Jace's POV
I heard the door to the bedroom close and walked to the hall entrance from the living room and looked down to the end where Izzy and Clary's room was. I saw Clary just standing there facing the closed door, not moving. I quietly snuck up behind her figuring I'd get a scream out of her. I snaked my arms around her waist quickly pulling her close to my body. She tensed at first, but I was completely surprised when she didn't scream, or resist, she actually just relaxed into my body. I felt my heart start to beat faster. I loved the way she felt in my arms, but maybe she fainted or maybe she thought I was somebody else. She usually responded more aggravated when I provoked her. I leaned down and quietly whispered into her ear.
"Clary?" She turned her head sideways and nuzzled it into my body and wrapped her arms over mine. She knew who I was, yet she wasn't pulling away. I was breathing hard and my heart was racing. I didn't really know what to do. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to stop holding her. I never got to just hold her like this. Though we were just standing at the end of the hall staring at the door, Izzy could walk out at any minute. She'd be so pissed at me. Clary felt so warm and soft in my arms. She smelled good, sweet. I felt tense. I was a total ladies man and I was frozen, at a complete lose for what to do right now. I felt like if I did the wrong thing, the moment could be gone any second.
I felt light sensations on my arm; it took me a few seconds to realize what the sensations were. Clary was crying, and her tears were hitting my arm. I tightened my arms around her absentmindedly and she let out with a little sniffle and whimper. Tears continued to fall on my arms. Besides her hysterical drug laden fit last night, which she was only partially coherent, I had never seen her cry. God I had never seen her sad. She was usually fiery and spirited. All of a sudden she seemed so small and vulnerable. I wanted to tell her everything would be alright, but would it? I didin't even know why she was upset. I wanted to make her feel better. I wanted her to be happy again. I felt so helpless. My witty sarcasm wasn't going to fix this.
I immediately thought of Alec. He'd know what to do, but he wasn't here. Maybe I could text him. I was panicking. I didn't know how to fix this. God, usually if a girl started crying that was my cue to leave. This wasn't my thing. I didn't know how to comfort someone. Maybe I could knock on Izzy's door, but she might still get pissed that I was holding her in my arms. Simon might be here, I wasn't sure, but the thought of delivering Clary to his door because I didn't know what to do with her really pissed me off. I was a man, I could figure this out. I felt Clary stir in my arms and I just stood there. The moment had passed. She was fine. I loosened my hold, she turned around in my arms, tears streaming, she buried her face into my chest, and let out with a string of louder whimpering. I didn't see that coming. God she was trembling. I rubbed her back, tightened my arms around her, and put my chin on her head without thinking about it. I had never been more affected by somebody in my life, than how Clary was making me feel right now. Seeing her like this was completely heartbreaking. Several minutes passed. Her trembling seemed to stop, but she was still whimpering slightly. I closed my eyes. Maybe I can do this.
"Maybe you can do what?" I opened my eyes. Her voice sounded amused and sweet, but a little broken. It made me smile. I didn't let her go though and she didn't feel like she was trying to pull away.
"Did I say that out loud?" I laughed softly. Words just started pouring out of my mouth.
"This isn't really my area. Comforting. Alec is kind of the family expert on feelings and shit. Izzy and I weren't equally graced with compassion." She laughed and the sound was music to my ears. It was not a sarcastic laugh or a fake chuckle, she sounded almost happy.
"You're doing alright Jace. Just don't let go." She whispered. I squeezed her tighter, her head still tucked under my chin.
"I'm not letting go…Ever." I breathed. I kissed her beautiful red hair, and closed my eyes again. I knew I was done. I've never felt like this before. God, I guess Jace Wayland does fall in love. The door behind Clary creaked open. Oh shit. Izzy. I was afraid of this. I opened my eyes and prepared to meet my fate head on. Clary didn't stir and I couldn't bring myself to let her go, especially when she just asked me not to. Izzy looked surprised, but to my amazement she just shot me an enormous smile and closed the door again. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I missed something, but I didn't care. I had Clary in my arms and right now that was the only thing that mattered to me in the world.
Jace's POV
I held Clary securely in my arms for a while, idly twirling a loose curl with my fingers. I didn't know if it had been 10 minutes or an hour, but Izzy hadn't come back out of her room. I started to get antsy; even with Clary in my arms; I couldn't just stand still and do nothing. I found my fingers itching to run through Clary's soft curly hair. I carefully moved my hand up her back and gently tugged at her hair thing until it came out. Her hair, still partially wet, pooled down her back. I felt her laugh against me.
"Did you just take my scrunchy out?" I inhaled the intoxicating scent; her wet hair smelled so strong of grapefruit.
"Is that what you call that thing? I think it fell out on its own." I immediately started running both my hands through her hair. The dampness made it feel like silk.
"I don't think so Jace. It's never fallen out before."
"Well there's a first for everything."
"There certainly is." She said quietly. I swore she was implying a double meaning. I saw this as my opening. I pulled back slightly, keeping my arms around her, and looked down at her. She looked up at me, her make-up smudged, but her tears long gone. I looked into her striking green eyes. She looked so vulnerable, so unguarded. My heart was racing, and so was hers. I could feel her body react in my arms. I could see her cheeks flush.
"Clary?" I whispered as I leaned towards her slowly. She lifted her chin and tilted her head expectantly as her eyes started to close. I could feel her warm breath against my face. Our lips were mere centimeters apart.
"GET A ROOM!" Jordan shouted with a laugh at the end of the hallway. Clary jumped away with a yelp. I just wanted to punch Jordan in the face. She swallowed hard and smiled at me politely.
"Excuse me." She said softly and walked down the hall and into the bathroom. I turned and watched her walk away. I caught Jordan's eye as he approached his room, last one on the right, just a few feet from where I was standing. I shot him a glare. He was wearing sneakers, running shorts, and a damp t-shirt; his face was gleaming. He hesitated before going in his room and shrugged.
"Sorry man, but come on, you're like ten feet from your room." I quickly composed my expression.
"Yeah. It's cool."
"By the way, girls are doing their own thing tonight. You want to grab a beer? Sounds like Alec's in. I'm going to check with Simon."
"Sure. As long as Sebastian is not going." I turned around and walked down the hall and into my room.
Clary's POV
I shut the door to the bathroom and leaned up against it letting myself slide down to the floor. I put my head between my legs, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. What did I do? Worse, what did I almost just do? This wasn't what I wanted. Was it? I shook my head. This wasn't like Jace grabbing me by the lake and unexpectedly kissing me, this was different, premeditated. This wasn't something I could write off and act like it didn't happen. This was something I needed to face and the outcome could define our relationship. Would Jace understand if I told him I was sorry about what happened and I was emotional thinking about the death of my parents and how now I'm utterly alone? I felt a stray tear escape, the pain as my chest tightened and my breath caught from tears that threatened. I was not strong enough for this. I couldn't count on him to be there. God in two weeks he would be back to school and I would be alone again. I knew he was not the relationship kind of guy, and long distance relationships were hard even for couples that had been together for a long time. I saw the way Izzy treated Simon, the way she broke his heart over and over again because she didn't know how to let herself feel how she wanted to feel. I couldn't do that. I didn't have the strength to do that, not right now, not again. Not after my mom and Luke. God, not after the way he already broke my heart so completely the last time, and it still hurt so bad.
God, I remembered kissing Jace in the garden on my sixteenth birthday like it was yesterday. It was such a memorable kiss, it was my first. I remembered the way the moon light reflected off his eyes making them look like gold. The white blond highlights in his curling hair, it was longer then. He was so handsome, but not as buff as he is now, still toned, but with the body of a seventeen year old, not completely filled out yet, but still super hot. He still acted like he was all that back then…When did he not?…But in the garden, something was different. It was as though for a short time he let his guard down and let me see the tenderness inside him.
I remembered the smell of the flowers in the garden…the butterflies in my stomach as he pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me…my heart racing as he pressed his lips to mine…my body reacted to him, like it always reacts, almost subconsciously… the taste of his sweet lips against mine; he tasted like strawberry cake and frosting…the feel of his arms against my back…his warm solid body pressed up against me…the softness of his hair between my fingers. I remembered it all so clearly. I remembered everything, and it was perfect. My arms yearned to hold him close.
I remembered friends telling me about their first kisses. In movies the first kiss is always wonderful, but in reality, well, it isn't. My friends would gossip about the guys. This one kisses with no tongue, that one with too much tongue, this one has very wet kisses, that one has bad breath, this one is just clumsy, and that one was extremely nervous and missed the mark. Then some just regretted kissing the guy afterwards. Sometimes when two friends kiss it ruins the friendship. I know Simon and I were never quite the same after we kissed. Though we're still close, there's just something that has been broken that will never be fixed, probably his heart. The kiss in the garden with Jace…well that was perfection…it was every chick-flick…every love song…every sappy poem…wrapped up in one moment. I knew at that moment…that kiss…that was what love felt like…what true love felt like. At least, it was for me.
I shook my head and opened my eyes wiping away the last of my tears and tried to put myself back together. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized my makeup was all messed-up from crying, but at least there were no marks on the satin camisole. I put my blue purse down on the counter and reached for the bag of makeup I left in here before. I fixed my face quickly. I couldn't do too much about the red eyes, but otherwise I looked presentable. I started to subconsciously throw my hair up in a scrunchy and stopped. I let my hair tumble back down. Jace liked my hair down. I smiled to myself. Ugh, stop it Clary. I threw my hair up in a messy knot, grabbed my purse and reached for the bathroom door. As I walked out of the bathroom, I quickly pulled the scrunchy out of my hair with my hand still holding my purse. I tossed my hair once and turned into the living room and saw Jace standing looking out the back window. He had changed his shirt. I probably got tears all over his other one. He was wearing a light blue polo with tan cargo shorts. I smiled to myself, we matched.
"Well it's almost 3:00 and I told Izzy I'd go out with her tonight, so if you still want to do something we only have a few hours, but it's up to you." I looked around the room not able to meet his eyes. I still didn't know what I planned to do.
"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. I need to start collecting before you get too far into debt." I laughed, but I was sure it didn't touch my eyes. Jace grabbed a black backpack off the floor.
"Oh. Do I need anything?" I asked simply.
"Nope. Got everything right here." He tapped the bag lightly as he threw it over his shoulder.
"I'm going to quickly grab something to snack on." I jetted into the kitchen and heard Jace shouting behind me.
"We'll stop to get something to eat Clary." Smiling to myself, I grabbed a couple cookies and threw them in a zip lock bag and into my purse. Just in case.
"Ok, all set." I walked out of the kitchen suppressing a laugh.
