just need to know: is Tris okay? I first run to the erudite compound, but there I see everyone else (including Caleb- I wonder why he isn't dead?) except Tris. I couldn't focus that much, but I remember a few things they told me. Something about how she hacked into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb. I have to get to her. I find myself heading towards our old dorms in candor next because that was the last place Tris and I...hung out…last before the government crashed. When I enter the first door, I am not greeted by anyone. I get frantic and run to the next bedroom, but she isn't there. I then quickly smash open all of the doors in the other bedrooms, and she still isn't in any of them. My last thought is the room we were in when… Anyway, I kick open the door and there she is, sitting at a table set for two with a candle in the middle. "You awful, terrible girl!" I say at her half laughing, but mostly relieved. "I missed you," she says quietly. I run up to her and I hug her, tighter than ever. On the spot she starts crying.
"Tris, babe. No don't cry," She sobs, "Today, I nearly died twice, then killed a man, and then passed out," "I know, it was hard. And I'm so sorry, but I'm so glad you are okay," I whisper as her eyes begin to dry up and she stops crying. "I wanted to make a little something special for us to celebrate our victory." she says. Damn, I just can't get enough of her. "Also since when do you call me babe?" "Since now I guess. I just can't call you Tris anymore, now that we are...you know...serious," What am I even saying? She put me under her spell and I am sure of it. "Okay, I accept." She says smiling, leaning on my chest. Then she looks up at me again. Those pure, bright, perfect eyes staring into mine. Sure I would have preferred to kiss her right then and there, but it didn't feel like the right time for that. We eat.
"What was it like around death serum?" I asked her, curiously, "You'd be surprised to know that it actually doesn't feel like death. Well not right away, at least. It smells like smoke and spice, but when you inhale it…" She went on describing how it felt to be on the verge of dying, but to be honest, it feels like that almost every day in this crazy world. One minute, your father is a dictator. The next minute, you are stuck in a faction that teaches you not to die by training you like you're dying. The next minute, you are one of the trainers! Then the world is under a simulation, except you. And then they want to kill you, so you run away, to figure out your whole life is an experiment!
I feel like I'm having a mini panic attack inside my mind. I can't help think. My heart was pumping too much blood into my veins, making my head throb, which made it hard to look at the light. I just want to close my eyes and make everything stop! But instead I open them and look at my girl in front of me. When she is done talking, I can't help but thank her. "Thank you. Thank you for everything," "Pardon?" "I'm sorry. Just listening to what happened to you today is making me think about what is going on in our life. Every day is a threat to our survival. And for once I wish we could just have a regular relationship but we don't have any time for that and I just want to be with you more and-" "Hey, hey," Tris is talking in such a sincere voice, "Hey. Look at me. Look at me right in the eyes," I do, "I know things have been hard, but they can only get better from here. I'm scared too, trust me, but from now on, we are a team, and I won't leave you ever again," My heart rate slows down. "And for the whole relationship-thing, we have all the time in the world now. Well, at least until morning," she says with a grin.
"Oh I love you so much," I say, "I love you more," These are things that dauntless never say, but I need to get the idea of factions out of my head. It is hard to stop relating them to everything in my life, but I need to learn to stop. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but I feel like I need peace serum," "Oh my gosh don't even start! Remember when they overdosed me and I was so loopy? I was all over you?" "Well, I didn't mind that part," "Then why did you lock me in my room all day?" We laugh, "Anyway, I have something better than peace serum. Well, something more easy to get!"
She brings out a version of the fizzy alcohol drink. Staring into each other's eyes, I take a deep breath. The woman I love more than anything is right in front of me. "Tobias, I don't know if you know, but I got dessert for us, too..." She whispers into my ear. I lean in for a kiss and her lips press against mine. All 0f the troubles I had throughout the day were forgotten, and it was like Tris and I were the only two people in the whole world. She pulls away for a second and I carry her unceremoniously to the couch. She sits up but I push her back with my hands. Our lips join again and our fantasy resumes. We put so much passion into the kiss it is as if it will be the last thing we do.
Even though my whole life may be a mess, everything stops with Tris. But everything stops without her too. I feel that lust for her lips against mine when we are apart for too long. I find myself becoming a better person, yet a worst person in these romantic moments. I can't control myself sometimes, and I act younger than I am. And it happened again that night.
