Clary's POV
When I opened the door, Izzy was laying on the bed in a pair of black terry shorts and a black t-shirt staring at the ceiling.
"Hey." I said hesitantly. She sat up and smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Hey. You look great Clary…Can we talk for a minute?" She eyed the open door behind me and I got the hint. I shut the door and sat by her on the bed feeling a bit uncertain.
"What's up Izzy?" I looked at the ground. I just couldn't look at her. She probably wanted to talk about last night or Jace.
"Do you think Simon loves me?" She took me completely off guard. I snapped my head up. She was biting her lip nervously and twirling a strand of her hair. She looked near tears. I just realized the black shirt she was wearing was another one of Simon's gamer t-shirts. My eyes softened and I took her in for a hug.
"Oh Izzy. Where is this coming from? I thought you said your relationship with Simon was never that serious?" Her grip on me tightened.
"I miss him Clary. I think of that little nerd all of the time and I miss him so much." I rubbed her back gently as I felt tears drip onto my shoulder. The door to the room opened and we both pulled apart and spun towards Jace poking his face in.
"Knock much?" Izzy spat, but looked away from the door quickly. Jace looked at Izzy hesitantly, he probably noticed her wiping at her teary eyes. He looked to me for a moment and his eyes widened with clear excitement, but he quickly changed his expression to a simple smile.
"Whenever you're ready, I'll be in the living room." He shut the door quietly. I pushed Izzy's hair back behind her ear so I could see her face and rested my arm around her shoulders.
"Izzy?" She turned towards me shaking her head.
"Clary I tried everything last night. I danced with every guy that hit on me. I giggled and laughed at every stupid joke. I tried to act seductive and suggestive when I was around him and he just didn't seem that interested. I think he's over me for good this time." Her voice broke and tears ran down her cheeks again and I gently rubbed her back
"Izzy." I said in my best mom like voice, shaking my head.
"I doubt he's over you. I see the way he looks at you. I think he's just sick of playing these games. It's just…well…Simon's not like the other guys you've slept with. He doesn't just want to be friends with benefits…some guy you call when you want a distraction. He's more sensitive. He really cares about you. He doesn't want you trying to make him jealous and showing him you could have any guy in the room. That's not going to work on him. He already knows that, and he's already completely insecure. He already feels you're out of his league. He needs to know you want him…and not just to mess around with…I mean really want him…that you love him. He needs you to be direct and open with him. He's not going to read between the lines. He's not going to keep putting his heart out there for you to stomp all over it with seven inch heels. You guys seem to date for a bit and then…I don't know…it's like you get bored and break up with him and date someone else…and a few weeks later you guys get back together. He's got to be getting whiplash by now. This on again off again thing isn't healthy for either of you. If it hasn't worked out the last dozen times you guys were an item over the last two years…you have to be honest with him and yourself whether you're willing to be what he needs…God Izzy…if your willing to be what you need…ha…I think I got carried away there for a bit. Did that make sense?" I rubbed her back, but she was still looking down at her hands. After a long pause she closed her eyes and mumbled barely audibly.
"I never slept with him." I suddenly felt uncomfortable.
"I guess…I just assumed…I mean you guys shared my spare room…a lot. Not that it's really my business. I'm sorry Izzy." She shook her head still looking down.
"Don't worry about it. If it were anybody else it would have been true. It's just…I don't know…I get what you're saying…I do…but with Simon it was different…it was more…he made me feel…well…like after Max…he would just hold me…it wasn't…well…never mind." More tears escaped down her cheek. I knew what she was trying to say.
"That's how Alec makes me feel." I said softly. Her head snapped up and her eyes bulged.
"God Izzy don't look at me like that, it's not sexual. It's just comforting. Sometimes I just need someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not alone in the world, like everything will be okay and Alec's that way for me." She opened her mouth and I cut her off before she could protest.
"I know you try to be there for me Izzy, like Simon and Maia try to be there for me, but…it's just not the same. I'm sorry. It's always been different with Alec and it sounds like that's how Simon is for you. Though with you and Simon you also have a physical attraction, so I think you have the best of both worlds with one guy. That's really special, don't you think?" She was smiling at this point, with a few tears still escaping down her cheeks.
"I do. I think I just broke up with him all those times because I didn't want to feel this way. I didn't want to feel in love or rather brokenhearted. Lust is easy; it's over when the sex is over. Love, well it hurts and it just feels so scary."
"Izzy I understand you're afraid. It's not easy to put yourself out there and risk getting your heart broke. Simon's a good guy though. He's not going to break your heart. He's not going to get bored with you or find somebody more attractive, or funnier, or smarter…maybe a better cook.' She shot me a playful glare.
"Seriously Izzy, he thinks the world of you, the only reason it hurts is because you're not together right now. I know you're upset, but I can't imagine how he feels seeing as every time I remember you saying you guys broke up, it was you that broke up with him. You're the one that keeps breaking his heart and I'm sure he doesn't understand why, but he keeps coming back to you. God, I thought I was a glutton for punishment. Talk to him. I'm sure you can make this right. I'm sure you can make him understand how you feel. I don't think it's too late, but I doubt he'll put up with this for too much longer." She wiped away the last of her tears and smiled a genuine smile.
"Thank you. I'll talk to him. I will. Maybe it isn't too late after all." Her head tilted to the side.
"So what's up with your love life?" I rolled my eyes and dramatically fell back on her bed.
"God Izzy not now." She laughed.
"Come on Clary. You sit here lecturing me about putting myself out there, and being honest about my feelings, but what about you? Sebastian gave you drugs, which you arguably took voluntarily. I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but I'm sure he was just trying to sleep with you. Then Jace goes and kicks his ass, not that he really needed an excuse, but he was obviously being protective and completely pissed off more than normal about the whole situation. Though, as Sebastian said, Jace did always prefer one cock in his hen house." She raised her eyebrows up and down suggestively.
"IZZY!" I scolded as I sat up swiftly, but she quickly continued.
"We're just all lucky Ragnor was there last night, the guy Magnus knows, the son of the guy that owns the place. Well that and you did kind of end the fight when you threw-up on Sebastian." I balked.
"Anyway…where was I…right, so the bartender Bat, one of the guys in the band Eric, and some guy named Will all asked you out last night and when you got back here you sat on the couch and ripped their numbers into tinny pieces. Men flock to you like a moth to a flame and you push them all away. I'm always trying to set you up, but sometimes I feel like you don't want to be in a relationship." She looked at me sympathetically.
"I'm waiting until I'm 35 to find Mr. Right. That's when my mom and step father use to joke I could start dating anyway." I looked at the floor and swallowed hard as I fought back the tears.
"Clary honey. I know what you're thinking. Your mom married Luke when she was 38. He loved her for 20 years before they got married. She was 18 when he fell in love with her. Your age. They wasted 20 years they could have been happy together because he didn't have the courage-" I snapped my head back towards Izzy, but she threw her hand over my mouth before I could speak.
"Clary, Luke was great. I loved Luke. I'm not trying to say anything bad about him. Just…is that what you want…and do you really think there is anybody else out there that would be as devoted as Luke was to your mother. He really was one of a kind. Nobody else would wait 20 years for the love of their life." A few tears escaped and I looked back towards the floor and quickly worked to collect myself. I've worked hard over the last month at suppressing crying. I'm getting pretty good at it now, but what Izzy said really pulled on my heartstrings. I missed my mom, I missed Luke. Izzy rubbed my back.
"I don't know Izzy. You're right. I sit here lecturing you about love, when I've never even had a serious relationship, let alone been in love. You should have gone to Maia, she would have probably given you better advice."
"Clary you give great relationship advice. It's like you're filled with love, you just don't know where to direct it. Level with me. I won't be mad or try to dissuade you. Is this about Jace? I see how you look at him." I shook my head and rolled my eyes at her before looking off in thought.
"Jace…Yeah…God…Well…he drives me crazy…but not always in a bad why. It's like he's always trying to irritate me." I ran my hands over my face.
"Why do you rise to the occasion?" Izzy asked sarcastically. I shot her a glare.
"You got that from Ever After. I know because I love that movie."
"It doesn't make it any less true Clary." I shook my head and looked off again.
"I don't know and I don't know how I feel about Jace to tell you the truth. He makes me excited and infuriated…exhilarated and aggravated…enthusiastic and furious…but for some idiotic reason I can't stop thinking about him." I could see Izzy grinning from ear to ear out of her my peripheral vision."
"Clar-"
"Don't" I put up a hand to hold her off.
"Ughh." I stretched my head once from side to side to try to release some of the tension. I dropped my head into my hands, my elbows resting on my knees.
"No sooner does he speak, that I just want to slap him in the face, and bang my head against the wall for ever thinking he might really care or that I actually care if he cares. We never hang out or have a real conversation. I just tend to be infatuated with him for no good reason and he always has something exasperating to say when he sees me…Though…every once in a while…out of the blue…I think I see something in the way he looks at me…or I swear there is a tenderness in his voice…or a gentleness in his touch…and my heart stops…But I know he's a player and sometimes I think I'm just this outstanding check box that has been sitting on his to do list for the last two years."
"Oh Clary. I know I always told you Jace was no good, and he has a really bad track record, but he'd never leave you on his to do list for two years." She said extremely sarcastically. I glanced up at her between my fingers with a quizzical expression.
"He's not that patient when it comes to his play things. You'd either have already been removed from the list or already be done." She winked at me. I scowled.
"Seriously though, I've never seen him act so protective of anyone before, not one of his flings, God Clary, not even me. He beat the shit out of Sebastian. It was very chivalrous. He was defending your honor. Then he slept in that chair all night to make sure you were alright, even though you were a big bitchy pain in the ass to everyone-" I shot her a dagger glare. She put her hands up as if surrendering.
"-which we all got. You were drugged up, but still, this is Jace, he is not known for being protective, understanding, or caring; and he was just so different last night. Just be careful okay. He doesn't know what he's doing. He doesn't know how to be in a relationship anymore than I do, and that's not saying much. If he steps out of line tell me. I'll kick the shit out of him for you. Take it slow, but take control. You're the women in the relationship dammit, use your God given natural feminine superiority." She let out a peal of laughter and gave me a huge smile and hug before standing and heading to her vanity to fix her makeup.
"Izzy-" She cut me off.
"Oh, and don't put all your eggs in one unreliable basket. Go out with Will and Bat, they were both hot. I'd forget about Eric if I were you, he was kind of a dork and he's friends with Simon so that might get weird."
"Izzy-" She cut me off again.
"I know what you're going to say, and I'm not saying you should play the field, but one or two dates just to see what they're like won't hurt. A little competition would be good for Jace too; he's not use to having to fight for a girl." She laughed and looked over at me.
"But-" She cut me off yet again.
"Well I mean metaphorically, Jace definitely fought for you last night." She smiled and quickly continued.
"Oh and I made some cookies earlier." I shot her a mock terrified look. She laughed.
"No I messed them up. I put a cup of baking soda in them instead of a teaspoon." My terrified look turned more sincere. She snickered.
"They're in the kitchen on the counter. Bring some along. Next time Jace is egotistical, give him a cookie. He won't be able to resist chocolate chip!" She winked and turned back towards her vanity.
"Izzy-"
"Now go."
"But-"
"No buts! Get out of here." She grabbed a small blue purse off the vanity and walked across the room. She pulled me up from the bed by my arms and handed me the purse. I took it reflexively.
"Here. You puked on the white clutch, so I transferred your stuff into this. I added a couple more things. It's better to be safe than sorry." She gave me a cheeky wink.
"But-"
"Shush! I know he's waiting for you in the living room. He has this whole day planned out." She pushed me physically to the door as I tried to protest.
"But, but-"
"Just stop your fussing. We'll do a girl's night tonight, you, me, Maia, and maybe Aline. We'll get your feelings all sorted out for you." She laughed as she pushed me out the door and shut it. I just stood there staring at the door. God I was more confused now than I was before. I stood there and thought about my mom and Luke, about Izzy and Simon, Alec and Magnus, Maia and Jordan. I thought about what Izzy had said and about what Alec said at the bar. Everybody had somebody. I felt alone, so alone. I thought about Jace. God I didn't know what I wanted. I hardly knew Jace, yet I'd known him for two years and I just couldn't stop feeling the way I felt whenever he looked at me…said something kind to me…touched me…and God when he kissed me…There was something about him that made me elated without even meaning to.
Ever After (1998) (Drew Barrymore & Dougray Scott)
Danielle: "Why do you like to irritate me so?"
Prince Henry: "Why do you rise to the occasion?"
